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Maybe It's Time For a Career Change

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by bobobi11, Feb 11, 2002.

  1. bobobi11

    bobobi11 Elite Member

    Joined: Dec 15, 2000 Messages: 2,807 Likes Received: 0
    I love stupid criminal stories. I personally think if you are really fucking dumb when you commit crimes you deserve to be hooked up. These guys would all be better off in a different line of work anyway.

    In West Palm Beach, FL a 405-pound man trying to steal a turkey from a restaurant became lodged in a back window while trying to escape and had to be extricated by rescue personnel.

    A robber, armed with a pair of scissors, was disappointed when the garbage truck driver informed him that he didn't carry cash. Thinking that he might be able to sell the truck, he decided to hijack it. He was still trying to get the big rig in gear when the police pulled up.

    A man wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote, "This is a stickkup. Put all you muny in this bag," on a deposit slip. While standing in line waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window.
    So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed the note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it, and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stick-up note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to the Bank of America.
    Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK," and left the Wells Fargo Bank. The teller then called the police who arrested the man a few minutes later. He was waiting in line back at the Bank of America.

    A woman robbed a bank. When she arrived home, she discovered a dye packet had leaked all over the money. She went back to the same bank and tried to exchange it for money that was in better condition. She was arrested.
    Wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun, a thief burst into a bank in Florida one day. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "Freeze, mother stickers, this is a f--- up!
    For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him.
    The thief ran away. The bank, in memory of the event, put a plaque on the wall - "Freeze, Mother-Stickers, this is a F--- Up!"

    In Lincoln, Nebraska, Freedon Hunter drove up to a bank drive-through window and tried to cash a stolen check made out to "Tim Holt." The crook didn't notice the teller's name plate which read 'Tim Holt'." Freedon handed the forged check to Tim Holt, along with Tim's own driver's license, which had been stolen from Tim a few days earlier.
    Freedom lost his freedom for six months.

    Police conducting a road block operation in Texas, stopped a man for not wearing his seatbelt. During the stop, the police observed three, silver pipe-like packages on the floor.
    The police began to question the man as to whether or not the objects were pipe bombs. The man blurted out, "Man, that ain't no pipe bomb. That's cocaine

    In South Carolina, a man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of heroin on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.
  2. T.T Boy

    T.T Boy Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 18, 2001 Messages: 21,803 Likes Received: 41
    Roll OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  3. Zack Morris

    Zack Morris Veteran Member

    Joined: Jun 23, 2001 Messages: 9,728 Likes Received: 4
    thank you bobobi this made my day a little better...hahaha
  4. Dr. Dazzle

    Dr. Dazzle Veteran Member

    Joined: Nov 19, 2001 Messages: 8,147 Likes Received: 3
    A thief in Cincinatti Ohio broke into the home of a family away on vacation. After grabbibg more than $5000 in valuables, the theif tried exiting through the garage. However, the garage door was broken, and the door would not open. He attempted to go back into the house, only to find that the door to the house was locked. He was stuck in the garage for 3 weeks, living only on the dog food the family stored there.

    A woman in Los Angeles called the police to report a complaint. When dispatchers arrived they were amazed to discover that the woman, a well known hooker in trhe area, was complaining that the crack cocaine she had bought was of insufficient quality.

    Steven Richard King attempted to rob a bank in Mercedes, Clifornia, by holding up his finger and thumb in plain view. The Bank of America teller told Mr. King to wait, then just walked away. Mr King then went across the street to another bank, jumped over the counter, and attempted to grab the key to the cash register. A teller grabbed the key from him and told him to "get out of here". Police found Mr. King sitting in the shrubs outside the bank and arrested him.

    In Oroville, California, Thomas Martin, former manager of Jack in the Box restaurant, reported that he had been robbed of $307 as the store was closinng. He provided police sketch artist Jack Lee with a detailed description of the suspect. When Lee pu his pad down, he was amazed to discover that the drawing looke exactly like Martin. When questioned, Martin confessed.

    In Wichita, Kansas, Charles Taylor was on trial for robing a shoe store at knifepoint and taking a pair of tan hiking boots and $69. As he listened to testimony in court, he propped his feet up onto the table. He was wearing the tan hiking boots. The jury found him guilty and officers confiscated the boots.

    In March, 1995, a26 year old inmate walked away from his community release facility in South Carolina. He was recaptured a week later he went back to pick up his paycheque.

    Some people are just......it boggles the mind
  5. seven.13

    seven.13 Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Oct 5, 2000 Messages: 3,572 Likes Received: 19
    What cracked me up...

    In Sardenia a few weeks ago a few guys ripped an ATM out of the wall with a bulldozer, and drove off with it.
    Carabinieri (police..well military police i guess) failed to stop them or locate them.

    How the fuck do you make off with an atm machine in a BULLDOZER and get away with it.
    only in this country....:rolleyes:
  6. NATO

    NATO Guest

    Italian Police are clowns, when i was in Turin station 4 of them drove passed on a golf buggy that had all the police markings and a blue flashing light i couldn't stop laughing, my freind pissed on the seats when we saw it parked on its own later.
  7. Dr. Dazzle

    Dr. Dazzle Veteran Member

    Joined: Nov 19, 2001 Messages: 8,147 Likes Received: 3
    I was in this mall one day a few years ago with my (visiting) family, and we saw this guy jump over the counter of one of those lottery booths, grab the safe, and attempt to run out the mall with the safe. Needless to say he didn't get very far, dropped the safe and then ran about 20 feet straight into the open arms of the security gurds. It was damn funny.....
  8. bobobi11

    bobobi11 Elite Member

    Joined: Dec 15, 2000 Messages: 2,807 Likes Received: 0
    Not long ago this happened somewhere in Oregon with a backhoe. Amazing.


    Joined: Apr 19, 2002 Messages: 34 Likes Received: 0

    i knew that guy from jack in the box in oroville. i used to work there with him. he was a fag im glad he got caught. i remember his house got robbed after the cops took him to jail. for reals that fool had a glass eye and used to take it out and shop people and shit. crazy that oroville would be mentioned on this site