funny things to do at walmart

i thought it would be funny to name some funny things to do at walmart

 

 

Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.

Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".

Play with the automatic doors.

Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"

Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."

Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

Play soccer with a group of friend, using the entire store as your playing field.

As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

Put M&M's on layaway.

Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

TP as much of the store as possible.

Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"

Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

Take bets on the battle described above.

Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

Hold indoor shopping cart races.

Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"

Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

Two words: "Marco Polo."

Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

"Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.

When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

yea and after that we can all go watch rugrats, and dress up as super heros.

DUDE, EVERYONE KNOWS YOU DIDNT THINK OF THOSE.

COULDNT EVEN BE BOTHERED READING

I got a forward with a title like this about 3 years ago.

Im gonna go out on a limb here and say that you can be no older than 16, tops...

gah! what happened to people who like to have fun??

 

i still do shit like this and i'm nearly..well, nevermind how old i am, i'm just old. we can leave it at that.

 

the best thing to do is get on the little phones and procalim "code sunshine!"

oooor "code adam"

 

boredom does the worst to me.

 

i've been really evil to wal-mart...once i went to the poster section, got a marker and a poster board and wrote on it "wal-mart eats babies!!!" and walked very slowly with my sign to the checkout lane where everyone could see me...security was very close behind..and i purchased the marker and posterboard...that pissed them off and i was banned form that store.

 

i hate corporate america, so i wasn't phased....

I am 27 today, I still do things like this. Matter of fact I think I am going to celebrate my birthday in walmart...

i do not advocate hacking, phreaking, phracking, sex without a condom, dinner without a date, chicks with dicks, telephone conversations lasting over 10 minutes, black girls without a number, asian girls wearing underwear under a dress, camera phones, cordless phones, change machines, arcades, biodomes, biometrics, old answering machine messages, fat people in party hats, clown porn, midget wrestling, or

the andy griffith show. by reading this you cannot sue me if you act maliciously in wal-mart, to wal-mart, with wal-mart or some other things i can't think of because of lack of sleep. DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS. IT WILL GET YOU INTO LOTS OF TROUBLE. IT WON'T BE FUN. ONLY USERS LOSE DRUGS> EAT AT MOE'S

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better things to do at wally world:

 

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This is a little incident that happened while I was living in Portland, Oregon and a few people said I should write about it so I am so be happy. Most people who don't live in Portland have never heard of a Fred Meyers so I'll tell you what it is first. It's like a big chain of big stores in Portland. I'm not sure exactly where else in the United States they exist but I had never seen or heard about one until I moved to Oregon.

 

Take a Wal-Mart and a very large grocery store and add a few extra things and you've got a Fred Meyers. They've got a huge grocery section, lawn & garden, a huge hardware store built in, electronics, music, software, videos, a deli, sometimes a big built-in eating area and a lot of other things that I'm probably leaving out. All in all it's not a bad store but that didn't stop what I did to them.

 

Keep in mind that at the time all of this happened the employees of Fred Meyers were all on strike and they had a bunch of temporary people working in the stores and nobody there really knew what was going on anyways so that just added even more fun to the whole event.

 

The Discovery:

Me and my girlfriend (Colleen Card) were walking around the Fred Meyers located at Gateway Shopping Center, shopping and eventually got separated. Since I walked all over the store and couldn't find her (not surprising seeing as how the store is the size of a mini-mall) I figured I'd pick up one of the paging phones that are located on posts every few isles for employees and announce all over the store for her to meet me in a certain place.

 

I found the phone and picked it up and looked at the HUGE list of all the different departments they have to choose from and finally found the All Store Page listed at 1800. So I dial 1800 and hear a loud click throughout the store and I annouce, "Colleen Card to the toy isle. Colleen Card!"

 

While I was waiting for her, though, the Matchbox cars got really boring by myself (Justin's dad, the kid I met and was playing with, made him go home) so I wandered back over to the phone and noticed that all the department numbers were in the exact same format as the all store paging number. Electronics was 1296, Hardware was 1693, etc, etc. So I wrote down the two phone numbers listed on the front of that phone and put them in my pocket. Colleen arrived and we went home to a supper of Burger King Whoppers. Yeah.

 

The First Phone Call:

By now I had this big horrific plan in my head that I was pretty sure wouuldn't work but I knew I wouldn't rest until I tried it so the next morning while Colleen was at school I went back to the same Gateway Fred Meyers to test it out. (Gee, have you figured out what I'm doing yet?) I went to the pay phone that's located in a foyer entrance type thing and boxed a call to the inside of the store.

 

"Fred Meyers customer service, may I help you?"

"Yeah, this is Dave in electronics. Could you transfer me to extension

1800? I can't get it to work..."

"Okay, just a minute, please!"

 

I hear the funky Fred Meyers hold music for a split second and then total, dead silence. I hit the "*" button and hear it echo inside the store... So I look around the foyer and there's a few people inside with me so I can't really say anything loud. Instead I start playing "Help Me Rhonda" on with the touch tones and my musical masterpiece echos throughout the entire store.

 

I couldn't wait any longer for the people in there to leave so in a low voice I start muttering into the phone, "Fuck you alllll...You're all going to hell. I will kill yoooooou, I am Satan......." Now you'll have to excuse the total lack of creativity with my first Fred Meyers speech but I couldn't talk very loud and besides, I was excited that this actually worked! I decided to go inside and check out the reactions so I hung up.

 

The reactions weren't that great when I first got in. Walking by the photo section I heard a customer exclaim to an employee, "Did you hear that crazy guy??" But the employee wasn't too talkative so that didn't get anywhere. When I got to the Deli, things were considerably more active there. A guy in a suit (didn't look like a manager, but who knows...) was talking to another important looking guy (security?) and the suit was pissed!

 

I went over to the Deli and pretended to look at the menus so I could listen and they were talking about me. I heard a few things to the effect of, "Well, Dan's looking around for him right now." and "If I catch the little fucker..." It turned out that they thought some kid in the store had picked up a paging phone and done it all. Then I noticed a few guys patroling the isles with 2-way radios on their belts. Typical security dudes. So I got bored and went back home, waiting for Colleen to get home.

 

The Twenty Minute Broadcast:

Later that evening, around 6:00 I had already told Colleen that I'd succeeded and wanted to try it again so we picked up the phone in her room and called Fred Meyers. Again I got the service desk, asked to be transferred to extension 1800, got hold music and then dead silence.

 

The first thing I yelled into the phone was, "DON'T SHOP FRED MEYERS!" That was the big slogan in town that the employees who were on strike were using so I thought that would liven up the whole strike thing and if nothing, make the local papers. I put on my Good Morning Vietnam CD which starts out with Robin Williams yelling, "Goooooood morning, Vietnam!" and plays the clips of all his best radio stuff, including all the foul language and bad jokes.

 

Then I played a few good clips from The Jerky Boys's first cassette and started paging people to different departments of the store. After about twenty minutes I hung up the phone so I could call back and make sure I was really on the paging system and not just talking to myself like an idiot. So I called back.

 

"Fred Meyers, customer service. May I help you?"

"Could I have the shoe department, please?"

"Hold please!"

 

After about a minute of waiting, I finally got the shoe department. I told the lady I was Dan from security upstairs and asked her if someone was playing with her phone there on the paging system.

 

"Oh no, sir! That wasn't from this phone. They think it was kids in the food isle. The security guys are looking for them right now..."

 

The Two Hour Broadcast:

I thanked her and hung up. Now we knew we were getting through okay so I called them back and once again asked customer service to connect me to extention 1800. By this time I guess she had figured it out because she wouldn't connect me so instead I asked her to connect me to Lawn & Garden. When they answered, I had them connect me to 1800 with no problems.

 

The only thing I can't figure out is why when I was in their system they couldn't somehow get rid of me. Why couldn't they shut off their all store paging system? Why couldn't they disconnect the speakers? Why couldn't they pull the plugs on the phone for a second and then put them back in? Why couldn't they just hang up on line two? Anyway, here's a breakdown of what our two hour broadcast consisted of:

 

1. Various type of store pages including....

"Customer Service to the sexual toys isle!"

"Customer Service to the anal lubrication department!"

"Customer Service to Customer Service! We don't know what we're doing!"

"Attention K-Mart shoppers! Don't shop Fred Meyers!"

"Al, clean up on isle 5. Some stupid bitch just spilled her fucking milk

all over the fucking floor, the stupid cunt!"

"AT&T, Please deposit 25 cents..."

"I need a price check on this vibrating cream."

"Security to isle ten. A lady is testing out the douches again."

"Security to isle seven. That little boy is stealing Froot Loops..."

"Security, monitor register two. BARBARA is working again."

"Hi, my name is ROY and if you find a furry watermelon, that's my gerbil!"

"Chris Tomkinson is the bestest, coolest guy in the world! Cactus?"

2. Colleen's Story Time Hour. She read a bunch of children's books and changed

the wording around to make them quite demented and gross. (This is where

PLA024.TXT came from, by the way...)

3. Harmonica Hour! Together on harmonica we didn't sound that great but that

didn't stop us...that alone probably got rid of most of the shoppers.

4. Voiced our opinions of political issues.

5. Told very anti-religious and racist jokes. (We're not against religion and

not racist people, we were just trying our best to offend everyone.)

6. I played my favorite songs over the store via the local radio station, KUFO.

7. A special announcement by RBCP: "Ladies & Gentlemen, may I have your

attention please...At this moment I'd like you all to direct your attention

to the individual working in Lawn & Garden. She is the very person who

screwed up and allowed us to take over your paging system! Not that bright

of an employee if you ask me but hey, we're dealing with Fred Meyers,

right? So ma'am, if you haven't been fired yet...Thank You!"

8. Colleen sang "I'm a Little Teapot" while I yelled "Fuck God!", then she

started reading off phone sex ads. Then poetry.

 

Transferring The Call Ourselves:

Me & Colleen went to Gateway again. After getting on their paging system so many times, they must have put out a big-time security alert or something because NO department would transfer us anymore so now I HAD to get it just to show them. Here's what we did...

 

1. We find a phone in Isle 13 and write down the extension number off of it.

2. I stay there and Colleen runs out to the pay phone.

3. Colleen boxes a call to Fred Meyers and asks customer service for extension

1625, which is where I'm standing.

4. My phone begins to ring. I pick it up, dial TRANSFER, 1800 and hang up.

5. I run out to the pay phone and we say a few things into the phone such as

"Ha, ha! We got through! Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah!" and other assorted

immature things.

6. We get kind of bored and go home. But it WORKED! Ha!

 

A few days later we called from home and asked to be transferred to extension 1625. A stock boy picked up the phone and we told him exactly what to press and we got on again. They'll never win.

 

Interview With The Security Man:

After that night it got sort of boring. I was a little upset that none of this made the papers and we never got around to doing it much more after that. Once while Colleen & her dad was in another Fred Meyers shopping, I got in and made a few announcements, played a few touch tone songs, etc, but their system was messed up and they couldn't hear me very well.

 

So one day I'm hanging around the Portland PDX airport because I have nothing better to do. One thing has led to another and I'm sitting at a pay phone, using the fingernail clippers that I stole from the gift shop to splice open the wires to the pay phone. (They wires were just shoved up under the pay phone wall and easy to get to. I had access to three different phones, including my own.) I didn't mean to, but instead of just stripping the outer cover off the wires, I cut it totally in half. I quickly learned which phone it was when the Japanesse girl next to me looked distressed, started yelling something urgent in the phone, then hung up and went to find antoher phone. Whoops?

 

So I finally get my phone and the phone next to me successfully hooked together. I called Zak and explained to him what I'd done. Then I patched in the other dial tone and called Fred Meyers in Beaverton. We had no problem getting in to their all store paging. We fucked around for awhile on their system and got bored with it so Zak used HIS three-way to call up the Gateway Fred Meyers. We asked the customer service lady for security.

 

"Security, may I help you?"

"Yes, this is Roy from the Orgonian Newspaper. I was calling in regards to

your problems that I've been hearing about with your paging system?"

"Well, sir, that's a problem that has been taken care of. Is what was

happening is some kids were dialing in from the outside..." Blah blah blah,

he rattled on for awhile.

 

After he babbled on for awhile and I asked him some more questions, I asked, "Sir, are you aware that you're participating in a four-way phone call and right now as we speak, our voices are echoing throughout the bowels of Fred Meyers in Beaverton? Now, you say that you're security for Gateway Fred Meyers, correct?" The line was totally silent after that, then it clicks and he's hung up, probably franticly calling Gateway to find out if it's true. I then made an announcement, "Yes, shoppers of Fred Meyers, this is the kind of intelligent people that you're dealing with every day, shopping here!"

 

We hung up and Zak called Fred's back to ask the lady if we were really on the system. She verified that we were so we asked to be transferred to 1800 and she told us to please hold.

 

"Security, may I help you?"

 

"No, she must have misunderstood us. We didn't want security, we wanted extension 1800 so we can frollic around your paging system freely!"

 

"Well, sir, I don't think that's going to happen."

 

Another incident with security happened when I called security from Clackamas Town Center, just out of boredom. (The very mall that Tonya Harding likes to skate in, by the way! Boy, do I feel important.) I called Gateway security and had a long conversation with the security lady. I told her I was the one responsible and she said, "I know, I have the same number on my Caller I.D. here." which is bullshit because I'd never called Fred's from that Mall.

 

"Well, ma'am, did you think what I did was funny?"

"No, not at all, actually."

"I bet you smiled, though..."

"Well, yeah, until you started getting vulgar. You really upset quite a

few shoppers here."

"That was my plan, though."

"Why?"

"Because I have no life."

 

Afterwards:

I know the story just kind of ended there and didn't really have any kind of point to begin with but I thought I'd write it to see what you think. (Which is probably that we all need to get a life.) Since that day we've been on the paging systems of various stores around Portland, saying pretty much the same things each time. It actually gets old after awhile but it's really fun at first. I severely shocked the shit out of myself trying to hook another pay phone to my original two so don't try that unless you're wearing big rubber yellow gloves! It never did make the paper that I'm aware of and the strike is over and things are pretty much back to normal there. So if you want to call Fred's and try it yourself, feel free!

 

K-Mart uses a similar phone system nationwide but I never have been able to get into their paging system. Actually, I've never been able to get into any other store except for Fred's so please mail me if you get anywhere with other stores. Wal-Mart, perhaps?

 

Phone Numbers:

 

Gateway Fred Meyers 503-254-7905

Beaverton Fred Meyers 503-690-5823

Rockwood Fred Meyers 503-669-4600

 

There's a billion others in Portland, but those are just the ones I have listed and I'm too lazy to dial information. The paging code for most of them is 1800, but Rockwood for some reason is 800. If you want Isle 13 at Gateway, the extention is 1625. (Talk to a not-too-bright stock boy!) I don't encourage actually doing this, but think it would be funny as hell.

 

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Department Store Phones. They're everywhere. Well, okay, not everywhere but they're in department stores like K-Mart, Target, Venture, Wal-Mart, Fred Meyers and they're even popping up in grocery stores now. These phones can provide an individual with hours upon hours of good clean-cut entertainment and the only draw back is that in the end it usually ends up making alot of other people extremely miserable. This shouldn't concern you, though.

 

Choosing Your Phone

The phone you choose should be in the most secluded place in the store you can possibly find. Preferably in an isle that very few store employees go to and a phone that doesn't have a security dome on the ceiling staring down at you.

 

In some stores, such as Target, they encourage their guests to use the courtesy phones so you don't even have to hide yourself so well. Alot of employees that see some kid using one of their phones will think nothing of it but other employees like to pretend that they're important and will ask you what the hell you're doing to which you should reply with a swift kick in thier groin.

 

Free Calls

Of course you can almost always get free phone calls from these phones. In most cases you merely have to punch "9" to get an outside dial tone and from there you can place local calls and 800 toll-free calls. Sometimes you have to dial "0" and ask the store's operator to give you an outside line or dial an outside number. If they ask who you are, just say you're the new guy.

 

At most stores, the operators will connect you with their store in another state if you have a need to talk to them. Let's say you want to call the DefCon Voice Bridge in Utah. All you have to do is ask the store operator to connect you to a ficticious city in Utah.

 

You: Yes, I need to be connected to the Wal-Mart in ChiliPepper, Utah.

Her: Okay, and who am I speaking with?

You: My name's Chris. The employee here in sporting goods said I could have you call this store because I need to talk to them about delivering an item to that store for my parent's birthday.

Her: Okay...Hmmm, I don't see a ChiliPepper, Utah listed here in my directory. Are you sure we have a store there?

You: Yeah, positive, I used to work there. Actually, I know the phone number there. Want it?

Her: Sure.

You: Okay, it's 801-855-3326.

Her: I'll go ahead and write that in here. Hold on and I'll connect you.

 

The protection against long distance calls on these phones suck. The store owners try to instruct their phones to disallow all customer accessable phones from dialing anything that will cost, but unfortuantely for the store owners, they don't read underground publications.

 

Most of your average store owners have never heard of an AT&T Alliance Teleconference. When you get an outside dialtone, just dial 0-700-456-1002, enter in the size of your "conference" and then dial the first number you'd like to have on your conference. Then hit "#" a couple times to talk to whoever you just called. You can dial any number in the world through Alliance. If you want to be really brave, start an actual teleconference from the store and stay on for a few hours.

 

You can also sometimes dial long distance by dialing "9" then "0" and asking the Bell operator to give you AT&T and ask AT&T to call the Netherlands for you. Also, on some phones, the LD protection is actually in the phone you're using, meaning you can bypass it just by using a Radio Shack tone dialer.

 

Employee Pagers

In some stores, the employees will carry a beeper or a walkie talkie around with them. I've seen them wearing beepers at both Target and Fred Meyers and at Target, you can use any of the red store phones to talk to an employee on one of these beepers. The employee will hear a beeping noise, then your voice will come out of the beeper very loudly.

 

At Target, all you had to dial was "4" and then the three digit beeper number. After that, you'd hear a steady tone, then silence where you'd leave your 10 second message to them. To find out the employee's beeper number, you can either ask the employee or ask the operator OR try to look at the employee's beeper. With a little imagination, you can have alot of fun sending obscene messages to everyones' beepers to the horror of nearby customers.

 

All-Store Paging

In most stores, the "all store page" button is marked clearly on the phone because store managers know that nobody in their right mind would pick up a store phone and say anything rude for the whole store to hear. Or would they? This is actually a useful thing to know because if you're with a friend and you get separated, you just pick up a store phone, hit "PAGE" and say, "Attention K-Mart Shoppers, would Chris Tomkinson please return to infants."

 

Anyway, here's a few announcements you might wanna make once you've figured out how to get on the intercom. You shouldn't do more than a few each day because after awhile, they're going to come looking for you. Always be as rude and obnoxious as possible when doing this and try to offend as many people as you can.

 

"Attention K-Mart shoppers! HA! I always wanted to say that!"

"Customer service to anal lubrications..." (repeat a few times...)

"Pop quiz asshole...A local Wal-Mart with approximately 85 shoppers and 21 employees has armed the building. If the amount of people in the building drops below 100, the building will go off. What do you do? What. Do. You. DO?"

"Attention K-Mart shoppers - we have a blue light special in the women's clothing. Everything in women's clothing is 95% off!"

"(hushed voice) Just listen to me, Joel, when you turn on the store's music, you turn on this subliminal advertising machine that will trick all the shoppers into buying into our rip-off sales. Now I'm the manager and you need to- shit! You left the goddamned intercom on again! ...(click)"

 

All-Store Paging From Home

Some systems will allow you to phone the store from your home and ask the operator or an employee to transfer you to the all-store page or just an extension that is the all-store page and they don't realize what they've done until it's too late. This used to be most common at Fred Meyer but for some reason they've began closing that little loophole. But see if you can figure out a way to be transferred to the all-store paging from your home. It's been done many times before...

 

Answering Calls

This is one of the funnest and least-riskiest pranks to pull on a store. Find a phone and look at the display. If it's a modern store phone, you'll see a row of about five buttons, each numbered and each having a light over it. These are the store's separate lines. If the light is on, that line is in use and if the light is steadily blinking, that line is on hold. If the light blinks rapidly for 2 seconds at a time, that line is ringing.

 

Pick up the phone and press a button of either a call on hold or a line that's ringing. If you've picked up a ringing line, answer with the store's greeting such as "Thank you for calling Fred Meyer, how can I help you? .... You want the hardware department? Well, this is hardware..." And if you've picked up a line on hold, just say, "Who are you holding for? Oh toys? This is toys..."

 

If the phone doesn't have any fancy modern lights & buttons on it, you'll have to learn how to answer a line. At Target, you'd pick up the phone and dial either "35" or "36." At other stores, you'd simply dial "1" or "2" and at other stores, you have to dial a three or four digit code. If all else fails, call up the store operator and ask how to pick up a line. You can also listen to the overhead paging. When you hear the store operator say, "Housewares, you have a call on 173..." run over to a phone and dial 173. Here are a few examples of some of the fun we've had answering calls in the past few years:

 

Me: Who are you holding for?

XX: Electronics.

Me: Oh, that's me. What do you need?

XX: I just need to see if my film is ready. The last name is-

Me: Uh, listen, I'm really swamped back here right now so you're just going to have to wait. Can I put you on hold for about 20 minutes?

XX: Welllll, I could just call back I suppose.

Me: (acting pissed) Well, you don't have to be a fucking smartass about it. All I said was that I'm in the middle of playing Super Mario Kart and I don't have time to walk across the fucking counter and check on your film so just deal with it, you stupid bitch. Okay? (slam down the phone.)

 

An interesting phenomenon here is that as soon as you hang up, about two seconds later another line will light up... Weird. So you pick up the phone.

 

Me: (in a different voice) K-Mart, this is Big Bob.

XX: (very irritated) Yes, I just called Electronics at your store there and the boy who answered the phone was extrememly rude to me and I'd like to talk to the manager there.

Me: Well, I'm Bob the assistant manager. The real manager is asleep right now. Would you like me to go to his office and wake him up?

XX: Well, I think somebody needs to talk to the person in electronics. I asked if my film was there and he started screaming at me and using foul language.

Me: Ma'am, that's just the way our employees are. In order to cut down on stress in the workplace, we encourage them to relieve their frustrations on the customers. If you don't like it, you can take your fucking film somewhere else. (slam)

 

The trick is never to let them have the last word. You'd probably have a good laugh now by going to the Service Desk or operator's desk (aka fitting rooms) and listening to her call back and yell at the operator for a bit.

 

Me: Thanks for calling Wal-Mart, how can I help you?

XX: I need the toy department.

Me: Hold on... (different voice) ...Toys.

XX: Do you guys carry the new Christmas Barbie?

Me: Which one? There's two of them. One of them she's got a Christmas wreath stuck up her butt and the other one she's holding a penis in one hand and a whip in the other hand. Anyway, yeah, we got 'em both but they're going quick. They're both $17.99 apiece.

XX: Uhhhh...

Me: Would you like me to hold one for you? I can take your name and hold it for 24 hours.

XX: (click)

Me: How rude...

 

Me: Hardware, how can I help you?

XX: I need the housewares department.

Me: Well, you got hardware. So how can I help you?

XX: Well, I doubt that you can help me because I asked for housewares.

Me: WELL, obviously the lady at the service desk is hard of hearing because you've been transferred to the hardware department so how can I help you?

XX: ...Okay. I need to know if you have any of those blenders left that were advertised in Sunday's paper.

Me: How the hell should I know anything about blenders. You've got hardware here.

XX: Could you please transfer me to housewares?

Me: No, I can't. Maybe instead of a blender you'd like to buy a nice circular saw or some acrylic paint.

 

Me: Garden Center.

XX: Yes, do you have any of tho-

Me: No, we don't.

XX: You didn't let me fini-

Me: (click)

 

Secret Departments:

If you have the time, you can sit at a store's phone and manually scan for other "departments" that aren't listed on the phone or even known to most employees and managers. In the past, I've found the extensions to different phones in store rooms and offices around the store, I've been magically transferred to other offices in different states (speed dial?) and I've gotten lots of weird sounding noises and computer carriers and fax tones. I've also been thrown out of alot of stores.

 

Figure out what the extensions are for most of the departments in the store. Most stores have them written on the phone or next to the phone. If not, just call the operator and ask for the extensions. Using all the extensions you've gathered as sort of a template, start making up similar extensions and see what you can find. Then start dialing totally random numbers and see what you get. Continue to do this until you see an angry store manager standing behind you.

 

In some stores, the operator will notice that the phone you're using keeps going on and off. This will either make her suspicious or drive her crazy and in both cases, she'll send someone over to investigate. Really, though, the worst thing that could happen is that you'll get kicked out of the store. Oh darn. But even that's pretty unlikely. Just tell them you were trying to figure out how to get some help in that department, then ask if they have any Tickle Me Elmo dolls left.

 

LRT Guns:

Okay, so this is totally unrelated to courtesy phones, but this is still a cool way to spend an evening in a store after you've been kicked off all of the phones. Sometimes you'll see employees running around with little lazer guns with a 5x20 display and a keyboard. Usually they'll set these down while they go to help a customer which is when you snatch it up and run off to a different department with it. The employees use these guns to:

 

* Scan UPC bar codes which gives them a product description and price

* Inventory items on the shelves and maintain a list of items to be taken out from the storeroom

* Print price labels to stick on the shelves

* Do credit checks on instant credit applications (only the service desk usually knows how to do this)

 

At Target, they have a "gift list" program where you come into the store and take one of these LRT guns around the store and scan the bar codes of things you want for your wedding or baby shower. When you're doing this, the LRT is on a different mode, but it can be reset to normal mode by resetting the gun. This is usually done by holding down the "FUNCTION" key while pressing ENTER." When you take one of these guns, they want you to leave a driver's license as collateral. You could easily give them someone else's driver's license and walk out of the store with their LRT. It probably wouldn't work too far from the store, though, since it's controlled by the store's computer.

 

If you borrow an LRT from an employee, just get far away from them, then either take the gun into the bathroom and play with it, or set it on a shelf by alot of other stuff so you can type on it without looking too conspicuous. If a little kid stands next to you to see what you're doing, growl at them.

 

While in normal operation mode, you can actually get a DOS prompt on these things by pressing CONTROL-C. I've only been able to play around on the D: drive, making directories, deleting directories and stashing dumb text files all over for them to find. Even though it seems to accept all normal DOS commands, I never could figure out where the ":" key was. Since the keyboard is compact, each key has several different characters on it, depending whether you press a "control" or "function" or "shift" along with it. I tried every possible combination and couldn't find the : key which is what I needed to get to the C: drive. You cannot surf the web on these terminals. Oh darn.

 

If you just want to feel cool and go around scanning bar codes, from the > prompt type "UPC" and ENTER. While in this mode, if an employee approaches you and says, "Hey, give me back my thingie." you can point the lazer at them and blind them for life. (Well, not really but it sure pisses them off.) The only other command I can think of is "DPCI" which isn't very interesting. A bit of playing around with their menu should yeild some interesting results.

 

K-Mart is the store who used one of these guns to do an instant credit check on me. She entered in all the information from my application into the gun which took about 3 hours at her speedy 13 WPM. The result is not an entire credit report flashing across the screen, but simply a "approved" or "denied" answer. (In my case, "denied.")

 

Do You Work Here?

Ever walk into a K-Mart and accidentally wear a pinstripe shirt and a red vest with ivory pants and light colored shoes only to find every other customer asking, "Do you work here?" Well, uh, neither have I. I would never wear my red vest with my ivory pants. That's tackey. But it can be alot of fun to dress very similar to employees and go around answering dumb questions for the customers. You can even slap on your McDonald's name badge and the customer will never notice the difference.

 

It's best to do this on a really busy day because the understaffed employees won't even notice an imposter running around, misdirecting their customers. If you're not afraid of getting punched in the mouth by some customers, you can be just as rude as you were to them on the phone. But if you're a wimp like me, just lie to them alot, point them in the totally wrong direction, make up information about how great a product is and send all the customers to Lane Seven for whatever they're looking for. Whoever is working at Lane Seven will get very irritated.

 

________________________________________

 

Exploiting Create-A-Card

Just about any Wal-Mart in the country has one of these machines to make personalized greeting cards. When you're on the main screen you can touch the bottom right corner of the screen and bring up an administration menu which asks you for a pin code.

 

I need your help! If you have any information on Create-A-Card machines or have seen any articles about them please send them to me. I'll add to this page as I find out more about them. Here is a letter from 2600 that someone was nice enough to send me:

 

"I am writing in response to the letter in Volume 14, Number 4 which asked about a way to hack the Create-A-Card machines. Their security depends on the fact that the card program is always in the foreground and can't be closed from within. It is possible to get control of the system (usually a pc running Windows 3.1) by having it attempt to print a card when there is no paper. When Windows sees the error it displays an annoying message and sends the create-a-card program to the background. While it is in the background, you can tap the program manager icon using the touch screen like a regular mouse. I've only done this once and Windows being what it is crashed before I could do anything really fun. But this flaw provides potential for many great pranks, including possibly reconfiguring the create-a-card software. Have fun and remeber, 'it was like this when I got here.' "

_________________________________________

 

HACKING THE WAL-MART ARMORGUARD COMPUTER PROTECTION SYSTEM

 

by KwAnTAM_PoZeEtrON, e-mailed to me by Orion

NOTE: To use this, you must have a system disk (i.e. a disk that has been formatted using [format a: /s]) in 3.5" format under Windows 95, because that is what they sell all of their computers with.

 

The armorguard is a program that prevents you from writing to the directories, changing the attributes of files, and deleting files. It basically prevents you from doing anything cool. The first thing to do is to go into Wal-Mart. Now, go to the computer section and turn off the screen saver. Shut down as many apps as you can with the [CTRL]-[ALT]-[DEL] and then choosing a program and hitting enter. You cannot simply do this to the ArmorGuard program.

 

The next thing to do is to go to the DOS PROMPT. Most Wal-Marts take the mouse ball out of all of the display mice to make it harder to control the system. If you are adept at putting your finger inside the mouse and controlling it that way, fine. Otherwise, just hit [CTRL]-[ALT]-[ESC]. This activates the start menu. Select "Programs", hit enter, then go down to near the bottom of the "Programs" menu and select "MS-DOS PROMPT". Hit enter.

 

Now you are in a DOS window and in the C:Windows directory. Hit [cd..] and then type "fdisk /mbr", which restores the master boot record, preventing the password prompt from coming up when you reset the computer.

 

Now just hit [CTRL]-[ALT]-[DEL] twice (once gets you to task manager, twice reboots) and wait. When you see "Starting Windows 95..." on the screen, hit [F8] really fast just once, then choose "Verify each step" (or something to that effect), usually choice number 4. It will give you an A: prompt and say "Please give the path of your command interpreter, i.e. C:WINDOWSCOMMAND.COM". At this point, put the system disk you have made in the drive and hit [A:COMMAND.COM]. Say "Yes" to everything except the following:

 

Log this bootup? (Bootlog.txt)? (y/n)

C:armguard.exe? (y/n)

(***OR ANYTHING ELSE STARTING WITH "C:ARM", LIKE "C:ARMOR", for instance.)

If you have done this right, ARMGUARD SHOULDN'T COME UP AT ALL. If it does, hit "command prompt only" instead of "Verify each step" and then specify C:AUTOEXEC.BAT and C:CONFIG.SYS if it asks for the configuration and the startup file. (IN THE OPPOSITE ORDER. CONFIG.SYS IS THE CONFIG FILE, AUTOEXEC.BAT IS THE STARTUP FILE.) Then immediately hit [F4] and it will give you step-by-step confirmation for each item. See above for the ones to say no to. Then you want to type:

 

C:WINDOWSCOMMANDEDIT.COM C:WINDOWSWIN.INI

 

and the DOS edit program will come up. Choose "Search" and hit "Find" and then tell it to find ARM and make sure it's NOT on match whole word only. Delete any line with ARM in it that looks like a part of ArmorGuard. This should prevent it from coming up on Windows.

 

IF NONE OF THIS WORKS, YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE READ-ONLY AND ARCHIVE ATTRIBUTES OFF OF THE WIN.INI, SYSTEM.INI, AUTOEXEC.BAT, AND CONFIG.SYS FILES BY HITTING [ATTRIB -A -R (c:WHATEVERFILE.YOUWANTTODOTHISTO)] I'D ALSO RECOMMEND EDITING THE AUTOEXEC.BAT FILE TO PREVENT ARMGUARD FROM EVER COMING UP AGAIN.

 

THINGS TO DO AFTER HACKING ARMORGUARD

Hmmm....USE YOUR IMAGINATION!

 

Think of this: Hit "shut down in MS-DOS mode" or start up in MS-DOS mode, put your boot disk in drive a: and type the following commands:

 

A:

FORMAT C:

 

and then confirm this. You have just started the permanent erasing of EVERYTHING on the hard drive. You can also do some other cool stuff with it too, just basically IF YOU WOULD DO IT TO SOMEONE YOU HATE, DO IT TO WAL-MART. Personally, I'd think that INSTEAD OF ERASING THE HARD DRIVE, I'D WRITE A VIRUS AND PUT IT ON THE COMPUTER. THAT WOULD REALLY BE MORE FUN. JUST STORE IT ON A FLOPPY AND COPY IT.

 

____________________________________

i have one

 

grow up, you fuck. these people have jobs and it isn't to babysit some fucktards that are out spending their parents' money and driving on their parents' gas.

COUNTDOWN LYKE NO WAY HEHEHHEhehEHHhe

apply for a job.

Re: i have one

 

Originally posted by test pattern

grow up, you fuck. these people have jobs and it isn't to babysit some fucktards that are out spending their parents' money and driving on their parents' gas.

 

damn, hit a nerve?

 

somebody must of got you into doing extra walmart clean-up duty on a recent shift.

Ha ha, this thread is GGRRRRRRRRRRRRReat!

funny story there, casek.

wu-tang

http://www.funny.co.uk/stuff/art_173-1448-...at-Walmart.html

 

<cough> ;)

Take a buddy to walmart and find one of those stick on alarms attatched to a product and casually stick it to his back or somewhere he cant see it. He will be embarassed and heated. You will be rotflol !

what the fuck?...nice to know nobody on 12oz has a sense of humor..no i didnt make those up i copied em from another site cuz i thought they were fuckin funny...whats wrong with you people?...its just harmless fun god damn take a fuckin bottle of chill pills and have some fuckin fun!!

hahah FLICKS!

Re: Re: funny things to do at walmart

 

Originally posted by TURBOCAPSLOK

DUDE, EVERYONE KNOWS YOU DIDNT THINK OF THOSE.

COULDNT EVEN BE BOTHERED READING

Originally posted by ¤¤FoRGE²¤¤

 

 

 

Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

 

 

i dunno man.. thats just going a bit far

NYC is in need of Walmarts

like i said i did not think of these!!...i bit em off a site cuz i thought they were funny!....

and there isnt any walmarts in chicago either there all in the burbs

Originally posted by StarzAbove

NYC is in need of Walmarts

 

dont jynx yourself, walmart is taking over everywhere. they already put several k marts out of business.

hahahaha "Put M&M's on layaway. "

 

 

 

stealing as much paint as you can is funny too.

Is it just me or is this walmart shit posted atleast once a year?

the only place id ever see a walmart is in the movies

Originally posted by ¤¤FoRGE²¤¤

When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

 

I must do this.

yeah that one sounds like it would be hilarious or

 

"When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?" "

sounds fun

 

:lol:

NY walmart in valley stream