duh-rye-won Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 last year, before i moved to the honkey kong, I had a big bbq at my parents crib on strong island. good food and a wholesale beverage retailer a few blocks away made for a totally excellent jam. a light afternoon drizzle couldn't even spoil the fun. as expected, serious krunkification ensued. mama and papa iquit even held their own in the company of my alcoholic goon squad who terrorized the usually peaceful backyard. well all good things must come to an end. the sun went down and the moon came out. i was fucking shithoused, and barely noticed that the party had dwindled down to just a few. mama and papa iquit were sleeping upstairs and me and my hometown crew burned a farewell blunt and were just cold lampin' on a beautiful summer night in the backyard. the only problem was the mosquitos. me and my boys were all on the deck huddled around this big outdoor wood burning stove thing that my parents bought. this thing is fucking awesome. makes a chilly night perfectly comfortable and cozy and keeps those little west nile carrying fuckers away. the mosquitos were brutal. we were safe sitting by the fire, but we were just mesmerized by the huge swarms of these bastard at every light. it must've been the rain, but i have never seen such huge swarms of the little vampires in my life. the monster blunt reduced to nothing more than a roach that got flicked into the fire and the crew bounced. i spent a few minutes trying to tidy up the backyard a bit, but i could barely walk, the mosquitos were in effect, and it was way too big of a job. fuck it. i was going to sleep. I walked into my kitchen from the backyard and made my way to the fridge for some water. drank a tall glass as a hangover preventative, and as i drained that last sip i saw it. "oh fuck. ohhhhhhhhhh fuck. i am waaayyyyyyyyy to high to deal with this right now. fuuuuuck." fucking mosquitoes EVERYWHERE. one of my douchebag burnout homies left a screen door open. the mosquitoes had fully infiltrated the crib. my parents kitchen looked like a fucking national geographic documentary. "ohhhhhhhh fuck fuck FUCK". hundreds of the fuckers swarmed every light in the kitchen. i was completely lit and had no idea how to handle the situation. leave it till the morning? nah i can't do that. it's 4am and my parents will wake up way before me. i ain't gonna leave this for mom and dad after throwing me the ill bbq jammy jam. fuck. what to do, what to do........ fuck, i don't know. so i go upstairs and wake up my dad. "dad. dad. DAD." "huh? the fuck?" "sorry dad, you gotta come see this. it can't wait till morning" "ahhhhh thefuuuuuck did you doooo?" so papa iquit rolls out of bed in the tighty whiteys. fat, drunk, hairy, and stumbling out of bed, i get the somewhat disturbing notion that i'm following right in his footsteps. oh well, he's a cool guy... so we get downstairs and i tell him to look up. "ahhhhhhhh fuck" "yeah, i know. sorry" my dad is silent for about 20 seconds just looking up. kinda smiling, he knows it's funny even tho it's a pain in the ass. my dad's a real smart fucker too, and i know he's coming up with a plan. i suggested shutting the lights off and leaving lights on outside so they would just bounce, but he didn't even hear me because he was in full-on macguyver mode. and, well, he's a burnout and tends to space the fuck out on ya. finally he says follow me and goes for the closet. he was like hannibal and i felt like murdock workin' on the plan. or maybe face. definitely not B.A. tho, i mean, lets be real. but i could hear that A-TEAM theme song in my head while i watch my father reach down into the closet. i tried to see past his fat, hairy ass but i couldn't see what he was doing. then he comes out with the vacuum cleaner. he looks at me and shrugs his shoulders. no joke, my father starts humming the fucking ghostbusters tune while he plugs in the vacuum. he was fucking wasted, and i just started dying laughing. so there's my dad. fat, hairy, wasted and standing on a chair in the kitchen in his tighty whiteys vacuuming mosquitoes off of the ceiling while humming the ghostbusters song. i grabbed a dustbuster and joined him. it took about 30 minutes. then my father told me i was an idiot and that my friends were bunch of idiots and he stumbled off to bed. THE END well, i said the story was true, i never said it was great. your friend, iquit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GLIK$ Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 eeesh....'strong island' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abracadabra Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb/icons/icon26.gif'> thumbs to the sky brethren. the tale involved love, suspense, comedy and drama. everything a hollywood producer could ask for. A+ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DETO Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 :lol: good story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
effyoo Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 hahaha! that was fucking great! "he was like hannibal and i felt like murdock workin' on the plan. or maybe face. definitely not B.A. tho, i mean, lets be real. but i could hear that A-TEAM theme song in my head . . . " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaCosaNostra Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 Originally posted by iquit full-on macguyver mode Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_El Mamerro Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 As always... A+ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Quickwood Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 excellent Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Pilau Hands Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 pure and uncut Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seven.13 Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 Re: As always... Originally posted by El Mamerro A+ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DETO Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 A- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimsøn Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 Re: As always... Originally posted by El Mamerro A+ That was great, and the vacuum plan...ingenious! I'm surprised mama iquit didn't wake up wondering who the fuck is vacuuming at 4 am. http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb/icons/icon26.gif'> Good story though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatbastard Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 and here i was thinking, bug spray the whole time..god im an idiot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeYnO9 Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 GREATEST SHORT STORY I HAVE READ I A LONG TIME GHOST BUSTER TEAM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BROWNer Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 i have encountered too many hardcore evil encounters with mosquitos. once i was camping off this lake in the interior, the outside of my tent was completely covered in mosquitos and the sound was unbelievable. this was when i treeplanted, and when you are out in it for 10hrs, it starts to fuck with your mind. i have seen people seriously lose their marbles due to insane mosquito situations. also seen quite a few people's faces totally balloon up from excessive bites.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
When Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 bravo...bravo iquit never fails to amuse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest krie Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 Ah man, that brang tears to my eyes, hilarious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skullnbones Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 that is seriously the best piece of literature i have read in a while. like somebody said it had everything. i couldnt stop reading. haha, awesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2 blaazed Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 Originally posted by iquit he was like hannibal and i felt like murdock workin' on the plan. or maybe face. definitely not B.A. tho, i mean, lets be real. but i could hear that A-TEAM theme song in my head :lol::lol::lol::lol:http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb/icons/icon26.gif'> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poop Man Bob Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 Excellence! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodney Trotter Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 I hate mosquitos, I swell up like a bitch even from just one bite. Hey iquit - are there any in HK? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ASH.UGT Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 nice story you and milton should have a competion to see who can write the best story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sneak Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 haha, fucking ingenious...! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ASH.UGT Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 anyone else agree? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the_gooch Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 i should have went that day...haha good story, as usual. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nekro Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 http://www.12ozprophet.com/ubb/icons/icon14.gif'> This smiley has a large amount of facial mosquito bites. Perhaps he could use a vacuum? :idea: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~KRYLON2~ Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 your old man probably got the idea from watching next friday, you know the scene where they are smoking weed and they used the vacuum to suck the smoke. i actually tried that with a friends shop vac and it worked pretty well Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ASH.UGT Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 Originally posted by ~KRYLON2~ your old man probably got the idea from watching next friday, you know the scene where they are smoking weed and they used the vacuum to suck the smoke. i actually tried that with a friends shop vac and it worked pretty well great idea for a bong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
InnerCityRebel Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 Awesome great story Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveAustin Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 ha-ha...nice. one of my old neighbors vacumed the dirt out of her yard after my dad planted a tree. she also hooked a hair dryer up via an extremely long extension cord...so she could dry the leaves on her tree after it got wet from my day watering the yard. crazy? just a little bit. she tried to run the neighbor kids over...constantly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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