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i work with some real freaks...

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Abracadabra, Oct 18, 2002.

  1. Abracadabra

    Abracadabra Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Dec 28, 2001 Messages: 22,906 Likes Received: 113
    there are some super duper wierdos at my work. you wouldn't believe. here's a rundown of some of my favorites:

    The Heavy Metal Viking

    one of the managers (this guy actually made it to manager status) is my favorite xerox employee. he's about 6 foot tall, has long flowing red hair, a huge chubby face and tiny little john lennon-esque glasses. he's dutch, and wears this black pirate shirt EVERY DAY without fail. he's hilarious. and what's more his name is "stig". priceless.


    The Extremely Gay Manager

    there's nothing really special about him, he's just really really really gay. and a gay person with a southside dublin accent is the gayest thing you've ever seen.


    Fat Bastard

    you've all seen austin powers? well, he's HUGE, and he's scottish. nuff said.

    ***NEWS FLASH
    we just had a fire drill and it turns out that fat bastard is one of the folks responsible for making sure everybody gets out of the building safely. the guy almost has a heart attack when getting out of his chair, if there's ever a real fire we're fucked.


    The Witch

    she works in my department. she's small, has straw-like grey hair, and really bad teeth. wouldn't look out of place on the set of hansel and gretel.


    The Smelly Guy From Iceland

    i get the feeling they haven't invented soap in iceland yet. you can smell this guy through the phone it's so bad.


    The Most Boring Man On Earth

    he's a off-road land rover enthusiest. anytime you hear anything come out of this guy's mouth it's something about his car.


    Mighty Mouse

    she's a full-grown french woman, but she sounds like a six year old girl. it's hilarious.


    The Boy

    i'm not sure what his deal is, but this guy looks like he's 11 years old, but he's legit cos he wears a suit and tie, so he must either have some disease, or he's a child prodigy. wierdo all the same. he always looks scared as fuck. of what, i am yet to figure out.


    well, that's it for now. i'll keep you posted on any new freaks that arrive.
     
  2. GLIK$

    GLIK$ Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Jul 23, 2002 Messages: 22,277 Likes Received: 117
  3. There you go, ABC!
    Im gonna add to this time next time Im stuck at work...
     
  4. Abracadabra

    Abracadabra Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Dec 28, 2001 Messages: 22,906 Likes Received: 113
    oh, and i work there too, but i decided to leave myself off the list cos by know you all know what kind of shit bag aussie i am
     
  5. SteveAustin

    SteveAustin Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 12, 2002 Messages: 7,042 Likes Received: 2
    Remember the fat, squirrely guy from Office Space? "I could burn down the building..."
    There are two guys working here just like him. One looked just like the dude, only he was an overly happy kinda gay looking dude. The other guy was all DOS squad. His wife had him so beaten down it was just depressing.

    Another guy working here has the biggest forehead you have ever seen. He looks like some kind of mutant. I imagine you could hammer nails with his forehead.

    We also have the standard "Postal" guy. Dude looks pissed off all the time and always wears his duster styled trench coat.

    Our mail guys are both under 5ft tall. We call them the mini twins, together they almost equal one normal person.

    Most of our weirdos have been fired. There was this woman who called in sick for several days. When she came back...her tits had managed to grow. Apparently in one of her drunken stupors...she decided to get a boob job, so she just called in sick.

    Another one went from like 250 lbs to 125 in 3-4 months. This one would get migranes so bad she would go blind. I'd find her sleeping under her desk all the time. She wouln't talk to anyone and the mere smell of food made her sick and sent her into some odd kind of rage.
     
  6. Abracadabra

    Abracadabra Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Dec 28, 2001 Messages: 22,906 Likes Received: 113

    :lol:
     
  7. Devilush

    Devilush 12oz Legend

    Joined: Feb 1, 2001 Messages: 17,035 Likes Received: 2
    hm for some reason, i dont have people at my work that i can make fun of. they are just too nice to me.

    there is this really hot girl though that i work with. she isnt off the wall "i'm showing everyone how hot i am" kinda hot. she is the very intellectual hot. she's the modest hot kinda girl. she's the fianancial director. and to top it all off, she is so nice to me! she is trying to work on putting me as the accounts recievable specialist. yay!
     
  8. JesusMachine

    JesusMachine Elite Member

    Joined: Sep 3, 2002 Messages: 4,499 Likes Received: 202
    that's the best kinda HOT
     
  9. SteveAustin

    SteveAustin Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 12, 2002 Messages: 7,042 Likes Received: 2
    yo d-lush...hook a brotha up!
    I'll give ya a dollar if you put her in charge of my accounts receivable. ;)

    no luck on finding you a frame yet. pickins have been slim lately.

    work front...I forgot about the really nice girl that has a slight weight problem. She drinks over a six pack of coke a day. When asked about her weight...she replied...its genetic.
     
  10. Devilush

    Devilush 12oz Legend

    Joined: Feb 1, 2001 Messages: 17,035 Likes Received: 2
    OMG she is so hot. okay here's what she looks like:

    about 5'9
    skinny, but not too skinny. she looks about 135.
    she has dark chocolate brown hair that is the shape of mine which flips at the end and sometimes she puts it behind her ears to get it out of her face.
    she wears the most cutest slacks and skirts.
    she has these dark rimmed eyeglasses
    she's not very outspoken, she's really softspoken but very much in charge.

    <<sigh>> i look at her, and i usually dont stare, but i stare. she's so beautiful to me.

    steve, believe me...if you lived here, i would hook you up. hahah and all i get is a dollar. beeejeesus. how about a custom made serrota frame?? that would do.

    it's all good on the size front. i am so tiny. my bike is good for now ya know? but i am getting a bigger cog put on it because stopping on my sized cog is so easy to do. challenge me.
     
  11. SteveAustin

    SteveAustin Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 12, 2002 Messages: 7,042 Likes Received: 2
    damn, sounds like she is spot on the "type" of girl I really, really like. Girls gotta have the intellect. I just can't deal with the dumb ones...I have zero patience.

    Hmmm, if I lived there, I'd get the hook up? (Packing as we speak) sounds like a plan...I'll holla in a few hours when I arrive at the airport. I've got some connections around your area.

    Nah, I'd hook you up with something better than a dollah. don't think I could swing the Serrotta. You've always striked me as a Bianchi gal...something about it being Italian.
     
  12. Devilush

    Devilush 12oz Legend

    Joined: Feb 1, 2001 Messages: 17,035 Likes Received: 2
    bianchi is dope dont get me wrong. the black and turqouise are the best color combos. but everyone here has a bianchi. i know....i strive to be so original. :)

    well look at this....we've turned this into a bike thread somehow. hahah.

    so hesh tells me that he would show up in the sf airport anytime. and he tells me to be ready with a phone call saying "hey come pick me up." my answer to that is "foo. go catch a bus." he tells me i'm mean. so that would be my answer to you if you show up randomly.
     
  13. SteveAustin

    SteveAustin Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 12, 2002 Messages: 7,042 Likes Received: 2
    I hear ya on the original front.
    The old school Bianchis aren't really out in force in my neck ah the woods.

    oops Mr. ABC is shaking his head....how the fuck did I end up in Biceletas? You would most likely find a thread from me titled something like....I'm in a library in SF and....

    Getting back on track...
    There is a dude here that looks like Buzz Light Year. Serious....if they were ever to cast a live people version of Buzz....we got tha guy. Brothas jaw is so square its comical. He's a Mormon to boot. I'm always telling him I'm going pimp him out so Mormon girls.

    Another no longer works here girl.
    Chick had some serious 80's hair. Supah poodle perm with big ole mall bangs. Her and some dude were caught fucking in the executive bathroom. Both of them were married....just not to each other.
     
  14. nomadawhat

    nomadawhat Veteran Member

    Joined: Aug 24, 2001 Messages: 5,001 Likes Received: 2
    what about the guy always writing stuff in notepads and memos but when you get close he turns it over and acts like he's working, and his fingers are always dirty, and half the time he's hungover, and he's always got some gray screen up on his computer........FREAK!!!
     
  15. SteveAustin

    SteveAustin Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 12, 2002 Messages: 7,042 Likes Received: 2
    I forgot about the drunk guy. This dude smells like liquor the second he walks in the door. He was so fucked up today that he had the volume control problem. I'm standing two feet away from him and he's yelling like he's at Niagra falls or something. Half of which is unintelligible mumbling. He always ends with a big laugh, looks at you and says...right buddy? Umm yeah...right (go away...).
     
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