FUN WITH TELEMARKEtERS.

What To Say To Telemarketers

 

If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you sure could use some money.

 

If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?". Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, and my dog just died" when they try to get to the sell, just keep talking about your problems.

 

If they say they're John Doe from XYZ company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

 

This works great if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ company" You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

 

Cry out in surprise, "Judy, IS that you? Oh my God Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where the heck she could know you from.

 

Say "No," over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

 

If MCI or AT&T calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family & Friends Plan, reply in as Sinister a voice as you can. "I don't have any friends. Would you be my friend?"

 

If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

 

After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him / her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

 

Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company, they often can't sell to employees.

 

Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set the receiver down, shout or scream "Oh my God!!!" then hang up.

 

Tell the telemarketer that you are busy at the moment and ask them to give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When they explain that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" Hang up.

 

Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

 

Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack you food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

 

Tell the telemarketer you are "grounded" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

 

Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

 

Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "C'mon Leon, cut it out! Seriously Leon, how's your mom?"

 

If they are selling magazines, ask them if they come in Braille.

 

Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD DOWN.

this is long but trust me its funny...its a transcript my friend sent me of how he got a telemarketer to hang up on him...

 

People-

 

This morning, I think I became the first person in history to have a telemarketer hang up on me. This lady called me trying to get me to change my long-distance to AT&T (SWB 4 Life!) and then it went down like this . . . (*screen wiggles to indicate dream*)

--------

 

(*Pink fuzz around screen shows I'm telling a past event. You know, like on Saved by the Bell*.)

 

*BBBBRINGGG*

ME: Hello?

 

LADY: I'm calling on behalf of AT&T to try to persuade you to switch your long-distance carrier to our service. Which long-distance carrier are you currently with?

 

ME: I don't have a phone.

 

LADY: ...You don't have a phone?

 

ME: No. No phone.

 

LADY: (smugly) Then how am I talking to you, sir?

 

ME: It's a tin can with a string tied to the end.

 

LADY: Mmm...hmm....

 

ME: It is.

 

LADY: Mmm...hmm.....

 

ME: It is.

 

LADY: Come on.

 

ME: It is.

 

LADY: I know you aren't trying to tell me you're talking on a Pork 'N' Beans can.

 

ME: It's a SOUP can! Duh.

 

LADY: Mmm...hmm....

 

ME: It is.

 

LADY: Well you must have your calls forwarded to your soup can then, huh?

 

ME: Nope.

 

LADY: You must, because I know I dialed (785)-776-6952.

 

ME: No you didn't.

 

LADY: I didn't?

 

ME: Nope.

 

LADY: Well what's your can's phone number then?

 

ME: One. My number is one.

 

(long silence)

 

LADY: You mean to tell me I didn't call (785)-776-6952?

 

ME: No, you called one.

 

LADY: Sir, I don't have time for this. You're being very rude.

 

ME: What are you wearing?

 

LADY: Nothing. Now can we please talk about long distance plans?

 

ME: Sorry, I don't have a phone.

 

LADY: I'm just trying to do my job.

 

ME: It's Halloween.

 

LADY: Sir, I can't legally hang up on you.

 

ME: Doooooo iiiiiittt.............

 

LADY: Will you please hang up on me now?

 

ME: You can't hang up on me?

 

LADY: No.

 

ME: Then we'll be here all day. Just you, me, and my soup can phone.

 

LADY: (*aggrivated noise*)

 

ME: Ok, ok, I'm sorry. Enough games. You were saying something about me switching my long-distance plans?

 

LADY: (*sigh of relief*) Yes. Who is your current-

 

ME: I don't have a phone.

 

LADY: (angrily) IS YOUR NAME JASON???

 

ME: .......maaaaaaaaybe..............

 

(another long silence)

 

LADY: WELL IS IT OR ISN'T IT???

 

ME: .......maaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe...............

 

LADY: I can't legally hang up on you.

 

ME: You already told me that.

 

(another long silence)

 

ME: Hi.

 

(yet another long, long silence)

 

LADY: Look, will you just please tell me you don't make long-distance calls so I can hang up on you? Now then. Do you make long-distance calls?

 

ME: Yep! All the time!

 

LADY: (frustrated) Can I at least put you on our no-call list?

 

ME: Yes! Actually, wait, no. I'm kind of enjoying this. Please call me some more.

 

LADY: Oh I have a feeling I'm going to remember this number.

 

ME: How could you forget? It's one.

 

(more silent frustration)

 

ME: One.

 

LADY: OK, I'm going to take you off our list. I'm also going to take you off our mailing list. What's your address?

 

ME: The moon.

 

LADY: Jason, I know you're not trying to tell me you live on the moon.

 

ME: It's Halloween.

 

(silence)

 

ME: So what's up?

 

LADY: You're rude.

 

ME: You are.

 

LADY: -click-

 

---------

 

And that's how it went down (Pink fades from edge of screen and screen wiggles back into the present). I hope I have inspired you all to play games with your telemarketers too. Good times.

^ That is quality.. I feel for the telemarketers, But they call at the wrong times. I need to try some of these.

HAHAHAHA!!! that story was hilarious. does anybody ever watch crank yankers? they have a CD with the greatest crank calls in stores now.

HAHAHAHAHHA 5THAT IS THE MOST IVE LAUGHED IN 6 YEARS. I LOVE YOU BOTH.

haha.....thats pretty funny......

 

 

when they call my house i usually tell them that i died.....

Originally posted by WhAt_dA_fUcK

[

 

 

when they call my house i usually tell them that i died..... [/b]

 

that's usually what I do when bill collectors call........

ahhh......thats a classic

HAHA! HOLY SHIT!

my boy's phone number was a number off little ceasars, you dont know how many people called his house a busy night. it was great, we'd take down orders, tell people they couldn't order, tell them there pizza was free, or it was $50, just all sorts of things.

i have been getting called more than usual lately. im gonna try some of these. thing is i dont usually think to be funny at 7 am.

shave your bean bag for the guys or pontious pilot for the girls

 

when they call just tell em hold for the person they're asking for and drag the receiver across said area and moan.

 

works like a charm

Aaaaahhahahaha! Fr8lover, thanks for the story!

somehow they got my cell phone number...I got a call from them at work the other day...me and my boss ahd fun

Hahahahaha.....some funny shit. I have to start doing stuff like this.......

fr8lover...holy shit that story was hilarious...recently ive been on a kick fucking with these telemarketers too...i told em the other day that nobody in my house was over the age of 16, we had 25 kids living here, and we had run my parents out of the house to south america...

the guy was like "what??"....and i kept with the story and fucked with him for a good 5 minutes....good stuff...maybe if we all mess with these people enough they wont call anymore.

i used to do telephone market research. what a fun job. imagine calling somebody you don't know and trying to convince them to take a 40 minute long survey about what shops they would like in their new mall, or the benefit of using acme washing detergent. definately got some good people. one shift i spent 4 hours on an interstate call to some chick just talking about music and movies and general bullshit. the manager wasn't too happy about that. oh well.

 

ps- don't try using the "what's your number so i can call you back" trick because the operator will just laugh at your severe lack of originality

When I first got my current phone number I would get up to 15 calls a day trying to order flowers from a shop that closed a year earlier.

 

I stay jaded because of that shit, Now I get 15 calls from telemarketers trying to switch my sprint phone service to sprint.

 

 

--

 

lol, good call

"followers" huh...

should pay more attention to the screen when i type,

 

lol

damn, I thought I'd found a solution to jumpstarting my new religious cult... well, off to the airport I go...

Thats was so funny, I have been laughin out loud for 5 minutues now...

 

My girlfriends gets calls on her phone all the time from people thinking theyre calling a cemetary... Weird.

Also my best friends parents number are very close to a big cinemas reservation hotline. Its fun to take orders for tickets, telling people to show up 1 minute before the movie starts and claim their reservations... think we have screwed up alot of dates by now...

can still do,

 

All you need is a animated film about your religions moses to get charleston heston to do the voice over, Start with the kids and you'll get the parents.

that phone conversation was so classic. hahaha.

When they call and ask to speak to Mr Whoever, I say I'll just go get them, put the phone on the side and carry on whatever I was doing. Leave them hanging on for 15 minutes or so then hang up.

fr8lover man that shit is a larf hahaha

inspirational stuff.

hahahha....i am so going to try this!

how come they cant hang up on you?

yeh nohtin berats boredom like the ole' telemarketer calls... i do differect weird things everytime...

i had one dude convinced he had called the white house.. good times