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if by late you mean on time, then yes.....ROB

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by mental invalid, Jul 9, 2004.

  1. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

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    if by late you mean on time, then yes.....ROB

    Discussion started by mental invalid - Jul 9, 2004

    totally dood....



    Free Will Astrology
    horoscopes for week of July 8, 2004

    Aries (March 21-April 19)

    One of the most exuberant poets of the twentieth century was James Broughton. "I pray every night to wake up crazier," he wrote. By that he meant he wanted to become increasingly receptive to unpredictable joy and pleasure. His knack for having a good time didn't mean he dodged the hard times, though. "Suffering can't be avoided," he told interviewer Jack Foley. "The way to happiness is to go into the darkness of yourself. That's the place the seed is nourished, takes its roots and grows up, and becomes ultimately the plant and the flower. You can only go upward by first going downward." That's the perfect prescription for you in the coming days, Aries. (Here's more Broughton and Foley.)


    Taurus (April 20-May 20)

    Your word of power this week is yua. It's a term the Yupiit people of Alaska use for the spirit that inhabits all things, both animate and inanimate. A rock, for instance, has as much yua as a caribou, spruce tree, or human being, and therefore merits the same measure of compassion. If a Yupiit goes out for a hike and spies a chunk of wood lying on a frozen river bank, she might pick it up and put it in a new position, allowing its previously hidden side to get fresh air and sun. In this way, she would bestow a blessing on the wood's yua. Try living your life like this in the coming days, Taurus: as if absolutely everything is alive, has a soul, and deserves your loving kindness. (Thanks to Earl Shorris, "The Last Word," Harper's, August 2000.)



    Gemini (May 21-June 20)

    "Goodies" is your word of power this week, Gemini -- though it could also be your word of weakness. To ensure that it's more the former than the latter, meditate on the following three inquiries. 1. Of all the goodies you want, which are the two most important ones? 2. Do your flirtations with second-tier goodies tend to undermine your pursuit of the first-tier ones? If so, are you willing to wean yourself from those flirtations? 3. Do you have any doubts about whether you truly deserve the very best goodies? If so, what can you do to render the doubts irrelevant?



    Cancer (June 21-July 22)

    In accordance with the astrological omens, I've assembled a host of snappy one-liners for you to wield in the coming week, Cancerian. Sooner or later, it will make sense for you to utter every one of them. 1. "It only seems kinky the first time." 2. "Even if the voices in my head aren't real, they still have some good ideas." 3. "To make your prayers come true, you have to get off your knees." 4. "I'm the good kind of bad." 5. "It's not really a party till something gets broken." 6. "Shut up and dance." (P.S.: I don't anticipate there'll be any messy consequences if you cultivate the attitude I'm suggesting here. But in case there are, invoke this disclaimer: "I didn't do it. You can't prove it. Nobody saw me.")



    Leo (July 23-August 22)

    Have you ever been burned by bad religion? This is the week you could start getting rid of the scorch marks. Have you ever been abused by an authority figure who made you feel helpless? This is the time to correct for the distortions that jerk wreaked in your psyche. Are you feeling tyrannized by a habitual response that was once quite useful but isn't appropriate any more? This is a perfect moment to dissolve it.


    Virgo (August 23-September 22)

    Thirty-three-year-old pop star Jennifer Lopez earned $29 million in 2003. Presumably she shares some of her wealth with her mom, Guadalupe. Cynical observers might therefore regard it as a sign of divine favoritism that Guadalupe recently won a jackpot of $2.4 million while playing a slot machine at an Atlantic City casino. I suspect you may be less hasty to jump to that conclusion, though, since many of you Virgos are currently being visited (or soon will be) with an equally ridiculous amount of good luck. Don't feel guilty about your blessings in the least, please, even if they seem way beyond your fair share. Lap them up.



    Libra (September 23-October 22)

    For years, Salt Lake City was undisputed Jell-O champion on the world, with the highest per capita consumption. But in 1999, Des Moines, Iowa catapulted into the lead. In response, chef Scott Blackerby staged a "Take Back the Jell-O Title" Recipe Contest at his restaurant in Salt Lake, and thousands of Utahans signed petitions that helped make Jell-O the official snack of the state. Soon the city had retaken the top spot, where it remains to this day. I hope this story serves to motivate and inspire you in the coming days, Libra. It's time for you to reclaim a lost title or crown that you once possessed and that really should belong to you again.



    Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

    On your bad days, Scorpio, you're like a swamp that serves as a weird oasis in the midst of frozen tundra. On your good days, the physical feature you correspond to most is an underground river winding in a serpentine course beneath green, fertile hills. But in the coming weeks you'll be like a place you've rarely resembled before: an unspoiled tropical beach where the warm wild ocean meets the foot of a towering mountain.


    Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

    Shopping for a new mission, Sagittarius? Or perhaps a new branch of your old familiar mission? You should be. This is one of those pivotal moments when heaven comes all the way down to earth; when invisible allies from the other side of the veil make an appearance; when age-old secrets briefly show what they're really made of. To aid your quest to glimpse your best possible future, here's advice that the sorcerer Don Juan gave to his student, Carlos Castañeda: "Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary. Then ask yourself, and yourself alone, one question. 'Does this path have a heart?' If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't, it is of no use."



    Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

    In ancient Greece, Apollo was a great sun god. Ruler of music and healing, he had the power to vanquish darkness from the human soul and transform chaos into energy. Pilgrims traveled from afar to seek oracles at his main temple in Delphi. Inscribed above the entrance of the temple was the maxim "Know thyself." No other words of wisdom are more important for you to heed in the next six weeks, Capricorn. Getting to know yourself better will be the best way to rouse your own inner Apollo, thereby allowing you to tap into the fertility of your unconscious chaos and harness the beauty of your soul's darkness.



    Aquarius (January 20- February 18)

    "I didn't feel your passion in my secret garden," a celebrity judge told an aspiring diva after her less-than-perfect singing performance on "The WB's Superstar USA," an "American Idol" parody. I'm afraid I'm going to have to borrow his words to describe your recent efforts, Aquarius. All of us occasionally fail to live up fully to our potential, and the recent past has been your time of missing the mark. Now please don't waste your energy getting mad at me for delivering this knock. Instead, channel that emotion into making sure you don't keep missing the mark. Conjure up the breakout passion that we who love you *will* feel in our secret gardens.



    Pisces (February 19-March 20)

    Here's one of the few universal truths I know: Everyone has a piece of the truth, even those you disagree with. According to my reading of the astrological omens, though, you are now in possession of a giant piece of the truth -- bigger than what you usually have and bigger than everyone else's piece. That's exactly why you should proceed cautiously. Your deep understanding and authoritative knowledge might tempt you to dismiss the tiny slivers of truth that other people are holding, and that would be a mistake.
     
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  2. MrChupacabra

    MrChupacabra 12oz Loyalist

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    MrChupacabra - Replied Jul 9, 2004

    Its about fucking time i had a lot of good luck
     
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  3. iloveboxcars

    iloveboxcars 12oz Royalty

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    iloveboxcars - Replied Jul 9, 2004

    i have no idea what mine means. (libra) ...

    the only thing it could pertain to is my ex girlfriend and i possibly getting back together, but im going to far off lands.. that shit just isn't going to be happening right now.
     
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  4. !@#$%

    !@#$% Moderator Crew

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    !@#$% - Replied Jul 9, 2004

    holla...

    gyeah!

    virgos get lucky..
     
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  5. Brewster Baker

    Brewster Baker 12oz Loyalist

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    Brewster Baker - Replied Jul 9, 2004

    I'm hoping mines a good thing (scorpio)
     
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  6. LaCosaNostra

    LaCosaNostra 12oz Senior Member

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    LaCosaNostra - Replied Jul 9, 2004

    Cancer (June 21-July 22)

    In accordance with the astrological omens, I've assembled a host of snappy one-liners for you to wield in the coming week, Cancerian. Sooner or later, it will make sense for you to utter every one of them. 1. "It only seems kinky the first time." 2. "Even if the voices in my head aren't real, they still have some good ideas." 3. "To make your prayers come true, you have to get off your knees." 4. "I'm the good kind of bad." 5. "It's not really a party till something gets broken." 6. "Shut up and dance." (P.S.: I don't anticipate there'll be any messy consequences if you cultivate the attitude I'm suggesting here. But in case there are, invoke this disclaimer: "I didn't do it. You can't prove it. Nobody saw me.")


    Awww man, that's no good. I have had the worst fucking luck ever this week. Karma is a bitch:( It's my birthday tommorw, and

    "It's not really a party till something gets broken."

    doesn't sound too good.....:( :( :( :( :( :( :(
     
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  7. effyoo

    effyoo 12oz Elite Member

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    effyoo - Replied Jul 9, 2004

    I get to become a hippy tree hugger!
     
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  8. JohnnyLode

    JohnnyLode 12oz Member

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    JohnnyLode - Replied Jul 9, 2004

    i didnt really catch what it means, but im tired.
     
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  9. mr.yuck

    mr.yuck 12oz Veteran Member

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    mr.yuck - Replied Jul 9, 2004

    Aparantly im gonna be beating up cops for the next week. And getting away with it. (leo)
     
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  10. nomadawhat

    nomadawhat 12oz Veteran Member

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    nomadawhat - Replied Jul 9, 2004

    "You can only go upward by first going downward." That's the perfect prescription for you in the coming days, Aries."

    as if i need any more convincing.
     
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  11. WebsterUno

    WebsterUno Guest

    WebsterUno - Replied Jul 9, 2004




    taking back what was once mine
     
  12. villain

    villain 12oz Veteran Member

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    villain - Replied Jul 9, 2004

    Rob has got me pinned...

    I've been trying to assuage my pain with alcohol and Final Fantasy XI but I can't play it on my computer.... need a better graphics card. But I have a laptop... not easily upgradable. What a bind. Hmm.... extra car payments, or new computer? This is a tough one. Drinking and driving doesn't go together so well... hmmm.... too much thinking. ouch. more beer.
     
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  13. <KEY3>

    <KEY3> 12oz Veteran Member

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    <KEY3> - Replied Jul 12, 2004

    :lol: sucker!



    --------------OnionTime

    Aries: (March 21—April 19)
    You'll stumble onto the secret of true happiness, but unfortunately, you won't be able to figure out a way to charge people for it.

    Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
    Never doubt that a small, dedicated group of individuals can change the world with a few vials of smallpox virus and a kilogram of plutonium.

    Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
    Banana-macadamia-nut pancakes may be heavenly, but as an eternal reward for faith and good works, they'll fall just a tad short.

    Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
    Your therapist will insist that childhood trauma is the cause of your unusual behavior, but it was only recently that you started screaming and crying for candy.

    Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
    You'll be the first human being to catch a rare virus from the common pigeon, proving conclusively that it can be sexually transmitted.

    Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
    Turns out the thing about getting 72 virgins in heaven is true, but it also turns out all they want to do is play Madden.

    Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
    As soon as it's confirmed that you are indeed the world's most arrogant jackass, you'll be traded to the Yankees for a left-handed reliever.

    Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
    Everyone's talking about the Cassini spacecraft's amazing seven-year journey to Saturn, a trip that makes your seven-day vacation to Baltimore look like a fool's errand.

    Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
    The long-awaited People's Revolution will come this week, pleasantly surprising you with the communist belief that you urgently need a jet-ski.

    Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
    You're the envy of all your friends, but only because they're tasteless masochists.

    Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
    You'll receive a two-hour lecture from renowned economist Milton Friedman merely for claiming that a penny saved is a penny earned.

    Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
    You've always made a living off the very sweat of your balls, so it's a good thing your ball-sweat retails for 600 bucks an ounce.
     
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  14. <KEY3>

    <KEY3> 12oz Veteran Member

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    <KEY3> - Replied Jul 12, 2004

    ^oh... Pices is the BIG zing of the week.
     
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  15. Swiffer Jet

    Swiffer Jet 12oz Elite Member

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    Swiffer Jet - Replied Jul 12, 2004

    600$ an ounce?

    ahh, looks like it's going to be a lovely week.
     
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