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How (the fuck) do I get someone to stop snoring?

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by ElectricitySucks, Nov 14, 2005.

  1. ElectricitySucks

    ElectricitySucks Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 13, 2001 Messages: 6,395 Likes Received: 24
    Ok. Welcome to my planet of mother fucking never-ending lava-gargling snoring. My roommate, lets call him "Moses" for experimental purposes, snores like a bulldozer on crack. And this freakshow is happening as we speak. Before I try to further diagnose/solve his choking on gasoline problem, I will give you a backround on Moses.

    1- Moses is heavily medicated due to an accident about a year ago. Picture this: my side of the room has a computer, alot of books, food, pretty basic stuff. His side of the room is a pharmacy.

    2- Moses has a short-term memory problem. When he forgets to take his pills, he forgets things. Last week, he misplaced his iPod...which led to Moses blaming EVERYONE that they stole it. A few days later, he found it in his car under his seat.

    3- Boogiehands/I have to be very careful while writing this because I'm writing this as he sleeps/snores...he may have some sort of secret 24th sense of reading what I write in his sleep, which probably makes sense, because he blurts out random "why's?" or "what's?" every once in a while.

    4- He sometimes moans, in a sexual way, inbetween snores. Um, anyway.

    So what have I been doing to try to solve the problem? I blast music or the tv. The snoring gets loud, he'll wake up and ask to lower it. I do, then he starts snoring again. A repeatable process I can no longer stand. There must be a stop to the maddness. A few days ago Moses was snoring and the rickter scale hit 6.4, so after every snore, I would yell "shutup" or random words. To my suprise, it calmed him down for a few minutes. Then, I would get into bed and before I could fix my sheets, Moses would start snoring again.

    This is when I got mad.

    After he let out the first big snore, I pretty much screamed "SHUUUUUT. UUUUP."

    BAM! I've never seen anyone get up so quickly after being dead asleep. Moses looked at me in the most confused face ever and asked, "did you just tell me to shut up?" Electricitysucks looked at Moses and said, in confusion, "No.." Moses then started to tell "that he could have SWORE he heard someone yell "shut up." Electricitysucks said "no man, I have noooo idea what your talking about, I was talking to someone outside." Moses: um. uhhh. ok. Moses then slowly started to drift into drowning mode in his sleep.

    The awesome part of that instance was, he didn't remember what happened the next day. Hahahaha.

    So now, I ask of the generous members of 12oz if you have any ideas on just how to get this machine to shut up...without waking him up. Pictures will be put up if anything fun happens.

    Thanks in advance.
  2. the_gooch

    the_gooch 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: May 15, 2002 Messages: 11,566 Likes Received: 431
    ok, like i was saying...

    tell his ass to get those breath right strips. they may help.

    in the mean time, get some cotton balls for your ears. i know there are some girls near you that would have some.
  3. Dr. Dazzle

    Dr. Dazzle Veteran Member

    Joined: Nov 19, 2001 Messages: 8,147 Likes Received: 3
    Hahaha my girlfriend snores sometimes, it's mainly due to the position she's laying in. I usually just adjust her on to her back or something and that stops it.

    She also blurts out random shit that is oft hilarious.

    This did not help you in any way....
  4. mr.yuck

    mr.yuck Veteran Member

    Joined: May 12, 2000 Messages: 6,952 Likes Received: 6
    Actually you should tell him to go to a sleep doctor about that shit. My dad had a problem like that and it was killing him. Sleep apnea. When you stop breathing in the middle of the night. It can be fixed.

    POIESIS Member

    Joined: Aug 10, 2004 Messages: 879 Likes Received: 0
    if you wanna be real gentle about it you lean over and
    suffocate them.
  6. Hokus

    Hokus Member

    Joined: Mar 11, 2004 Messages: 482 Likes Received: 0
    a little dribble of nut on they face...
  7. Krakatau

    Krakatau Member

    Joined: May 5, 2005 Messages: 549 Likes Received: 0
    Naw, listen to Yuck. That sleep apnea shit could be serious, and you get to look concerned for his well being instead of selfish about your sleep.

    Really though, I'd be hitting him and answering his confused look like 'I gotta sleep too, bitch'.
  8. mackfatsoe

    mackfatsoe Veteran Member

    Joined: Oct 8, 2004 Messages: 6,532 Likes Received: 168
    There's nothing you can do.

    I've tried everything. It's hopeless. Buy earplugs.
  9. TresOne

    TresOne Member

    Joined: May 23, 2002 Messages: 447 Likes Received: 2
    Have you confronted his noisy ass about it?

    First thing's first - tell him that he snores like a train and that it's keeping you awake. Chances are you're not the first one to tell him that..

    Maybe it has something to do with his medication, maybe not. An old roomie of mine used to snore so fucking loud it drove me insane. It was bad.. it would get to the point where he was basically choking himself in his sleep with the snoring. He had to end up getting surgery where they lazered some nasty shit off the walls of his throat that was causing all the snoring.

    You need to sleep too, so tough shit for old dude if he snores too loud. Gotta look out for #1.
  10. sarcasm

    sarcasm Elite Member

    Joined: Oct 30, 2003 Messages: 3,352 Likes Received: 35
    ^ i heard about that laser treatment. supposedly it works....

    roll him over onto his side or stomach... that might work
  11. Zack Morris

    Zack Morris Veteran Member

    Joined: Jun 23, 2001 Messages: 9,728 Likes Received: 4
    build a soundproof capsule around his bed....or build one around your bed. which ever you see to be more fitting.
  12. ODS-1

    ODS-1 Elite Member

    Joined: Jul 21, 2003 Messages: 3,575 Likes Received: 0
  13. !@#$%

    [email protected]#$% Moderator Crew

    Joined: Oct 1, 2002 Messages: 18,517 Likes Received: 623
    yeah, earplugs

    sometimes if you gently nudge a person while sleeping so they will shift positions (see above) that will also make the snoring subside for a few minutes, mayeb long enough to get to sleep

    or the apnea thing, but that could require surgery
  14. SteveAustin

    SteveAustin Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 12, 2002 Messages: 7,042 Likes Received: 2
    some people swear by those breathe right strips. sleeping postitions help as well...so nudgem.
  15. Fondles

    Fondles Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 31, 2001 Messages: 7,866 Likes Received: 27
    throat punches work well.