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fighting depression

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by willy.wonka, Aug 29, 2002.

  1. willy.wonka

    willy.wonka Guest

    usually i go to the beach or bomb.
    right now it feels as if its eating me alive.
    beer does not do the trick, nor does the ganja.
    i cant draw for shit right now and i dont really have the energy to do it.
    all i really feel like doing is cookin up some fish and eating.

    im just kinda thinking. well, actually i have been thinking for a long long time now.i have been thinking of this world and how much i just wanna leave, but its all about life, you know.im not as cowardly to commit myself to death, but i am so much of the coward to not do anything about it.like im inside of myself watching the destruction.
    what could be so wrong with me that i just sit back and watch myself die?that i let it carry on?

    i think my life started to fall apart right whe n ifound myself on 12oz.back when i was in arizona.i almost died out there.the thing is, i would always pick myself up..i havent found myself doing that in like a year now.

    i let down my friends and family in times when they needed what i could do to help everybody out.it seems that all i did was give them a warning and try to spread the last bit of love that i had, but losing myself at the same time, digging that hole that would continue to the depts of no return.

    im a believer in God, but i always find myself backsliding or falling off the trail.these are hard times for me, i deal with many spiritual things that bug me out, but assure me that God is there, but why do i have to believe when im bothered by the possessed?if my life was somewhat on the right track, the damn demons would know not to show thier face around me, but who really knows why some people like myself see those types of things.i just know that im gifted and i havent grasped unto or found what it is that i should be doing. like, im scared of the church for false teachings, i mean i cant even look at a church, let alone face the shame to even look in one while passing by in a car.if you look at a church and find it hard to look, like you're ashamed, deep down inside..you got problems.funny thing is, i know that God is right here with me.i feel Him.

    maybe tomorrow will be the turn of a new leaf for me.i hope that things will be better one day and i will become the great man i feel i should be, cause i know that i am.maybe my tears will comfort me and wash away the mud, so that i may see how to fight this battle.i hope so.

    well, my fish is almost done.:yum:
  2. When

    When 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: May 4, 2000 Messages: 10,294 Likes Received: 3
    'cheer up willy wonk, whoa whoa whoa oh oh'

    dood atleast you have fish, lucky bastard.
  3. willy.wonka

    willy.wonka Guest

  4. When

    When 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: May 4, 2000 Messages: 10,294 Likes Received: 3
    whatcu got cookin?

    tuna? salmon? red snapper? sole? shark?

    :yum: im gonna go have a smoke and dream of fish
  5. willy.wonka

    willy.wonka Guest

  6. bodice_ripper

    bodice_ripper Elite Member

    Joined: May 10, 2000 Messages: 3,195 Likes Received: 25
    Well, I wouldn't usually say this but..........

    go to church, when its empty. I'm not a christian, but if you're a believer - go. I don't think Jesus was big into the shame thing................................
  7. willy.wonka

    willy.wonka Guest

    yeah, church is in you though.by myself would be cool.
    i was mostly talking to myself in this thread..i started off with the beach and paint and cooking fish, then i just went off. good stuff to read.
  8. Intangible

    Intangible 12oz Legend

    Joined: Jul 9, 2001 Messages: 17,479 Likes Received: 7
    Cheer up willy...itll all be ok.
  9. When

    When 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: May 4, 2000 Messages: 10,294 Likes Received: 3
    you suck! i just made myself a tuna sandwich wiht lots o mayo
    but its just not the same :(
  10. Stapler

    Stapler Guest

    You need the following
    1 P U S S Y
    2 No more BEER or GANJA for a while
    3 Get off the fucking computer and keep yourself occupied
    4 Listen to some kicked back tunes
    5 etc........................
  11. uncle-boy

    uncle-boy Guest

    i've been depressed a lot for the past few months willy.

    going to the beach, haging out with good friends, and working out helps.
    and in the past week i started to go to shurch again, stopped drinking so much and stuffs. even met a really cool girl. i've actually been smiling a lot lately.

    life is ful of crap, just criuise and do your best and you'll be all g.
    if you like cruise juss give uncle one call. chee hee.
  12. GLIK$

    GLIK$ Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Jul 23, 2002 Messages: 22,277 Likes Received: 117
  13. casekonly

    casekonly Veteran Member

    Joined: Aug 6, 2002 Messages: 8,264 Likes Received: 5
    it sucks to be a manic depressive. it runs in the family. artists, ya know? just look at it this way, we're all fighting the same battles. every human on this earth is fighting a battle, a struggle within, or whatever. i feel like the "real me" likes to play hide-and-seek, when i get depressed, i just seek out myself, and there i am. it's all batter, until i have to play the game again. anyway, hope that helps.
  14. postaholic

    postaholic Guest



    Joined: Aug 17, 2002 Messages: 0 Likes Received: 0