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Difficult shitting turns when on.

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by 26SidedCube, Apr 16, 2004.

  1. 26SidedCube

    26SidedCube 12oz Veteran Member

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    Difficult shitting turns when on.

    Discussion started by 26SidedCube - Apr 16, 2004

    When shitting turns difficult.

    I currently have to take a shit, yet I know I have
    no napkins, toilet paper, kleenex or paper towels
    to clean my nasties up with afterwards.

    Now the predicament:

    Do I crumble up some loose-leaf until it's good
    and soft, perhaps subsitute with a weathered
    brown paper bag or even go completely grizzled
    and go at it with a paper plate?

    Somehow I can't seem to get the jump on my
    dookie-game.. this happens every month like clockwork. Oi vey.

    Go ahead and talk about unpleasant poopie-time situations,
    I think I'm going to run to the store.
     
    26SidedCube - Rank: 12oz Veteran Member - Messages:
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  2. DETO

    DETO 12oz Loyalist

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    DETO - Replied Apr 16, 2004

    i say you use the paper plate! :lol:
     
    DETO - Rank: 12oz Loyalist - Messages:
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  3. imported_El Mamerro - Replied Apr 16, 2004

    This happened to me once. My solution? A bit of newsprint from a sketch pad I had laying around, and a shower.
     
  4. EyeforAnEYE

    EyeforAnEYE 12oz Elite Member

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    EyeforAnEYE - Replied Apr 16, 2004

    use a sock it will a lot more comfortable than paper. Just properly dispose of the sock afterwards
     
    EyeforAnEYE - Rank: 12oz Elite Member - Messages:
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  5. imported_El Mamerro - Replied Apr 16, 2004

    Oh, and this weekend I took a dump in a cactus infested bushy forest overrun by wild goats. Wiped with large leaves from a tree nearby, hopefully no parasites crawled up the chute.
     
  6. yoink

    yoink 12oz Elite Member

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    yoink - Replied Apr 16, 2004

    i know kids that just take a shit and hop in the shower...
    kinda sick. but i guess you gotta do what you gotta do.
    ask the neighbors?
     
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  7. DETO

    DETO 12oz Loyalist

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    DETO - Replied Apr 16, 2004

    [​IMG]
     
    DETO - Rank: 12oz Loyalist - Messages:
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  8. (no subject)

    (no subject) 12oz Junior Member

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    (no subject) - Replied Apr 16, 2004

    Just hop into the shower when you are done.
     
    (no subject) - Rank: 12oz Junior Member - Messages:
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  9. gfreshsushi

    gfreshsushi 12oz Senior Member

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    gfreshsushi - Replied Apr 16, 2004

    COFFEE FILTERS.

    we don't even have a coffee maker, but there have steadily been some filters in the house since we moved in just in case.
     
    gfreshsushi - Rank: 12oz Senior Member - Messages:
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  10. 26SidedCube

    26SidedCube 12oz Veteran Member

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    26SidedCube - Replied Apr 16, 2004

    If I owned a digital video camera... if only for the sake of 12oz, I would do this just so everyone
    can die knowing they've seen a fully grown man
    attempt to wipe his ass clean with one of the most
    non-pourus object available.

    That's like cleaning up Hi-C with a Trapper Keeper.

    Yeah, I call those 'John Waynes'.

    A couple of my favorite Dukes of the past include
    the infamous 7:30 am Condo-squat where my
    bowels decided to take a breather while I was
    mid-stride through the parking garage. Needless
    to say I spent about 15 minutes crouched behind
    the garage structures with my pants off while
    the suits piled into their cars a mere 6 feet from
    my bare, spewing anus. I used a fern for cleaning
    until I got to school.

    Another time in highschool I was sneaking over
    to my girl's house and my sphinxter decided to
    play rugby with my lunch. Long story short:
    at 3:30 am while under the influence of LSD
    I found myself on someone's nicely finished
    back porch with my ass dangling over the
    edge spewing Me-Pellets to the sad little Chinese
    doggies with no voice-boxes below. That time
    I wiped with maple leaves until the girl's house.

    Edit: Nice title change, phantom hands. Feels sorta like the Truman Show in here all of a sudden.
     
    26SidedCube - Rank: 12oz Veteran Member - Messages:
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  11. gfreshsushi

    gfreshsushi 12oz Senior Member

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    gfreshsushi - Replied Apr 16, 2004

    hahaha :lol:

    what did you use? now we have to know.
     
    gfreshsushi - Rank: 12oz Senior Member - Messages:
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  12. yoink

    yoink 12oz Elite Member

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    yoink - Replied Apr 16, 2004

    good god man.
     
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  13. Vanity

    Vanity 12oz Veteran Member

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    Vanity - Replied Apr 16, 2004

    Difficult shitting turns when on.:lol:
     
    Vanity - Rank: 12oz Veteran Member - Messages:
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  14. Vanity

    Vanity 12oz Veteran Member

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    Vanity - Replied Apr 16, 2004

    i took a shit in the sand bin in front of tyson's pimmit library once.
     
    Vanity - Rank: 12oz Veteran Member - Messages:
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  15. 26SidedCube

    26SidedCube 12oz Veteran Member

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    26SidedCube - Replied Apr 16, 2004

    Actually, by talking about my problem I think
    I aired out the situation rather nicely. I went to
    the store and picked up a 4 pack of the generic
    quilted stuff.

    Seriously, every time I go to the store and ONLY
    buy toiletpaper I can't help but have this stupid
    turd-eating grin on my face the entire time I'm
    at the checkout. If only I could have transcripts
    to compare of exactly what the clerk and I were
    thinking at the moment of purchase...

    If I were a clerk and had to ring people up for
    toilet paper I'd definately spend the bulk
    of my day wondering what these people's faces
    look like while they're pushing out carmel apples...

    I should start a blog... blog sounds crap-related as it is.
     
    26SidedCube - Rank: 12oz Veteran Member - Messages:
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