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Let's Make Fun of Europe

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by --zeSto--, Nov 18, 2003.

  1. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2
    no... not That 'Europe', but you always get more interest with a Mods' name in the title.

    Kilo Tha Xenophobe pics on our Europen Friends....

    first up.... GREECE!

    I am what I am
    Individuality is the chief feature that characterises the Greeks - which
    precludes any attempt to box and label them as a people. They exhibit
    an extreme passion for freedom of choice - which has turned law
    circumvention into an art and has made them incapable of
    comprehending words like 'discipline', 'co-ordination' or 'system'.

    There's no such thing as a meek Greek
    A Greek cannot talk unless he has his hands free, and a soft-spoken
    Greek is one who can be heard only as far as across the street. Two
    Greeks having an amiable conversation sound as if they are ready to
    murder each other, and a party of exuberant Greeks having a good
    time could be described as a pack of hounds that has just sighted the

    How much does a Greek urn?
    In general, Greeks believe in free trade, fair dealing and keeping one's
    word. They are quick at grasping (and inventing) complicated business
    and financial arrangements and they are past masters in acting as
    middlemen - which means that they are paid by both parties while
    risking nothing themselves.

    + they are all perveracts! (and they invented homos!)

    next up.... DANES!

    That's not funny
    Danish humour suffers from the handicap of the Danes' literal-
    mindedness ('Can you play the violin?' 'I don't know, I've never tried.'),
    and for their need to conform. In a country where all right-thinking
    people think the right things, no-one is sufficiently different to laugh at.

    Combined forces
    Danes co-operate. Lego comes from the Danish words leg godt which
    means 'play well', and this is just what the Danes are good at. They get
    along well with other people. In any brochure translated for the world
    market, the word 'co-operation' will appear at least three times per
    page along with a generous sprinkling of 'joint ventures'.

    Frankly speaking
    They say what they think about sex, politics, religion, everything. Small
    talk can assume monstrous proportions. They will tell you frankly how
    much their mortgage is, how much they earn per hour and whether or
    not they shave their armpits.

    and now.... THE FRENCH!

    Anything goes
    The French are the most faddish people in the world; They love ideas,
    concepts, innovations - playing around with things, like democracy,
    railway systems, architecture. It's not the practical end of the road
    they're interested in, but the journey, the possibilities, hence the way
    they drive, as though safe arrival at their destination was the last thing
    on their minds.

    I drink therefore I am
    France is a country that eats, drinks and breathes philosophy. There is
    not a farmer, fisherman, waiter, car-worker, shop assistant or
    housewife who isn't a closet Diderot or Descartes, a Saint-Simon or a

    Dress for power
    French politicians look smart because power itself is chic, attractive,
    seductive, and one should dress to look the part. The French electorate
    would never allow any government to intervene in their lives if it were
    shabbily dressed.

    +BONUS -- French Translations!

    • I have not been drinking, but I am allergic to chitterlings, giblets, and tripe in white wine sauce.
      Je n'ai pas bu, mais je suis allergique aux andouilles, aux abatis, et aux tripes au vin blanc.

      I am on the wrong bus. Please stop, I want to get off.
      Je me suis trompé d'autobus. Pouvez-vous arrêter? Je veux descendre.

      There is no light bulb in my room.
      Il n'y a pas d'ampoule dans ma chambre.

      Is it a local custom to breed snails in the bidet?
      C'est une coutume du pays d'élever les escargots dans le bidet?

      There is no need to use that tone of voice.
      Ne me parlez pas comme ça, s'il vous plaît.

    No One Is Safe From Kilo Tha Xenophobe
    More to come....

  2. CinchedWaist

    CinchedWaist Elite Member

    Joined: Sep 11, 2003 Messages: 2,691 Likes Received: 1
  3. !@#$%

    [email protected]#$% Moderator Crew

    Joined: Oct 1, 2002 Messages: 18,517 Likes Received: 623
    kilo's store of free time never ceases to amaze me.
  4. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2
    The Source of My Xenophobia....

    Self-Depricating.... Canada!

    The fabric of society
    The nation aspires towards a 'cultural mosaic', something like a
    patchwork quilt, whereas Americans have aimed for the 'melting pot'.
    Canadians are essentially practical, and have figured out that the bat-
    brained idea of a melting pot would simply never work in a country
    where 50% of the land never completely thaws at all. A quilt is a much
    more pragmatic idea: it's cold outside.

    On a clear day you can see forever
    Having so much land has a great effect on the character, customs and
    culture of the nation. Take, for example, the prairies. The plains of
    Canada stretch out endlessly. The flattest spot in the world can be found
    here, with nary a tree to obstruct the view, which leaves the prairie
    observer with a remarkably huge view of nothing. In Saskatchewan it is
    said that you can watch your dog running away for three days.

    Honesty is the best policy
    In the settling of the Canadian prairies, the early pioneers had no-one
    to rely on but themselves and their near neighbours. Honesty and
    integrity were important, not to mention things like a good reputation
    and a virtuous character. It's an attitude that persists to this day. In
    areas with sparse population, one cannot underestimate the power of
    public opinion (and the potential damage of the rumour mill). Peer
    pressure promotes public propriety. Politicians are expected to live up to
    their promises (and are regularly voted out when they regularly don't).

    The bear truth
    Canadians are down-to-earth, even earthy, people, and there are fewer
    extremes of class in Canadian society than in many others. Arrogance
    is curtailed by a lack of things about which to brag, although in your
    presence a Canadian might have caught a larger fish or climbed a
    higher mountain than you have, and killed a more ferocious grizzly bear
    (with his bare hands, naturally).

    shark vs. bear vs. canadian!
  5. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2
    it's all cut and paste my dear [email protected]#$%,

    watch how it's done...


    Aussies (the scorn of 12oz)

    Appearances are deceptive
    Never make the error of underestimating the Aussies. They love to
    portray a casual disregard for everything around them, but no-one
    accidentally achieves a lifestyle as relaxed as theirs.

    Logic down under
    Aussies will twist any statistics to their own ends. One statistic doing the
    rounds was that 40% of drivers in accidents had been drinking. Since
    this left 60% of drivers who hadn't had a drop, but who still had
    accidents, it must obviously be safer to drink and drive.

    Let's talk 'strine'
    The Aussies are not subtle and neither is their language. They will say
    what they mean. The problem is that the words they use don't always
    mean what they say. For example: bluey - someone who has red hair;
    you're orright - you are absolutely super; itsa bit warm - it is probably
    120¼F in the water bag (water bags are always hung in the shade);
    that'd be right - I don't believe it either.

    Out in the outback
    Nature is the biggest single influence on the Aussie attitude. And a very
    harsh and unforgiving influence it is. Reality, totally uncontrollable, is
    never far outside the suburban limits.

  6. !@#$%

    [email protected]#$% Moderator Crew

    Joined: Oct 1, 2002 Messages: 18,517 Likes Received: 623
    yeah, but you took the time to find that info, didn't you?

    all in fun :D
  7. CinchedWaist

    CinchedWaist Elite Member

    Joined: Sep 11, 2003 Messages: 2,691 Likes Received: 1
    A polarised people
    The Poles are either bubbling with life, or comatose; they love or they loathe. It is this total commitment to the occupation of the moment which earns them the reputation of being mercurial. As Hemar wrote in his song: 'If only Poles did systematically and economically what they do spontaneously, they would be perfect.'

    Necessity is the mother of invention
    Key national characteristics are adaptability, a knack for improvisation, and the ability to make the best of what is available. A good Polish cook is one who can make gourmet soup from a rusty nail.

    The Polish touch
    Devotion to style pervades all areas of life: the table might be rickety, but it is covered with a snowy tablecloth and decorated with a vase of flowers.

    Never say never
    When the Communists rather foolishly tried to stop the Poles practising their religion, the churches filled to overflowing. 'Forbidden' is a term of encouragement to a Pole.

    I'm Polish
    Efficiency deficiency
    There are said to be some countries in the world where the government is even less efficient than in Russia. Don't you believe it. There has never been an efficient administration in Russia from time immemorial. Efficiency and government in Russia are incompatible. This, at closer inspection, is not so very bad. When you know that you can expect little or nothing from your government, you feel free to act on your own.

    Mother Russia
    Power in Russia has been in the hands of women for a long time. If the husband is the head of the family, the wife is the neck, telling the head which way to look. Defeated and subdued, Russian men submissively and, it seems, almost willingly bow to the 'weaker' sex. It is not for nothing that grammatically, 'Russia' is the feminine gender. She is Mother Russia -- nobody would dream of calling her 'Father'.

    Getting pickled
    A Russian who has not pickled at least a hundred kilos of cucumbers, green tomatoes and peppers, plus a barrel of cabbages, will be looked upon with pity and compassion: he must either be ill or too lazy.

    Sealed together
    The most characteristic feature of Russians is their feeling of togetherness. Imagine thousands of seals sunning themselves on a hard oceanic rock, so closely pressed against each other that it looks as if it is one big, black, gleaming beast. This is them, the Russians. Once you understand this, you understand what it is to be Russian, for there is hardly anything they may say or do that does not encompass this precious quality of togetherness.

    I'm also Ukranian- Russia is close enough. I like the Mother Russia part.
  8. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2

    BOZACK Member

    Joined: Oct 19, 2003 Messages: 999 Likes Received: 0
  10. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2
    -- Italy

    La Dolce Vita
    The Italians live life to the full, and do not feel in the least bit guilty
    leading a life of leisure and pleasure twenty-four hours a day, seven
    days a week, fifty-two weeks a year. This is what life is all about:
    Italians do not live to work, they work to live.

    Achoo Brute?
    The most common Italian illness is hypochondria. Italians are in general
    extremely healthy people who spend a great deal of their time thinking
    that they should feel healthier than they do.

    A little truth goes a long way
    Italians grow up knowing that they have to be economical with the truth.
    All other Italians are, so if they didn't play the game they would be at a
    serious disadvantage. They have to fabricate to keep one step ahead.

    Always look on the bright side of life
    Generally speaking, the Italians tend to look on the bright side of life - a
    positive outlook aptly illustrated by their touching salutation: 'May the
    saddest days of your future be the happiest days of your past'.
  11. sneak

    sneak Guest

    The English

    Never overstep the mark
    Moderation – a treasured ideal – means a lot to the English. Their respect for it is reflected in their shared dislike of any person who 'goes too far'.

    Irrational rationality
    The English can admire something without enjoying it, or enjoy something they suspect is fundamentally reprehensible. You can never be sure which stance they are going to take – the reassuringly reasonable, or the wildly irrational.

    I'm fine, really
    Stoicism, the capacity to greet life's vicissitudes with cheerful calm, is an essential ingredient of Englishness.

    Push-me, pull-you
    Two equally fundamental but contradictory English characteristics are a love of continuity and a yearning for change. In the English character these two opposite desires vie with each other constantly, which produces some curious behaviour patterns and several characteristics most usually observed in the classic split personality.
  12. sneak

    sneak Guest

    The Yanks

    Friends without friendship
    Americans are friendly because they just can't help it; they like to be neighbourly and want to be liked. However, a wise traveller realises that a few happy moments with an American do not translate into a permanent commitment of any kind. Indeed, permanent commitments are what Americans fear the most. This is a nation whose fundamental social relationship is the casual acquaintance.

    It's not a 'good day' unless it's a 'good hair day'
    When asked in a survey what they notice first in a potential mate, the answer from both men and women was hair. Having good hair is more important than having a college education or a happy family.

    Americans shoot from the lip
    American speech is remarkably straightforward. They tell it as it is, even when it's not a particularly good idea to do so. Linguistic subtlety, innuendo, and irony that other nations find delightful puzzle the Americans, who take all statements at face value, weigh them for accuracy, and reject anything they don't understand.

    Always aim to win
    Winning is central to the American psyche. As American football coach Vince Lombardi put it, 'Winning isn't everything. It's the only thing'. Virtually every event in American life, from school graduation to marriage to buying an automobile, is structured so that one party wins, or at least comes out looking better than any of the other participants.
  13. Pinup

    Pinup Senior Member

    Joined: Mar 13, 2003 Messages: 2,208 Likes Received: 0
    i see nothing wrong with what you said about me and my friggers, except that politicians are chic and seductive..... i mean :



    [i]' I'm trying to hypnotize you '[/i]

    [SIZE=2][color=gold]WONK SORUE !!!![/color] [/SIZE]
  14. nomadawhat

    nomadawhat Veteran Member

    Joined: Aug 24, 2001 Messages: 5,001 Likes Received: 2
    if you're australian in the kitchen
    and you're american in the living room
    what are you in the bathroom?

    EUROPEAN!!!! :lol:
  15. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2

    One of the most respected leaders in my country's history.