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House Of The Dead

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by shaolinmasta, Jan 3, 2006.

  1. shaolinmasta

    shaolinmasta Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 26, 2003 Messages: 7,884 Likes Received: 157
    If you want to see one of the worst films ever, watch this little gem - You'll either be laughing so hard you'll cry, or be so fucking angry you are watching it you will be throwing the control at the T.V.


    Also if you do rent this - keep an eye out for Clint Howard's acting (He's in the yellow raincoat that 5 yr. old girls usually wear). It is without a doubt the worst I have ever seen in a movie and I have seen fucking heaps.
  2. shaolinmasta

    shaolinmasta Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 26, 2003 Messages: 7,884 Likes Received: 157
    Just to spark your intrest i'll point out a few things you can learn from House Of The Dead.

    -It doesn't really matter if you can't hear the voiceovers at the start and the finish it only adds to the suspence.

    -One of your mates is really I mean REALLY f ucking loaded and is willing to pay $1,500 + dollars to reach a crappy rave which consists of 30 people during daylight.

    -Matrix style moves make a shooting scene way cooler and scarier. (Though this must be repeated a few hundred times for the desired effect)

    -Show every other girls tits BUT the one which seems to have the greatest in size.

    -Small town sailors are actually huge smugglers, smuggling not only cuban cigars but millions of dollars worth in weapons too.

    -You have all the time in the world to load up with weapons but once completed zombies immediately attack.

    -Audio dropouts only enhance the viewing experience.

    -Producers actually release this dribble to cinemas world-wide.

    -If a zombie appears to be dead DO NOT go over to it and start kicking it as it will spew a poisonous liquid at your face severly buring you.

    -Really old books seem to be able to help you from a disatrous situation.

    -Clint Howard can't even better a cast of new actors he is that repulsively crap.

    - To tell whether a massive storm is brewing wet your index finger with saliva and point it in the air for half a second.

    -Inserts of the actual video game makes the movie a lot scarier (even though it has "press start" or "insert coins" or "free play" flashing on the screen.

    -Spin around effects in the glorious shoot-out scene seem too cool to worry about meagre things such as continuation, from 2 handguns to a shotgun in a split second.

    -A barrel full of gun powder can be shot once to reveal that there is gun powder in there, but the 2nd time it get's shot it causes an extreme explosion.

    -Women tend to find it hilarious once they have been vomited on.

    I pasted these from my posts on imdb.com
  3. wiseguy

    wiseguy Elite Member

    Joined: Mar 1, 2002 Messages: 2,543 Likes Received: 1
    hahaha, that shit is funny! im gonna have to check this flick out... i'll get it on tightass tuesday.
  4. Herbivore

    Herbivore Senior Member

    Joined: Oct 12, 2004 Messages: 1,431 Likes Received: 1
    I also had the unfortunate experience of seeing this steaming pile of feces. It was hilariously bad, especially the random scenes of arcade gameplay scattered throughout the movie.

    PUMPKIN ESCOBAR Senior Member

    Joined: Oct 19, 2004 Messages: 2,443 Likes Received: 34
    ^^I couldn't stop laughing at that....who thought that'd be a good idea when they were putting this piece of shit together? I rented this crap this past summer. I couldnt believe I sat through the whole thing....its so bad, yet so funny.
  6. fatalist

    fatalist Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Mar 10, 2004 Messages: 6,354 Likes Received: 25
    i'm going to ask someone to rent it. i want to see how awful the flim is. i always do this shit to myself.
  7. SteveAustin

    SteveAustin Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 12, 2002 Messages: 7,042 Likes Received: 2
    speaking of really bad movies...you guys should check out:

    It stars Anna Nicole Smith...as an action star. Yeah...you read it correctly. One of the funniest movies I've ever seen...unfortunately for them...I don't think they were really going for comedy when they produced it.
  8. Dr. Dazzle

    Dr. Dazzle Veteran Member

    Joined: Nov 19, 2001 Messages: 8,147 Likes Received: 3
    I've seen this. I think my favourite parts are the split-second images of the actual video game interspliced at completely random, meaningless times.

    This would be the worst movie ever if it wasn't so entertainingly bad.
  9. Kr430n5_666

    Kr430n5_666 Banned

    Joined: Oct 6, 2004 Messages: 19,229 Likes Received: 30
  10. fermentor666

    fermentor666 Veteran Member

    Joined: Sep 27, 2003 Messages: 8,152 Likes Received: 15
    shaolinmasta wins best new post of the year award. I don't understand how movies like this can be made and people still go and allow the same thing to be done to Doom. When will the video gamers get their Spiderman or Batman Begins?
  11. wiseguy

    wiseguy Elite Member

    Joined: Mar 1, 2002 Messages: 2,543 Likes Received: 1
    fermentor, i thought batman begins was crap. it would have been sooo good. Darren aronofsky (pi, requiem for a dream) was supposed to write and direct it but the studio turned his plan down because it wasn't kid friendly and they would lose big merchandising bucks.

    -cash rules, still aint nothin move but the money.
  12. shaolinmasta

    shaolinmasta Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 26, 2003 Messages: 7,884 Likes Received: 157
    haha I just read the biography for Uwe Boll and his trademark is this: Frequently directs movie versions of video games.

    Is that a winning formula or what

    also in his personal quotes section he blurted this out: When asked what he learned from his disastrous experience with Alone in the Dark (2005): "That a script matters."

    He has hate forums this guy rocks.
  13. Irobpeople

    Irobpeople Junior Member

    Joined: Aug 18, 2004 Messages: 128 Likes Received: 1
    i thought i was watching one of the cheesy cinamax pornos when i found out it was a ligit moive i couldnt stop cracking up