Depression

I know some of you might remember me others not

I've gone through a really shit period of life. A relationship has gone tits up. Been finding it difficult to connect with my son (he is almost 13)

I'm drinking too much and hating life. I've worried about suicide but I don't think I'll do it.

Dunno why I'm making a thread, just don't know who else to talk to

Whatsup man.

Other than the child piece, I can relate to all of this. Definitely been there, Heads up.

Drinking will not help any of this, I can guarantee you that.

Will DM you.

Hey man, connecting with anyone when you're 13 is really hard. Puberty, transitioning from being a kid into an adult, going to high school and all that shit is not easy. Sometimes all you can do for some one is be there when they need you.

Agree with Fist, booze and smoke are not your friends right now. That shit should be reserved for the good times only. My advice for you right now is to swap that shit for exercise. Set some challenges that will wear you out and give you something to accomplish. Increase the number of chin ups you can do each week, find a set of stairs and time yourself. Put some good music or entertaining podcast in your ears and give yourself some positive alone time. Set the challenges and set your sites on achieving them. This won't fix your problems but little wins like this will feel good and help switch you into a positive and healthier state of mind, which WILL help you deal with problems.

Will hit you up with a PM.

The Ooontz is here to help...

Make a thread whenever man. You're all good here, we're here for ya.

I know it sounds corny but start working out or running. Mental health follows physical health. I was in a similar boat not that long ago and having a routine really pulled me out of it.

Long time Decyferon. Like said earlier connecting with anyone at age 13 sucks. Don't do anything that will prevent you from working on and keeping that relationship with your son. Your kid will be a much better human being with his dad in his life. I went to marriage counseling toward the end of my marriage. In the end it wasn't meant to be. But the therapy helped. Fast forward years later. I have a girlfriend and the best little girl a dad could ask for. No matter how bad things might seem there's always better days. Somethings you have control over some you don't. Focus on the things you can control. Things that make you happy. Things that build a better you. Physically, mentally, spiritually. Exercise, reading, hiking, camping, volunteering, etc. I have faith in you bro. You are meant for better things.

Yo Decy, I'm sorry to hear that mate. I don't have.mini mes but I sure know about alcohol and snoking being a problem. There's a lot of gold in the alcoholism thread if you have a look in there.

If you ever want more information send me a private message

snoke brunts

depression is quite the bitch

i dont know much about your relationship with your son, but dont try to force anything. 13 is that age where where you just want your parents to fuck off, which is tough to deal with.

Hobbies will help with feelings like that. I think depression has something to do with boredom. +1 on what was said about drinking. I don't drink or smoke anymore and I've noticed that my mood/attitude has leveled out a lot. I'm sure it would be the same for anyone, especially if you're used to doing it either regularly or on a somewhat regular basis. Treatment programs will tell you that you can be an alcoholic even if you only get drunk on the weekends. I'm not suggesting that you cannot drink socially but most people that I've seen drink alcohol have an issue with it whether they are willing to admit it to themselves or not.

Summary: give drinking a rest, try some new hobbies that are positive influences in your life, and be a good role model for your kid. Regardless of age, "connecting" with your kid isn't going to be like connecting with a friend your age. Just take them to do something they'll remember with the mindset that your experience in life from the things you've done and seen is like a blown out hooker and theirs is from the aspect of not having many experiences. A movie would be a good start.

Also, consider that your daily routine is what is fueling depression. I have known a ton of people that do the same thing every day, mostly involving their job, and they are just in the dumps all the time. They won't jump ship from their job for any various number of excuses. My advice is, if anything about your job makes you unhappy and you're not willing to deal with it and are unable to change it.... jump ship. Your free time isn't worth being spent pissed off about what you HAD to deal with at work to make money and pay for things. If you're not happy with your work life you'll have a much more difficult time being happy in your free time. I remind my friends a lot that you do the things that you don't want to do so that you can do the things that you do want to do.... but that doesn't mean the part you don't want to do has to make you feel like dookie every day. This can be from a number of reasons including: annoying boss, annoying co workers, annoying clients, annoying pile of work, boring work space (think beige cubicle). One more piece of advice regarding work is when you leave or clock out or whatever, don't talk shop or worry about work anymore. Leave it behind for the day and focus on the things you want to do, that in itself will bring happiness. I know too many people that "live their job" and I have not seen very many of them get ahead or promotions for it. The good thing about jumping ship from a bad work situation is you will have a fresh start and many times you will end up with a pay raise.

Anyway, I hope you figure it out. Suicide is not the answer and if you really think about it.... it's selfish. If you have a hard time you have to put effort into fixing it because nothing in life that's worth having or experiencing comes easy. The CEO of my last company shared a good piece of wisdom with me and that is, "there is no elevator to success, you have to take the stairs." The advice rings true about a lot of things in life and you have to consider that whatever is making you feel the way you do right now didn't happen over night. It probably took a long time to build up to realizing you weren't happy and it will take some effort and time on your part to dig out of the ditch.... but it's not impossible and a happy life is worth it.

Thanks for the responses guys it has helped

I'm back at work and doing well there so trying to use that as a Base

I'm still finding it hard with regards to friends etc we have a lot of mutual friends and while the break up was mutual it's still so fresh I feel it would put people in awkward situations so I am spending a lot of time on my own

I'm trying to drink less and eat better too but that's still a bit hit and miss sometimes. Really need to focus on my graf I know I'm not living up to my potential and should really go for it before I'm definitely too old haha

Will try and use 12Oz more too

Also hoping to take my son to an animecon in October as he loves anime

Good on you. An idle mind is the devil's play thing. Bring your lysol spray to the animecon there will be a lot of sweaty neck beards there.

Hahah sweaty neck beards

I've also decided that as of today I'm going to try and stop drinking

If you were a heavy drinker you might consider trying to taper it off. Detox from alcohol is a real thing and can make people very very sick, like need to go to the hospital sick. If you weren't that heavy into it to where you felt like it was a physical dependency then you will probably have no issue just quitting.

If you've been drinking like we were drinking a few years ago you will want to be very careful of withdrawls. I ended up in ed on an ethanol drip last time I went cold turkey.

Power to you though mate, whatever works for you.

You'll get on the other side of this. Depression is temporary if action is taken.

I drink a lot but not a physical dependence level. It's been 24 hours since I last had a drink

Nice mate that's big hump to get over.

Try not to isolate, get out amongst positive people.

Try and avoid places and circumstances where you'd normally drink.

That's kind of hard because I would literally drink everywhere.

Walking the streets, everyone socialises in pubs or places where they drink.

My hometown has a massive drinking issue I think. I don't think I've ever painted and not drank

Work is basically the only place I wouldn't drink and even then I'd buy a can for the walk home.

But I've still not had a drink

Pro - yea I was drinking the same way. Last few weeks at least half or whole bottle of rum a night but I'm not feeling any shakes or withdraw

Probably helps I don't have a penny to my name and don't get paid for 2 weeks

Yeah I know the drill, people would say avoid things that trigger you - when life is what triggered me to drink it wasn't really an option to avoid it.

Pay day will possibly pose a new challenge it's always good to meet up with positive people for me when I get money flowing in - depression lives strongest when I isolate.

Glad to hear you're not suffering physically that's a blessing, just be aware it might still come over the next while.

I'm not sure that avoiding places that you would drink is a good attack for the problem. This would contend that you're weak to triggers when the whole goal of not drinking is to be stronger than the triggers that make you drink. When I quite smoking cigarettes cold turkey I didn't have my morning cigarette. This was many years ago, then that afternoon after work my friends wanted to go to the bar and I knew this was the perfect test of my will power. I went to the bar with them and listened to them taunt me about smoking a cigarette after they knew I had a couple drinks. This only made it even easier to say no. More or less I stuck my dick right into the bee nest on purpose and it turned out to help me.

If you avoid situations where you drink, chance will have it that you will end up in one that you did not plan for and that's not a good time to be weak. Strength doesn't magically happen over time and it must be learned. I say practice doing things that you would have done while drinking, but don't drink. The bar is obviously not a good example because, I can tell you after being sober for a while now, that talking to drunk people is entertaining for about 5 minutes or less... and there's nothing else to do at a bar.

Probably helps I don't have a penny to my name and don't get paid for 2 weeks

This is a subject that is covered in treatment programs. Some addicts cannot handle "success". They stay clean while they don't have the means to get fucked up but as soon as everything is going well and they have a couple extra dollars or some free time they fall right back into the hole. The real challenge will come when you can afford to buy alcohol again and make the choice not to do it.

In response to the comments about the town having a drinking problem, I live in Austin, TX. I am pretty sure most peoples' "hobby" in this town is getting fucked up. It's a huge slow moving orgy here with a bunch of people lacking inhibitions. To some this might sound like some awesome rock concert where drugs are free and hookers are giving out hj's to everyone.... but when you're not a part of the scene and you can take a step back from it, it really seems like many people have no substance and nothing to do with their free time that's worth a shit.

What's funny is that since I'm never anywhere that drinking is the main subject... the only place i see a lot of drinking now is AT work. We have whiskey by the coffee maker at work, various canned beers in the fridge, and numerous people have bottles on their desks. This brings me to my response about "never painting without drinking." The one time I got in deep doo doo painting was when I was fucked up. I don't think I would have been able to get away even if I were sober, but I can tell you that your mind doesn't think nearly as fast or clearly when you're using a substance.... any substance. Have you ever heard a friend that would say "i drive better when I'm stoned." Yeah, that's a moronic thing to say. The only thing anyone does better stoned or drunk is have a limp dick and eat cheetos. The sober you is the better you. I'm not intending to preach or say that anyone is wrong for their choices... everyone does what works for them. When you realize that something is causing you a problem in life, then it's probably not for you and best to avoid.

Yea with painting I don't really paint illegally I'm almost 40 and don't need the hassle. I got busted a few years ago very drunk in a different town and I just held my hands up got arrested as I knew friends were round the corner and gave them a chance to get away.

I went to a friends house last night. I did drink but only had 2 and was by no means drunk in the slightest I just nursed a drink and was really proud of myself but then walking home I bought a half bottle of whiskey then did the same today (fuck knows why I'm being so honest on here but no one else is about really)

Back to starting over tomorrow. But I will say other than the drink I'm very happy with how I'm dealing with everything else in life

It takes time. You'll get tired of realizing that you're weak to these things and stop doing it. Everytime you go back and feel guilty about it, it's another step to not doing it anymore. With most substances it only takes a little bit. If you look at the story you told, you started w/ two beers, but it triggered a 2 day long relapse with hard liquor. Two beers with some friends seems harmless.... a bottle of whiskey in two days seems like a problem.

Yea with painting I don't really paint illegally I'm almost 40 and don't need the hassle. I got busted a few years ago very drunk in a different town and I just held my hands up got arrested as I knew friends were round the corner and gave them a chance to get away.

 

I went to a friends house last night. I did drink but only had 2 and was by no means drunk in the slightest I just nursed a drink and was really proud of myself but then walking home I bought a half bottle of whiskey then did the same today (fuck knows why I'm being so honest on here but no one else is about really)

 

Back to starting over tomorrow. But I will say other than the drink I'm very happy with how I'm dealing with everything else in life

Good to hear that you're on the up, mate.

I've never dealt with depression nor alcoholism so I really don't have any realistic advice to give, sorry mate. I did kick smokes after 20+ years of the filthy fuckers. I smoked at work and worked from home so I couldn't avoid the triggers either. I went cold turkey as that's the approach that suits me best, although it's not for others. My mantra was that I wasn't quitting smoking, but that I was not allowed to put anything in my mouth to smoke. That got me through each day until the cravings left, which took months. 6 years later I'm still coughing shit up. Hope that vignette might help in some way or at least offer some support for ya.

@D_Habs - regards avoiding situations that can trigger, everyone is different, man. some people prefer to get past the physical cravings before they test themselves. That is not any indication on strength of character or any shit like that. There is one goal and nothing else matters. Whatever is the best strategy to achieve that aim is the best one for that person. For some getting early wins like challenging your intestinal fortitude makes every following challenge easier. Some others prefer to work incrementally by taking one challenge at at time - first the physical and then the psychological. Horses for courses and all that. As long as the aim remains to get where you need to be.

There are no common rules for this shit, sent you a message.