26SidedCube Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 When shitting turns difficult. I currently have to take a shit, yet I know I have no napkins, toilet paper, kleenex or paper towels to clean my nasties up with afterwards. Now the predicament: Do I crumble up some loose-leaf until it's good and soft, perhaps subsitute with a weathered brown paper bag or even go completely grizzled and go at it with a paper plate? Somehow I can't seem to get the jump on my dookie-game.. this happens every month like clockwork. Oi vey. Go ahead and talk about unpleasant poopie-time situations, I think I'm going to run to the store. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DETO Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 i say you use the paper plate! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_El Mamerro Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 This happened to me once. My solution? A bit of newsprint from a sketch pad I had laying around, and a shower. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyeforAnEYE Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 use a sock it will a lot more comfortable than paper. Just properly dispose of the sock afterwards Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest imported_El Mamerro Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 Oh, and this weekend I took a dump in a cactus infested bushy forest overrun by wild goats. Wiped with large leaves from a tree nearby, hopefully no parasites crawled up the chute. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoink Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 i know kids that just take a shit and hop in the shower... kinda sick. but i guess you gotta do what you gotta do. ask the neighbors? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DETO Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 http://users.pandora.be/superjackass/Images/RH/RH09.jpeg'> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
(no subject) Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 Just hop into the shower when you are done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gfreshsushi Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 COFFEE FILTERS. we don't even have a coffee maker, but there have steadily been some filters in the house since we moved in just in case. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
26SidedCube Posted April 16, 2004 Author Share Posted April 16, 2004 Originally posted by DETO i say you use the paper plate! :lol: If I owned a digital video camera... if only for the sake of 12oz, I would do this just so everyone can die knowing they've seen a fully grown man attempt to wipe his ass clean with one of the most non-pourus object available. That's like cleaning up Hi-C with a Trapper Keeper. Originally posted by El Mamerro Oh, and this weekend I took a dump in a cactus infested bushy forest overrun by wild goats. Wiped with large leaves from a tree nearby, hopefully no parasites crawled up the chute. Yeah, I call those 'John Waynes'. A couple of my favorite Dukes of the past include the infamous 7:30 am Condo-squat where my bowels decided to take a breather while I was mid-stride through the parking garage. Needless to say I spent about 15 minutes crouched behind the garage structures with my pants off while the suits piled into their cars a mere 6 feet from my bare, spewing anus. I used a fern for cleaning until I got to school. Another time in highschool I was sneaking over to my girl's house and my sphinxter decided to play rugby with my lunch. Long story short: at 3:30 am while under the influence of LSD I found myself on someone's nicely finished back porch with my ass dangling over the edge spewing Me-Pellets to the sad little Chinese doggies with no voice-boxes below. That time I wiped with maple leaves until the girl's house. Edit: Nice title change, phantom hands. Feels sorta like the Truman Show in here all of a sudden. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gfreshsushi Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 Originally posted by 26SidedCube That's like cleaning up Hi-C with a Trapper Keeper. hahaha :lol: what did you use? now we have to know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoink Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 good god man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanity Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 Difficult shitting turns when on.:lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanity Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 i took a shit in the sand bin in front of tyson's pimmit library once. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
26SidedCube Posted April 16, 2004 Author Share Posted April 16, 2004 Originally posted by gfreshsushi hahaha :lol: what did you use? now we have to know. Actually, by talking about my problem I think I aired out the situation rather nicely. I went to the store and picked up a 4 pack of the generic quilted stuff. Seriously, every time I go to the store and ONLY buy toiletpaper I can't help but have this stupid turd-eating grin on my face the entire time I'm at the checkout. If only I could have transcripts to compare of exactly what the clerk and I were thinking at the moment of purchase... If I were a clerk and had to ring people up for toilet paper I'd definately spend the bulk of my day wondering what these people's faces look like while they're pushing out carmel apples... I should start a blog... blog sounds crap-related as it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClueTwo Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 Just get in the shower after you're done..:o Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
synaps Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 Originally posted by ClueTwo Just get in the shower after you're done..:o Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dick Quickwood Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 the parking garage.. hahahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ASH.UGT Posted April 16, 2004 Share Posted April 16, 2004 Originally posted by DETO http://users.pandora.be/superjackass/Images/RH/RH09.jpeg'> deto u seem to love bams crew nd cky. my favourite bit is the "afghanistan baby oh yes!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaCosaNostra Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 wow....ive never heard so many variations of "taking a shit"or "shit"(being what comes out):D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duh-rye-won Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 i always bring toilet paper when i go bombing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
26SidedCube Posted April 17, 2004 Author Share Posted April 17, 2004 Originally posted by yoink i know kids that just take a shit and hop in the shower... kinda sick. but i guess you gotta do what you gotta do. ask the neighbors? I decided against this earlier and I didn't know why at the time. Now I realize my shower drains at sub-standard speeds and I'm not about to share ankle water with fecal flakes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
synaps Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Originally posted by 26SidedCube I decided against this earlier and I didn't know why at the time. Now I realize my shower drains at sub-standard speeds and I'm not about to share ankle water with fecal flakes. just spread your ass cheaked wide like the hole in the titanic !!! hope it doesn't get aqll over your ass ... and like emaril <span style='font-size:30pt;line-height:100%'>BAM!!!!11!!!!!!1 </span> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PalestineOne Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 i was eating while reading this thread.. disgusting bastards Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
High Priest Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 http://www.graffiti.org/prague/warhol.jpg'> Uh Huh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
When Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 no, but i do think its funny to pee on things anywho my one roommate loves shitting on stuff ive witnessed him shitting -on top of a mailbox -on the doorstep of a local restaurant -the hood of this guys brand new mustang -in my other roommates shoe im sure there are plenty more i havent witnessed homeboy has problems he told me once that his preferred wiping method when on the run is a sock Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
26SidedCube Posted April 18, 2004 Author Share Posted April 18, 2004 Originally posted by When -in my other roommates shoe Your roommate is a noble man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RubbeRBand Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 gnasty earlier today i got the hersey squirts no joke-nasty shit- yeah, I'd eatin' some hot indian food and then I played ball for a few hours, drank some beer, went back to the court and as I was peeing on a wall I felt it, DAMN, good thing I had on three pairs of shorts, i ditched the boxers, but first i wiped my ass with them, spotless, I'm good at that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
26SidedCube Posted April 19, 2004 Author Share Posted April 19, 2004 Originally posted by RubbeRBand gnasty earlier today i got the hersey squirts no joke-nasty shit- yeah, I'd eatin' some hot indian food and then I played ball for a few hours, drank some beer, went back to the court and as I was peeing on a wall I felt it, DAMN, good thing I had on three pairs of shorts, i ditched the boxers, but first i wiped my ass with them, spotless, I'm good at that. Wait.. you actually shat yourself while taking a piss in public? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
High Priest Posted April 19, 2004 Share Posted April 19, 2004 Originally posted by RubbeRBand gnasty earlier today i got the hersey squirts no joke-nasty shit- yeah, I'd eatin' some hot indian food and then I played ball for a few hours, drank some beer, went back to the court and as I was peeing on a wall I felt it, DAMN, good thing I had on three pairs of shorts, i ditched the boxers, but first i wiped my ass with them, spotless, I'm good at that. I hate when that happens... minus everything but the shitting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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