Feeling Singled Out

Oh man, this is going to sound very pathetic, but I need to get this off my chest, and I'd assume the intelligent members of 12oz can help me.

I've been going through a bit of a crisis. It started a couple of years ago when I was coming home from school blunted.

On the subway, I noticed a group of kids discussing astronomy, and I decided to join in the conversation, seeing as I was into that stuff at the time. Well, I didn't exactly befriend these people because they were 13 years old.

As I transferred onto the next train, there was a group of young girls talking about classic literature. I didn't quite jump into that conversation because I didn't want to look like a pervert in front of the other adults on the train.

On the final bus ride home, a similar thing happened, and I realized that I took a wrong turn in life somewhere. No, it wasn't the decision to be a criminal, nor being a graffiti writer. It wasn't the mass amount of drugs I did as a teenager, either, although, it could have played a role.

*This voyage home led me to an epiphany.

My problem is that I'm not quite in the social group I planned to be in as a kid. Don't get me wrong, I have a few friends who are intelligent in one way or another, but the most of these guys are not very multi-dimensional.

For instance, the dude who works at the library. Smart guy, no doubt. He rents Folini (sp) films, but talks throughout the whole thing. When ased to discuss something other than what he's been taught in university (I mean anything - music, art, science, politics), he has absolutely nothing to say.

Another example, the guy I usually paint with. He can't even discuss graffiti. That's actually a quality I like about him, the fact he doesn't give a fuck, but when he can't name more than three writers in the city besides us, it's sad, really.

Also, there are the people that laugh at me for the books I read. I'll hang with them, but it gets frustrating when I get laughed at for using a word that is more than two syllables.

One of my biggest near - regrets is not having gone to a university. I think I may have had a better social life had I done that, instead of choosing to go with a trade. I have confidence in that the decision I made was the right one, but there's no one at my school, nor at the jobs I take that have any opinions, save for who the Leafs should pick up, and what kind of car can spank another kind of car in a race.

Anyway, I do have maybe one or two friends who I'd consider well bred and classy who I like chilling with, but these aren't people I see on a regular basis at all.

Do any of you guys ever have this problem of feeling like you are not quite in the social circle you should be in?

Oh yeah, go ahead and tell me to suck it up and be a man, etc. I tell myself this all the time.

...ola.

First... I've never done that before.

Yes, I feel the very same way, but have given up discussing topics of science or philosophy with my friends. When I went to college I made the mistake of rooming with a friend from highschool and so I made the same friends I had in highschool and besides the ocassional girl I made contact with I basically kept the same group. But they don't really care about anything that doesn't involve smoking reefer, drinking or getting laid, and thats getting old. I mean these are valid pursuits but there is so much more to life.

We should start a club...

when im blunted i think too much about life

so i grab a 40 of st ides and get back into my "dont give a fuck" attitude

ok ok, im going to change what i said, because youre threads "aight" and plus i was just saying that to piss you off.

haha.

ill read after i get back from this new job orientation bullshit.

/til then, ta ta.

I know where you are coming from.

People used to say to me 'you think to much' usually because they had absolutely no idea what was going on around them and I have a serious need to understand as much as possible. Everyone has a few friends who just dont seem to fit your expectations. My best friend is enroute to becoming a cap and he couldn't pick up a drunk girl in a bar if human life depended on it. People are different, but there are also many similarties. Just get over the differences, but if you cant, move on.

Also here's something to consider (based on the fact I know where you live). If you were to end up near OCAD dressed in a stupid hat and geek shoes, what are the chances you'd end up having a 'deep convo' with someone? I dont think it would be any better than right where you are now. Just because people like to 'play smart' doesnt really mean a thing. Some of the absolute brainstorms I know never try to come off smart. Just like Lisa Simpson, they've learned that being smart will only isolate yourself. So what do they do.....? Read the Guardian and the Economist but also know who got traded on the Jays. You follow that?

Dont worry so much about fitting into a group. Most of us dont.

I don't like my "smart" friends. I really can only stand one dude I know who can talk in length about more heavy topics. The rest are brilliant no doubt, but they don't have heart, they're gassed up on there own IQ...

Wisdom is higher on my list of priorities and my time is spent accordingly...

i feel the same damn way about some of my friends i can talk about this or that book i read and they'll be like shut up trebek ,and when i talk and use words that i think everyone should know ,and their like huh?? i feel like forcing them to read. i feel like my i.q is slowly shrinking when im around ignorrant ppl. another thing i hate is when they make fun of what i wear becuase i dresss different i dress like kanye and pharrel in a city of ppl who are on 50cent and lloyd banks' dicks . i design my own clothes tho so its not like im exzctly fitting in with anyone...but still ignorrant ppl piss me off and i go to a school with 2,500 of these idiots

GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE

Haha, muni, too true.

Maybe I shouldn’t have labeled this as a personal crisis, but it is a problem. I’m well prepared to be diagnosed with the fact that the problem is me, by the way.

Key3, I just read your post. You make an excellent point. I know that my being interested in all sorts of things helps in the way of my sociability. I have often labeled myself the ‘master mingler’ because no matter who you throw my way, I will be able to find common ground with said person enough to be able to go back to the after party and snort free lines with them.

Your point about the OCAD thing I sorta follow. I mean, I’ve been to a number of OCAD jams the past couple of years, and believe me, you hit the head of nail.

I remember I used to chill with some of those poliscience dudes. You know the type, mostly mad left wing, with the token right wing dude who they all call “Fascist Steve”, or whatever. These people seemed to be mad chill. They enjoyed discussing art, science, what have you.. But it turned out that they were all complete phonies. *Plus, never was anything 'not heavy' discussed, like sports or movies or tv, you know?

I think my main problem is that my brain doesn’t get enough stimulation when I’m out and about. It’s mind numbing, and I’m worried that I’m getting dumber by the day. No matter how many books I read, it’s hard to remember things if I’m not able to relate the things I’ve learnt to people. Hell, that’s a big reason why I’m a 12oz addict. Some of the smartest people I know post here. Really, I think that’s it; the problem. I don’t know, maybe a smart hat and geek shoes should be my fall line.

Sometimes I wish I had never dropped out of the gifted program and school altogether to pursue a life of crime and drugs. But here’s a jewel you once told me, key, when I was at your place - that it’s better to get it out of the way when you’re young. Upon further reflection, I’ve realized that it’s actually even better. Experiences of any sort are always beneficial.

I’m not trying to sound stuffy, or anything. I do enjoy the company of my friends, or they wouldn’t be my friends. I’m just worried that the career path I’ve chosen, and the friends that I have will lead me to live a life with an attitude I know is not me.

So it’s not so much about fitting into a group, it’s more about what’s good for me. If that makes any sense.

Originally posted by WrIot

i feel the same damn way about some of my friends i can talk about this or that book i read and they'll be like shut up trebek ,and when i talk and use words that i think everyone should know ,and their like huh?? i feel like forcing them to read. i feel like my i.q is slowly shrinking when im around ignorrant ppl. another thing i hate is when they make fun of what i wear becuase i dresss different i dress like kanye and pharrel in a city of ppl who are on 50cent and lloyd banks' dicks . i design my own clothes tho so its not like im exzctly fitting in with anyone...but still ignorrant ppl piss me off and i go to a school with 2,500 of these idiots

haha, don't get me started. I was reading a goddamn paperback in May, in the cafeteria, and my classmates surrounded me like I was a caged monkey. They thought I must be a genius because I was reading a Puzo.

damn... good memory. better than mine.

Just like people can go though depressed moods or 'lucky streaks', people can feel surrounded by stupid or immersed in intellignece for a little while, then it all changes.

haha, and I know I blaze a lot more than you. :D

but yea, true dat. I just feel like I'm in for a long haul here.

I think I'm having your ephiphany early in life... I find I value interlect and general good demeanor ( in the more traditional sense of the word) more and more these days.

I guess the logical thing for you to do is try and make some new friends, what kind of interlectual interest do you have? For instance do you write anything (on paper)? If so go join a writing workshop or something like that for whatever suits.

Having said that though I think its good to try and appreciate the friends you do have for their good points. I've found some of my least interlectual friends to posses alot more character than a fair few of my smarter ones.

Originally posted by Weapon X

haha, and I know I blaze a lot more than you.

considering I dont blaze..... actually I've been damn good on the health front lately.

only one little slip..... and ONE HUGE slip coming up on labour day.

I'm talking the penthouse at the sutton, peelers, a truck limo and a 'collingwood' worth of skiing.

Originally posted by SilentBob

I've found some of my least interlectual friends to posses alot more character than a fair few of my smarter ones.

exactly.

just like I said about the friend of mine who's becoming a cop. He isnt a very smart guy in conversation but he's read more classic books than most. He isnt slick enough to pick up a girl or funny enough to charm them. However, if there was one person who I would trust with my life, it would be him. no question.

I saw a thing on TV where they interviewed five women about intelligence in a potential mate. The first 4 said that the guy has to be smart to have any chance of lasting. The last one said something like 'no... as long as he's honest, loving and compasionate then being really smart doesnt make a difference'. I think that will be the one happily married old woman.

A lot of these feelings stem from the fact that I don’t want to shortchange myself in a certain regard. I want to be educated, and even seen with a certain respect. No, I’m not working towards a phd, nor am I in medical school. But I do want to live up to some of the potential I know I have. Being laughed at for the books I read is not helping any.

Fuck it, you’re right. Chilling with all sorts of people has given me perspectives that a lot of people wouldn’t gain.

I have a family friend who is thirty some odd years old. He’s an engineer, and a damn intellectual. Sipping on wine, discussing the economic state of India is what we did last time he came over. An hour later, I was drinking a forty on a park bench with my buddy, hollering at girls. Maybe I have some issues of self-conflict I need to solve.

Haha, key, I like how you plan your slip ups ahead of time.

You know, it’s like the motivation is there when you associate with people who share common interests. I want to read more when I’m with well read people. I want to drink more when I’m with alcoholics, you know?

Man, it's the same everywhere. From well-to-do families down to motherfuckers that've never had a VCR or father figure.

A kid I kick it with and I had the same conversation a few days ago... and he put it as basic as I think it can be put (seeing as though he wasn't afforded the luxury of a good educational system he's not distracted by bigger words than those neccessary to get your point across):

"Growing up, you think everyone's on the same page. That everyone knows a little about girls, about sports, about rap, and about just having fun.. and then you'd think these same people know a little about EVERYTHING else that goes on in the world. I found out it's not like that. As you grow up you start to realize that... and it's sad because these people are supposed to be adults. People don't want to hear about the way the world works or learn something new, they'd rather talk about bullshit. As soon as you bring it up around them the find a way to change the subject or turn to someone else who's just as un-interested and hide from having to learn or understand ... it's like people, in general, are afraid to try to learn to the point where it's impossible to try to have a good conversation..."

Now when I heard this kid, who's never had a touch of liberal-art-faggotry bred into him, say that.. I realized that, as far as genuine people go, that it's not a matter of education, wealth, background, or heritage... it only comes down to each individual's need, wants, or drive for a more complete character. Sad facts is, most people just don't have it.

Hell, do you know how many dirty looks my friend an I got from 'classy' women while arguing about the pollution/smog levels of NYC being more apparent in certain weather conditions on the train? Collegian or not, most people don't appreciate talking about anything that doesn't directly effect them at any given moment.

Guess what? People still fucking suck.

for real for real. man, you said it. Now, the question is "why"?

Because of my catholic high school upbringing, my circle of close friends belongs to an extremely snobby and materialistic upperclass segment of society where it's all about the car you drive, how well you dress, and of course, what popular people you know. Some of them realize how shitty this is, but remain the same for two key reasons: A) They don't know and aren't sufficiently curious about alternate crowds, and B) the women on this segment are RIDICULOUSLY hot.

As much as I love Puerto Rico, I feel really out of place here and have found that my only course of action is to distance myself a bit and go hang out by myself with new crowds. The only time I've felt surrounded by people on my same wavelength was in Providence when I was at college. I had actually vowed to not return to PR because of the shitty social scene and how out of place I felt here.

But then I remembered... nobody in Providence hooked up the 50-foot yacht adventures.

As for the whole serious conversation thing, there's a time and a place for everything. Most people I've seen getting laughed at are the kind who'll try to have a deep talk in a wildly social ambience where it's obvious nobody wants to shift their brain in that particular direction. Some topics are best kept to intimate convos when all involved are in the right frame of mind.

I have a friend who's managed to alienate himself from most of us because of being extremely overthinking ALL the time. Don't be that guy.

Originally posted by El Mamerro

Some topics are best kept to intimate convos when all involved are in the right frame of mind.

 

I have a friend who's managed to alienate himself from most of us because of being extremely overthinking ALL the time. Don't be that guy.

Yeah, I've got a friend like that. There'll be a pair of 36D titties hanging out with girls taking shots of VSOP off one-another's nipples and he can't help but comment on 'how pathetic guys get around girls' and how it 'truly goes to show something about the mental architypes that make up the average aspiring-alphamale's existance'...

Meanwhile I just wanna hit shots and lick a titty before these girls realize what the hell they're doing.

good point mamski.

that is why I dont smoke pot.

Shit makes me overthink and then rethink everything.

No one will want to deal with someone who is currently fighting themself internally.

QUESTION-

you guys that say you arent happy with your social settings and the people in them... (as far as good convo goes, and i guess just a better quality of people)...

where are you going to find new scenes and new groups of people?

i struggle with this myself. i need some more mature freinds that are older than me that i can look up to. you know, so i can shut up and kick back while listening to their stories and advice, and so on... instead of me being the one doing all the talking all the time.

Originally posted by T=E=A=S=E

QUESTION-

 

you guys that say you arent happy with your social settings and the people in them... (as far as good convo goes, and i guess just a better quality of people)...

 

where are you going to find new scenes and new groups of people?

 

i struggle with this myself. i need some more mature freinds that are older than me that i can look up to. you know, so i can shut up and kick back while listening to their stories and advice, and so on... instead of me being the one doing all the talking all the time.

http://www.cy-co.com/cykottick/nambla.jpg'>

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Originally posted by T=E=A=S=E

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hehe beautiful...consider yourself laughed at dolt.

nah, mams, I'm not "that guy". Like I said, when it comes to social settings, I prefer to be the easy going, fun loving, party animal. It gets girls. This self conflict, or whatever you want to call it, goes on inside, not out. I definitely see your point, though.

Originally posted by 26SidedCube

Yeah, I've got a friend like that. There'll be a pair of 36D titties hanging out with girls taking shots of VSOP off one-another's nipples and he can't help but comment on 'how pathetic guys get around girls' and how it 'truly goes to show something about the mental architypes that make up the average aspiring-alphamale's existance'...

 

Meanwhile I just wanna hit shots and lick a titty before these girls realize what the hell they're doing.

THIS IS THE MOTHERFUCKING POST OF THE DAY! I HATE PEOPLE LIKE THAT. HATE; IT'S SUCH A STRONG WORD.

me me me me blah blah blah