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FUCKING HOLY ROLLERS


BOZACK

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okay so last night i'm at barnes & noble by myself reading DAZED like a fucking loser cos i'm broke and currently bored with "going out" in this town full of ugly white trash von-dutch wearing girls who smoke crappy cigarettes and dance in a very geeky manner.

anyway all i wanna do is read about tom ford and crystal meth and other foolishness when this acned-out fat fuck in birkenstocks plops his rotund ass onto the chair next to me and decides he wants to be my friend. he asks what i plan on doing this weekend so i inform him of my plans to dissolve my liver and make my lungs bleed. then the second question that comes out of his mouth is "are you gonna go see 'the passion?'"

at that moment i had to cover my mouth in order to gulp down the rush of acidic vomit that had just sprung up my esophagus. if i hear "the passion" one more time i will puke. this guy starts asking me if i believe in the sacrifice jesus made for me blah blah blah "man i bet you were raised catholic weren't you" he says (in a tone that implied that catholics are stupid). basically from then on it was catholic-bashing and baptist-promotion. he tells me that "yeah you catholics [i don't even go to church, much less consider myself "catholic" anymore] believe in alot of stuff, but i only believe in one thing, and that's jesus." well you should try believing in something more productive like the atkins diet dude.

he tells me "i bet my church is a whole lot more fun than yours. go see the passion man."

 

then he grabs my cell phone from the table (without asking) and puts his number in there and tells me to call him after i see the movie (which i won't) and that i should come to their "youth group" meetings. fucking holy rollers i swear they will DIE.

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thats crazy, but check this...one time i was in barnes and noble reading some cartoon book and i was standing next to about 4 chairs next to eachother and all of a sudden my pants drop and the two guys sitting in the chairs stare at me and start laughing about it and one guy says "oops" in a gay tone...and i pulled my pants up very quickly and they both start like talking all gay to eachother and waving their hands... :o

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Originally posted by why write?

thats crazy, but check this...one time i was in barnes and noble reading some cartoon book and i was standing next to about 4 chairs next to eachother and all of a sudden my pants drop and the two guys sitting in the chairs stare at me and start laughing about it and one guy says "oops" in a gay tone...and i pulled my pants up very quickly and they both start like talking all gay to eachother and waving their hands... :o

 

I have no idea what this has to do with anything but it's kinda funny.

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Originally posted by why write?

thats crazy, but check this...one time i was in barnes and noble reading some cartoon book and i was standing next to about 4 chairs next to eachother and all of a sudden my pants drop and the two guys sitting in the chairs stare at me and start laughing about it and one guy says "oops" in a gay tone...and i pulled my pants up very quickly and they both start like talking all gay to eachother and waving their hands... :o

 

i recommend semi-tight pants.

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Originally posted by caL

^^they both took place in barnes and nobles ;)

 

 

anyways, bozak.

lie to strangers, that way they will leave you alone.

 

i don't like lying. i just told him that my self-destructive plans are way funenr than any fucking youth group and he should try it some time.

 

then i recommended acutane for his face.

 

of course none of this fased him cos he's a patient and righteous man of god.

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yeah, and another time i hitchhiked a ride from some mexican guy, he picked like 5 of my friends up and i had to liek sit on something wierd and he asked us all if we 'smoke dee marywana' and we all were like yeah and he was telling us about how he smokes crack while he works.....crazy guy, we told him we were like 10 years older then we relaly are and we made up a school name we went to and shit, kinda fun......

 

 

and another time some old man told me to get in his car, but i told him no im not homosexual

 

and another time a cop asked me if i was in a gang because i was wearing red

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Originally posted by GucciCondom

one day a jehovas witness came to my door and it was me and my boy and i swear to fuck i opened the door and threw a potatoe at her face

 

I had a friend open the door to a jehova befor and told them he would love to sit and talk, but he was having lunch with Satan at the moment....

 

 

Acutane is the shit.. i took that stuff in highschool and it cleared up my lil bit of acne in a month

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Originally posted by why write?

yeah, and another time i hitchhiked a ride from some mexican guy, he picked like 5 of my friends up and i had to liek sit on something wierd and he asked us all if we 'smoke dee marywana' and we all were like yeah and he was telling us about how he smokes crack while he works.....crazy guy, we told him we were like 10 years older then we relaly are and we made up a school name we went to and shit, kinda fun......

 

 

and another time some old man told me to get in his car, but i told him no im not homosexual

 

and another time a cop asked me if i was in a gang because i was wearing red

 

dude this is totally unrelated. we are holy roller bashing, remember?

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not cool to make fun of religion. any religion. it doesn't matter. just because there area few foolish souls that believe a movie will "turn you to christ" or whatever is just as silly as christians taking the whole seven headed, seven horned beast literally...as well as several other metaphors in the bible, that some people are just blind to as metaphors for political and what have you.

 

the jesus man was a great teacher, in my humble opinion. he was just trying to keep judaism the way it was before the romans started trying to bring politics and religion together. it seems he fought pretty hard...he died for us in the same sense that a soldier dies for our freedoms.

 

 

god exists in all forms, physical, and by several different names. it's all good....it's just kinda depressing that some people go completely overboard with what they think is right for everyone else...they never seem to see what is right for them...how interesting.

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oh fucking god i hate these fucking people. i used to get shit from them CONSTANTLY when i was in highschool, for some reason it was always out when i was riding my bike with my friends. we'd be hitting some spot and they roll up and start talking to us about what we like to do and then try to ram these pamphlets up our asses and talk about how we'd have alot of fun at their youth group in some basement because they have koolaid and shit. yeah, thanks pal but i think ill go get my own rape drugs. fucking weirdos. the first few times we would be fairly upstanding and just try to politely turn them away, for some reason you cannot do this to religous nuts because every fucking time they just started flipping out and talking about how delinquent we'd become or were. NO. NO HOW ABOUT FUCK YOU GUY. OK HOW ABOUT THAT. i think the last time my friend and i were walking through some parking lot when they told us we should come to their church because jesus loved us. my friend told them to fuck off and suddenly god man wanted to fight. hahahaha. fucking fuck.

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Originally posted by Tyler Durden

oh fucking god i hate these fucking people. i used to get shit from them CONSTANTLY when i was in highschool, for some reason it was always out when i was riding my bike with my friends. we'd be hitting some spot and they roll up and start talking to us about what we like to do and then try to ram these pamphlets up our asses and talk about how we'd have alot of fun at their youth group in some basement because they have koolaid and shit. yeah, thanks pal but i think ill go get my own rape drugs. fucking weirdos. the first few times we would be fairly upstanding and just try to politely turn them away, for some reason you cannot do this to religous nuts because every fucking time they just started flipping out and talking about how delinquent we'd become or were. NO. NO HOW ABOUT FUCK YOU GUY. OK HOW ABOUT THAT. i think the last time my friend and i were walking through some parking lot when they told us we should come to their church because jesus loved us. my friend told them to fuck off and suddenly god man wanted to fight. hahahaha. fucking fuck.

 

 

feel sorry for them for not waking up and realizing that if you want a god, any god, in your life, you'll find it...by yourself.

 

in a town i lived in once, we had this guy, jed smock (sp?) anyway, guy had a taken a ton of acid in the 60's and moved to an island where he apparently "found god"...now he's in that little town trying to preach to people on the street corners...don't get me wrong, he's not alone, he is the minister for some church...they all hand out pamphlets and use speakers to shout "blood of the lamb!" and "you're all going to hell unless you repent now!" fucking crazy, man. don't they realize that it just turns people away when they say things like that? i used to, for fun, go up to them and have perfectly logical arguements about religion and god. fun times. i've left that time in my life, and now i just kind fo shy away from any crazies on the street trying to talk to me about what i believe in. it shouldn't matter to them. i'm still just a guy on the other side of a screen. even when i'm away from my computer. that's all i should be.

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I've had the Jehova's witnesses harass me maybe 4-5 times in my life, didn't really mind them so much. I'd usually just take a watchtower and read it while I was shitting.

 

The worst though, was when I was in high school. Once a week, we had a designated period for "club time", and anyone who had club meetings that week was able to leave the classroom and go to them. If your club wasn't meeting that week, you got the hour for study period, but had to remain in whatever classroom you would have had class in. Well, it just so happens that one week when my club wasn't meeting, the teacher that I would have had class with was having a meeting of the school's christian student club. They wouldn't let me leave, so guess who got to sit through a half hour of fucking "Veggie Tales" and another 20 minutes of group prayer. You'd best believe I got some dirty fucking looks from the rest of the people in there when I refused to pray, and instead was scribbling loudly on my notebook. I swear to "Bob" I was ready to get a lawyer after that bullshit.

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