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hit the road jack, and dont ya come back, no more, no more, no more, no more...ROB

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by mental invalid, Jun 11, 2004.

  1. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8
    for the man....sir ray charles...

    heaven sounds better today....


    Free Will Astrology
    horoscopes for week of June 10, 2004

    Aries (March 21-April 19)

    While living in Manhattan in the 1950s, avant-garde composer John Cage felt beleaguered by the omnipresence of radio sound. Rather than piss and moan, he wrote a musical piece that featured several radios tuned to different frequencies. After that, he was always able to respond to street radio noise with a pleasant sense of "They're playing my song." According to my reading of the astrological omens, Aries, this is a perfect strategy for you to borrow in the coming week. Turn something that bothers you into something that comforts you, enhances you, or both. (Thanks to Ruby for inspiring this horoscope.)

    Taurus (April 20-May 20)

    One of my readers, Elizabeth Whitsage, told me a story of when she was working at Disneyland selling mouse-eared balloons. Every so often a mother, father, and young son would come up to her, the parents asking in enthusiastic voices "What color do you want?" and the son answering "Pink!" One parent, usually the father, would recoil in horror and say something like, "No, son, don't you want red or blue?" But before the child could reply, Elizabeth would whip a pink balloon out of the bunch and wrap its string around his wrist. Then she'd smile and say to the dad, "That'll be one dollar, please." Keep this story uppermost in mind during the week ahead, Taurus. Make sure that you always get and always give your personal equivalent of the pink balloon.

    Gemini (May 21-June 20)

    From an astrological perspective, last January wasn't an ideal time to make New Year's resolutions. I'd be surprised if you kept any of the promises you made back then. On the other hand, now is a perfect moment to make New Year's-type resolutions. Here are a few free samples to inspire you. 1. "I resolve to seek out conversations that are so intense and interesting that I lose track of time." 2. "While in the throes of road rage, I resolve to howl like a wolf." 3."I resolve to unashamedly pray for cash, enjoy how messy my room is, and sing along loudly with the muzak in public places."

    Cancer (June 21-July 22)

    Jean-Dominique Bauby was a 43-year-old editor when he suffered an unusual stroke. Though his brain remained undamaged, his entire body was paralyzed except for his left eye. Slowly he learned to communicate in code by blinking, and over the next two years he dictated a memoir. Feeling as if he were trapped in a diving bell, but with his imagination as free as a butterfly, he called his book The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. Critics have described it as "inspirational" and "a jewel." Bauby is your role model during this last difficult phase of your yearly cycle, Cancerian. Though you won't suffer from any physical affliction, your psychic turmoil may make you feel imprisoned and inaccessible. And yet I promise you that you can find a way to liberate your mind and convey luminous truths to the people who matter.

    Leo (July 23-August 22)

    I don't know if you're the type of person who enjoys trance-dancing half-undressed till 4 a.m. at bacchanalian parties, then prowling the early morning streets barking at the moon and singing songs from Broadway musicals with loony companions until you end up playing strip poker outside an all-night diner as the sun comes up. But if you are that type of person, this will be a perfect week to indulge your inclinations. If you're not, please find an equivalent adventure that you're comfortable with. 'Tis the season to be rowdy.

    Virgo (August 23-September 22)

    I propose that you drink a toast to Virgo actress Sophia Loren, who has been in a hundred movies during her long career. To do so may help you take maximum advantage of this phase of your astrological cycle, when your instinct for creating abundance and longevity is at a peak. Are you game? Say this: "May the spirit of Sophia Loren come to me in my dreams and reveal her secret of enduring success." I suggest you also visualize Loren's fortieth birthday, when her husband gave her a custom-made, 14-karat-gold toilet seat. Then drink a toast to yourself, saying: "As compensation for all the times that fate has kicked my ass over the years, may I now receive a reward that's as luxurious as Sophia Loren's magic toilet seat."

    Libra (September 23-October 22)

    This is a perfect time to translate your recent inner changes into a visible form. If you're an artist, start work on a masterpiece that reflects your fresh insights. If you're a businessperson, dream up novel approaches to making money from doing what you love. If you're a politician, get yourself a new spin doctor. If you're between gigs, experiment with your physical appearance. However you do it, Libra, show the world vivid evidence of how you've transformed.

    Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

    Aeschylus, the seminal playwright of ancient Greece, wrote over ninety plays, but most did not survive the ravages of time. The evidence for his renown has consisted of just seven works. Recently, however, archaeologists have discovered an eighth, "Achilles." It was on a papyrus scroll stuffed inside an Egyptian mummy. This summer, a theater company in Cyprus will stage the play for the first time in over 2,000 years. I urge you Scorpios to be alert for ways this story can serve as a metaphor for your personal quest in the near future. What old but dynamic parts of your life have been all but lost? How can you regain access to them and make them work for you now?

    Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

    Color psychologists say that red stimulates emotional intensity. It can raise the temperature of love and awaken feelings that have been subconscious or dormant. Given the rich potentials for deepening intimacy that are now available, you may therefore want to add more red to your apparel and environment. On the other hand, be aware that red can cloud objectivity and make negotiations more jarring. Since you and your partners will probably want to agree on some common goals, you should include calming blue in the mix. Not too much, though: An excess of blue can cause a chill.

    Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

    My analysis of the cosmic omens suggests that you have one major assignment this week, Capricorn: to kill germs. I'm referring to both the physical and psychic versions of those tiny invaders. There'll be more of them than usual trying to mess with you. As a public service, I'll remind you of the factors that are most effective in zapping pests of all kinds: hot soapy water, fresh air, sunshine, orgasms, and tears.

    Aquarius (January 20- February 18)

    It's the perfect moment to ask you a question I've been thinking about posing for a long time, so here goes. I'd like to know if you're willing to push hard to get better, improve your attitude, grow your devotion to the truth, fuel your commitment to beauty, refine your emotions, hone your dreams, face your shadow, cure your ignorance, and soften your heart -- even as you pledge to always accept yourself for exactly who you are with all your so-called imperfections, never demeaning the present moment by comparing it to an idealized past or future. Well? Are you?

    Pisces (February 19-March 20)

    "More good has been launched by more people from kitchen tables than any other platform in the land," says populist writer Jim Hightower, quoted in Orion magazine. I hope you take his words to heart, Pisces. Even if your power spot is normally in an office or store or art studio, this week it will be at your kitchen table. Even if you normally like to brainstorm with your allies at restaurants or bars or on long walks, this week you should gather them at your kitchen table. The dreams and schemes you hatch there in the coming days could change the course of history.
  2. villain

    villain Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2002 Messages: 5,190 Likes Received: 2
    The stars told him my room was messy!?!? I hope there is not a constellation of me in the bathroom.... :confused:
  3. MrChupacabra

    MrChupacabra 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Oct 10, 2001 Messages: 10,940 Likes Received: 683
    awesome, i get to drink and make incoherent toasts.
  4. !@#$%

    [email protected]#$% Moderator Crew

    Joined: Oct 1, 2002 Messages: 18,517 Likes Received: 623
  5. <KEY3>

    <KEY3> Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 24, 2004 Messages: 6,878 Likes Received: 2
    yeah.... great day to be aqua baby!


    Aries: (March 21—April 19)
    You'll accidentally stumble upon the secret of the Dim Mak Death Touch this Thursday—which, as luck would have it, is your first day as a massage therapist.

    Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
    While you were never officially partnered up with him in the first place, Art Garfunkel will make a big deal out of reuniting with you.

    Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
    The little black dress is an instant sophisticator—slimming, elegant, and timeless—but you'd be better off going with something flame-resistant this weekend.

    Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
    Your loved ones are willing to respect your wishes regarding your funeral, but if you keep changing your mind about the music, they'll think you're stalling.

    Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
    You'll be forced to dress up as a member of the opposite sex and adopt a monkey in order to inherit $1 million, but it'll go off without a hitch.

    Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
    Some news sources will concentrate on your elderly victims, others on the slain children, and quite a few on the kittens.

    Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
    Demented surgeons will drive a half-inch steel rod through your cheeks and attach it to a water-skiing towrope, but unfortunately, they'll lose the bet that made them do it in the first place.

    Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
    You had no idea that America's network of salt-mining tunnels was so vast, or that it would take you so long to starve once you got lost in it.

    Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
    They say you never hear the shot that gets you, but thanks to the acoustics in your bathroom, you'll hear all 59 of them perfectly.

    Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
    Marcus Aurelius said to always honor the human faculty which produces opinions, proving once and for all that he never met you.

    Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
    You'll be surprised to find out that Congress is empowered to forcibly sublet your apartment for the summer.

    Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
    The stars foretell your life continuing in much the way it always has for the next few months.
  6. CinchedWaist

    CinchedWaist Elite Member

    Joined: Sep 11, 2003 Messages: 2,691 Likes Received: 1
    thank goodness... i was getting worried
  7. !@#$%

    [email protected]#$% Moderator Crew

    Joined: Oct 1, 2002 Messages: 18,517 Likes Received: 623
    billions of kittens served.:lol:
  8. <KEY3>

    <KEY3> Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 24, 2004 Messages: 6,878 Likes Received: 2
    what's that internet cliche again.....? ;)

    oh yeah....


    so billions you say ?

  9. StarzAbove

    StarzAbove Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 15, 2003 Messages: 7,133 Likes Received: 6
    I refuse 2 read my LEO lol! Mines like 75% happens whne i read n its mostly bad
  10. SteveAustin

    SteveAustin Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 12, 2002 Messages: 7,042 Likes Received: 2
    Holy crap...this is just too on. For real. I was just talking about art and business.

    oh yeah...sophia loren is just plain hot.
  11. SteveAustin

    SteveAustin Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 12, 2002 Messages: 7,042 Likes Received: 2
    ummm...gotdamn...good thing I'm not headed to the lake this weekend. damn. leave my cheeks alone.
  12. mr.yuck

    mr.yuck Veteran Member

    Joined: May 12, 2000 Messages: 6,952 Likes Received: 6
    Oh shit. Tis the season to get rowdy. Or even more so. I smell trouble brewin.
  13. !@#$%

    [email protected]#$% Moderator Crew

    Joined: Oct 1, 2002 Messages: 18,517 Likes Received: 623
    hey buddy, i've got my priorities straight
  14. <KEY3>

    <KEY3> Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 24, 2004 Messages: 6,878 Likes Received: 2
    we all know that.

    you had a great line before... somthing like

    no kids
    no hubby
    no debt
    no worries

    clearly the priorities are in order.
  15. 23578

    23578 Elite Member

    Joined: Jul 2, 2000 Messages: 2,521 Likes Received: 0
    another home run.