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now that Michael Jackson has turned himself in..... TIME FOR JOKES!

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by --zeSto--, Nov 20, 2003.

  1. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2
    Michael Jackson Jokes

    Q: Have you heard about Michael Jackson's New Book?
    A: It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing

    Q: What do Michael Jackson and the New York Mets have in common?
    A: They're both walking around with one glove on their hand for no apparent reason whatsoever!!

    Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
    A: One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and
    the other you carry your groceries in !!

    Q: Why was Michael Jackson spotted at K-Mart?
    A: He heard boys' pants were half-off !!

    Q: What's brown and in a baby's diaper?
    A: Michael Jackson's hand !!

    Q: What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
    A: Get out of my sun!!

    Q: What's white and in Michael Jackson's pocket?
    A: His other hand !!

    Q: What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning?
    A: Throw him a buoy !!

    Q: How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company?
    A: There's a big wheel parked outside his house!!

    Q: Heard about Michael Jackson's new songs?
    A: I'm forever blowing bubbles!

    Q: Did you hear that Michael Jackson and Tonya Harding have decided to
    begin training racehorses together?
    A: Yeah, she's gonna do all the handicapping and he's gonna ride all the
    three-year-olds!

    Q: Why does Michael Jackson arrange for private shopping?
    A: So his guests won't be accompanied by guardians!

    Q: What do Michael Jackson and a Big Mac have in common?
    A: They're both 30 year old meat between 10 year old buns!

    Q:Why isn't all the controversy bothering Michael?
    A:He doesn't mind reaching bottom.

    Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a Perfect "10"?
    A: Two 5 year olds.

    Q: Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small?
    A: Because they aren't his!

    Q: How does Michael Jackson pick his nose?
    A: From a catalogue.

    Q:What does Michael Jackson reminisce about when he gets nostalgic?
    A:Blowing his first nose.

    Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
    A: He thought it was a delivery service.

    `Why was Michael Jackson relieved of his Cub Scout Leader duties?
    ~He was up to a pack a day.

    The Pope has issued a proclamation on Michael Jackson. If he hears
    any more allegations about little boys, the Pope says he'll have no
    choice but to make him a priest.

    I understand that Micheal decided to have a boy of his
    own because it's too expensive to rent them at $2 Million
    a pop.

    `Did you know they're putting out a Michael Jackson stamp?
    ~Fans get to vote for the white or black Michael Jackson.

    `Why doesn't Michael have orgasms?
    ~The big payoff comes a couple of months later.

    `What's the worst stain to try to remove from a little
    boy's underpants?
    ~Michael Jackson's makeup.

    `Hear about the new "Michael Jackson" candy bar?
    ~It's made from white chocolate, and contains no nuts.

    `What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?
    ~Got two fives for a ten?

    `Did you hear about the duet by Michael Jackson and Elton John?
    ~It is titled "Don't let your son go down on me."

    `What's the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson?
    ~Michael Jackson has had more noses.

    `Did you know that Michael Jackson just turned 35?
    ~Yeah, but he still feels like a 13 year old.

    `Why does Michael own a theme park?
    ~He's always been into children's shit.

    `How does Michael like to party?
    ~He sips a couple of Tall Boys.

    `What's the difference between Nixon and Michael Jackson?
    ~One was a consummate asshole, the other a consummated asshole.

    Tuck the end of a jacket sleeve into your pants crotch. Hold the
    jacket off to the side. Then ask, "What's this?" "Dunno."
    "Michael Jackson helping a kid put his coat on."

    What are Michael Jackson's favorite sayings?
    1) There's a sucker born every minute.
    2) Kids do the darndest things.
    3) Tricks are for kids.
    A confused nine year old boy goes up to his mother
    and asks, "Is God male or female?"
    After thinking for a moment, his mother responds,
    "Well, God is both male and female."
    This confuses the little boy so he asks, "Is God black
    or white?"
    "Well, God is both black and white."
    This further confuses the boy so he asks, "Is God gay
    or straight?"
    At this the mother is getting concerned, but answers
    none the less, "Honey, God is both gay and straight."
    At this, the boy's face lights up with understanding
    and he triumphantly asks, "Is God Michael Jackson?"

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Lisa Marie's Divorce Allegations
    Against Michael Jackson

    1) Wouldn't drink beer, watch football and break wind with
    her during Thanksgiving with Mom at Graceland.
    2) Refused her pleas for separate make-up mirrors.
    3) Unwilling to try new things in bed...like her for instance.
    4) Elephant Man bones...fine. Oxygen chamber for eternal
    youth...well okay. But what's with the Groucho head on
    Jayne Mansfield's body thing?
    5) In all their months of marriage not once did he charter a
    jet to get her peanut butter sandwiches or fly a mime troupe
    in from France like Poppa did for Momma.
    6) Had her favorite noses (June 1994 and September 1995)
    done over.
    7) She was shocked to discover that the glittery uniforms were
    not actually part of any real military organization.
    8) He started hanging out with Madonna's dancers to toughen
    up his image.
    9) Everywhere you turn, Elizabeth Taylor's supporting you
    through some sordid allegation.
    10) Stood in the way of her film career when he refused to
    bankroll her debut performance in 'Jailbait Rock', the
    story of her Mom and Dad's courtship.
    11) The all-night Kool Aid and Twister marathons with his little
    friends left him too tired to do that 'hee-hee-hee' thing she
    fell in love with.
    12) She felt pressured to buy hundreds of thousands of dollars
    worth of LaToya's Amway products for the sake of family peace.
    13) Jermaine and Tito were constantly asking her why Elvis didn't
    have kids THEY could marry.
    14) Swears she thought she was marrying Michael Keaton.
    15) She grew tired of scouring every Chucky Cheese's within a 50
    mile radius only to find him slumped over a table in yet
    another chocolate milk and Pez stupor.
    16) He told her to "just beat it" one too many times
    17) He's a plain spoken "Hoosier", and she had clearly gone
    "Hollywood".
    18) She wanted someone more like her father, and though he was
    already a pathetic parady of his former self, he was just
    unwilling to gain weight.
    19) He kept forgetting to put the top back on the mascara.
    20) Irreconcilable similarities.

    http://www.laughnet.net/archive/jokes/jackson.htm

    hate me now!

    :lol:

    * edited some of the crap out
     
  2. sneak

    sneak Guest

    okily dokily..

    some were funny, some were just terrible.
     
  3. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2
    yes sneak..... I would like to apologise for not editing this first post.

    I'll go back and do it now. maybe.
     
  4. ~KRYLON2~

    ~KRYLON2~ 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Oct 13, 2001 Messages: 10,443 Likes Received: 191
    i hope he goes to jail........cuz we all know what happens to child molesters in jail
     
  5. DETO

    DETO 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Apr 25, 2002 Messages: 11,316 Likes Received: 138
    i read about half of em...almost ;)


    Knock Knock!
    Who's There?
    Little boy blue!
    Little boy blue who?
    Michael Jackson!!
    :lol:
     
  6. sneak

    sneak Guest

    Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
    A: One is white, made out of plastic, and dangerous for kids to play with and
    the other you carry your groceries in !!

    ^^this cracked me up though!
    you know im playing k7, much love. etc etc
     
  7. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2
    yeah sneak, that one was too funny!

    so was....



    • Tuck the end of a jacket sleeve into your pants crotch. Hold the
      jacket off to the side. Then ask, "What's this?" "Dunno."
      "Michael Jackson helping a kid put his coat on."
     
  8. sneak

    sneak Guest

    `What's the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson?
    ~Michael Jackson has had more noses.

    ^funny aswell.
    i may quote this thread in 500 odd posts time, a farewell if you may.
     
  9. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2
    wha? you going somewhere sneakers?
     
  10. Abracadabra

    Abracadabra Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Dec 28, 2001 Messages: 22,906 Likes Received: 113
    http://www.vegelist.online.fr/images/jackson.jpg'>

    "these jokes hurt my feelings"
     
  11. SleepAnDream

    SleepAnDream Elite Member

    Joined: Mar 2, 2002 Messages: 3,078 Likes Received: 0
    just too damn silly....mj himself is one big, fat, plastic joke himself...has anyone seen that part where the torturer in 3 kings was asking his pow what the fuck was wrong with michael jackson? ha funny stuff.
     
  12. sneak

    sneak Guest

    7k
    beatcha too it..
     
  13. DETO

    DETO 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Apr 25, 2002 Messages: 11,316 Likes Received: 138
    The Catholic Church Don't Got Shit On Me...

    http://www.littlewonder.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/jantomarch/hesstubbly.jpg'>
    [SIZE=2]MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!![/SIZE]
     
  14. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Nov 16, 2000 Messages: 10,259 Likes Received: 18
    This just in: Michael Jackson heard stating that Billy, Gene were not his lovers.
     
  15. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2
    This also just in: Michael Jackson accused of reaching in Billie's Jeans so he could Beat It!
     
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