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My dad fucking wins the prize. Every day.

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by imported_El Mamerro, Sep 18, 2003.

  1. My dad fucking wins the prize. Every day.

    Discussion started by imported_El Mamerro - Sep 18, 2003

    So, pretty much any time I go out drinking with my family, majorly fun times are expected, but last night was fucking special.

    1) Dad, taking advantage of the fact that mom pussied out and didn't come, lays the ultraMACKdown on some old lady at the bar, who was on the nuts like whoa. She inserted her tongue in his ear and even attempted to smuggle him into the ladies' bathroom. After she left the place a complete drunken mess, dad turns to us and says "Old friend. I fucked the shit out of that woman before any of you were even born". Standing ovation.

    2) My brother gets pantsed in the middle of the entire place, and instead of pulling his pants back up, he hops onto the stage, grabs the mic from the vocalist, and screams "WE'RE GOING STREAAAAKIIIIIIING!!!!!" á la Old School. Dad hits him in the balls while still on stage, brother crumples into a heap.

    3) Dad goes up to a complete stranger and asks "Wow, you look Hindu. Are you Hindu?" and begins singing that weird Indian song that has the Knight Rider theme in it (I think it's by Panjabi MC or something of the sort). The guy, baffled, walks away slowly.

    4) Dad disappears for the rest of the night. We continue drinking.



    The Grand Finale

    Just five minutes ago, mom came to me and asks me if dad drank a lot last night. Of course he fucking did, why does she even ask? Well..


    • Apparently, mom got up in the middle of the night when she heard strange noises in the room. She turns on the light and finds dad urinating all over the electric fan, which was set on "High" and which was spraying the piss back all over him. Mom goes into a hysterical screaming fit, which apparently dazes dad enough to make him turn away from the fan to piss all over the floor instead. Mom continues to scream and throw things at him until he gets the hint and tries to walk to the bathroom, but instead slips on the puddle and falls on his face, taking the fan down with him. So there he was, my father, on the floor, naked, covered in his own urine, with a fan still set on "High" blowing piss all over the place. And there I was, still at the bar drinking, completely missing out on this incredibly awesome event. Dad has absolutely no recollection of the event. He still got up at 7 AM to go to work, which involves precision dental work.

    I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. Let's hear it for Chaúl Al[color=006633]V[/color]arez, a true legend in the annals of Fatherhood Heroes.


    [​IMG]
     
  2. Gunm

    Gunm Banned

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    Gunm - Replied Sep 18, 2003

    All my dad ever did was throw out my comic book collection. Wow, if I had a dad like that i wouldn't have to own a t.v. anymore. You must be proud.
     
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  3. Ski Mask

    Ski Mask 12oz Loyalist

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    Ski Mask - Replied Sep 18, 2003

    the thought of your mom screaming at him while he's peeing into an electric fan had me in tears. I can imagine the confusion as he tries to make the yelling stop while still urinating all over the place...HELLICOPTER!



    what a family. I wanna be adopted....
     
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  4. Telo

    Telo 12oz Elite Member

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    Telo - Replied Sep 18, 2003

    HAllllAA FUCKKKINN LEEwwyaahh!!! THIS shit had me rolling around on my very dirty carpet laughing my balls off... this is the shit id like to read.. hats off to your dad.. a true all american idol.. a tredndsetter.. something for all you people to look up to... wait. how old are you?
     
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  5. SteveAustin

    SteveAustin 12oz Veteran Member

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    SteveAustin - Replied Sep 18, 2003

    Holy shit mamerro...I was laughing so hard everyone else in my area came over to my desk to find out what I was laughing at.

    still wiping the tearz away.
     
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  6. im not witty

    im not witty Guest

    im not witty - Replied Sep 18, 2003

    unlike the rest of you assholes, im not supposed to be reading things like this (fucking amazing as they may be) on the internet. so i had to control the tsunami of laughter building up inside of me and keep pretending that im doing real work. not easy let me tell you.

    my dad doesnt even drink, can i get some kind of dad refund/exchange program in the works here? c'mon ballpark some figures with me..
     
  7. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- 12oz Veteran Member

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    --zeSto-- - Replied Sep 18, 2003


    • like father like son.
      I think the best part is your dad sacking your bro on stage.
     
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  8. yoshy

    yoshy 12oz Member

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    yoshy - Replied Sep 18, 2003

    that story is awesome. pissing into a fan on hi! that had me laughing.

    punching your bro in the balls? whats up with that? yikes
     
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  9. ClueTwo

    ClueTwo 12oz Veteran Member

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    ClueTwo - Replied Sep 18, 2003

    I would kill for one good night with my brothers and dad.

    *You wouldn;t believe the amount of people that came running over to my desk the moment I read the part about urinating into the fan...All time CLASSIC right there....

    Hats off to you and yours...

    [​IMG]
     
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  10. imported_Tesseract - Replied Sep 18, 2003

    Bigups

    ..and people watch the osbournes...tsk, tsk, tsk
     
  11. Swiffer Jet

    Swiffer Jet 12oz Elite Member

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    Swiffer Jet - Replied Sep 18, 2003

    damn. just....damn.
     
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  12. suicidebombr

    suicidebombr 12oz Member

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    suicidebombr - Replied Sep 18, 2003

    :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: this had me laughing so hard, i woke my neice up from her nap and now my sister is bitching at me.

    GREAT THREAD MAMS.
     
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  13. MrChupacabra

    MrChupacabra 12oz Loyalist

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    MrChupacabra - Replied Sep 18, 2003

    http://www.fatcap.co.uk/host/files/el%20mams%20dad%20for%20pres.jpg'>
    [img]http://www.fatcap.co.uk/host/files/el%20daderro%20is%202%20hot.jpg'>
    Your dad is my idol.
     
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  14. iloveboxcars

    iloveboxcars 12oz Royalty

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    iloveboxcars - Replied Sep 18, 2003

    [​IMG]
     
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  15. sneak

    sneak Guest

    sneak - Replied Sep 18, 2003

    lordy mams....i LOVE to go drinking with you and your family at least once before i die.