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Jesus and the Tards

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Colt, Feb 19, 2002.

  1. Colt

    Colt 12oz Junior Member

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    Jesus and the Tards

    Discussion started by Colt - Feb 19, 2002

    A Friend of mine wrote this, and how could I not share it with the fine people at 12oz!

    JESUS AND THE TARDS

    In the last few days, a certain question has been popping up frequently in the flashcard sequence of psychosis called my inner monologue. In Christianity, are retards still retarded when they go to heaven?



    Dogma may argue that since the retarded have no souls, it is impossible for them to go to heaven in the first place and they will be trapped in purgatory for the rest of eternity. For the purposes of this text we'll assume that god is more forgiving of those born against his will. I for one, hope that the retarded aren't still retarded in the kingdom of heaven, because will have invariably fucked it up for the rest of us. Ever since social Darwinism was halted by advocacy groups sometime in the early seventies, the 'tards have been screwing it up for the rest of us. Their employment at fast food restaurants, their presence in entertainment and media (see: life goes on), and the general dark tint their existence veils over the glowing light of modern life. Is it not then safe to assume that the presence of the retarded in heaven would have serious repercussions?

    Imagine, you're kicking back in heaven, enjoying yourself, then a short bus flips on the interstate somewhere in Kansas, a split second later you've got a whole heard of window lickers barreling through the gates giggling and tripping over each other, completely killing the mellow vibe. Given the current population divided by a rough estimate of how much of the population is retarded, I figure the pearly gates are littered with a constant parade of 'tards.

    Now on the other hand, if the retarded are no longer retarded when the get to heaven, that too has consequences. Assuming the moment they die, they become instantly lucid, they'd behave in a manner not unlike a blind man seeing for the first time. Every ten seconds, you'd have some tard poking you on the shoulder trying to figure out what everything is for the first time. "How does a car work?", "How are babies made?", "What's the difference between a fork and a spork?", imagine being trapped in a daycare center for underprivileged children for the rest of time. Also, we must consider the possibility that being a 'tard could be insanely entertaining. Perhaps it's like being on thirty hits of acid and four bottles of Nyquil ALL THE TIME!. You'd be entertained for days with a ball of tinfoil, you'd never have to work, pay taxes, wipe your own ass, etc. With this in mind, do we really want to take the bliss of idiocy away from the tards? No, then can we really let them be eternal buzz kills up in heaven? No. The only solution I can concoct would be an organized effort to seduce the retarded of the world into a life of unimaginable sin. Their brains already have the retention capability of silly putty in a bread maker; it wouldn't be that hard to implant them with new morality. This course of action is also a viable alternative for getting rid of the elderly, the subjects of my next article: "Cancers of Youth: The Elderly".

    (origonaly written by Lucid)

    COLT
     
    Colt - Rank: 12oz Junior Member - Messages:
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  2. bug

    bug Guest

    bug - Replied Feb 19, 2002

    Boogie Hands
     
  3. Zack Morris

    Zack Morris 12oz Veteran Member

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    Zack Morris - Replied Feb 19, 2002

    you made my day...retards makeme laugh...my proudest moment at my last job was watching a tard flip over his wheel chair and go spilling into the floor screaming.
     
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  4. ASER1NE

    ASER1NE 12oz Veteran Member

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    ASER1NE - Replied Feb 19, 2002

     
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  5. whiteboy 516

    whiteboy 516 12oz Junior Member

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    whiteboy 516 - Replied Feb 19, 2002

    HAHA..............THAT IS VERY "pc" MAN...
     
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  6. T.T Boy

    T.T Boy Dirty Dozen Crew

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    T.T Boy - Replied Feb 19, 2002


    ahahahhahahha you never fail to make m elaugh
     
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  7. Colt

    Colt 12oz Junior Member

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    Colt - Replied Feb 19, 2002

    Thats classic!

    COLT
     
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  8. ASER1NE

    ASER1NE 12oz Veteran Member

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    ASER1NE - Replied Feb 19, 2002

    laughing at retards is morally wrong , however i find myself not being able to contain it very often........
     
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  9. willy.wonka

    willy.wonka Guest

    willy.wonka - Replied Feb 19, 2002

    well i didnt read all of it...sounds retarded

    but "retarded" people seem to have more soul than i do....
    everybody bashes on retards...when your new born baby can come out the same way....
     
  10. War

    War New Jack

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    War - Replied Feb 19, 2002

    what about babies...like if u die when ur still wearing dypers is there sombody in heven to change them?
     
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  11. Rhubarb

    Rhubarb New Jack

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    Rhubarb - Replied Feb 19, 2002

    it's only morally wrong if it is within your morals. for the rest of us we can laugh all we want.
     
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  12. patrickjilbert

    patrickjilbert 12oz Member

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    patrickjilbert - Replied Feb 19, 2002

    http://scotlandtoday.scottishtv.co.uk/images/digging_deeper/Downs.jpg'>

    the tragedy is not the retardation itself, but the bad names parents give their retarded kids. ever notice how every retarded girl is named tammy?

    i feel bad for retarded kids, honestly. but it is an interesting thread we have here.
     
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  13. Iris

    Iris Banned

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    Iris - Replied Feb 19, 2002

    i have a retard fan club. three little "special" kids that work next door to me come over and say hi to me and they once bought me flowers.

    is it legal to marry a retard?
     
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  14. Big Bruno

    Big Bruno 12oz Senior Member

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    Big Bruno - Replied Feb 19, 2002

    retards marry each other all the time but i dont know about one of us 'real' people marrying one...
     
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  15. Iris

    Iris Banned

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    Iris - Replied Feb 19, 2002


    eep! i didn't mean marry one myself.
     
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