How (the fuck) do I get someone to stop snoring?

Ok. Welcome to my planet of mother fucking never-ending lava-gargling snoring. My roommate, lets call him "Moses" for experimental purposes, snores like a bulldozer on crack. And this freakshow is happening as we speak. Before I try to further diagnose/solve his choking on gasoline problem, I will give you a backround on Moses.

1- Moses is heavily medicated due to an accident about a year ago. Picture this: my side of the room has a computer, alot of books, food, pretty basic stuff. His side of the room is a pharmacy.

2- Moses has a short-term memory problem. When he forgets to take his pills, he forgets things. Last week, he misplaced his iPod...which led to Moses blaming EVERYONE that they stole it. A few days later, he found it in his car under his seat.

3- Boogiehands/I have to be very careful while writing this because I'm writing this as he sleeps/snores...he may have some sort of secret 24th sense of reading what I write in his sleep, which probably makes sense, because he blurts out random "why's?" or "what's?" every once in a while.

4- He sometimes moans, in a sexual way, inbetween snores. Um, anyway.

So what have I been doing to try to solve the problem? I blast music or the tv. The snoring gets loud, he'll wake up and ask to lower it. I do, then he starts snoring again. A repeatable process I can no longer stand. There must be a stop to the maddness. A few days ago Moses was snoring and the rickter scale hit 6.4, so after every snore, I would yell "shutup" or random words. To my suprise, it calmed him down for a few minutes. Then, I would get into bed and before I could fix my sheets, Moses would start snoring again.

This is when I got mad.

After he let out the first big snore, I pretty much screamed "SHUUUUUT. UUUUP."

BAM! I've never seen anyone get up so quickly after being dead asleep. Moses looked at me in the most confused face ever and asked, "did you just tell me to shut up?" Electricitysucks looked at Moses and said, in confusion, "No.." Moses then started to tell "that he could have SWORE he heard someone yell "shut up." Electricitysucks said "no man, I have noooo idea what your talking about, I was talking to someone outside." Moses: um. uhhh. ok. Moses then slowly started to drift into drowning mode in his sleep.

The awesome part of that instance was, he didn't remember what happened the next day. Hahahaha.

So now, I ask of the generous members of 12oz if you have any ideas on just how to get this machine to shut up...without waking him up. Pictures will be put up if anything fun happens.

Thanks in advance.

ok, like i was saying...

tell his ass to get those breath right strips. they may help.

in the mean time, get some cotton balls for your ears. i know there are some girls near you that would have some.

Hahaha my girlfriend snores sometimes, it's mainly due to the position she's laying in. I usually just adjust her on to her back or something and that stops it.

She also blurts out random shit that is oft hilarious.

This did not help you in any way....

Actually you should tell him to go to a sleep doctor about that shit. My dad had a problem like that and it was killing him. Sleep apnea. When you stop breathing in the middle of the night. It can be fixed.

if you wanna be real gentle about it you lean over and

suffocate them.

a little dribble of nut on they face...

Naw, listen to Yuck. That sleep apnea shit could be serious, and you get to look concerned for his well being instead of selfish about your sleep.

Really though, I'd be hitting him and answering his confused look like 'I gotta sleep too, bitch'.

There's nothing you can do.

I've tried everything. It's hopeless. Buy earplugs.

Have you confronted his noisy ass about it?

First thing's first - tell him that he snores like a train and that it's keeping you awake. Chances are you're not the first one to tell him that..

Maybe it has something to do with his medication, maybe not. An old roomie of mine used to snore so fucking loud it drove me insane. It was bad.. it would get to the point where he was basically choking himself in his sleep with the snoring. He had to end up getting surgery where they lazered some nasty shit off the walls of his throat that was causing all the snoring.

You need to sleep too, so tough shit for old dude if he snores too loud. Gotta look out for #1.

^ i heard about that laser treatment. supposedly it works....

roll him over onto his side or stomach... that might work

build a soundproof capsule around his bed....or build one around your bed. which ever you see to be more fitting.

yeah, earplugs

sometimes if you gently nudge a person while sleeping so they will shift positions (see above) that will also make the snoring subside for a few minutes, mayeb long enough to get to sleep

or the apnea thing, but that could require surgery

some people swear by those breathe right strips. sleeping postitions help as well...so nudgem.

throat punches work well.

Originally posted by POIESIS@Nov 14 2005, 01:33 AM

suffocate him

Quoted post

this sounds good..

Just stick it up his nose and give it a squirt (or maybe just buy it for him). I hear it can cause impotence, but if that happens then you wont get "sexiled" either. Two birds with one stone.

flonase is a tight phrase. i wanna be the guy that gets paid to make up

ridiculous names for medical products, i'd rock that shit.

Flonase causes impotence?

If I had heard that anywhere other than 12 oz I'd be slightly concerned.

build a pyramid of pillows and cushions around his head and then cover it in a blanket.

worked for me for a while. and if it doesnt, its pretty funny watching someone wake up inside a pillow igloo.

good, funny thread. I have a friend like this. his 12oz name is _________. He is extroadinarily annoying when i am trying to get to sleep. if sleeping in the same room, it is generally a race to get to sleep.

Originally posted by BadWithNames@Nov 14 2005, 06:31 PM

pillow igloo.

Quoted post

hahaha! awesome.

like i said! kick him in the head every now and then.

UPDATE:

here i am on the second night and the snoring is still occuring. its been 3 times already that ive said "Moses, your snoring," and hes woke up and said "oh, i cant even hear it." 5 minutes later, the snoring like a snowplow proceeds.

im comtemplating the igloo trick.

Contemplate a random utensil to the nasal cavity. Just my opinion.

I know this doesnt compare, but my roomate's laugh is so fucking annoying I can't stand watching anything remotely funny with him.

Words cannot describe.

Originally posted by mackfatsoe@Nov 15 2005, 06:17 AM

I know this doesnt compare, but my roomate's laugh is so fucking annoying I can't stand watching anything remotely funny with him.

 

Words cannot describe.

Quoted post

haha this reminds me of someone ive been working with for like 7 years who does a "bevis" laugh after everything he says...within the first year of meeting him, i was constantly ripping on him for it. im positivley sure he went to a speech therepist for it..hasnt done it in years.

Originally posted by ElectricitySucks@Nov 15 2005, 03:20 PM

UPDATE:

 

here i am on the second night and the snoring is still occuring. its been 3 times already that ive said "Moses, your snoring," and hes woke up and said "oh, i cant even hear it." 5 minutes later, the snoring like a snowplow proceeds.

 

Quoted post

What a fuckin' retard!

Severe sleep apnia needs surgury but, like if it isn't so serious he'll have to sleep with a machine that attaches to his nose called a cpap. I think the cpap machine sounds worse than snoring.

Its all about waming up a frankfurter or some kind of sausage to body temperature and rubbing it on his lips when he is asleep, occasionally putting it in his mouth. If he wakes up while you re doing it, just hide it and pretend to be zipiing up your fly, and say something like "don't worry, go back to sleep".