Poop Man Bob Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 www.overheardinnewyork.com Drunk guy: If you come in and dance with me, I'll buy you a drink. Sober girl: No, thanks. There's a five dollar cover. Drunk guy: If you come in and dance with me, I'll give you five dollars. Sober girl: I don't dance. Drunk guy: I think you're hot. Sober girl: I'm sorry...Watch out. You're setting yourself on fire. Drunk guy: I'm on fire for you, baby! --Park Slope HS girl: I didn't want to listen to my dad explain sex to my mom. HS boy: Why would your dad explain sex to your mom? HS girl: Because my brother asked what the song, "Come my lady, come, come my lady" meant. And mom didn't know. HS boy: What does that song have to do with sex? HS girl: You don't know? You're the only person in the world who doesn't know. HS boy: Your brother didn't know. HS girl: My brother is 7. --M104 bus Girl: One pack of Parliament Lights. Vendor guy: You 18? Girl: Well, I'm actually 22. Crazy guy: Girly, you look like you are 10...but it's okay. I like that. --45th & 8th Girl: Do you smell that? Smells like straight up pussy in this bitch. Guy: I wouldn't know. Girl: What do you mean you wouldn't know? It's pussy. Guy: I wouldn't know. I'm gay. Girl: Damn, son. So what does dick smell like? Guy: Wouldn't you know? I mean when you get on your knees? --M14D bus PS: there's also www.overheardintheoffice.com Co-worker #1: Didn't you wear that shirt two days ago? Co-worker #2: Huh? What? I don't know... Co-worker #1: Yeah, I remember you had that sweater on a couple of days back. Co-worker #2: Did you look that up on http://www.victoriaknowswhateveryonewears.com? Oh wait, it kicks back to another site, http://www.gofuckyourselfvictoria.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackson Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Haha yea, they have some in Time Out london called 'Overheard on the Underground' same kind of deal; 'Tuna steaks don't taste of nothing' 'Do you know where I can shift a couple of old typewriters?' 'There are three keys on my keyring, and I only recognise two of them' 'I forgive you, but stop fucking apologising' 'Oh yes, I did hear something about a whale' (The whale in the Thames) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
!@#$% Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 golden. Guy: Hey! Nice ass baby! Shit...looks like she's wearing a diaper under there! --32nd & 7th Guy: ...so I had my finger in there, and that's when I had to ask myself: "When did I become an ass man?" --Bowery & 3rd Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harvey Wallbanger Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Hipster guy #1: No way! I thought I passed you the other day, but thought, "Nah, it couldn't be him, he wouldn't grow his hair that long." Hipster guy #2: Yeah. No. I grew it out, man. Hipster guy #1: You look like Axl Rose! Hipster guy #2: It's more of a Southern rock thing really. Like a My Morning Jacket look. --25th & 7th Hobo: I got one thing to say to you: "Thank you." And...I got two things to say to you: "Thank you" and "Flame on!" --F train Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
$2 dollar well drinks Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Setting, the jack in the box in the tenderloin district of san francisco, late at night, the jack in the box is vacant except for me and my three amigos, a 40 year old black dude in a purple velour track suit with his girlfriend, she has nails that would haunt freddy krueger's nightmares, and a handful of crackheads. crackhead: Im from arkanasas!!!! me: really crackhead: Home of the first black president, Bill mothafucking Clinton, thats right..... To good of a story to go untold, although it didnt warrant a thread of it own, so I felt that it fit well into the context of this one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyler Durden Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Actually, my girlfriend made it on the site a two days ago for something she said while talking to me on the phone.... If anyone can guess which one I'm talking about, you get a prize. Actually, no, you wont. Still.... That sites awesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.C.Shadow Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Woman: Move in, motherfuckers, move in! Yuppie guy: Wait for the next one, this is too packed. Woman: Bitch, I have to be on this train! Yuppie guy: This isn't the train to heaven, you know. It's, like, going to Queens. --F train HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Thats fucking awesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I.C.Shadow Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Teen boy: Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, my name is Dwayne and I am in a program that keeps me and other kids like me off the street. They have us sell candy for $1. All profits go directly to the youth program that keeps us off the street. If you would like to purchase Snickers, Twix or Starburst, they are only $1. Hobo: Hey, lady! Hey, fat lady! Buy some candy. You like candy, don't you? Fat lady! Get some candy! Get some! Lady: Asshole. --6 train Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harvey Wallbanger Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Best one yet: Cabbie: Are you going this way? I'm not turning around! Chick: What the..? I'm not hitchhiking, I'm fucking paying you, and if I tell you to turn around you damn well better turn around! He drives away. Chick: Yeah, fuck you too, cunty Mr. Crack Whore. Hipster guy: Lady, you need therapy. Chick: Man, you need to stop sucking dick. And a haircut. --34th & 7th And Shark, is this your lady? Girl on cell: I know! $100 for pills that aren't even for something that important....it's not like they're AIDS pills! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveAustin Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Originally posted by harvey wallbanger@Jan 27 2006, 12:37 PM Hipster guy: Lady, you need therapy. Chick: Man, you need to stop sucking dick. And a haircut. Quoted post zing!!! haha..that's just awesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunm Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Girl on cell: I know! $100 for pills that aren't even for something that important....it's not like they're AIDS pills! ha hah ha ha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyler Durden Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Harvey just won the game. Ha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harvey Wallbanger Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Then you better ask your girl what she was doing in my neighborhood! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2 blaazed Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Girl #1: I haven't seen our homeless guy lately. Girl #2: We have a homeless guy? Girl #1: Yeah, the guy who lives on that mattress under our building. Girl #2: Oh yeah...I hope he's okay, I haven't seen him all week. Girl #1: You know you're a New Yorker when you worry about where your homeless guy is. --27th between 5th & Madison Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2 blaazed Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 this si a good one The subway doors open. A hobo enters, holding a bottle of windex in one hand and a tube of toothpaste in the other. He says: Which is the better time to read Dostyevsky? Winter? He sprays the windex. Hobo: Or Spring? He squeezes toothpaste out of the tube. Japanese girl: Spring! Hobo: You are correct. --F train it realy hits home since shit happens like this all the time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2 blaazed Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 this ones good too Hobo: Stop! I don't want any money, I don't want anything. I just want you to look. You will never see this again in your life! He points to a window sill where he has four quarters standing on their edges. Hobo: Isn't that beautiful? --Christopher & Bleecker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nozaki Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Originally posted by 2BLAZZED@Jan 27 2006, 03:04 PM Girl #1: I haven't seen our homeless guy lately. Girl #2: We have a homeless guy? Girl #1: Yeah, the guy who lives on that mattress under our building. Girl #2: Oh yeah...I hope he's okay, I haven't seen him all week. Girl #1: You know you're a New Yorker when you worry about where your homeless guy is. --27th between 5th & Madison Quoted post that's funny, but you're probably even more of a new yorker if you don't give a fuck :haha: edit, i just saw the title for that on the website is like the same thing as my comment.... :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyler Durden Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Originally posted by harvey wallbanger@Jan 27 2006, 01:50 PM Then you better ask your girl what she was doing in my neighborhood! Quoted post Interesting.... I believe I shall PM you about this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2 blaazed Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Originally posted by nozaki+Jan 27 2006, 03:29 PM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (nozaki - Jan 27 2006, 03:29 PM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-2BLAZZED@Jan 27 2006, 03:04 PM Girl #1: I haven't seen our homeless guy lately. Girl #2: We have a homeless guy? Girl #1: Yeah, the guy who lives on that mattress under our building. Girl #2: Oh yeah...I hope he's okay, I haven't seen him all week. Girl #1: You know you're a New Yorker when you worry about where your homeless guy is. --27th between 5th & Madison Quoted post that's funny, but you're probably even more of a new yorker if you don't give a fuck :haha: edit, i just saw the title for that on the website is like the same thing as my comment.... :( Quoted post [/b] true story, even though i know all the names of the bums around here and occasionally buy them a beer or lucy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tyler Durden Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Whilst painting there was a bum sleeping under where the second half of my shit had to go. Everyone I was with was like "YO KICK THAT NIGGA IN THE FACE". I'm like "dude, I'm not kicking the poor guy in the face.... if I was homeless I think the only way my life could get worse is if some jerkoff kicked me in the face while I was sleeping...." The bum woke up and was rather confused, I gave him 3 bucks and told him to go buy some breakfast. I'm not such a horrible person. Maybe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suavefella Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ you my good man will not go all the way to hell!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poop Man Bob Posted January 27, 2006 Author Share Posted January 27, 2006 Originally posted by Shark Hammil@Jan 27 2006, 02:37 PM Whilst painting there was a bum sleeping under where the second half of my shit had to go. Everyone I was with was like "YO KICK THAT NIGGA IN THE FACE". I'm like "dude, I'm not kicking the poor guy in the face.... if I was homeless I think the only way my life could get worse is if some jerkoff kicked me in the face while I was sleeping...." The bum woke up and was rather confused, I gave him 3 bucks and told him to go buy some breakfast. I'm not such a horrible person. Maybe. Quoted post That was nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
decu goldyn1 Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 some of my favorite ones: Queer: So how was your date? Hispanic chick: Oh, it was nice, he was nice and sweet, and a real gentleman, you know, he would hold open doors, make sure to walk between me and the street, you know, really nice. Queer: Oh, you know what that totally screams? Hispanic chick: What? Queer: That totally screams: I want to get into your vagina right now! --6 train Teacher lady: What a deep, deep black! Girl #1: Black like my soul. Teacher lady: Maybe you should try pencil. Girl #2: Wait what did you say? Girl #1: It's black like my soul. Girl #2: You should get a kitty. --Dominican Academy, East 68th Street Queer: You know what I completely forgot people worry about? Getting pregnant. --The Slide, Bower Promoter guy: Take one, throw it out! Take one, throw it out! Hear me, folks? Take one, throw it out! --Union Square East ^I wish more promoters said that, then i would actually take my hands out of my pockets. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iloveboxcars Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Co-worker #1: So she is like, what, the second one pregnant? Co-worker #2: Yes, you have to be careful drinking water around here. Co-worker #1: Stop it! Stop it! Now I have to go take a pregnancy test! 1250 Broadway New York, NY reminded me of one of our resident 12ozers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gunm Posted January 27, 2006 Share Posted January 27, 2006 Tourist guy: Why do the buildings in New York have water tanks on the roofs? Cop guy: I don't know...maybe they knock it over if the building goes up in flames. --Bowery & Delancey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Dazzle Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Lady cop: Did you hear about that handyman in the Long Island school who was videotaping the little girls? Cop guy #1: Yeah, he's a sick fuck! Cop guy #2: Yeah, sick fuck! They're little girls, it's not like you can see anything good! --108th Precinct, Sunnyside Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harvey Wallbanger Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Originally posted by LENS@Jan 27 2006, 06:55 PM Tourist guy: Why do the buildings in New York have water tanks on the roofs? Cop guy: I don't know...maybe they knock it over if the building goes up in flames. --Bowery & Delancey Quoted post That's not what they're for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Jefe Uno Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 Originally posted by harvey wallbanger+Jan 28 2006, 12:09 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (harvey wallbanger - Jan 28 2006, 12:09 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-LENS@Jan 27 2006, 06:55 PM Tourist guy: Why do the buildings in New York have water tanks on the roofs? Cop guy: I don't know...maybe they knock it over if the building goes up in flames. --Bowery & Delancey Quoted post That's not what they're for. Quoted post [/b] good call Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Future Droid Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 a lot seem fake. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
__ __ __ __ Posted January 28, 2006 Share Posted January 28, 2006 naw.. a lot of people say random shit in new york.. especially when ur waiting for the train.. you meet some funny people talking shit about every fucking business person thats trying to go homwe.. funny shit.. i love that city Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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