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Never looking back..

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by got tha feva, Jan 4, 2002.

  1. got tha feva

    got tha feva Guest

    Yesterday was my first day back at the health food store I worked at when I was 15-17. I quit for a year or so, and decided I need a part time job and they needed some help so I got rehired. The day was great and all, cool working with people I love and haven't seen in awhile, seeing old customers I used to talk to everyday, got to shoot the shit with some hot ass hippy guys. It was weird though, I had this unshakable nastalgia creepin over my head all day. I've noticed that I get really uncomfterble with anything that brings up feelings from my past, almost feels like a heart ache type homesickness. Anything, music, smells, scenery.. I'm just really uncomfterble with feelings of the past. I feel the same way when I smell garlic/ciggarette smoke (how mom used to smell when she'd come home at night from the italian restaurant she worked at), listen to depeche mode (used to listen to that shit all the time in jr. high), go east on rt. 70 (the way we used to go to my grandfather's house every other day), etc.

    I was thinking about this.. I was happy working at this place before, and I'm happy to be back there.. why wouldn't the memories make me all happy and refreshed like? I feel like I've been pretty happy my whole life. I can look foward to the future and feel so excited and happy.. I can accept the present and feel content and even proud about where I'm at in my life..so why do memories make me so sad all the time? Anyone else relate?



    i just started working in the art dept. at pat catans today and i get paid to do NOTHING!!! ahhhhhh, america...i love this place!
  3. got tha feva

    got tha feva Guest

    Nah, I'm alright.. that's what I'm sayin. I loved that job, and I still do. It's just the feeling of the past in general that makes me sad. Even the good times. Most people are scared of the future, and I'm scared of the past. It doesn't make sense, that's why I was wondering if anyone could relate.

    and thanks for the offer to come see you, but I ain't tryin to look back in 5 years and KILL MYSELF about some shit! :rolleyes:

    jus joshin :crazy:

  4. got tha feva

    got tha feva Guest

    what's pat catans? do they sell easily scammable art supplys? want to be friends? :D

  5. WebsterUno

    WebsterUno Guest


    Ohhhhh…You got moded!
  6. Pilau Hands

    Pilau Hands Guest

    The past just makes some people uncomfortable. The reason is probably all your own. If I put myself in those shoes, I would probably be sad because the past is reliable. Remember now...this what my reasoning would be if I felt like you do...My past was a happy one too. I do look forward to the future, but it's that uncertainty which can be both exciting and intimidating. Memories of a time when things were easier than they are now...I get said because I know I made mistakes, took things for granted then, and I want to change them.

    but I dwell
  7. These things work like vaccines, the second time is just precaution not cureness.
    New is always better.

    REGULATOR Elite Member

    Joined: Sep 6, 2001 Messages: 3,383 Likes Received: 0
    sometimes memories of the good times make me feel sad......because i know i will never be able to experiance them again and shit...all the fun i had as a kid, the time me and my friends had hella fun on holloween just causing detruction, my graduation retreat from grammar school, and some of the times im in other states and shit
  9. kaesthebluntedwonder

    kaesthebluntedwonder Elite Member

    Joined: May 16, 2000 Messages: 3,066 Likes Received: 1
    shit, i grew up in brasil and i was young and couldn't have asked for a better childhood. my grandfather was telling me about some games he used to play on the street with friends as a child growing up in the depression, and i played some of the same games down in brasil. it's not like our culture today where you have all the distractions of technology and what not...shit, i have a bill cosby comedy tape and he's talking about a game he played as a child and i used to play the exact same one...i've been back here of almost 8 years now and recently it's dawned on me that i've been living this whole time in grief because of what i lost by returning to this country, which i guess explains why i live so much in the past and dwell a lot. and it took a good 7 years or so for me to realize why i feel this way about life right now, you know for it to hit me ... i've been working at the same place for 4 years and i may actually be quitting this time around...working there just keeps me in the past and doesnt allow for new things to enter my life...same with my room...this shit is so messy and i recently threw things away that i brought back from brasil, which i have no use for anymore and which are meaningless now...its the same thing as dwelling, it doesnt allow for anything new to happen
  10. suburbian bum

    suburbian bum 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Jan 30, 2001 Messages: 14,673 Likes Received: 3
    It may be that some kind of child hood trauma of some sort makes memorys seem to be bad. Or mayby its from some drug thing that altered the chemistry of you brain. Or mayby its anxiety.

    I Dunno, those are all guesses..........