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groupie confessions from jawns that rammed brohams

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by HESHIANDET, Jan 4, 2005.



    GROUPIE CONFESSIONS (featured in the New York Post)

    This article might be a bit too Enquirer-ish, even for us at OZONE. It may piss off a few people, but fuck it, that’s never stopped us before. Since this is the “sex issue,” we decided to get inside the mind (and body?) of a groupie, commonly defined as someone who has sex with famous people because of their status. Everyone has wondered at one point in their lives what it would be like to sleep with a celebrity, so here we’ve got some (presumably) real-life experiences to satisfy your curiosity.

    Here’s how it worked: OZONE put out the word on the street that anyone who had fucked a famous person could call from a blocked number and confess all the juicy details. According to our callers, Mr. Cheeks and Tyrese got rave reviews, while Jadakiss and Allen Iverson were less than satisfying. However, since the interviews were completely anonymous, we have no way of verifying if they are true or not. All details (cities, club names, hotel names) have been removed. So, please keep in mind while reading the following two pages that these stories may or may not be factual, and do not necessarily represent the opinions of OZONE Magazine (my lawyer told me to say that). In layman’s terms, that means you can’t sue us if you don’t like what was said. Also, we all know that it takes two to tango, so just because someone was whack in bed once doesn’t mean they’re always whack.

    We received calls about Jacki-O and Jim Jones which were not printed because there were some doubts about their authenticity. The following stories are from several different women. These encounters did not necessarily occur recently, so if you are currently seeing one of these fine gentlemen, no need to curse him out. If you, too, have a celebrity confession, you can email us at [email protected] for instructions.


    What’s your story?
    I had a one-night stand with Allen Iverson. He was recording his album and I happened to be at the studio. One of my homegirls was into one of his homeboys. There was four bitches there and he was like, "I wanna fuck somebody for the night."

    Why you?
    Iverson told me he picked me ‘cause I was the only one "not up under his ass."

    How was it?
    He has the littlest, ashiest dick I’ve ever seen. It’s like, nonexistent. He looks like he should have a pussy. And it’s dry. I would give him four inches at best, and skinny.

    So what happened?
    We wound up back at his hotel. It wasn’t even worth taking my clothes off for. I ended up leaving before it was over. He didn’t cum, and neither did I, so that’s why I left.

    Editor’s note: We received a conflicting account from another caller who said Allen Iverson was "great" in bed, but decided she didn’t want her story printed.


    Were you in a relationship with Benzino, or just sex?
    It was a relationship, but mostly sexual. It lasted at least six months.

    How did you meet?
    We kinda just bumped into each other at a club. He approached me and we just had a regular conversation. I was attracted to him as a person, but he was looking really grungy so it was mostly the conversation. We chilled for a few days, then he went out of town. Next time he came [to my town] he was like, "Come to my hotel." Nothing happened the first night, but after that I ran into him again and [we had sex].

    After six months, did you develop an emotional attachment to him or was it mostly sex?
    To be honest, I did have an emotional attachment to him, because I stopped seeing everybody else at the time.

    Did you worry about him having other women, being a celebrity?
    Yeah, it bothered me, but I didn’t really ask. I knew whatever came out of his mouth was gonna be a lie regardless, so why bother? I just kinda knew, ‘cause he was slick.

    What was the sex like?
    He’s freaky as hell, I’ll tell you that much. He’ll lick any hole that you ask him to. His dick is a decent size. He could fuck, I’ll put it that way. He’ll do it any way you want.

    So you would recommend him?
    Yeah, I would recommend him. If anybody reads this, he’s gonna get a lot of pussy.


    How was Jadakiss in bed?
    He’s a minuteman, for sure.

    How did you meet him?
    I was at a show where he performed. He approached me like, "Yo, come here, come chill with me." I waited with him until everyone left and we went back to the hotel. We’re chilling, everything is cool, and then everybody else leaves the room. I just kinda sat there, like, "Okay, now we’re alone…" and we were watching TV. He was like, "Come here, let’s watch TV in bed." So I’m thinking, Okay, I guess this is how it’s gonna go down. We go over to the bed and he starts touching me. I was like, "No, I don’t know if I wanna do this," but it kinda just led to it and we were going to [have sex] and he just busted. That was it. No oral sex or anything, it was just kinda grindin’. Sizewise, he was decent. Nothing to brag about. It doesn’t even really count as sex, because he busted so fast he didn’t even really stick it in. Everything was cool, though, we just went to sleep and I left the next morning. We’ve never talked again.

    Were you disappointed?
    It wasn’t that I was disappointed, I was just shocked because I thought he would last longer. Plus, I didn’t really wanna do it in the first place. I was more disappointed with myself for even getting to that point.

    So would you be offended if someone called you a groupie?
    I don’t give it up that easy, it was just in that circumstance. You know, if a woman wants it, what’s wrong with that? I don’t consider any girl to be a groupie, ‘cause everybody does their own thing. We don’t consider guys to be groupies, so I don’t think women should be considered groupies either.

    Do you think the minuteman thing was just a fluke?
    It might have been a fluke. I hope it was just a fluke. I just don’t know how it happened that fast. He’s gotta be able to last with somebody.

    So what’s your reaction when you hear his lyrics talking about sex, or how good he is in bed?
    I just kinda start laughing, like, "Oh, okay…"

    Are there any celebrities you’d want to sleep with?
    Ludacris. I think the sex would be fun; just ‘cause of the way he carries himself. He talks so much about sex. But, sometimes the ones that talk about it aren’t about anything.


    When did you meet Jay-Z?
    This was back when Reasonable Doubt came out. We met at a club. One of his friends was fuckin’ one of my friends, and he was like, "What up. My name is Jay-Z."

    Was he already famous? Were you attracted to him as a person, or more for the fame?
    I definitely didn’t find him attractive, but he was borderline famous so I figured I’d have a story to tell. He told me I looked like I had a "fuckable mouth," which I thought was probably the most disrespectful shit I’d ever heard.

    How long did you mess with him?
    Like three months.

    Were you worried about him sleeping with other girls?
    He had a ton of other bitches. To tell you the truth, with his boring dick, I was glad he was giving it to them.

    Boring. The biggest dick you will ever see in your life, but boring. Huge. Like a one-liter Pepsi bottle. What do you call those things? The 20-ounce bottle. It’s beyond huge. It could block the sun.

    Too big to suck?
    No, not at all. That’s why he fucked with me. And he screams like a bitch when he busts. It’s horrible. He has a big humungous dick and has no idea what to do with it.

    You didn’t try to teach him?
    It wouldn’t have worked to teach him anything. He’s just boring. Plus, I really didn’t care. I was mostly just around for the cash. He might not be boring in bed to everyone, but me, I just didn’t dig him. He always wanted head first, then backshots. Then he’d always try to stick it in the asshole. I don’t know what the fuck he thought he was doing with that big-ass dick.

    Did you ever let him?
    I wouldn’t be talking to you right now if I had. My insides would be in a bag.

    What kinds of things did he buy you?
    Two fur coats. Diamond earrings. I got mostly cash, though. Cash all the time.

    What’s the most cash he ever gave you at one time?
    Three thousand. He told me to buy something nice for the next time I gave him some good head. I was like, "Whatever." I used it to pay my bills.

    Did you feel like a prostitute?
    The money came way before the head came. Sometimes he’d give me money and I hadn’t even done anything.

    Was it like a booty-call thing? He’d call you at a certain time of night?
    He would have his homeboy call me and come pick me up and bring me over to wherever he was. The studio, the club, wherever the fuck he was at.

    Did you ever go to his house?
    Yeah. He’d watch a movie, I’d clean his house, we’d take a shower, fuck, and he’d go to sleep. I would take a cab, I’d always leave.

    Why didn’t you spend the night?
    I didn’t wanna wake up next to him. He’s ugly.

    So what was in it for you? Bragging rights?
    Yeah, I’m in the music business, so that’s pretty much the reason I fucked Jay. Just to say that I did.

    Was there ever a situation where you had to deal with him on a business tip?
    Mixing business with pleasure, no. That’s too much bullshit. But I think most rappers basically try to fuck bitches who are smart and try to keep them around so they can learn shit. I did it discreetly, though, so most people don’t know.

    If he had a lot of other women, weren’t you worried about catching something?
    Protection. Always.

    Anybody else on your hit list?
    Petey Pablo. I don’t know why, there’s just something about him. I seen him on 106th and Park and he must have had a hard-on. Plus, he’s a country muthafucker, and I wanna get out of New York one time. That’s it, but I’m not coming out of retirement. I’m retired now that I’m married.

    So what’s your background like, sexually? I mean, some people might look at someone who sleeps around or sleeps with famous people and assume that they were raped, or abused, as a child.
    Actually, I kinda find dick that I like and stick with it for long, long periods of time. I was thirteen the first time I had sex, and he’s my husband now. We just got married a year ago. He stuck with me through all that shit. I mean, we weren’t dating. We were junior high sweethearts, we were together for years. But I realized I didn’t want the same dick all the time so we headed different directions. He had two kids with somebody else and we came back together as a family.

    Does it make him insecure to know that you’ve slept with Jay-Z?
    If it does bother him, he don’t let me muthafuckin’ know. I mean, if he sees Jay-Z on TV or something, he’ll just call him an ugly nigga. It’s that male ego bullshit.


    How did you meet Method Man?
    He hollered at me while he was filming a video. He picked me up later from the club after he left the studio and we went back to his hotel, and it was on from there.

    What was he like in bed?
    He talks a lot. Method Man is a very interesting character. He’s a beast in bed, he likes to spank and tell you to lay down, do this, do that. He’s got a nice size. He’s the real one. Very controlling. He likes to hit it from the back while he pulls your hair.

    Why did it end?
    It just did. I mean, he’s married. We’re still cordial, though, whenever we see each other.

    Since he’s famous, were you worried about him fucking other girls?
    I didn’t care. It was just a sex thing.

    Were you more attracted to him as a person, or because he’s famous?
    I was attracted to him as a person. I ain’t into no fame shit, it just happens.

    Would you be offended if someone called you a groupie?
    Yes, ‘cause I’m not a groupie. Hell, I’m famous too (laughing).

    If you hear him using lyrics like "fucking bitches," does that offend you?
    No, I like for a nigga to call me a bitch every now and then. That shows me he loves me (laughing).


    How did you meet Mr. Cheeks? Did you approach him?
    No, he approached me. This was back in like, 1995. It was at a club, he asked me if I wanted to eat breakfast. It was midnight, so I was like, "It’s not breakfast time." He was like, "It will be when we wake up in the morning."

    Were you interested in him?
    No, I really wasn’t at all. But after that line, he had me. I was interested then. I mean, I didn’t go to the show to see him or anything.

    Did he tell you why he approached you, rather than the other girls in the club?
    He said it was the perfume, and the cleavage.

    Isn’t he married? Does that bother you?
    It doesn’t bother me at all. It was mostly a physical thing. He lived with me for a few weeks, I lived with him for a few weeks. [He and his wife] break up like every two weeks, so it’s never bothered me.

    So you still mess with him? Is there an emotional attachment there now, after ten years?
    Yes, yes definitely.

    Is it a turn-on that he’s famous?
    Like, that other women want him? Definitely. And they don’t get him. It’s a beautiful thing.

    Is it difficult to trust him knowing that he has women throwing themselves at him?
    I know I’m not the only one. What does it matter?

    How big is his dick?
    Not that big. I would say average.

    How does he compensate for that?
    Oh, my. Alright, let me see if I could put this into the English language. There is some strange, weird position that he gets you into. He’s the only person that has ever made me squirt. Like, when it shoots out and you think it’s piss. He’s the only man on the face of the planet that has done that to me. I think every woman in the world should have him at least once. I’m serious. I think he should be rented out. They will never, ever find sex like that again. I’m telling you, every fucking bitch on the planet should fuck this nigga one time. He’s fun. That’s all I can say about him, and I really wasn’t attracted to his face but now I am. I was more attracted to his style.

    Describe the position.
    It’s kinda like missionary. I don’t know how to explain it. All I know is that it hits this particular spot that no other man on the face of the planet has ever found. I mean, the man just oozes sexiness. He’s the first person that’s ever been able to do that.

    Does he have any other weird sexual tendencies?
    Nah, he just has to have a backrub before he can fuck you.


    What was your relationship with Tyrese?
    I was at a hotel in Memphis and I got an early morning call at like 7 or 8 AM. When you’re out of town with [Uncle] Luke, he likes to give out room numbers and they be ringing your phone off the hook. Anyway, Tyrese called and said Luke gave him the number. I went to his room and it was on.

    What was he like in bed?
    His mouth should be for rent. His mouth is excellent. He started off with the mouth action. His mouth and dick are both good. He’s working with something major. It was, like, R&B sex. More sensual. He likes it from the back, too.

    Did you keep seeing him?
    That was the only time we slept together, but we’ve seen each other numerous times since then.

    It sounds like it was good, so why did you only sleep with him once?
    He likes white women. I guess he just needed some black in his life every now and then

    FIST2CUFFS Member

    Joined: Sep 18, 2002 Messages: 454 Likes Received: 0
  3. fatalist

    fatalist Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Mar 10, 2004 Messages: 6,354 Likes Received: 25
    i could give a shit about what famous people do... i seriously don't give a fuck !!!!... didn't even read the stories

    FIST2CUFFS Member

    Joined: Sep 18, 2002 Messages: 454 Likes Received: 0
    i guess you haven't been reading star magazine lately then.....
  5. seeking

    seeking Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 25, 2000 Messages: 32,278 Likes Received: 239
    why is jada so wack in bed?
    why'd bush knock down the towers?
    why cant i come through in a pecan jag?
  6. GLIK$

    GLIK$ Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Jul 23, 2002 Messages: 22,277 Likes Received: 117
    beat me to it.
  7. mackfatsoe

    mackfatsoe Veteran Member

    Joined: Oct 8, 2004 Messages: 6,532 Likes Received: 168

    edit: the post above.
  8. Tough Love

    Tough Love Senior Member

    Joined: Oct 10, 2004 Messages: 1,894 Likes Received: 2
    woah i dont believe a word of this shit...its so out there without any proof cuz it so "anonymous" that if u do believe in it ur dumb
  9. Abracadabra

    Abracadabra Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Dec 28, 2001 Messages: 22,906 Likes Received: 113
    best thread so far in 2005
  10. Neskoner

    Neskoner New Jack

    Joined: Jan 6, 2003 Messages: 0 Likes Received: 1
    jada is a one minute man..i feel your pain.
  11. Vanity

    Vanity Veteran Member

    Joined: Apr 11, 2000 Messages: 7,673 Likes Received: 6
    def. an ubertone
  12. GamblersGrin

    GamblersGrin Elite Member

    Joined: Sep 24, 2003 Messages: 3,243 Likes Received: 16
    i am a little bit more gay for reading way too much on dudes dicks and fuckbility.

    what kind of thread is this? undertones? anybody? anybody?


  14. Abracadabra

    Abracadabra Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Dec 28, 2001 Messages: 22,906 Likes Received: 113
    for sure. hesh money got the goods kid

    now we all know why fine-ass miss beyonce is with jay-z's stupid chipmunk lookin ass.

    i wonder if she has to "carry around her insides in a bag" now?
  15. InnerCityRebel

    InnerCityRebel Veteran Member

    Joined: Aug 19, 2002 Messages: 8,297 Likes Received: 117

    very on point sir..