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It feels good to laugh...

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by guerillaeye, Aug 22, 2005.

  1. guerillaeye

    guerillaeye Senior Member

    Joined: Jul 13, 2005 Messages: 1,473 Likes Received: 0
    LITTLE MICHAEL ON MATH

    A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
    and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
    little MICHAEL.>< BR>>He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the
    first gunshot."

    The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
    thinking."

    Then little MICHAEL says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3
    women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately
    licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second
    is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is
    biting off the top of the ice cream.
    Which one is married?"

    The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
    one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

    To which Little MICHAEL replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
    the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."

    LITTLE MICHAEL ON MATH

    Little MICHAEL returns from school and says he got an F in
    arithmetic.

    "Why?" asks the father?

    "The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'", replies MICHAEL.

    "But that's right!" says his dad.

    "Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"

    "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father.

    "That's what I said!"

    LITTLE MICHAEL ON ENGLISH

    Little MICHAEL goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
    going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
    example of a multi-syllable word?"

    MICHAEL says "Mas-tur-bate."

    Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little MICHAEL, that's a
    mouthful."

    Little MICHAEL says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

    LITTLE MICHAEL ON GRAMMAR

    Little MICHAEL was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he
    needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need
    to take a piss!!"

    The teacher replied, "Now, MICHAEL, that is NOT the proper word to
    use in this situation. The cor! rect wor d you want to use is
    'urinate'. Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly,
    and I will allow you to go."

    Little MICHAEL, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight,
    but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"

    LITTLE MICHAEL ON GRAMMAR

    One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
    show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the
    same sentence twice.

    First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father
    bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in
    it."

    "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little
    Roger.

    "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
    beautifully."

    She said, "Excellent, Roger!" Then the teacher reluctantly
    called on little MICHAEL.

    "Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
    was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'"

    LITTLE MICHAEL ON GETTING OLDER

    Little MICHAEL was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
    after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from
    him said,

    "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will
    give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat"

    Little MICHAEL replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
    The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

    Little MICHAEL answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business.
     
  2. WhereEaglesDare

    WhereEaglesDare Member

    Joined: Nov 10, 2004 Messages: 666 Likes Received: 0
    I got a great joke....






























    .....THIS THREAD!!!!
     
  3. spoi1 system

    spoi1 system Member

    Joined: Oct 16, 2003 Messages: 284 Likes Received: 0
    i'll take a stab for a post!
     
  4. gren1 bnc

    gren1 bnc Senior Member

    Joined: Nov 19, 2004 Messages: 1,010 Likes Received: 0
    i didnt laugh. the thread is a good idea if it doesnt get closed.
     
  5. iloveboxcars

    iloveboxcars 12oz Royalty

    Joined: Jul 29, 2002 Messages: 20,503 Likes Received: 438
    a brunette redhead and blonde all run into a store at once, they run up to the man at the cash register and ask for a place to hide, he says sure and gives each one a burlap sack. soon after men run in with guns and ask if he saw the 3 girls. the employee says no, he hasnt seen anyone. they ask if they can look around and he says be my guest. they run across the burlap sacks and think they are shaped funny, they kick the sack with the brunette in it she goes "ruff ruff".. they say ok, it's just a dog, they move on to the next one, the one with the redhead in it. they kick it and she goes "squeel squeel".. they move on thinking there's a pig in there. they get to the bag with the blonde in it, kick it and the blonde goes "potatoes"
     
  6. 5iveDee

    5iveDee Member

    Joined: May 15, 2005 Messages: 314 Likes Received: 0
    Little MICHAEL was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
    after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from
    him said,

    "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will
    give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat"

    Little MICHAEL replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
    The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

    Little MICHAEL answered, "No, he minded his own fucking business.

    hahahahahhahahahahaha
    *
    Ill post up some later *reserves
     
  7. JohnnyHorton

    JohnnyHorton Senior Member

    Joined: Apr 2, 2002 Messages: 2,201 Likes Received: 0
  8. Steve Miller

    Steve Miller Member

    Joined: Jul 8, 2005 Messages: 867 Likes Received: 1
    girl pants and spin kicks.
     
  9. ODS-1

    ODS-1 Elite Member

    Joined: Jul 21, 2003 Messages: 3,575 Likes Received: 0
    This thread sucks. Except for the iloveboxcars joke. That was okay.
     
  10. LETTERFED

    LETTERFED New Jack

    Joined: Jul 19, 2005 Messages: 51 Likes Received: 0
    i don't usually laugh by myself, but yo....
     
  11. Gunm

    Gunm Banned

    Joined: Aug 31, 2003 Messages: 12,427 Likes Received: 1
  12. Dirty_habiT

    Dirty_habiT Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Mar 8, 2001 Messages: 18,057 Likes Received: 44
    It's fixin to get real punchy in here.
     
  13. krie

    krie Guest

    How do you fix a woman's watch?
    You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

    How many men does it take to open a beer?
    None. It should be opened when she brings it.

    Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
    Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
     
  14. Pfffffffffft

    Pfffffffffft Moderator Crew

    Joined: Feb 16, 2004 Messages: 15,344 Likes Received: 670

    one of KRIEs last few post.

    :(
     
  15. __ __ __ __

    __ __ __ __ Elite Member

    Joined: Aug 31, 2003 Messages: 3,907 Likes Received: 90
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