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GREAT NEWS!!!

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Smart, Aug 21, 2002.

  1. Smart

    Smart Dirty Dozen Crew

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    GREAT NEWS!!!

    Discussion started by Smart - Aug 21, 2002

    The bear that killed your baby does NOT have rabies... WHEW!

    talk about extraneous tv news stories... let's keep this apart from abduction and war...
     
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  2. Intangible

    Intangible 12oz Legend

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    Intangible - Replied Aug 21, 2002

    First!

    Now I know you probably hate this :rolleyes: but seeing how this thread is pointless im hoping youll be leanient...
     
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  3. Smart

    Smart Dirty Dozen Crew

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    Smart - Replied Aug 21, 2002

    ok, nobody has to tell the 'do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?' joke... but, if you know another decent bear joke, that could also fly in this thread... so, extra news and bear jokes
     
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  4. Intangible

    Intangible 12oz Legend

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    Intangible - Replied Aug 21, 2002

    This bear walks into a bar. Then he sits down and orders a beer.
    The bartender, amazed that this bear can actually talk, gives him a beer.

    The bear says, "What do I owe you?"

    The bartender stops and thinks for a moment.

    "Even though this bear is smart," thinks the bartender, "he probably hasn’t been in many bars."

    So the bartender says, "That'll be ten dollars."

    The bear forks over the money and starts drinking his beer.

    After a few minutes, the bartender can't restrain his curiosity, so he walks back over to the bear and tries to strike up a conversation.

    "You know, we don't get many bears in this bar."

    The bear looks up from his beer and says, "Well, at ten bucks a beer, I'm not surprised."
     
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  5. Intangible

    Intangible 12oz Legend

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    Intangible - Replied Aug 21, 2002

    In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fishing and Gaming is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field. The department has posted the following notice:

    We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on their clothing so as not to startle any bears.
    We also advise outdoorsmen to carry pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a bear.
    It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear activity.
    Outdoors men should recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear feces. Black bear feces is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly bear feces has little bells in it and smells like pepper
     
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  6. Intangible

    Intangible 12oz Legend

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    Intangible - Replied Aug 21, 2002

    Smar its not fun unless you participate, and now that you have me looking all this crap up because I have nothing better to do...damn you tricked me again...your sneaky sneaky...

    Q: What kind of money to polo bears use?
    A: Ice lolly!

    Q: Have you ever hunted bear?
    A: No, but I've been shooting in my shorts!

    Q: How do you start a teddy bear race?
    A: Ready, teddy, go!

    Q: What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
    A: A bear faced lyre!

    Q: Why do bears have fur coats?
    A: Because they'd look stupid in anoraks!

    Q: What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
    A: A teddy boar!

    Q: What should you call a bald teddy?
    A: Fred bear!

    Q: What animal do you look like when you get into the bath?
    A: A little bear!

    Q: What's yellow, comes from Peru, and is completely unknown?
    A: Waterloo Bear, Paddington Bear's forgotten cousin!

    Q: What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
    A: Winnie the Pooh!
     
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  7. Stapler

    Stapler Guest

    Stapler - Replied Aug 21, 2002

    Yeah that help`s look out for those dead babies and bodily parts lieing around the place. Cause as RANGER STEVE says there is a bear in there..........:eek:
     
  8. Intangible

    Intangible 12oz Legend

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    Intangible - Replied Aug 21, 2002

    The funny thing is I went camping last night, and drank way to much...needless to say I tried wandering off serveal times into the dark damp woods...I could have been eaten by a bear.....
     
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  9. Smart

    Smart Dirty Dozen Crew

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    Smart - Replied Aug 21, 2002

    2 good bear joes in a row!!! I salute your highly specialized comedy!



    An American and his Czechoslovakian friend were out walking in the forest. They rounded a corner and right in front of them stood a giant grizzly bear. Before they could make a move, the bear jumped up and ate the European.

    The American turned and ran. He pulled out his cell phone and called the local forest ranger. In no time, an experienced ranger was upon the scene, and they headed back to find the man eating bear.

    They neared the site where the man was eaten. They came upon two bears, a male and a female. The ranger asked the American which bear ate his friend. The American replied that it was the male, the bigger of the two.

    With that, the fearless ranger pulled out his hunting knife, and with one fell swoop, slashed open the belly of the female, and out popped the man's friend.

    "Never trust someone when they say the Czech is in the male."




    *AND NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO THE THAT "ICEHOLE" JOKE EITHER!
     
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  10. Intangible

    Intangible 12oz Legend

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    Intangible - Replied Aug 21, 2002

    :lol: good times good times...
     
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  11. Intangible

    Intangible 12oz Legend

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    Intangible - Replied Aug 21, 2002

    A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the hills to do some bear hunting. As he rounded the corner on a perilous twist in the trail, he and a bear collided, sending him and his rifle tumbling down the mountainside. Before he knew it, his rifle went one way and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both legs.

    That was the good news. The bad news was the ferocious bear charging at him from a distance, and he couldn't move.

    "Oh, Lord," the preacher prayed, "I'm so sorry for skipping services today to come out here and hunt. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish .. please make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me. Please, Lord!"

    That very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and began to pray aloud right at the preacher's feet. "Dear God, bless this food I am about to receive..."
     
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  12. When

    When 12oz Loyalist

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    When - Replied Aug 21, 2002

    ahh ha ahh ha ahh ha ha ha
     
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  13. Intangible

    Intangible 12oz Legend

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    Intangible - Replied Aug 21, 2002

    [​IMG]
     
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  14. Smart

    Smart Dirty Dozen Crew

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    Smart - Replied Aug 21, 2002

    hahaha, ok, must sleep now!
     
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  15. Intangible

    Intangible 12oz Legend

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    Intangible - Replied Aug 21, 2002

    sleep is a waste of time, and time is money


    Running Bear woke up one morning to discover that he was a man. As such, he deduced, he would require a woman. So he trekked on over to the Medicine Man's teepee to requisition a woman.
    "What you want, Running Bear?" queried the Medicine Man.

    "Running Bear want woman!"

    "Hmmm," said the Medicine Man, "do you know what to do with a woman once you've got her?"

    "Uh," said Running Bear, "no..."

    "Then go into the woods for two months. Find a tree with a hole in it, and practice on the tree. Once you have perfected your technique with the tree, come back to me and I will give you a woman."

    Running Bear agreed, and set off into the woods. Sure enough, he found a tree with the appropriately sized hole, and began his two months of practice.

    Two months later, he returned to the Medicine Man with pride in his eyes.

    "Okay," he said to the Medicine Man, "me know what to do. Give me woman."

    The Medicine Man nodded and brought a pretty young squaw from the back of the teepee. "Little Flower," he said to her, "you now belong to Running Bear. Do as he asks."

    Running Bear and Little Flower then retire to a vacant teepee where Running Bear instructs her to bend over. She shrugs and complies. Running Bear then gives her a swift kick in the ass.

    "Hey!" cried Little Flower. "What did you do that for?"

    "Me no stupid," explained Running Bear, "Me check for bees first."
     
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