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flip-flopping friday....rob

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by mental invalid, Jun 18, 2004.

  1. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8
    alliteration weekend...


    Free Will Astrology
    horoscopes for week of June 17, 2004

    Aries (March 21-April 19)

    Current human life expectancy is already at 78 years, and it's steadily increasing. So if you're 30 years old, you can expect to be alive for at least another 48 years, and probably longer. If you're 22 you could easily be here for another 60 revolutions of the Earth around the sun, and if you're 45, you've got a minimum of 33. So what are you going to do with all that precious, spacious time? I encourage you to let your brainstorms flow freely in the coming week. Is there another career or two you might want to pursue? A far-flung locale where you'd like to live for a while? An adventure that may take a long time to get ready for? Have fun visualizing the enormous magic you could accomplish little by little in the next three decades.

    Taurus (April 20-May 20)

    Naturalist John Burroughs was addressing your current needs when he wrote the following: "The lesson which life constantly enforces is 'Look underfoot.' You are always nearer to the true sources of your power than you think. The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive. The great opportunity is where you are. Every place is the center of the world." Let's finish up this little pep talk, Taurus, with some advice from Theodore Roosevelt: "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."

    Gemini (May 21-June 20)

    "Never test the depth of the water with both feet," the old saying goes, and usually I endorse such an approach. But not now. For the next two weeks, Gemini, you're exempt from that and just about every other cautionary rule. As far as I can tell, your future is so wide open that the only guiding principles you need are those that give you permission. Here's an example you might like, formulated by sex researcher Alfred Kinsey: "The only unnatural sex act is one you cannot perform."

    Cancer (June 21-July 22)

    Until recently, Indonesians thought their country consisted of about 17,000 islands. But in February of 2003, an analysis of satellite images found more than a thousand undiscovered islands, bringing the total to 18,108. I suspect that you're on the verge of making a comparable breakthrough about yourself, Cancerian. There's much more of you than you ever imagined. Many previously unknown territories will soon come into view. It will be as if you have unearthed a new world right in the midst of the old one.

    Leo (July 23-August 22)

    Lions and jaguars can roar, but they can't purr. Cheetahs and snow leopards can purr, but can't roar. Now and then a tiger in captivity learns how to produce a sputtering imitation of a purr in addition to its characteristic roar. But as a rule, every species of feline does one or the other but not both. To meet your dates with destiny in the coming week, you'll have to be like a kind of cat that doesn't exist in nature: one that purrs with sublime contentment and roars with fierce authority.

    Virgo (August 23-September 22)

    Your theme this week is careen-stable. Here's Rebecca Rusche to tell you of the term's origin and how to recognize when it shows up in your life. "In high school, my mom used to let me use her VW Beetle to go to basketball practice. One night after practice, a friend and I were chatting and drinking Coke when we decided to see how fast we could get the Beetle going down a nearby dirt road. Soon we were careening at 65 mph, shouting 'careen!' every time we hit a bump and went flying into the air. When we arrived back at the gym and got out of the car half an hour later, we saw my Coke can sitting on the front bumper next to the license plate. I nudged it softly to see if it was lodged in there somehow, but it fell right off -- wasn't stuck at all. I thought, 'There must be a word for this magic,' and thus 'careen-stable' was born. It came to mean anything that maintains its poise in the midst of wild, fast movement."

    Libra (September 23-October 22)

    A couple from Houston had been trying to conceive a child for ten years. Finally, with the help of in vitro fertilization and fertility drugs, Jeffrey and Sheryl McGowen succeeded extravagantly. Two eggs were implanted in Sheryl, and both split. Nine months later she gave birth to two sets of identical twins. "I think God has a sense of humor," said Jeffrey. "He took a vacation, and when he got back from it he answered all of my prayers at once." Keep this story in mind, Libra. It will help prepare you for what God does for you upon returning from vacation.

    Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

    "Poets should welcome all opportunities to become befuddled," writes poet Linh Dinh in The American Poetry Review. "To not know what's happening forces one to become more attentive." Whether or not you're a poet, Scorpio, I heartily recommend this approach to you in the coming weeks. The feeling of having wandered off the path will be a sign of grace. To be confused will be a blessing. The only possible way you could miss out on the gifts that life wants to send you is if you act like a know-it-all who's in complete control.

    Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

    You can stir up sweet synchronicities by intensifying your connection with anyone who is an alternate version of you. So negotiate with your evil twin, Sagittarius. Inspire and incite your alter ego. Throw a bone to one of your imitators and leap to the next level with a kindred spirit. Slip in and out of the fourth dimension with your soul twin, send a message in a bottle to your future self, and pose a riddle to your shadow.

    Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

    Visualize a tall, thick, steel column that has been forged to serve as part of the foundation of a huge building. It's hauled to a construction site by a truck, held vertically by a crane, then driven into the ground by an enormous pile driver. The clanging of metal against metal rings out. Eventually, the bottom of the pillar is planted deep in the earth, destined to become a key part of the superstructure that will hold together tons of concrete, wood, and steel. Have you got that picture in your mind's eye, Capricorn? I think you're a lot like that pillar right now. Though you're weary of being pounded by the pile driver, you know it's in a worthy cause. And the good news is that the pounding is almost finished.

    Aquarius (January 20- February 18)

    "If you removed all of the homosexuals and homosexual influences from American culture, you would be pretty much left with the TV game show, 'Let’s Make a Deal.'" So proclaimed famed wit Fran Lebowitz. I'd wager that similar statements can be made about the cultures of every country where this horoscope is read. So wherever you live, Aquarius, let Lebowitz's observation be the starting point for your meditations this week. Think of all the beauty, creativity, and vitality that live in the world around you because of people whose relationships with gender are different from the standard models. For that matter, think of all the interesting experiences that have come your way--and may soon come your way again--because of your own refusal to strictly adhere to gender stereotypes.

    Pisces (February 19-March 20)

    "Don't rub the lamp unless you're ready for the genie." Nine out of the ten astrologers I polled for this horoscope said that this is excellent advice to give you right now. The tenth stargazer sneered, "Most Pisceans are never ready for the genie." My perspective is different from both the majority and the minority. I say, go ahead and rub the lamp immediately. Why? Because I'm privy to this bit of inside information: Nine out of the ten voices in your head are currently chanting, "I'm totally, absolutely, beyond-any-doubt ready for the genie."
  2. Kr430n5_666

    Kr430n5_666 Banned

    Joined: Oct 6, 2004 Messages: 19,229 Likes Received: 30
  3. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8
    Alfred Kinsey: "The only unnatural sex act is one you cannot perform."
  4. WebsterUno

    WebsterUno Guest


    :lol: word up!

    this weeks, and last weeks
    sorta coincide with each other.
    well, for me anyway.
  5. <KEY3>

    <KEY3> Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 24, 2004 Messages: 6,878 Likes Received: 2
    I'm so damn busy right now... consider this a blessing.

    Aries: (March 21—April 19)
    You're about to learn that words can hurt, especially those written in the Demon Alphabet of Foul Khal-Ru the Soul-Drinker.

    Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
    You'll be violated hundreds of times by out-of-control alcoholics, but it's to be expected, considering that you're the local ordinance against drunk and disorderly conduct.

    Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
    Depression will wash over you exactly like a great wave this week, leaving sand everywhere you don't want it.

    Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
    Right about now, you're probably dying to know what all has happened since you fell asleep last Valentine's Day.

    Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
    A dark time in your life will come to a sudden end after an unexpected, drastic improvement in Ronald Reagan's condition.

    Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
    You'd long given up any hope, but a voice from your past will inform you that it is indeed okay for you to have the rest of the cottage cheese.

    Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
    It has always been difficult for you to say you're sorry, but you will face your greatest challenge this Thursday, when wasps build a nest in your larynx.

    Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
    You claim that you never asked for this crap, but there's your signature, plain as day, on all the crap-request forms.

    Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
    You'll learn an important lesson about violence this week—specifically, what can happen when you're not very good at it.

    Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
    Your kissing booth will raise a lot of money for charity, but you're about to see more asses than you ever knew existed.

    Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
    The weird and sometimes unfriendly looks you'll receive on your bus ride through the South are perhaps the only downside to your new hobby as a Civil Rights re-enactor.

    Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
    Everyone warned you that nothing good would come of dishonesty, but you're perfectly happy with all the mediocre stuff that did.
  6. StarzAbove

    StarzAbove Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 15, 2003 Messages: 7,133 Likes Received: 6
    Lmao those were pretty funny
  7. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8
    "I'm so damn busy right now... consider this a blessing."

  8. <KEY3>

    <KEY3> Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 24, 2004 Messages: 6,878 Likes Received: 2

    only playing.

    "Let's Make a Deal"
  9. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8
  10. MrChupacabra

    MrChupacabra 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Oct 10, 2001 Messages: 10,940 Likes Received: 683
    Thas kinda odd, i was about to go eat some cottage cheese...
  11. bigpoppa.k

    bigpoppa.k Elite Member

    Joined: May 2, 2001 Messages: 3,152 Likes Received: 18
    i purr and roar already.... and fuck reagan.
  12. villain

    villain Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2002 Messages: 5,190 Likes Received: 2
    :huh2: I just want normalcy.
  13. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8




    man what teh fuck? apparently im going to get pounded in the ass
  15. SteveAustin

    SteveAustin Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 12, 2002 Messages: 7,042 Likes Received: 2
    ^^ bwa-ha-ha....hesh.

    damn...apparently all my prayers are gonna be answered at once.