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mosquitos. a true story.

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by duh-rye-won, May 9, 2004.

  1. duh-rye-won

    duh-rye-won Member

    Joined: Aug 8, 2001 Messages: 580 Likes Received: 2
    last year, before i moved to the honkey kong, I had a big bbq at my parents crib on strong island. good food and a wholesale beverage retailer a few blocks away made for a totally excellent jam. a light afternoon drizzle couldn't even spoil the fun. as expected, serious krunkification ensued. mama and papa iquit even held their own in the company of my alcoholic goon squad who terrorized the usually peaceful backyard.

    well all good things must come to an end. the sun went down and the moon came out. i was fucking shithoused, and barely noticed that the party had dwindled down to just a few. mama and papa iquit were sleeping upstairs and me and my hometown crew burned a farewell blunt and were just cold lampin' on a beautiful summer night in the backyard. the only problem was the mosquitos.

    me and my boys were all on the deck huddled around this big outdoor wood burning stove thing that my parents bought. this thing is fucking awesome. makes a chilly night perfectly comfortable and cozy and keeps those little west nile carrying fuckers away. the mosquitos were brutal. we were safe sitting by the fire, but we were just mesmerized by the huge swarms of these bastard at every light. it must've been the rain, but i have never seen such huge swarms of the little vampires in my life.

    the monster blunt reduced to nothing more than a roach that got flicked into the fire and the crew bounced. i spent a few minutes trying to tidy up the backyard a bit, but i could barely walk, the mosquitos were in effect, and it was way too big of a job. fuck it. i was going to sleep. I walked into my kitchen from the backyard and made my way to the fridge for some water. drank a tall glass as a hangover preventative, and as i drained that last sip i saw it.

    "oh fuck. ohhhhhhhhhh fuck. i am waaayyyyyyyyy to high to deal with this right now. fuuuuuck."

    fucking mosquitoes EVERYWHERE. one of my douchebag burnout homies left a screen door open. the mosquitoes had fully infiltrated the crib. my parents kitchen looked like a fucking national geographic documentary. "ohhhhhhhh fuck fuck FUCK". hundreds of the fuckers swarmed every light in the kitchen. i was completely lit and had no idea how to handle the situation. leave it till the morning? nah i can't do that. it's 4am and my parents will wake up way before me. i ain't gonna leave this for mom and dad after throwing me the ill bbq jammy jam. fuck. what to do, what to do........ fuck, i don't know.

    so i go upstairs and wake up my dad.

    "dad. dad. DAD."

    "huh? the fuck?"

    "sorry dad, you gotta come see this. it can't wait till morning"

    "ahhhhh thefuuuuuck did you doooo?"

    so papa iquit rolls out of bed in the tighty whiteys. fat, drunk, hairy, and stumbling out of bed, i get the somewhat disturbing notion that i'm following right in his footsteps. oh well, he's a cool guy... so we get downstairs and i tell him to look up.

    "ahhhhhhhh fuck"

    "yeah, i know. sorry"

    my dad is silent for about 20 seconds just looking up. kinda smiling, he knows it's funny even tho it's a pain in the ass. my dad's a real smart fucker too, and i know he's coming up with a plan. i suggested shutting the lights off and leaving lights on outside so they would just bounce, but he didn't even hear me because he was in full-on macguyver mode. and, well, he's a burnout and tends to space the fuck out on ya. finally he says follow me and goes for the closet. he was like hannibal and i felt like murdock workin' on the plan. or maybe face. definitely not B.A. tho, i mean, lets be real. but i could hear that A-TEAM theme song in my head while i watch my father reach down into the closet. i tried to see past his fat, hairy ass but i couldn't see what he was doing. then he comes out with the vacuum cleaner. he looks at me and shrugs his shoulders.

    no joke, my father starts humming the fucking ghostbusters tune while he plugs in the vacuum. he was fucking wasted, and i just started dying laughing. so there's my dad. fat, hairy, wasted and standing on a chair in the kitchen in his tighty whiteys vacuuming mosquitoes off of the ceiling while humming the ghostbusters song. i grabbed a dustbuster and joined him. it took about 30 minutes. then my father told me i was an idiot and that my friends were bunch of idiots and he stumbled off to bed.


    well, i said the story was true, i never said it was great.

    your friend,
  2. GLIK$

    GLIK$ Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Jul 23, 2002 Messages: 22,277 Likes Received: 117
    eeesh....'strong island'
  3. Abracadabra

    Abracadabra Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Dec 28, 2001 Messages: 22,906 Likes Received: 113

    thumbs to the sky brethren.

    the tale involved love, suspense, comedy and drama. everything a hollywood producer could ask for. A+
  4. DETO

    DETO Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Apr 25, 2002 Messages: 11,350 Likes Received: 154
    :lol: good story.
  5. effyoo

    effyoo Elite Member

    Joined: Sep 2, 2002 Messages: 4,703 Likes Received: 0
    hahaha! that was fucking great!

    "he was like hannibal and i felt like murdock workin' on the plan. or maybe face. definitely not B.A. tho, i mean, lets be real. but i could hear that A-TEAM theme song in my head . . . "
  6. LaCosaNostra

    LaCosaNostra Senior Member

    Joined: Feb 3, 2004 Messages: 2,191 Likes Received: 0
  7. Dick Quickwood

    Dick Quickwood 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Aug 25, 2002 Messages: 14,783 Likes Received: 14
  8. Pilau Hands

    Pilau Hands Guest

  9. seven.13

    seven.13 Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Oct 5, 2000 Messages: 3,572 Likes Received: 19
    Re: As always...

  10. DETO

    DETO Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Apr 25, 2002 Messages: 11,350 Likes Received: 154
  11. Crimsøn

    Crimsøn Senior Member

    Joined: Dec 18, 2003 Messages: 2,120 Likes Received: 1
    Re: As always...

    That was great, and the vacuum plan...ingenious!

    I'm surprised mama iquit didn't wake up wondering
    who the fuck is vacuuming at 4 am.

  12. fatbastard

    fatbastard Elite Member

    Joined: Jun 30, 2002 Messages: 2,880 Likes Received: 11
    and here i was thinking, bug spray the whole time..god im an idiot.
  13. SeYnO9

    SeYnO9 Member

    Joined: Dec 21, 2001 Messages: 677 Likes Received: 0

  14. BROWNer

    BROWNer Guest

    i have encountered too many hardcore evil encounters with
    once i was camping off this lake in the interior, the
    outside of my tent was completely covered in mosquitos and
    the sound was unbelievable. this was when i treeplanted, and
    when you are out in it for 10hrs, it starts to fuck with your mind.
    i have seen people seriously
    lose their marbles due to insane mosquito situations.
    also seen quite a few people's faces totally balloon up from
    excessive bites..