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not sure what to do about this

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by +JAZE+, Jun 20, 2006.

  1. +JAZE+

    +JAZE+ New Jack

    Joined: Oct 4, 2005 Messages: 66 Likes Received: 0
    but it's tormenting me...I think about it constantly and can't stop worrying and agonizing and flogging myself for letting it get to this point...It's all my fault, but that doesn't matter anymore, since what is, is.

    I'd better start by briefly telling people that about two years ago, command hallucinations made me pour lighter fluid over my left leg and set it on fire. I had 3rd degree burns and skin grafts etc. Before that, I burned my forehead with several cigarettes at one time to implant the mark of Cain there, in order to scare people away from me, so they would be safe from being contaminated by me. I felt like I was poisonous and evil to the world and needed to keep people from coming too close. My body is scarred in many places from being burned because of command hallucinations, but the last time was the worst (though the facial burns are the most disfiguring, if any are, though I don't much care.) The important thing is that the voices have so upped the ante now that if I ever have to do their bidding again it will be a matter of setting my whole body on fire...No more excuses or partial acts of contrition!

    That said, my pdoc and psychiatrist-sister have both told me that such an act would kill me, even though I am not suicidal...so I do not want to be put in a situation where it could get to that point. BUT on Zyprexa, while I can read and enjoy learning etc I am also rapidly gaining weight (I'm up to a normal weight now, no longer underweight...gained 15 pounds in a month) with no end in sight. THe problem is that I am only taking a tiny dose and this is NOT enough to stop the auditory hallucinations, so they continue apace, esp the music, but with words that have meaning at least some of the time. This then is the problem: if on a tiny dose of Zyprexa my weight is increasing despite all my efforts, and the dose is not enough to control the voices, then the voices may (and if the past predicts the future at all, they will) start to use my weight and feelings about it against me, insulting me, calling me names, worse...and this may well turn into commands to do something about it that is more harmful than simply stop eating so much...Their usual tactic is to say something like "You big fat a** why don't you set yourself on fire! Burn baby burn!" Those last 3 words are the trigger for all my episodes...If they say that, for some reason I usually do what they want, and I don't know why...

    Anyhow, the quandary is that I want desperately to stay on the Zyprexa yet I don't want to gain weight and in fact know that it will be dangerous in the extreme for me to gain much more weight at all, mostly because of the virulence of the continuing voices and what the progression of events tends to be...

    Any advice from anyone would be greatly appreciated. I'm completely at a loss as to what to do.


  2. GLIK$

    GLIK$ Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Jul 23, 2002 Messages: 22,277 Likes Received: 117

    Just off yourself my dude and save the trouble of posting these threads.
  3. lord_casek

    lord_casek 12oz Royalty

    Joined: Jan 24, 2006 Messages: 27,129 Likes Received: 1,055
    dude.....graffiti message board...dude........

    play second life.
  4. CACashRefund

    CACashRefund 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Oct 8, 2004 Messages: 14,171 Likes Received: 272
    i have a foot fetish

    help me 12oz
  5. GLIK$

    GLIK$ Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Jul 23, 2002 Messages: 22,277 Likes Received: 117
    Yo fuck the voices in your head ill command you.

    My first command is to send every penny you have/can find or steal to an address I give you. This will reject the demonz!
  6. famecrazy

    famecrazy Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 26, 2004 Messages: 6,771 Likes Received: 457

    how many times a day we talkin?

    *PROTOCOL* Elite Member

    Joined: Apr 8, 2006 Messages: 3,226 Likes Received: 202
  8. livetodestro

    livetodestro Member

    Joined: Jun 2, 2003 Messages: 515 Likes Received: 0
    You're all going to hate yourselves if dude offs an entire family due to the "comand hallucinations" induced by your responses. :haha:

    Not sure if I have a point.
  9. livetodestro

    livetodestro Member

    Joined: Jun 2, 2003 Messages: 515 Likes Received: 0
    My dude... try Zoloft.
  10. AyeBee

    AyeBee Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 7, 2006 Messages: 5,798 Likes Received: 29

    Attached Files:

  11. CACashRefund

    CACashRefund 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Oct 8, 2004 Messages: 14,171 Likes Received: 272

    you should try dolomite
  12. iloveboxcars

    iloveboxcars 12oz Royalty

    Joined: Jul 29, 2002 Messages: 20,506 Likes Received: 448
    um. take more of the medication and he voices wont tell you what to do right? so them telling you to kill yourself for being fat when you're taking more medicine isnt really a factor.
  13. shitting

    shitting Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 22, 2003 Messages: 6,381 Likes Received: 84
    assuming this is true, I'm sorry about your troubles. They sound pretty fucking absurdly bad.
  14. madsencarl

    madsencarl Senior Member

    Joined: Mar 3, 2006 Messages: 2,059 Likes Received: 62
    every once in a while someone comes along and posts a great thread like this, and a door opens with countless witty responses.

    but i'm glad you came here to discuss life-threatening problems with a bunch of potheads.
  15. ^ . ^

    ^ . ^ Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Aug 13, 2003 Messages: 8,231 Likes Received: 73
    i cant believe i cant get secondlife to work on either computer i have.

    This is an unfortunate day.

    Jaze..Youre really creepy man..I dunno...