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life-time, long-term or temporary relationships

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by ubejinxed, Aug 4, 2003.

  1. ubejinxed

    ubejinxed Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 12, 2001 Messages: 7,543 Likes Received: 3
    so this has been the topic of some debates i've had with friends.

    are relationships meant to be lifetime partnerships like in marriage, are they supposed to be long term just long enough to raise children, or are they really supposed to be temporary and someone is just right for the time.

    i'm talking about adults say past the age of 25, since i know when you are younger it's a different story.

    i know my grandparents generation was much more commited, was this just a function of the era that they lived or more the base human nature? and now there is so much stimulous that we feel that there is something better so we stray or get divorced.

    i personally think that we are essentially serially monogomous and are meant to be together while raising children, or say 18 years but not our whole lifetimes.

    I'm sure one of you people have read something on this and care to enlighten me. but just pass your thoughts along.
  2. casekonly

    casekonly Veteran Member

    Joined: Aug 6, 2002 Messages: 8,264 Likes Received: 5
    i'm kinda sappy about relationships. i feel like there is one special person out there, but we have to go through a series of relationship experiences in our younger years to get ahold of ourselves and "prepare" for that one final, lasting, relationship. that may not be true for everyone, some people seem like they need a series of different personalities in their lives, throughout...ya know?

    i just can't work myself into dating anyone whom i don't feel is right, or might be right. there's this one girl...well, i'm sure you know the scenario...i'm having my doubts about her nowadays. meh.
  3. SukiSukiNow

    SukiSukiNow Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Dec 15, 2001 Messages: 11,303 Likes Received: 702
    I think people think too much about shit like this. If you meet someone you really dig, it's nice to hope and dream but the way I see it? I like having fun and not thinking about the future as far as relationships go. Sure it's nice to think maybe you found "the one" and all that, but living for the moment and making the most of what and who you have right there and then seem to make a lot of sense to me. Sometimes one night stands turn into long term, what you thought would be long term turns into temporary, long term turns into short term, and so on... :)
  4. ubejinxed

    ubejinxed Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 12, 2001 Messages: 7,543 Likes Received: 3
    i totally agree with not setting a time constraint or expectation on a relationship and living it. but i'm curious as to what you think human nature is, not whether a current relationship is this or that.

    i know every person is different, but just like some species mate for life, what do you think the human propensity is?
  5. $360

    $360 Elite Member

    Joined: Oct 2, 2002 Messages: 2,600 Likes Received: 1
    im kind of a sap too, so when the time comes, id like to think that im going to stay with someone for the long run. you takling about children and thats all good and well, but it seem like there is a lot more to it than that. if you really want to be with someone, it should last.

    keep in mind, this is coming from someone in the aftermath of a 3 year relationship.

    and marrige is only on paper.
  6. Pilau Hands

    Pilau Hands Guest

    i'm a downer. The beginning of my last relationship was tumultuous, and i ended up realizing a lot of things, losing friends, making beginnings and whatnot. Because of all the bs i had to go through to start it, I couldnt help but wonder how it would end.

    i realized that for me, it doesn't matter how you think things should work in the long wrong, or what you do or don't believe. Life just goes and works itself out without really asking you. We just broke up, so I was thinking how i was in the beginning, and it was a big tall feeling. I thought she really could've been it. But people change and your relationship changes with them. Some people say that they can look at people, the opposite sex especially, and by considering their personality, figure out how a relationship with that person would go. It's odd, but the things that attracted me most to her; her freedom of spirit, eagerness to get up and go to far away places with strange sounding names, her focus in her own life; those things ended up causing the end.

    life is funny sometimes
    sometimes it hurts
    sometimes it's triumph the insult comic dog

    Suki, i agree with you. I think it's better not to really look down that path, just look at the person next to you and enjoy the ride

  7. SukiSukiNow

    SukiSukiNow Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Dec 15, 2001 Messages: 11,303 Likes Received: 702
    You're right each person is so different and that makes relationships or the potential of it exciting because you don't know where it's going or what the other person is thinking, it's all so uncertain and sometimes presumptuous. That's the beauty it, how boring would it be without heartbreaks and embarassments? I can't speak for everyone but from my own wants and observations... human nature tells us we should be monogamous. Meet our life long partner, get married, have kids, buy a house, blah blah blah. What's worse is that nurture is even more of an influence than nature is. Pressure to do all of the above makes me not want to do it. I would love to meet someone one day who might be my soulmate but am I only allowed to have one? I've connected with lots of guys, each one different, unique, and beautiful in their own way. I think people are capable of being with and loving one person I think we want and desire that, it's a matter of maintaining it though and that's the hard part.
  8. !@#$%

    [email protected]#$% Moderator Crew

    Joined: Oct 1, 2002 Messages: 18,517 Likes Received: 623
    my parents are still married..and still so in love..soulmates, really..i guess seeing them totally enwrapped in each other my whole life made me think thats what love was really about (and that sometimes it was hard work, and sometimes there was a lot of fighting)..now, they get along all the time..all the hard stuff is over and they can just enjoy each other

    so thats kinda where i would wanna be, if i was getting married..

    they say sex is very important, with trust, honesty, respect and loyalty coming right in there too..

    i think a lot of these values have dropped out of popular culture, especially loyalty

    if people are gonna have kids, they should stay together

    a friend of mine recently got married..she had some thoughts on it a few weeks later, that included (what i thought was a disturbing revelation) her discussion with her husband to be about how most married couples aren't married forever, and they both recognized that.

    i dunno even know why someone's gonna get married if they then say 'oh, but relax, we don't have to stay together always'
    i mean, even if thats to take some kinda unwritten 'pressure' off??
  9. some pittsburgh flavor

    some pittsburgh flavor Elite Member

    Joined: Mar 31, 2001 Messages: 4,936 Likes Received: 0
    it's pretty whack to get a divorce when you've got kids. don't do that.
  10. JUDONO?

    JUDONO? Senior Member

    Joined: Jan 5, 2002 Messages: 1,935 Likes Received: 0
    Im in the longest relationship I have ever been in, 2 years plus.
    So everyday I wonder if I'm gonna stay with my girl forever or how much longer are we gonna stay together. I dont know how I would react if we ever breakup.
  11. i think everyones different.
    i think most peoples disillusioneed idea of what a relationship should be like is VERY fucked up, and causes many problems
    some people are into long-term and commitment, others arent. i dont think theres anything implicitly wrong with either. problems arise when people try to be something they are not.

    im over 25
    been with my girl 7 years
    getting married next month.
  12. mr_president

    mr_president Banned

    Joined: Nov 19, 2002 Messages: 5,691 Likes Received: 0
    great topic.

    i think its said these days when it comes to couples and marraige and having children and not being married or atleast sticking together and raising the kids. its sad.

    i guess that really bothers me because my parents are still together, been married like 25 years or so i think, and thats how i want to be when my time comes to get married. im not getting divorced or re married or any of that bullshit. its going to be TIL DEATH DO US PART. :D

    id be crushed if my parents got a divorce...

    ok, to get back on topic with your thread:

    i lost a lot of friends because of a big misunderstanding on their part, they scarred me for life when it comes to dealing with friends, making friends, and basically associating with people. it sucks.

    id like to have good life long relationships with people, with the ginuwine ones that is... everyone else though, fuck umm, they come and go...
  13. willy.wonka

    willy.wonka Guest

    im to the point where i say FUCK LOVE, but my grandparents have been together for a very long time...watching thier family grow.they are blessed to see it too.
  14. Born Loser

    Born Loser New Jack

    Joined: Sep 14, 2001 Messages: 63 Likes Received: 0
  15. Don't Panic

    Don't Panic Member

    Joined: Jun 2, 2003 Messages: 647 Likes Received: 0
    This is very true. I think that how realistic your expectations are, and how you manage these changes is the deciding factor in how well your relationships go, and how long they last.
    That pretty much sums up my stance on it.

    As far as human nature vs. societal structure, I can't really weigh in on that. I haven't got the slightest idea what human nature concerning relationships might be, other than self-serving. At any rate, my grandparents were married 51 years before my grandma died. That is what I am aiming for.