RumPuncher Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 Michael Jackson Jokes Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson's New Book? A: It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing Q: What do Michael Jackson and the New York Mets have in common? A: They're both walking around with one glove on their hand for no apparent reason whatsoever!! Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? A: One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in !! Q: Why was Michael Jackson spotted at K-Mart? A: He heard boys' pants were half-off !! Q: What's brown and in a baby's diaper? A: Michael Jackson's hand !! Q: What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson? A: Get out of my sun!! Q: What's white and in Michael Jackson's pocket? A: His other hand !! Q: What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning? A: Throw him a buoy !! Q: How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company? A: There's a big wheel parked outside his house!! Q: Heard about Michael Jackson's new songs? A: I'm forever blowing bubbles! Q: Did you hear that Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding have decided to begin training racehorses together? A: Yeah, she's gonna do all the handicapping and he's gonna ride all the three-year-olds! Q: Why does Michael Jackson arrange for private shopping? A: So his guests won't be accompanied by guardians! Q: What do Michael Jackson and a Big Mac have in common? A: They're both 30 year old meat between 10 year old buns! Q:Why isn't all the controversy bothering Michael? A:He doesn't mind reaching bottom. Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a Perfect "10"? A: Two 5 year olds. Q: Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small? A: Because they aren't his! Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? A: From a catalogue. Q:What does Michael Jackson reminisce about when he gets nostalgic? A:Blowing his first nose. Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?? A: He thought it was a delivery service. `Why was Michael Jackson relieved of his Cub Scout Leader duties? ~He was up to a pack a day. The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson. If he hears any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he'll have no choice but to make him a priest. I understand that Micheal decided to have a boy of his own because it's too expensive to rent them at $2 Million a pop. `Did you know they're putting out a Michael Jackson stamp? ~Fans get to vote for the white or black Michael Jackson. `Why doesn't Michael have orgasms? ~The big payoff comes a couple of months later. `What's the worst stain to try to remove from a little boy's underpants? ~Michael Jackson's makeup. `Hear about the new "Michael Jackson" candy bar? ~It's made from white chocolate, and contains no nuts. `What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen? ~Got two fives for a ten? `Did you hear about the duet by Michael Jackson and Elton John? ~It is titled "Don't let your son go down on me." `What's the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson? ~Michael Jackson has had more noses. `Did you know that Michael Jackson just turned 35? ~Yeah, but he still feels like a 13 year old. `Why does Michael own a theme park? ~He's always been into children's shit. `How does Michael like to party? ~He sips a couple of Tall Boys. `What's the difference between Nixon and Michael Jackson? ~One was a consummate asshole, the other a consummated asshole. Tuck the end of a jacket sleeve into your pants crotch. Hold the jacket off to the side. Then ask, "What's this?" "Dunno." "Michael Jackson helping a kid put his coat on." What are Michael Jackson's favorite sayings? 1) There's a sucker born every minute. 2) Kids do the darndest things. 3) Tricks are for kids. A confused nine year old boy goes up to his mother and asks, "Is God male or female?" After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well, God is both male and female." This confuses the little boy so he asks, "Is God black or white?" "Well, God is both black and white." This further confuses the boy so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?" At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers none the less, "Honey, God is both gay and straight." At this, the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks, "Is God Michael Jackson?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lisa Marie's Divorce Allegations Against Michael Jackson 1) Wouldn't drink beer, watch football and break wind with her during Thanksgiving with Mom at Graceland. 2) Refused her pleas for separate make-up mirrors. 3) Unwilling to try new things in bed...like her for instance. 4) Elephant Man bones...fine. Oxygen chamber for eternal youth...well okay. But what's with the Groucho head on Jayne Mansfield's body thing? 5) In all their months of marriage not once did he charter a jet to get her peanut butter sandwiches or fly a mime troupe in from France like Poppa did for Momma. 6) Had her favorite noses (June 1994 and September 1995) done over. 7) She was shocked to discover that the glittery uniforms were not actually part of any real military organization. 8) He started hanging out with Madonna's dancers to toughen up his image. 9) Everywhere you turn, Elizabeth Taylor's supporting you through some sordid allegation. 10) Stood in the way of her film career when he refused to bankroll her debut performance in 'Jailbait Rock', the story of her Mom and Dad's courtship. 11) The all-night Kool Aid and Twister marathons with his little friends left him too tired to do that 'hee-hee-hee' thing she fell in love with. 12) She felt pressured to buy hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of LaToya's Amway products for the sake of family peace. 13) Jermaine and Tito were constantly asking her why Elvis didn't have kids THEY could marry. 14) Swears she thought she was marrying Michael Keaton. 15) She grew tired of scouring every Chucky Cheese's within a 50 mile radius only to find him slumped over a table in yet another chocolate milk and Pez stupor. 16) He told her to "just beat it" one too many times 17) He's a plain spoken "Hoosier", and she had clearly gone "Hollywood". 18) She wanted someone more like her father, and though he was already a pathetic parady of his former self, he was just unwilling to gain weight. 19) He kept forgetting to put the top back on the mascara. 20) Irreconcilable similarities. http://www.laughnet.net/archive/jokes/jackson.htm hate me now! :lol: * edited some of the crap out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sneak Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 Originally posted by Kilo7- hate me now! :lol: okily dokily.. some were funny, some were just terrible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 yes sneak..... I would like to apologise for not editing this first post. I'll go back and do it now. maybe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~KRYLON2~ Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 i hope he goes to jail........cuz we all know what happens to child molesters in jail Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DETO Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 i read about half of em...almost ;) Knock Knock! Who's There? Little boy blue! Little boy blue who? Michael Jackson!! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sneak Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? A: One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and the other you carry your groceries in !! ^^this cracked me up though! you know im playing k7, much love. etc etc Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 yeah sneak, that one was too funny! so was.... Tuck the end of a jacket sleeve into your pants crotch. Hold the jacket off to the side. Then ask, "What's this?" "Dunno." "Michael Jackson helping a kid put his coat on." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sneak Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 `What's the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson? ~Michael Jackson has had more noses. ^funny aswell. i may quote this thread in 500 odd posts time, a farewell if you may. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 Originally posted by sneak a farewell if you may. wha? you going somewhere sneakers? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abracadabra Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 http://www.vegelist.online.fr/images/jackson.jpg'> "these jokes hurt my feelings" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SleepAnDream Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 just too damn silly....mj himself is one big, fat, plastic joke himself...has anyone seen that part where the torturer in 3 kings was asking his pow what the fuck was wrong with michael jackson? ha funny stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sneak Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 7k beatcha too it.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DETO Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 The Catholic Church Don't Got Shit On Me... http://www.littlewonder.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jantomarch/hesstubbly.jpg'> MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poop Man Bob Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 This just in: Michael Jackson heard stating that Billy, Gene were not his lovers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 This also just in: Michael Jackson accused of reaching in Billie's Jeans so he could Beat It! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One_in_Ten Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 Jermain defending his brother said " i hate the fucking media for what they are doing" on Live tv. Nice Nice Mouth their buddy On a side not its cool to see jermain, its like seeing michael should look like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Dazzle Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 Re: The Catholic Church Don't Got Shit On Me... Originally posted by DETO http://www.littlewonder.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jantomarch/hesstubbly.jpg'> What the fuck is with the blue facial hair?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poop Man Bob Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 http://www.drudgereport.com/mug.jpg'> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poop Man Bob Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 ^^^ Jesus! He's 5'11" and weighs only 120 lbs. Even I'm bigger than that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
One_in_Ten Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 http://www.littlewonder.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jantomarch/hesstubbly.jpg'> this is the "Bad boy" look, you may be familiar with it. It has been used by such other stars as, George Michaels, Prince, Johnny Depp, to name a few. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ASER1NE Posted November 20, 2003 Share Posted November 20, 2003 He's a Gangster , you know it , i know it . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BADMUTHAFUKA Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 nasteeee!!!!! now I know what he meant when he said,"..It dosen't matter if ur' black or white,HEEEEAHY!!!! He was talk about the children. That man needs help. :nope: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiseguy Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 it is now the second allegation against him, i mean really, i think that he did it, sorry to say, but that british documentary from the beginning of the year just wierded me out. who of you think that he did it, who of you think that he is innocent? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KiSe Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 im pretty confidant that if he turns hiself in for molestation that he is guilty of it. too many kids have came forward for them all to be lying Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ronnie Dobbs Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 okay okay.. i got one whats the differance between michael jackson and a table?? you cant fuck a table! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heavyLox Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 first lawsuit: original 1993 molestation case http://www.thesmokinggun.com/graphics/art3/mjsearch3.gif'> http://www.thesmokinggun.com/graphics/art3/mjsearch4.gif'> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BADMUTHAFUKA Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 say it ain't so Mike.....say it ain't so!!!! :bawling: :cry: :cry2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DETO Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 Re: nasteeee!!!!! Originally posted by BADMUTHAFUKA now I know what he meant when he said,"..It dosen't matter if ur' black or white,HEEEEAHY!!!! He was talk about the children. That man needs help. :nope: :lol: :lol: :lol: the smiley :nope: just made the reply that much funnier :lol: :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boogy nights Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 i like how many times the report stated "and then michael jackson started to cry" woah. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abracadabra Posted November 21, 2003 Share Posted November 21, 2003 Originally posted by boogy nights i like how many times the report stated "and then michael jackson started to cry" woah. yeah, i liked that part too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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