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For Mammero

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by bobobi11, Jan 25, 2002.

  1. bobobi11

    bobobi11 Elite Member

    Joined: Dec 15, 2000 Messages: 2,807 Likes Received: 1
    Why Beer Is Better Than Women

    1. You can enjoy a BEER all month.
    2. BEER stains wash out.
    3. You don't have to wine and dine a BEER.
    4. Your BEER will always wait patiently for you in the car.
    5. When BEER goes flat you toss it out.
    6. BEER is never late.
    7. HANGOVERS go away.
    8. A BEER doesn't get jealous when you grab another BEER.
    9. BEER labels come off without a fight.
    10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a BEER.
    11. BEER never has a headache.
    12. After you have a BEER, the bottle is still worth a dime.
    13. A BEER won't get upset if you come home with BEER on your
    14. If you pour a BEER right, you will always get good head.
    15. You can have more than one BEER a night and not feel guilty.
    16. A BEER ALWAYS goes down easy.
    17. You can share a BEER with your friends.
    18. You always know that you are the first one to pop a BEER.
    19. A BEER is always wet.
    20. BEER doesn't demand equality.
    21. A BEER doesn't care when you come.
    22. You can have a BEER in public.
    23. A frigid BEER is a good BEER.
    24. You don't have to wash a BEER before it tastes good.
    25. BEER always comes in multiples of six.
    26. BEER doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left.
    27. You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a BEER.
    28. After you have a BEER, you're committed to nothing other than
    dumping the empty bottle.
    29. A BEER never costs you more than five dollars and never
    leaves you thirsty.
    30. When your BEER is gone, you just pop another.
    31. You rarely (if ever) find BEER labels on the shower curtain
    32. BEER looks the same in the morning.
    33. BEER doesn't look you up in a month.
    34. BEER doesn't worry about someone walking in.
    35. BEER doesn't worry about waking the kids.
    36. BEER doesn't get cramps.
    37. BEER doesn't have a mother.
    38. BEER doesn't have morals.
    39. BEER doesn't go crazy once a month.
    40. BEER always listens and never argues.
    41. BEER labels don't go out of style every year.
    42. BEER doesn't whine, it bubbles.
    43. BEER doesn't have cold hands/feet.
    44. BEER doesn't demand legality.
    45. BEER is never overweight.
    46. If you change BEERs, you don't have to pay alimony.
    47. BEER won't run off with your credit cards.
    48. BEER doesn't have a lawyer.
    49. BEER doesn't need much closet space.
    50. BEER can't give your herpes or other nasty things.
    51. BEER doesn't complain about the way you drive.
    52. BEER doesn't mind if you fart or belch.
    53. BEER never changes its mind.
    54. BEER doesn't tease you or play hard to get.
    55. BEER never asks you to change the station.
    56. BEER doesn't make you go shopping.
    57. BEER doesn't tell you to mow the grass.
    58. BEER doesn't mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson
    59. BEER is always easy to pick up.
    60. Big, fat BEERs are nice to have.
    61. BEER doesn't pout or play games.
    62. BEER NEVER says no.
    63. BEER is easy to get into.
    64. BEER never complains when you take it somewhere.
    65. BEER doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other BEERs
    66. BEER doesn't wear a bra.
    67. BEER doesn't mind getting dirty.
    68. BEER doesn't complain about insensitivity.
    69. BEER doesn't use up your toilet paper.
    70. BEER doesn't live with its mother.
    71. BEER doesn't blow you off.
    72. BEER doesn't care if you have no culture or manners.
    73. BEER doesn't bitch, yell, or cry.
    74. BEER doesn't mind football season.
    75. A BEER won't make you go to church.
    76. A BEER is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor"
    than a woman.
    77. A BEER doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because
    the guys spit.
    78. A BEER doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose".
    79. A BEER doesn't give a fuck if you keep a bunch of other
    BEERs around.
    80. A BEER will not insist that those odious Michelin
    commercials wit babies are "cute".
    81. If a BEER leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good
    for a while.
    82. A BEER will not call you a sexist pig if you say "doberman"
    instead of "doberperson".
    83. A BEER won't get a job as a DJ and play 5 straight hours of
    lesbian folk music on your favorite radio station.
    84. A BEER won't claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads.
    85. A BEER won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving
    the toilet seat up.
    86. If you mention a "three-hundred-fifty cubic-inch V8" around a
    BEER, it won't think you're talking about an enormous can of
    vegetable juice.
    87. A BEER won't whine that seatbelts hurt.
    88. A BEER won't smoke in your car.
    89. A BEER won't argue that there's no difference between
    shooting down an unidentified aircraft in a war zone and
    blowing a Korean airliner out of the sky.
    90. A BEER will never buy a car with automatic transmission.
    91. A BEER will actually *support* belching and farting and share
    your enthusiasm for getting them included as demonstration
    sports in the 1992 Olympic Games in Barcelona.
    92. A BEER is always ready to leave on time.
    93. A BEER never fishes for compliments.
    94. Some BEERs (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits.
    95. BEER tastes *good*.
    96. If you take a BEER outta the fridge just to look at it but
    then decide to drink it, the BEER won't accuse you of
    "date rape".
    97. A BEER won't raise any objections to an evening of watching
    "John Holmes' Greatest Hits" on your VCR.
    98. An ice-cold BEER will nonetheless let you have your way with
    99. A BEER won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to
    the grocery store.
    100. A BEER won't accuse you of lying when you say you read
    Penthouse "just for the articles". (You *are* lying, but
    the BEER won't accuse you of it.
    101. A BEER won't worry that you'll go to jail if you videotape a
    Giants game without the expressed, written consent of the
    National Football League.
    102. A BEER won't fill up your car with cheesy 85-octane gas with
    the excuse: "But I saved a quarter!"
    103. A BEER will *never* make you go to a Swedish movie.
    104. A BEER will *never* make you turn off "Fists of Fury Theater"
    on channel 5 on Saturday afternoons.
    105. A BEER won't accuse you of being a sexist pig if you say
    "Gene Hackman" instead of "Gene Hackperson".
    106. A BEER won't make you eat some experimental vegetarian meal that tastes like STP Oil Treatment.
    107. When you're through with a BEER, the thought of another BEERdoesn't make you ill.
  2. miz303

    miz303 Banned

    Joined: Aug 23, 2001 Messages: 425 Likes Received: 0
  3. bobobi11

    bobobi11 Elite Member

    Joined: Dec 15, 2000 Messages: 2,807 Likes Received: 1
    Beer Versus Pussy

    A beer is always wet.
    A pussy needs encouragement.
    Advantage: Beer.

    A beer tastes horrible served hot.
    A pussy tastes better served hot.
    Advantage: Pussy.

    Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
    Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
    Advantage: Beer.

    Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
    Pussy does not.
    advantage: Tie

    If you get a hair in your teeth
    consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
    Advantage: Pussy

    24 beers come in a box.
    A pussy is a box you can come in.
    Advantage: Pussy

    Too much head makes you mad at the
    person giving you a beer.
    Advantage: Pussy.

    If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is
    still edible.
    Advantage: Beer.

    If you come home smelling like beer,
    your wife may get mad. If you come home
    smelling like pussy, she will definitely get mad.
    Advantage: Beer.

    6 beers in a night and you better not
    drive. 6 pussies in a night and you
    have done all the driving you need.
    Advantage: Pussy

    Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
    Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
    Advantage: Tie

    It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game.
    You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.
    Advantage: Pussy

    If a cop smells beer on your breath,
    you are going to get a breathalyzer.
    If a cop smells pussy on your breath,
    you are going to get a high five.
    Advantage: Pussy

    With beer, bigger is better.
    Advantage: beer.

    Wearing a condom does not make a beer
    any less enjoyable.
    Advantage: beer.

    Pussy can make you see God. Beer can
    make you see the porcelain god.
    Advantage: Pussy

    If you think all day about the next pussy
    you will have, you are normal.
    If you think all day about your next beer,
    you are an alcoholic.
    Advantage: Pussy

    Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
    Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
    Advantage: Pussy.

    If you try to snag a beer at work,
    you get fired. If you try to snag a pussy
    at work, you get hit with sexual harassment.
    Advantage: Tie

    If you suddenly drop a beer, it may
    break. If you suddenly drop a pussy,
    it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
    Advantage: Beer.

    If you change to another beer, your
    old brand will gladly have you back.
    Advantage: Beer.

    The best pussy you have ever had is
    not gone once you have enjoyed it.
    Advantage: Pussy.

    The worst pussy you have ever had is
    not gone once you have enjoyed it.
    Advantage: Beer.

    Bad beer: Schlitz, PBR, Old Swill.
    Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright.
    Advantage: Tie

    Good beer: Samuel Adams, Moosehead,
    Pete's Wicked Winter Brew.
    Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
    Advantage Pussy.

    The government taxes beer.
    Advantage: Pussy.
  4. bobobi11

    bobobi11 Elite Member

    Joined: Dec 15, 2000 Messages: 2,807 Likes Received: 1
    Beer Quotes

    You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons but at the very least you need a beer.

    -Frank Zappa

    Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.

    -Winston Churchill

    He was a wise man who invented beer.


    Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

    -Catherine Zandonella

    A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.

    -W.C. Fields

    Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.

    -Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
    Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.

    -His reply

    If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.

    -David Daye

    Work is the curse of the drinking class.

    -Oscar Wilde

    When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

    -Henny Youngman

    Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

    -Benjamin Franklin

    If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.

    -Deep Thought, Jack Handy

    Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.

    -Dave Barry

    The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

    -Humphrey Bogart

    People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.

    -Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

    Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.

    -Kaiser Wilhelm

    I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.

    -Homer Simpson

    Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

    -Dave Barry

    I drink to make other people interesting.

    -George Jean Nathan

    They who drink beer will think beer.

    -Washington Irving

    An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

    -For Whom the Bell Tolls, Ernest Hemmingway

    You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

    -Dean Martin

    All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.

    -Homer Simpson
  5. Zack Morris

    Zack Morris Veteran Member

    Joined: Jun 23, 2001 Messages: 9,728 Likes Received: 4
    this gets a mossive bumporama...this thread made me smile
  6. Best lists ever. El Mamerro and his partner Jesus Potato wish to thank you for this thread. Beer,

    El Mamerro


  8. Iris

    Iris Banned

    Joined: Sep 2, 2001 Messages: 888 Likes Received: 1
  9. Zack Morris

    Zack Morris Veteran Member

    Joined: Jun 23, 2001 Messages: 9,728 Likes Received: 4
    don't worry jangles I had a girl leave me for zima.
  10. bug

    bug Guest

    i strongly disagree. there's some really bad hairy, smelly pussy that i wont go near. there's so many different degrees of hair and smell that there's huge amount of variations in pussy. not all vagina is created equal.
  11. Kr430n5_666

    Kr430n5_666 Banned

    Joined: Oct 6, 2004 Messages: 19,229 Likes Received: 30