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Every day for the past five years, man orders and eats a med. pizza and 4 diet cokes

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Poop Man Bob, Apr 28, 2002.

  1. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Nov 16, 2000 Messages: 10,259 Likes Received: 18

    Saturday, April 27, 2002

    Star-Ledger Staff

    Every day for the past five years -- with a handful of exceptions -- Mike Uris has called the Domino's on Main Street in Ramsey, where he lives, and orders the same thing. Medium pizza, four Diet Cokes. You want to hear the specials, Mr. Uris? No, he'll politely say, I really don't.

    Do the cheesy math -- in five years, Uris, a retired advertising director, has eaten nearly 2,000 eight-slice pizzas. Six slices for lunch, at 11:15 a.m.; one slice for dinner, at 6 p.m., and one slice, plus all the crusts, for his late night snack, around 11. The dinner and snack slices he eats cold; he doesn't own a microwave, but wouldn't heat the slices up even if he did. Four Diet Cokes come with every order -- two for lunch, one for dinner, one for the late night snack. Always delivered; he's never even been in the Domino's.

    Asked if most people would call him, well, cuckoo, Uris smiled.

    "I probably am," he said. "I don't find excessive sanity a virtue."

    Every few months, Uris, who never eats breakfast, will actually eat something other than pizza. A week ago, he had dinner at a Ridgewood restaurant with his 24-year-old son, Adam. "Broiled salmon with mashed potatoes and carrots," Uris recalled. "And the treasure of treasures, a piece of cherry pie and a glass of milk."

    Maybe deep down, he's an old-fashioned guy.

    How did all this begin? How does one decide to devote his life to pizza? Five years ago, when he was living in Ridgewood, Uris had the sudden urge for a medium plain pizza from Domino's. He can't explain it; the feeling came over him like, well, a pound of dough (which, with 4.2 ounces of sauce and five ounces of cheese, make up the average 12-inch medium Domino's pizza).

    "They deliver," he said, trying to explain his obsession. "For the past five years, I've dealt with a number of (Domino's employees). They are without exception the nicest bunch of people I've ever dealt with."

    In 30-plus years in the ad business, he dealt with some not-so-nice people. He spent an "awful three years" at one New York ad agency. "I had a supervisor who was an a ----, and I said so," he explained. "I was fired the next day."

    He met his future wife, Lynn, on a photo shoot; married 15 years, they divorced in 1990. They have one son, Adam; Uris has two stepdaughters, Jessica and Amanda. Uris goes to his ex-wife's for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. Pizza is nowhere to be found.

    Uris -- 5 foot 10, 210 pounds -- lives in a tidy, neat apartment, apart from the rumpled bed where at 11:15 every morning he plunks his pizza and two cans of Diet Coke. A leather couch in the shape of a giant baseball glove and an oversize lamp with a neck as long as a giraffe's adorn the living room. Ten empty pizza boxes sit on a kitchen counter; Karen, his cleaning woman, tosses them in the recycling bin outside.

    Uris' passion for pizza calls to mind the single-track diet of Jared Fogle, the guy on the Subway ads who went from 425 pounds to 190 eating practically nothing but Subway subs. But Fogle did it for just one year; Uris has been on the "Domino's Diet" for five. He said his cholesterol is "high-ish," although he doesn't remember the number, but said it's not anything he needs to take medicine for.

    Get the door, it's Domino's? Uris got the door the other day and nothing happened. It was stuck. Outside stood Jennifer Faust, one of the regular delivery persons, with a medium ground beef and pineapple (he changes toppings every few months). Would the streak be broken? Would Mike Uris survive a day without pizza? Fortunately, after several hard shoves, the door gave. Uris handed over his check (he never pays cash because he doesn't like leaving a lot of money around), Faust handed over the pizza and Uris headed to his kitchen, where he popped the pizza, as usual, into the refrigerator for several minutes.

    "It takes off the heat," he explained. "Otherwise I'd burn my mouth."

    Then the Yankees fan and movie buff (two of his all-time favorites: "Casablanca" and "Hoosiers") retired, as usual, to his bedroom, where, stretched out on his bed, TV tuned to "NYPD Blue," Uris dug into the same lunch/dinner, and beverage, he's had the past five years.

    "They sent me four (regular) Cokes one day last year," he said. "I still have them."
  2. abortron

    abortron Guest

    "I don't find excessive sanity a virtue."

  3. sneak

    sneak Guest

  4. NATO

    NATO Guest

    how can you survive on pizza and coke alone??
  5. dr. frink one

    dr. frink one Elite Member

    Joined: Jun 7, 2001 Messages: 3,638 Likes Received: 1
    every month or so I order a pizza and I eat it all and then the box sits there and the smell is there when I wake up and I feel all greesy....
    that is so sad..
    and gross...

    all i can think of is cheap mozzarella in his veins
  6. Dr. Dazzle

    Dr. Dazzle Veteran Member

    Joined: Nov 19, 2001 Messages: 8,147 Likes Received: 3
    Is that supposed to be healthy or something??
  7. kissmyass#1

    kissmyass#1 Senior Member

    Joined: Feb 8, 2002 Messages: 1,071 Likes Received: 0
    i found somebody who loves pizza more than me........:D
  8. Mr. Mang

    Mr. Mang Elite Member

    Joined: Feb 27, 2002 Messages: 2,901 Likes Received: 1
  9. grandmaster

    grandmaster Member

    Joined: Apr 16, 2002 Messages: 558 Likes Received: 0
    very interesting indeed

    i quit junk food but i still love pizza pizza expresssssssssssssss whoop whoop
  10. Wilt

    Wilt Guest

    thats gross..dominos is such cheaply made pizza..i used to work there and i also worked at a gourmet pizza parlor...i must say dominos gets the thumbs down
  11. Zack Morris

    Zack Morris Veteran Member

    Joined: Jun 23, 2001 Messages: 9,728 Likes Received: 4
    I thaught I was a lazy bastard...atleast I will try and eat something a litle different everyday, and try to make it myself. What a lazy old fucker.

    this old man will be me in 40 years

    SKUMBALUCKAH Senior Member

    Joined: Nov 22, 2000 Messages: 2,060 Likes Received: 1
    Seems like an ad for D****** Pizza if you ask me.
  13. xdyingfetusx

    xdyingfetusx New Jack

    Joined: Apr 24, 2002 Messages: 72 Likes Received: 0

    if he ate all that pizza..i wonder what his shit looks like :love2:
  14. platapie

    platapie Guest

    how much porno do you think he watches?
  15. taco bell bomber

    taco bell bomber Senior Member

    Joined: Oct 2, 2000 Messages: 2,037 Likes Received: 0
    i live about 20 min from him..cool