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i come to you with a problem

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by casekonly, May 19, 2005.

  1. casekonly

    casekonly Veteran Member

    Joined: Aug 6, 2002 Messages: 8,264 Likes Received: 5
    so, i've never done this type of thread. it's a little odd.
    i feel like i'm asking a ton of strangers for advice, but
    for some reason that makes me feel better about
    saying what i have to say more bluntly than if it were
    in person.

    a little background:

    my cousin and i are really close. he's about 6 years older
    than i, but we talk atleast twice a week, email each other, etc.
    just really close family.

    he's got some problems. he's a manic depressive, hard core
    adhd, diabetic. it's pretty nuts to be around him sometimes,
    but he's funny as fuck. just a natural comedian.

    several years ago, he met this great chick. she loves him for
    who he is, she can handle his mood swings, and she doesn't
    take his shit. awesome for him, right?

    they were to be married this october.

    so yesterday, my dad calls me and says, 'your cousin really
    fucked up this time.' i asked what he did, and my dad says,
    'he hit erin and she left him'. this was shocking, but not too
    shocking. i've heard that my cousin has hit women before,
    but didn't know if it was true or not. now i know.

    so, he just threw everything out the door. a great fiance'.
    a good life with her. all kinds of shit.

    the problem is: i don't know exactly how to handle this. i
    have no clue what to say when i talk to him again. it just sucks.
    i feel like i should call his fiance and say something to her,
    but it feels awkward. i don't know how she would take one of his family members calling her to let her know i'm on her side.

    i dunno.
  2. krie

    krie Guest

    Wife beating is not the problem, its the solution.
  3. gone gone forever

    gone gone forever Senior Member

    Joined: Apr 19, 2004 Messages: 1,250 Likes Received: 0
    That sounds pretty bad, i aint that good with the whole advice thing, but id say, give the fiance a call, speak to her, see what the deal is. hope this helps.
  4. uncle-boy

    uncle-boy Guest

    if you talk to your cuz, you should straight up tell him hitting his chick was wrong.
    if your close to his fiance then id say try to talk to her about it, but if not, and you know shes got supprot from other friends and shit id stay out of it.

    but just let you cousin know what he did was fucked up, and that things like that he needs to control. i mean if he got emotional problems that he cant control be happy his lady was sticking around to try to help him out with that stuff. but when he takes it to a bad physical level its ALL his bad.

    good luck.
  5. beelkaemoney

    beelkaemoney Member

    Joined: Aug 11, 2004 Messages: 538 Likes Received: 0
    fuck that..mind your biz..youll only make it worse..people gotta do them..
    besides how do you know she didnt provoke that shit? Women get off thinkn they can hit you..throw shit at you like you CANT do anything..i dont hit women USUALLY but i WILL if a bitch hits me in the face or comes at frank-n-beans..not hard though just a quick jab to the breadbox will tighten them right up...
  6. krie

    krie Guest

    I agree, if a chick comes at me swinging all crazy like, i will defend myself, maybe not punching her, but ill deffinitly give her a good shove so i dont get smacked
  7. uncle-boy

    uncle-boy Guest

    eh.....i dont think homie was asking for advice on "what to do if a girl starts swinging on you"
  8. saraday

    saraday Senior Member

    Joined: Nov 29, 2004 Messages: 2,054 Likes Received: 1
    "i would NEVER hit a woman........

    ........... but i'd SHAKE THE SHIT OUTTA HER"

    -chris rock
  9. Joker

    Joker Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Apr 7, 2000 Messages: 5,267 Likes Received: 92
    If anything... you should stay out of it. There's not much you can say to make her feel better or think twice about the situation. He has to say and do all the right things if she's ever to make it back into his life. The situation sounds shitty but unfortunately the guy brought the pain himself. Hitting women is just uncalled for. Especially when you know they can't defend themselves against you.

    Don't be a hero. If you feel you must do something, give her a call to say your sorry for his actions and ask if there's anything you can do. Don't offer suggestions or advice. Do the same for him.

    My two cents...
  10. WhiteOx

    WhiteOx Elite Member

    Joined: Sep 4, 2003 Messages: 3,691 Likes Received: 0
    I'd leave it alone. Nothing is gonna change because of something you decide to do.
  11. SteveAustin

    SteveAustin Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 12, 2002 Messages: 7,042 Likes Received: 2
    I don't think there is anything you can say to her. If HE brings it up you could remind him that guys don't hit chicks. Any unwanted dialoque regarding 'the incident' is going to be just that...unwanted. I'm sure the dude knows he fucked up. Just be there when and if he needs the support.
  12. casekonly

    casekonly Veteran Member

    Joined: Aug 6, 2002 Messages: 8,264 Likes Received: 5
    sorryu, quote function isn't working on my end.

    uncle boy: i hear ya.

    joker and the rest who said to stay iout of it: i don't want to give her advice, just want to let her know that i and the rest of the family are in her corner.
    i think sometimes letting people know that you're on their side helps more than anything.

    as for her hitting him: she did punch him in the face once when he got up in her grill yelling and screaming. he deserved it. it woke him to that fact that he can't treat women like that. atleast for awhile. other than that, she's way too sweet to ever go around hitting men (or anyone). it's all him, he can't control himself when he hits the lows of being manic depressive/bi-polar.
    he really is very manic.

    i do care about my cousin, don't get me wrong. but, damn. hitting a girl like erin (his fiance') isn't even cool. think of the sweetest girl you know, and then think about one of your best friends hitting her in the face. you'd be torn, right?

    anyhow, thanks to all for the input. i'd like some more input on whether i should call her or not. pros? cons?
  13. casekonly

    casekonly Veteran Member

    Joined: Aug 6, 2002 Messages: 8,264 Likes Received: 5
    steveaustin: no doubt. i won't bring it up when/if i talk to him any time soon. it's not really him i'm worried about, it's his fiance'. imagine being a chick and the guy you love hits you in the face.
  14. deterrent

    deterrent Veteran Member

    Joined: Oct 20, 2004 Messages: 5,181 Likes Received: 43
    I've been in similar situations with life long friends and their girlfriends.

    If you’re close to the girl give a call, she is in need of support and people that understand
    the situation fully. She like you is looking for others opinions to try and grasp what exactly
    is happening. Just know that reaching out in this manner create an instant bond and will
    heighten your relationship. Your cousin however may take harshly to your move.

    Look within yourself and stand in her shoes, would you want this phone call?
  15. !@#$%

    [email protected]#$% Moderator Crew

    Joined: Oct 1, 2002 Messages: 18,517 Likes Received: 623
    you shouid say

    "it may have been worth it if you learned your goddamn lesson you pussy piece of dogpoo"

    if he hasn't learned his lesson
    (you don't beat the woman who loves you)
    then you should help him understand why that shit is totally wrong
    and that any woman who has self respect and a good head on her shoulders will leave a man who beats her

    it might be worth it to call her and say that she did the right thing.
    she might be doubting herself or feeling shitty
    but she definitely should get out of that relationship
    supporting a woman through a tough decision is a nice thing to do.

    *but don't tell your cousin you're doing it