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hallmark cards you will never see

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Face Me Face Death, Jun 22, 2001.

  1. Face Me Face Death

    Face Me Face Death Member

    Joined: Nov 3, 2000 Messages: 536 Likes Received: 1
    > >WHAT HALLMARK DOESN'T PRINT....................
    > > > >
    > > > > 1. So your daughter's a hooker,
    > > > > and it spoiled your day.
    > > > > Look at the bright side,
    > > > > it's really good pay.
    > > > >
    > > > > 2. My tire was thumping.
    > > > > I thought it was flat.
    > > > > When I looked at the tire.
    > > > > I noticed your cat. Sorry!
    > > > >
    > > > > 3. You had your bladder removed
    > > > > and you're on the mend.
    > > > > Here's a bouquet of flowers
    > > > > and a box of Depends.
    > > > >
    > > > > 4. Happy Vasectomy!
    > > > > Hope you feel zippy!
    > > > > Cause when I had mine
    > > > > I got real snippy.
    > > > >
    > > > > 5. Heard your wife left you.
    > > > > How upset you must be.
    > > > > But don't fret about it.
    > > > > She moved in with me
    > > > >
    > > > > 6. You totaled your car.
    > > > > And can't remember why.
    > > > > Could it have been.
    > > > > That whole case of Bud Dry?
    > > > >
    > > > > SOME CARDS YOU WILL NEVER SEE IN HALLMARK:
    > > > >
    > > > > "Looking back over the years that we've been
    > > > > together, I can't help but
    > > > > wonder: What the f*** was I thinking?"
    > > > >
    > > > > "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one
    > > > > likes your wife."
    > > > >
    > > > > "How could two people as beautiful as you have such
    > > > > an ugly baby?"
    > > > >
    > > > > "I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone
    > > > > to love. After having
    > > > > met you, I've changed my mind."
    > > > >
    > > > > "I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I
    > > > > never believed in Hell til
    > > > > I met you."
    > > > >
    > > > > "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that
    > > > > you're not here to ruin it
    > > > > for me."
    > > > >
    > > > > "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's
    > > > > your sister."
    > > > >
    > > > > "As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts
    > > > > you've given me. Like the
    > > > > need for therapy..."
    > > > >
    > > > > "Thanks for being a part of my life!!! I never knew
    > > > > what evil was before
    > > > > this!"
    > > > >
    > > > > "Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go,
    > > > > would you like to take
    > > > > this knife out of my back. You'll probably need it
    > > > > again."
    > > > >
    > > > > "Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."
    > > > >
    > > > > "Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...
    > > > > Almost Lifelike!"
    > > > >
    > > > > "When we were together, you always said you'd die
    > > > > for me. Now that we've
    > > > > broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise."
    > > > >
    > > > > "I knew the day would come when you would leave me
    > > > > for my best friend. So
    > > > > here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys."
    > > > >
    > > > > "We have been friends for a very long time, what say
    > > > > we call it quits."
    > > > >
    > > > > "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like
    > > > > you're here."
    > > > >
    > > > > "Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Did you
    > > > > ever find out who the
    > > > > father was?"
    > > > >
    > > > > "You are such a good friend that if we were on a
    > > > > sinking ship and there was
    > > > > only one life jacket....I'd miss you heaps and think
    > > > > of you often."
    > > > >
    > > > > "Your friends and I wanted to do something special
    > > > > for your birthday - so
    > > > > we're having you put to sleep."
    > > > >
    > > > > "Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!!" (available only in
    > > > > Alabama & Mississippi). >>
    >>
     
  2. willy!wonka

    willy!wonka Senior Member

    Joined: May 20, 2001 Messages: 2,419 Likes Received: 3
    those are great!!!

    A+
     
  3. Siris

    Siris Member

    Joined: Apr 27, 2001 Messages: 372 Likes Received: 0
  4. theFUME

    theFUME Senior Member

    Joined: Mar 6, 2001 Messages: 2,489 Likes Received: 1
    funni


    ------------------
    "So analyze me surprise me but cant magmatize me"
    -nas
     
  5. -Rage-

    -Rage- 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Apr 12, 2001 Messages: 10,006 Likes Received: 27
    Hahaha, funny shit!
     
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