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love him or hate him....ROB

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by mental invalid, May 3, 2002.

  1. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8

    ARIES (March 21-April 19)

    Half of what you know today will be obsolete in five years. This is a perfect time, astrologically speaking, to figure out which half that might be: all the supposedly tried-and-true information that has already begun to decay. Next step: Plan your future learning adventures. What training can you get that will ensure you're not out-of-date and behind the times by May, 2007? What educational quests will fill you and thrill you between now and then?


    TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

    What's your official relationship with snakes, Taurus? Maybe you're more aligned with the fear-and-loathing camp, believing there's a good reason the creatures have often been symbols of dangerous or misused power. Or perhaps you've been a serpent sympathizer ever since you read Joseph Campbell and discovered that snakes, because they periodically shed their skin, have also been symbols of regeneration, fertility, and healing. Neither attitude is "correct," of course. The snake represents a primal psychic force that can be expressed for either good or evil. I bring this up, because in the coming weeks you will have abundant access to the good stuff.


    GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

    There's a party in your astrological House of Self-Definition, Gemini. Four planets have converged there for a rare get-together: forceful Mars, ingenious Mercury, intimate Venus, and concretizing Saturn. What does it mean? This is the best time in many moons to get to know yourself better, to glorify yourself with feisty precision, and to nurture relationships that will activate your dormant potential. Choose one dream (not two or three or ten) that will best serve all those purposes, then initiate plans to make it your labor of love for the next two years.


    CANCER (June 21-July 22)

    My acquaintance Patty Spagnani and I were at Chez Panisse in Berkeley following our mutual friend Jeff Greenwald's booksigning. Patty was awash in a mix of exasperation and ecstatic uproar. "Today I wanted to go up to every person I saw," she said, "grab them by the shoulders, and say, 'Do you know that God is head-over-heels in love with you right now? That the Divine Intelligence has a crush on the idiosyncratic genius that bears your name?' But I stopped myself. I didn't want to get locked up in jail or a mental institution." I happen to share Patty's certainty about the Supreme Being's feelings. And since I probably won't be put away for making radical claims, and because you're in a phase when you're wildly receptive to generous truths, I'm picking up where Patty left off. The fact is, Cancerian, God totally adores you, and is eager to demonstrate Her love in abundance if you will only allow Her to do Her magic. It might help if you return Her feelings with an equal intensity.


    LEO (July 23-Aug 22)

    Calculated annually, the Gross National Product (GNP) is the standard by which countries gauge their prosperity. In an age when all other values are subservient to the obsession with material wealth, the GNP is in essence a measure of the current worth of the Holy Grail. In recent years the small Buddhist nation of Bhutan has rebelled against this vulgarity, however, proposing a different accounting system: Gross National Happiness. While it takes into consideration economic development, it also includes factors like the preservation of the environment, enrichment of the culture, and quality of governance. I suggest you draw your inspiration from the Bhutanese in the coming week, Leo, and estimate your own Gross Personal Happiness. It's a perfect time to evaluate and increase your levels of joy.


    VIRGO (Aug 23-Sept 22)

    Today I narrowly avoided a head-on collision with a butterfly. As I hurtled on my bicycle at high speed down a rural road, the fluttering red and gold creature appeared out of nowhere a few yards in front of my face. I slammed on the brakes and ducked. Once coming to a full stop, I was relieved to realize that it had not smashed against me. Where, then, had it gone? It was nowhere in sight. I ran my fingers gingerly through my hair and -- hallelujah! -- dislodged it from where it had safely come to nest. Everything I just described is a metaphor for your life in the coming week, Virgo. I predict you will have a run-in with soulful beauty, thereby unleashing a whimsical act of grace.


    LIBRA (Sept 23-Oct 22)

    I dare you to place a photo or paint an image of a lightning bolt on the wall above your bed. I double dare you to light a red candle and say a voracious prayer to the fire. I triple dare you to temporarily set aside your obsession with harmony, fairness, and objectivity, and I quadruple dare you with honey and jalapeƱos on top to give yourself without restraint to a brilliant, blazing adventure that belongs to you and you alone.


    SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21)

    It'll be a paradoxical week, Scorpio. You'll be simultaneously boggled and soothed as you witness the profound interdependence of apparent opposites. There'll be open secrets and genuine imitations and passive aggressions. You'll encounter clever fools and peaceful warriors. "Anarchy rules!" may be your mantra as you wade through an organized mess in search of something resembling toasted ice. New traditions will be born. Partial pregnancy may be an operative metaphor. Fuzzy logic will be de rigueur.


    SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21)

    Usha Lee McFarling reports in the LA Times that eerie omens are sweeping through the far north. Stretches of sea that are normally capped with thick layers of ice did not freeze last winter. Warm winds from the south, previously rare, have become common. Gray whales are preternaturally skinny. Willows are sprouting up where no trees have ever grown. Seasoned hunters can no longer read the coming weather in the sky. Lately you Sagittarians have experienced your own version of this unsettling ambiance in your personal sphere. Perhaps you'd even invoke a term the Inuit people, inhabitants of Canada's polar regions, use to describe an old friend exhibiting weird behavior: uggianaqtuq. Unlike the conditions in the Arctic, though, your strangeness is temporary. You may proceed on the assumption that dumb luck will begin ushering you towards a more fun and relaxing brand of craziness by May 14.


    CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19)

    Maybe you've seen a bumper sticker that says, "He who dies with the most toys, wins." It carries two implications about how to be victorious in the game of life. First, it suggests, you should retain the playful spirit you had as a kid. Second, you should build up your self-worth by accumulating possessions. Here's a slightly different formula for success, borrowed from Israeli poet Yehuda Amichai's poem "1924": "Whoever remembers his childhood best / is the winner. . . ." As you begin a new search for the fountain of youth, Capricorn, this is a far better keynote than the bumper sticker slogan. What can you do to rouse more of the fresh, spontaneous, innocent love of life you had when you were four years old?


    AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 18)

    Leaving behind her beloved Europe, Anais Nin arrived in New York full of misgivings. "I hate it," she wrote about the city in one of her famous diaries. "I find it superficial. [It's] an ugly prison." She was not unwilling to have her mind changed, however. "Make me love New York," she told photographer Alfred Stieglitz, a long-time resident. "Show me what you love." I exhort you to be inspired by Nin's challenge in the coming week, Aquarius. Pretend I have come to visit you. Imagine all the places you'd take me and the experiences you'd give me to demonstrate what delights you about your home turf. This will put you into sweet alignment with the astrological omens, which suggest that you should shake off the numbing trance of over-familiarity and rekindle your excitement for your everyday life.


    PISCES (Feb 19-March 20)

    I trust you took my advice last week and celebrated the holidays I created for your use. Let's get you started on harvesting the fruits of the intense learning experiences that hopefully resulted. If you observed Ask Crazy-Like-a-Fox "Stupid" Questions Day, you gathered rich information with which you can now heal an aching rift in your life. If you celebrated Defy All Weak-Heart Conceptions Day, you'll soon be able to free yourself from the parasitic effects of half-assed commitments. As for the Festival of Sauntering Past the Edge of the Known World: The hard part of the saunter should be over; the really fun stuff will get underway shortly. There's still time to relive all these fresh feast days. Better tardy than never! The complete list is on my website.
  2. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest

  3. BIG T

    BIG T Member

    Joined: Sep 20, 2000 Messages: 976 Likes Received: 2
    whoop whoop it's party time!!!!!!!
  4. beard

    beard Guest

  5. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8
    and he makes an appearance ladies and gentleman!!...

    dood youll be on the level of elvis soon....there will be beards sightings...

    so how come dusty asked me to only get 3 tickets?

    aunty-con....hahaha...fucking classic....
  6. -Rage-

    -Rage- 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Apr 12, 2001 Messages: 10,006 Likes Received: 28
    Mine makes no sense....or at least I don't understand it.

  7. platapie

    platapie Guest

    peaceful warriors and clever fools. mine has already started. i love this shit i say it every week. but this is somethign i truely look forward too when i come to channel zero on fridays. or whatever day you usually post this.

    big ups metal:idea:;)
  8. A Fire Inside

    A Fire Inside Senior Member

    Joined: Sep 5, 2001 Messages: 1,836 Likes Received: 0

    i hope so...

    i'm too dumb for rob.
  9. dropone

    dropone Member

    Joined: Jun 19, 2000 Messages: 550 Likes Received: 0
    damn im a capricorn and i just bought a super nintendo offa ebay and a buncha old games i used to rock. this mofo is on point!!!!
  10. just

    just New Jack

    Joined: Jun 29, 2001 Messages: 0 Likes Received: 0
    shake off the numbing trance of over-familiarity and rekindle your excitement for your everyday life.
  11. pukey1

    pukey1 Elite Member

    Joined: Mar 10, 2001 Messages: 2,996 Likes Received: 0
    what a waste of time
  12. ctrl+alt+del

    ctrl+alt+del Guest

    oh hell yeah, this gemini will be trying to get his party on with 3 girls simultaneously. shoots, could have had at least one easy tonight too if i hadnt painted.
  13. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8
    rage, i think yours fucking rocks bro....try ingesting it again...perhaps dont dive so deep this week...

    beautiful saturday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    gotta run...........