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Difficult shitting turns when on.


26SidedCube

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When shitting turns difficult.

 

I currently have to take a shit, yet I know I have

no napkins, toilet paper, kleenex or paper towels

to clean my nasties up with afterwards.

 

Now the predicament:

 

Do I crumble up some loose-leaf until it's good

and soft, perhaps subsitute with a weathered

brown paper bag or even go completely grizzled

and go at it with a paper plate?

 

Somehow I can't seem to get the jump on my

dookie-game.. this happens every month like clockwork. Oi vey.

 

Go ahead and talk about unpleasant poopie-time situations,

I think I'm going to run to the store.

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Guest imported_El Mamerro

Oh, and this weekend I took a dump in a cactus infested bushy forest overrun by wild goats. Wiped with large leaves from a tree nearby, hopefully no parasites crawled up the chute.

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Originally posted by DETO

i say you use the paper plate! :lol:

 

If I owned a digital video camera... if only for the sake of 12oz, I would do this just so everyone

can die knowing they've seen a fully grown man

attempt to wipe his ass clean with one of the most

non-pourus object available.

 

That's like cleaning up Hi-C with a Trapper Keeper.

 

Originally posted by El Mamerro

Oh, and this weekend I took a dump in a cactus infested bushy forest overrun by wild goats. Wiped with large leaves from a tree nearby, hopefully no parasites crawled up the chute.

 

Yeah, I call those 'John Waynes'.

 

A couple of my favorite Dukes of the past include

the infamous 7:30 am Condo-squat where my

bowels decided to take a breather while I was

mid-stride through the parking garage. Needless

to say I spent about 15 minutes crouched behind

the garage structures with my pants off while

the suits piled into their cars a mere 6 feet from

my bare, spewing anus. I used a fern for cleaning

until I got to school.

 

Another time in highschool I was sneaking over

to my girl's house and my sphinxter decided to

play rugby with my lunch. Long story short:

at 3:30 am while under the influence of LSD

I found myself on someone's nicely finished

back porch with my ass dangling over the

edge spewing Me-Pellets to the sad little Chinese

doggies with no voice-boxes below. That time

I wiped with maple leaves until the girl's house.

 

Edit: Nice title change, phantom hands. Feels sorta like the Truman Show in here all of a sudden.

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Originally posted by gfreshsushi

hahaha :lol:

 

what did you use? now we have to know.

 

Actually, by talking about my problem I think

I aired out the situation rather nicely. I went to

the store and picked up a 4 pack of the generic

quilted stuff.

 

Seriously, every time I go to the store and ONLY

buy toiletpaper I can't help but have this stupid

turd-eating grin on my face the entire time I'm

at the checkout. If only I could have transcripts

to compare of exactly what the clerk and I were

thinking at the moment of purchase...

 

If I were a clerk and had to ring people up for

toilet paper I'd definately spend the bulk

of my day wondering what these people's faces

look like while they're pushing out carmel apples...

 

I should start a blog... blog sounds crap-related as it is.

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Originally posted by yoink

i know kids that just take a shit and hop in the shower...

kinda sick. but i guess you gotta do what you gotta do.

ask the neighbors?

 

I decided against this earlier and I didn't know

why at the time. Now I realize my shower drains

at sub-standard speeds and I'm not about to

share ankle water with fecal flakes.

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Originally posted by 26SidedCube

I decided against this earlier and I didn't know

why at the time. Now I realize my shower drains

at sub-standard speeds and I'm not about to

share ankle water with fecal flakes.

 

 

 

just spread your ass cheaked wide like the hole in the titanic !!! hope it doesn't get aqll over your ass ... and like emaril <span style='font-size:30pt;line-height:100%'>BAM!!!!11!!!!!!1 </span>

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no, but i do think its funny to pee on things

 

anywho

my one roommate loves shitting on stuff

ive witnessed him shitting

-on top of a mailbox

-on the doorstep of a local restaurant

-the hood of this guys brand new mustang

-in my other roommates shoe

 

im sure there are plenty more i havent witnessed

homeboy has problems

 

he told me once that his preferred wiping method when on the run is a sock

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gnasty

earlier today i got the hersey squirts no joke-nasty shit- yeah, I'd eatin' some hot indian food and then I played ball for a few hours, drank some beer, went back to the court and as I was peeing on a wall I felt it, DAMN, good thing I had on three pairs of shorts, i ditched the boxers, but first i wiped my ass with them, spotless, I'm good at that.

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Originally posted by RubbeRBand

gnasty

earlier today i got the hersey squirts no joke-nasty shit- yeah, I'd eatin' some hot indian food and then I played ball for a few hours, drank some beer, went back to the court and as I was peeing on a wall I felt it, DAMN, good thing I had on three pairs of shorts, i ditched the boxers, but first i wiped my ass with them, spotless, I'm good at that.

 

Wait.. you actually shat yourself while taking a piss in public?

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Originally posted by RubbeRBand

gnasty

earlier today i got the hersey squirts no joke-nasty shit- yeah, I'd eatin' some hot indian food and then I played ball for a few hours, drank some beer, went back to the court and as I was peeing on a wall I felt it, DAMN, good thing I had on three pairs of shorts, i ditched the boxers, but first i wiped my ass with them, spotless, I'm good at that.

 

 

I hate when that happens... minus everything but the shitting.

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