Guest Stapler Posted August 16, 2002 Share Posted August 16, 2002 Dashboard Jesus Kills Ohio Teen CINCINNATI (EAP) - A Cincinnati teenager was killed yesterday when her plastic Jesus dashboard figure was driven into her chest by her car's airbag which inflated during an accident involving two other vehicles. 17-year-old Darlene Fulps of Cincinnati was apparently holding her Jesus figure close to her chest when she ran through a red light and collided with two other vehicles in a busy intersection. "The air bag inflated and pushed the head of Jesus straight through her heart," said Tom Young, medical examiner at the scene of the accident. "If it wasn't for the plastic Jesus, Ms. Fulps would still be alive today." "Air bags have saved thousands of lives, but in this case it actually took a life, thanks to Jesus," said police officer Graham Pryor, first officer at the scene. Robert Fulps, Darlene's father and devout Christian man said "It was just our daughter's time to go, and we can't question the actions of God. My daughter loved Jesus and worshipped Him, and I think she's probably talking to Him in heaven right now." "We gave our daughter the dashboard Jesus for her birthday last year, and she really liked it," said Mrs. Gladys Fulps. "It's too bad that Jesus ended up killing her, but we believe she's in heaven now, and we're happy for her, and hope to re-unite with her when we get to heaven." "We're just glad our daughter had Jesus in her heart when she died," said Mr. and Mrs. Fulps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jah Posted August 16, 2002 Share Posted August 16, 2002 shes with him now.... rip Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirty_habiT Posted August 16, 2002 Share Posted August 16, 2002 That's sad. RIP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IM2LOW4YOU Posted August 16, 2002 Share Posted August 16, 2002 Walk away me boys... wipe the golden tear from your mother dear, and raise whats left of the flag for me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest duffman Posted August 16, 2002 Share Posted August 16, 2002 thats horrible.. rip Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirtysicks Posted August 16, 2002 Share Posted August 16, 2002 Thats a gill..........who remembers gills??? LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_El Mamerro Posted August 16, 2002 Share Posted August 16, 2002 Hahahahaha, holy fuck, that'd be ridiculous. Almost certainly not true, but if it ever happened... Beer, El Mamerro Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serpent of the light Posted August 16, 2002 Share Posted August 16, 2002 now i only read the first paragraph... but is it only me that thinks thats fucking hilarious??? the irony is beautiful. mm mm good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ElectricitySucks Posted August 16, 2002 Share Posted August 16, 2002 for some reason the way that was written didnt seem true....is this just me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
REGULATOR Posted August 16, 2002 Share Posted August 16, 2002 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHHAH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Mang Posted August 16, 2002 Share Posted August 16, 2002 NO PUN INTENDED. HAH .. HAHAH .. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grandola Posted August 16, 2002 Share Posted August 16, 2002 jesus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suburbian bum Posted August 16, 2002 Share Posted August 16, 2002 YOU FOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I BET THAT SHIT ISNT True. GIVE US A LINK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wilt Posted August 16, 2002 Share Posted August 16, 2002 im sorry....im no fan of religion...didn't "moses" say you can't worship false idols?hmmmmm...interesting...well...if she was such a devout christian why is she doing the wrong thing by running red lights?and why the fuck was she holding some doll to her chest while driving?whatever... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
juggernaut Posted August 16, 2002 Share Posted August 16, 2002 haaa!!! where'd you get that? sounds like some grade-A onion journalism to me. anybody else read survivor"? Tender Branson bobble-headed dashboard doll to the brain. Jesus is more blatanly funny, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boogie hands Posted August 16, 2002 Share Posted August 16, 2002 Originally posted by Stapler Dashboard Jesus Kills Ohio Teen "We're just glad our daughter had Jesus in her heart when she died," said Mr. and Mrs. Fulps. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahhahhaha....i smell onions... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ledzep Posted August 16, 2002 Share Posted August 16, 2002 "Air bags have saved thousands of lives, but in this case it actually took a life, thanks to Jesus," a sentence id never thought id hear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
•nakone• Posted August 16, 2002 Share Posted August 16, 2002 oh, well thats what you get for believing in jesus.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
REGULATOR Posted August 16, 2002 Share Posted August 16, 2002 Originally posted by Stapler "We're just glad our daughter had Jesus in her heart when she died," said Mr. and Mrs. Fulps. i was on the fuckin ground laughing when i read this...ahahahhahaha stupid asses Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Stapler Posted August 17, 2002 Share Posted August 17, 2002 That is one of the best punch lines if it was true. Anyone from that area remember if it were true I am sure it would be all over the news. JESUS the MURDERER Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiseguy Posted August 17, 2002 Share Posted August 17, 2002 Damn some people on here are so gullible! That is so funny though, i read it and started cracking up, "We're just glad our daughter had Jesus in her heart when she died," CLASSIC! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
When Posted August 17, 2002 Share Posted August 17, 2002 thats a farkin funny story most certainly fake but funny :lol: :nut: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12ozProfesor Posted August 17, 2002 Share Posted August 17, 2002 "Air bags have saved thousands of lives, but in this case it actually took a life, thanks to Jesus," said police officer Graham Pryor" hahahahhaahahahhaahhahahahaa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Stapler Posted August 18, 2002 Share Posted August 18, 2002 BUMP fuck the PG fags Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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