I was a teenage asshole.

Reading the love note thread reminded me of how much of an asshole I really was in school,all the way through not just some years but I was a major asshole from the get go!

At the age of FOUR I told my sunday school bus driver this, as I was getting out of the bus......."SEE YA LATER YOU FUCKING NIGGER".....My mom thinks I learned those words from watching sports with my grandpa and uncles.I got beat for it,but the story goes that my dad laughed his ass off but was to ashamed of his son to go to chruch for awhile.

I was the biggest sack of shit to everyone,I had these friends MATT and DOUG and those dudes were rotten to the fucking core.We tortured this fat chick CORTNEY BROWNAL...we called her brown cow..but I'm fat so what the fuck? We called this Dustin BUTT CRUSTIES because he had scars on his face from being set on fire from his dad....we made fun of him so much he tried to fight Doug and he punched like a girl,broke his wrist and took a major beating!

This kid Phil was super smart and super well off, were we lived that was a rare thing.So he had his own brand new socer ball so we used him to play.This one lunch hour his team was beating us and he started to cheat and he didn't want to play with us anymore.He took his ball and was walking away when Doug jumped on his back grabbed him by the hair and smashed his face of the pavement until the teachers pulled him off. While Doug did this Matt and I stole his ball and stashed it in a garbage can............Doug was kicked out of school for 2 months and Phil had to have his jaw wired shut.

THIS WAS ALL BEFORE THE 5TH GRADE!

I'm saving the best shit for later........we've done some BAD BAD stuff.

When I was in 2nd grade I got a girlfriend, but I thought she

was ugly. So when people came up to me asking if we were

"dating" (or whatever you do when you are in 2nd grade) I was

like.. no.. what the hell...

then one day she brought it up, asking why I wouldn't admit to

dating her.. I said because I thought she was ugly, she didn't

show up for a week.

In middle school there was this one fat bitch that was basically

brilliant. I would talk shit to her all the time, I don't even

remember why, probably because I was a fucking asshole then

and thought it was funny. anyway, one day after i say whatever

she just breaks down and starts crying, and not like.. tears of

anger.. she was fucking balling as she walked out of the room.

then i got sent up to the office. where she was as well. we both

went into the principals office and i had to explain what

happened because she still hadn't composed herself. i was told

to go see the in-school "therapist" who was actually just the

counsellor, i said "she's the one who needs the therapist, she

just broke down in class for no reason" she stood up and

charged at me like a bull and basically tackled me into the

corner, before i even realized what happened (i was amazed by

the speed) she was throwing shit everywhere and breaking pots

and.. it was just ridiculous. we never saw her back at school.. i

still kinda wonder what the fuck happened to her.

in 9th/10th grade I decided it would be funny to have me and a

bunch of friends hawked a lougie into someone's "pencil pouch"

I knew it had to be someone that didn't look into the pouch

before sticking there hand in. for acouple days i looked around

for someone that didnt look in there before sticking their

hands in. we found this one girl.. pretty short girl, would be

considered a midget if she didn't have properly proportioned

parts. i get about 10 guys in on it. about 3 or 4 just didnt have

snot so they didnt help too much, but man, we got a nice 2 inch

layer of snot and saliva on the bottom. when she reached in

she turned a ghostly white and slowly raised her hand out,

looked at it, screamed the most high pitch shit i have ever

heard.. one octave higher and dogs would have been the only

ones to hear it, "swiped" her hand away from her.. it got on one

of the dudes heads sitting next to her and she ran out. she

came back the next day.. but i bet she still checks shit before

she sticks her hand in there.

i'll stop there.

one of the more assholish things i did in school was play ceelo in the hallways and bathrooms, and usually i'd come out on top. however, when i lose money, i get tight. i can take a small loos if i'd been up for a while, but if somebody roped me or one of my boys and didn't break us off at the end, there's be punched faces and inside-out pockets.

THATS IT? dude come on.........

This chick Laural LOVED horses we came up togather I should have had more love for her then I did.From grade 1 until 12 we had classes togather,I ALWAYS MADE FUN OF HER HORSE.We made glue jokes,paint brush jokes.Anything you can think of we said it her.This one semister we had Bio togather and I started on the horse jokes..........come to find out this guy had been killing horses in a burtal mannor all over the coutry side outside of the city.HE KILLED HER HORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had ammo for ever,I'd tell her how it was me,and I hit her horse with a sludge hammer and it's eye popped out etc...she had a break down.........her parents had just went splitsville and her life long horse killed and she was failing grade 11 bio.

OH YEAH SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH ME ON GRAD-NIGHT....I said I was truly sorry for all the shit I ever did to her,then she wanted some hog and I bounced.

4th grade me and a friend "broke" into the classroom during lunchtime and we opened everyones backpacks and took anything and everything of value inside them, anyways i decided to go into the backpack of this girl i liked and i was flipping throught the shit or whatever and for some reason i decided to draw swastikas and write KKK alll over her shit, i mean ALL over her shit except for the outside of the backpack of course, i didnt want to make it obvious. Weird thing was that she never said a word about it, i always wondered about that.

Thats all i can remember for now, ill be back...

haha...some funny stuff in here.

I have MANY stories, but one that comes to mind is tame, but still, I feel mad guilty for it.

In grade 9, my buddy told me that a girl named Carmen had called me gay. Well, just because I wasn't one of the cool kids who made out with girls and stuff didn't mean I was gay. I didn't really think nothing of it, though.

Later on, in the evening, I happened to be walking by her house with a few friends of mine. I saw through the window and curtain that she and her family (including her grandmother) were having dinner at the dinner table. I had been to her house a few times before, so I knew that it was the dinner table. I picked up a brick off someone's lawn and threw it right through the window, into the house.

The next day, I found out that I had caused mad damage both to her house and to her family's psyche. I also heard that the grandmother was freakin' out.

omg, today i tagged a building. omg.

When I was at the age of 9 my best friend and I hated these triplets that lived across the street from him. We decided it was a great idea to fuck with their house while they went out of town for the day. My friend and I stuck their water hose in-between the storm door and the front door. The water ran for about 2 hours with out anyone noticing, until the neighbor saw it and turned it off. We then got my friends little brother, who was probably 5 at the time, to stick it back in there. He did, and it ran for another hour or so. The family came home and found that the inside of their house had suffered from severe water damage.... had to get new carpet. Cost a shit ton of money, don’t exactly know if I my parents or my friends paid for the damages but its funny as hell looking back at that shit.

im a 21 yur ol asshole. I still havent lurnd

I was on probation from 13 to 21... got off for

2 months & landed myself in county jail.

Now im tryin to figure out how to act.

I got 14 points on my driving record. My licence

suspended. I owe over 1300 dollars for time

incarcerated. 1500 to Capitol One. Car payments are mad late, cell phone. attorney. Car Insurance is late and canceled I owe my moms $300. I dont know how to make decent money legitimately. I dont even know what kinda job

to get. Its all my own fault. I dont even know what

the fuck im gone do. Im staying at my x x girlfriends

moms for tonight in a filthy ass trailer.

i was nice.

Originally posted by isor357@Mar 31 2005, 11:48 PM

lurnd

Quoted post

i was that hot chick who hit a guy if she didnt like the way he was talking to her

pow

"i was that hot chick"

:rolleyes:

haha, my childhood was uneventuful as fuck, but it's fun to recall..

- I knew this one chick LilyJane from kindergarten through to grade 6 (the last year i had school with her, although i still see her occasionally nowadays), and i was fucking crazy about her. We used to hang out all the damn time, seeing as we both lived (and still do) within a few blocks from each other and the school. So, i was all about this girl, but when i went to a different school for juniour high and high school we basically stopped talking. The halloween when i was in grade 12, i was out with the boys drunk as fuck and high as a kite. Somehow we ened up back by Lily's house, and I decided that it would be a good idea to go to the door (at 2 am) and see if she was home. I got about halfway up the driveway (so fucked up, i fell down at least 5 times), and her old man opened up the front door and was holding a fucking AXE. I guess he had been watching for kids out egging houses, although i don't know what he thought he was going to do with the axe... Anyways, I asked him if Lily was home, and he said "Fuck you, you little sack of shit, stay the fuck away from my daughter! I remember you, you little bitch!"

This came as a bit of a surprise to me that he would have any bad feelings towards me, considering the fact that i wasn't a huge trouble maker when i was younger (at least not that he would know of). Anyways, i didn't really know what to say, so on my way back down the driveway, i decided to jump onto the roof of his car and put my foot through the windshield. (whatever, i was wasted)

A week later, I saw Lily at a club, and her boyfriend (5'2" little piece of shit) came up to me, pushed me and started talking shit about how i was ruining her life. Funny thing is that, she turned to me a few years back when she was all suicidal and couldn't talk to anyone, including her boyfriend, and I was the one who basically MADE her pull through it. I told him to fuck off, and he kept getting in my face, so i beat the shit out of him, ended up breaking his nose and cheek and sending him to the hospital.. I'm not a fighter by any means, so i felt really bad about it. She, understandably, got all pissed off and hasn't spoken to me since...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-me and my buddy Tim used to put cinderblocks inside big empty chip-bags and put em on the road.. it used to be funny to watch a guy in a benz put his suspension out on a chip-bag, but if that ever happened to me, i'd probably murder the kid and drag his body behind my car, so i feel kinda bad about it now.

-at a friend's 13th birthday, I brought him a case of beer that i stole from my friend's house (my parents don't drink). Anyways, we all got "drunk", and decided to break into the zoo that's across the road from his house, basically. We took wire-cutters from his garage, and snipped a hole in the fence to the Zebra enclosure. I dared and basically forced this kid to run up and slap a Zebra's ass, and when he got within like 5 feet of it, it kicked him square in the face. I'm honestly surprised that he didn't die right there. He was out cold, and everyone fucking ran off, leaving me to go in and drag his ass out. I figured it was the least I could do, considering it was my idea in the first place.

-My friend Erick comes from the richest family in the whole goddamn world. His dad is an oral surgeon, but seriously must have something else going on under the table, because this family has so much money, it's impossible. Anyways, one night I was crashing at his house after a party (we must have been 15 or 16 or something), and Erick was all sick from drinking too much, combined with a badd shroom trip. After i dragged his stupid ass up their huge fucking spiral staircase to his room, i went down into their kitchen to get something to drink. I walked into the kitchen, and there's his mom sitting half naked at the table with a bottle of wine in her hand and 2 empties on the table. The thing about his parents is that they were both SERIOUS fucking alcoholics, but managed to cover it up fairly well. Anyways, she noticed me and called me over, and then just started balling her eyes out and telling me all this wierd shit about how her husband beats her and how she hates her life and wishes she could die and shit. It was some seriously scary shit. At one point in her rant she said "money brings nothing but trouble.. i wish i had a simple life like your parents" implying that my family had no money, which isn't true. I was offended, but didn't take it too seriously, until she started talking shit about my mom, and then i lost it. I told her to shut the fuck up and stop complaining about everything. I gave her shit for like 15 minutes about how her family has everything that anyone could want and all they do is bitch about things. I don't remember a lot of it, but it ended with me leaving their house as she was throwing wine bottles at me and breaking down at the same time. I guess his dad had heard the whole commotion and laid into her pretty good the next day, because the next time i saw her, she was all bruised and shit. I feel terrible, the lady is really nice and i pretty much told her she wasn't worth shit. I guess i made up for it when i called out erick's dad one night for being an abusive piece of shit (i was drunk). He tried to punch me and i hit in the face with a beer bottle. He's the kinda guy that would sue a kid, but i think he stayed quiet due to the fact that i knew about him being a wife-beater.

Ahh, i dunno. Lame.

I....

dropped out of highschool in 9th grade

did drugs

sold drugs

did a shitload for graffiti

fucked two girls in the same day

cheated, robbed stole

went to juvie and jail

watched people get beat

never really beat no one, but i did rip off a bunch of drug dealers

and became an alchoholic with a quite a lengthy amount of suspended jail time over my head by the time i was 20.

it was fun to!

i was seriously expecting a fake story about having sex with dudes mom with that one.

I was a real dick to a lot of kids. One girl in lower school I used to call Donna the Fart, and I used to follow her around and kick her in the leg, I dunno why, it was just a real nasty streak in me I guess. I got in trouble for it, and afterwards I felt really really bad (still to this day). After that I switched to another school, then went back to the same school as her for senior year of high school and I didn't know anyone and I think she made fun of me a couple of times, so it evened out I guess.

This one girl Kendra I used to humiliate on a daily basis for being annoying in high school. It wasn't so much to be mean to her, it was just because I would make these cracks on her vest which was shiny silver and looked like a space suit, they were fun to make. I think I made peace with her eventually, though. Plus I think she liked the attention.

There was the class teacher's pet who I used to harrass, and eventually made her break down into tears and had to have a teacher intervention. Eventually, I became pretty good friends with her until I left the school and most of the kids who were friends with me there stopped being friends because I became a hooligan graffiti writer.

There were a couple of guys that I would constantly crack on that would get really, really fucking pissed off at me, I probably ruined about 200 of their days. But I also wound up treating them with respect after about a year or two of constant badgering.

Most of the people that I would be horrible to I would wind up getting tired of picking on them, especially when everyone else started doing it because I was. That's when I'd flip the script and start standing up for them.

And for those that I kept picking on, well, I think karma really fucked me over in the end so it evened out and then some.

When I was 15 or 16 I had to piss pretty bad and homeboy was in the bathroom dropping a duece, so I pissed in an empty 2-liter Coke bottle and put the lid back on it. It somehow ended up in my closet where it sat for 2 years (don't ask).

After a couple years it was dark brown and had a half inch or so of sediments built up at the bottom like sand at the bottom of the ocean, and the bottle was all shrivled up I guess from the temperature change or whatever.

Anyways, I had a bunch of freinds over and this one kid was kinda slow and shit, and I was like "yall want some ice tea?" and so I poured everyone some ice tea and for the one kid I poured a glass of the 2-year old piss. The fucked up thing is that because the 2-year old piss smelled like amonia he thought I was tricking him into drinking some kind of liquor...so (trying to show off like teenagers do) he drank up!!!

Everyone started busting out laughing as he was chugging my 2-year old piss and eventually he caught on that something wasn't right and he started spitting it out in my kitchen sink but it was too late, he already swallowed a good amount.

His sister socked the shit outta me the next time she saw me.

And I definately feel like a fucking asshole now looking back.

My grade 12 English class was full of Jewish kids, and we all hated them because they were the nerdy teacher's pet's who always had answer's for everything. One time my friend said to me "man, i wish the y would shut up" and I said something along the lines of "well if Hitler had done his job, we wouldn't have to listen to this shit". Turned out I said it a lot louder than I had planned. Needless to say, the Jewish sector of the school thought I was some kind of Neo-Nazi......but I mean really is that such a bad thing??

when i was about 7 i told this girl i didnt like that i wish she had died in the same car crash that killed her parents.

lol pretty fucked up

Originally posted by Dr. Dazzle@Apr 1 2005, 08:04 AM

My grade 12 English class was full of Jewish kids, and we all hated them because they were the nerdy teacher's pet's who always had answer's for everything. One time my friend said to me "man, i wish the y would shut up" and I said something along the lines of "well if Hitler had done his job, we wouldn't have to listen to this shit". Turned out I said it a lot louder than I had planned. Needless to say, the Jewish sector of the school thought I was some kind of Neo-Nazi......but I mean really is that such a bad thing??

Quoted post

Teacher's pet usually means one, maybe two kids. You can't have a class full of teacher's pets that always know the answer. That just means that you were the dumb kid.

Originally posted by fermentor666@Apr 1 2005, 01:57 AM

Teacher's pet usually means one, maybe two kids. You can't have a class full of teacher's pets that always know the answer. That just means that you were the dumb kid.

Quoted post

5 or 6, Mr. Specific Police.....

Heheh

okay, here's a story.

it doesn't fit the "being an asshole" theme, but it's a good high school story.

when i was a freshman, my older brother was a senior. he was captain of the soccer team, popular cool guy. not an asshole jock, just a regular dude. i was a total skate rat, punk rocker dude. lucky for me, i had all of these super hot senior girl friends, because they were friends with my brother. so i always got a lot of, "oh, you're so cute with your size 40 waist blind jeans!", kind of attention from these older hos.

this was 1992 i think. it was before the rave scene had gotten really popular on the east coast. at least not with high school kids. so me and my skate rat crew were the only people rocking really stupid baggy clothes. there was this one senior chick that was friends with my brother, Dana, she was a kind of punk rocker raver chick.

ahhhhhh, Dana... Dana took my innocent virginity from me and it was super.

but that's not this story.

So Dana was really into me. she was a ho. hot as fuck. i really wonder how she turned out, but she was the bomb in high school. black hair and blue eyes. kind of courtney cox-ish looking in the face. bangin 17yrold body. but you gotta remember, when you're 14, a 17 year old girl is a fucking woman. so we would talk a lot, because we were into the same kind of shit. i think my older brother had put her up to it, told her to de-virginize my innocent ass.

so one day dana and i go to lunch and ditch the rest of the day. she had a car, beer in the trunk, we go to the park, under the bleachers of the football field.

yes.

i knew it was on, and i was scared shitless. tried to play it cool. we split a six pack, and commenced with some kissing and boobage fondling. this alone was enough to make me practically nut. i'd made out with a few girls before, but it never made it below the belt and i knew this was it.

so i went for it. got in the pants. took me about 2 minutes to locate the vagina. i was aiming way too high. like, damn, i feel all the pubes, where the hell is this thing? ohhhh... it's way down theeeeere.... niiiiiiice....

boom. i'm in. fingerbang-a-mania. my first vaginal encounter.

so about 2 minutes in, she starts going for my teenage ding-a-ling, and i swear to god, as soon as she touched my belt....

now i know what you're thinking...

you're thinking that i'm gonna say i nutted.

but that's not the case, altho i probably would have as soon as she freed willy.

but as soon as she goes for it, 75 fucking kids start walking towards the bleachers.

fuck.

so Dana zips up her pants and i lick off my fingers. just kidding.

we just chill on the bleachers and she smokes a cigarette while these kids are walking towards us. but they stop about 30 yards away and form a circle.

oh shit! fight time!

not only was under the bleachers the spot for underage drinking and first time fingerbang extravaganzas, the park was where beefs were settled. and this looked like a fucking big one. school had just let out, and a lot of fucking kids had showed up at the park to watch whoever was about to fight.

so me and Dana start to stroll up, and a couple of my boys start running towards me. i thought they were going to embarrass/congratulate me on hanging out with Dana, but theyr'e screaming, "YO WHERE THE FUCK YOU BEEN? WE'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU! YOU'RE BROTHER IS FIGHTING BRIAN STRAUSS!"

so i walk up to the fight and my brother is squaring off with this kid. it was a beef about my brothers girl at the time. her x's friends were starting shit or whatever. dumb shit.

okay well. the best part of the story is over. it was my first vagina touching experience and it was damn good. my brother and the kid beat the shit out of each other. it was a good fight. my bro had a bloody nose and brian was puking his guts out after drinking a few too many and my bro kneeing him in the stomach.

in conclusion, my brother got suspended and the fight was the talk of the school. rumors about me hooking up with Dana circulated around the school and i was the motherfucking king for a week.

ok. that story was long and not great. but i'm trying to kill time at work. and you gotta admit, a first fingerbang moment being interrupted by a mob of kids watching your older brother in a brawl is a pretty good high school memory.

the end.

So did you ever get to bang her?

Originally posted by fermentor666@Apr 1 2005, 09:15 AM

So did you ever get to bang her?

Quoted post

oh ya. i should give the follow up.

Dana became my semi-girlfriend fuck buddy for about 3 months. it was great. amazing.

i didn't get trim like that again for like 3 years following.

next year at school my older bro had graduated and so did all the cute senior girls who paid attention to me. so i was just an average punk ass sophomore.

so i became straight edge and angry.

brian strauss became a marine. dude is a fucking animal. my bro bumped into him one time and said thank fucking god brian was cool with him now and just laughed about the old fight. my bro said the kid was like a fucking tank.

damn. i gotta hunt down dana now.

havent thought about this shit in years.

I remember in kndergarten I got hardcore yelled at for calling some kid a "fucking jew." i did it cause some kid told me to. funny thing is my dad's jewish. he wasn't feelin' it.

In middle school I hung out with this kid who used to live next door to me. His dad was a professional photographer. One day me and this kid were in his basement, and his dad had a fresh set of prints layed out from some wedding. There was an exacto knife sitting on the table, so naturally I picked it up, and proceeded to carefully cut out the faces from every photo. Then homie's dad came home. He flipped a shit and i bounced asap. Next day I found out my buddy got a serious ass whooping.

Me and all my buddies in the neighborhood used to pick on this kid hardcore. Why? I don't know.

One time I took a bat to his bike and tossed it in the woods. Another time I broke his dad's hookah. Looking back on it I'm kinda glad we fucked this kid's shit up cause he used to abuse his pets.

In high school, I was the kid who went through people's lockers and put their shit in other people's lockers. One time i came across some herb's party photos. So I took a sharpie and drew dicks on every photo. I wish I coulda seen the fool look at his pics.

Also in highschool some moron who wished he could write gave me his black book to hit up. I crossed out all his sketches and gave it back to him.

hah...I just remembered this one time I went with my aunt to work. She used to work at some ceramics joint. I wandered around the back room where they kept all the green ware (clay not yet fired) breaking tons of shit.

Oh! and there was the one time I was shooting my uncle's daisy air pellet rifle in South Carolina, and some neighborhood kid walked by and started talking shit saying it was a fake gun. So I fired one pellet into his shin. Mind you the gun is supposed to be pumped like 5 times, and I pumped it 16 times. I think i was like 15 at the time. My uncle is friends with the cops down there so somehow he talked me out of trouble.

this is too much fun

There used to one guy in my year 7 class with glasses and boy did he suffer from me and my friend s for about 4 years -glue on the glasses and stuff breaking, them hiding them in the toilets and shit like that.Everyday he copped it. Until one day when we were in year 11 and we'd all had a growth spurt.He was now huge.I pushed my luck and got thrown over two desks and through a cheap door. End of bullying -big blow to my rep!

However he left school and ran into me and my friends one day a few years. He apologised and me being a complete dick started it all over again (we were both 22)- two years later he killed some guy in a bar fight by accident.. I bet he wishes the guy he hit was me....so don't be an asshole ...

In another story a guy was having an epeleptic fit in the playground and everyone thought he was faking it so we pulled the sprinler over so he was getting wet....jesus what a bunch of little c++ts we were!