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Dearest Red States

Discussion in 'News' started by imported_grim540, Jun 8, 2005.

  1. imported_grim540

    imported_grim540 Member

    Joined: Jul 16, 2001 Messages: 465 Likes Received: 0
    I have learned to really hate redneck America over the last few months, and I consider myself a bit of a hillbilly at times, but I found this interesting. Delete it if its been posted before. ( I did do a search)

    (This is a repost that someone sent me in myspace
    Trapped in a red state, I agree with just about every words it says. )

    Dearest Red States

    (This is a repost that someone sent me in myspace
    Trapped in a red state, I agree with every words it says. )

    We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've decided we're leaving.
    We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

    In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin,
    Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation,
    and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

    To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
    We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
    We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

    We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
    We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
    We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

    We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
    We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.

    Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's,
    we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

    Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to
    want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals.
    They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care
    if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq,
    and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.

    With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water,
    more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent
    of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese,
    90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias
    and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

    With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans
    (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
    tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all
    televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

    We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

    Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale,
    62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
    that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you
    crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

    By the way, we're taking the good pot, too.
    You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
    (HA!!!!!! You would think I added that part but I swear I didnt)

    Author Unknown in New California.
  2. Mr. Chad

    Mr. Chad Member

    Joined: Dec 17, 2004 Messages: 480 Likes Received: 0
  3. SF1

    SF1 Elite Member

    Joined: Apr 25, 2003 Messages: 4,866 Likes Received: 5
    That would be dope as fuck! If it came to civil that would be one war worth fighting! :biglaugh:
  4. SF1

    SF1 Elite Member

    Joined: Apr 25, 2003 Messages: 4,866 Likes Received: 5
    Why's it dumb? The rednecks tried to break off in the 1860's, We should just let them have their Dixie Land now. :haha:
  5. villain

    villain Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2002 Messages: 5,190 Likes Received: 2
    At the rate the country is going it might be better if we split off...
  6. JUDONO?

    JUDONO? Senior Member

    Joined: Jan 5, 2002 Messages: 1,935 Likes Received: 0
    make the split, shit im glad im in cali
  7. Dick Quickwood

    Dick Quickwood 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Aug 25, 2002 Messages: 14,783 Likes Received: 14
    pineapple and lettuce ooh

    KING BLING Guest

    Well the logic goes that we will allow some of our residents from California, graduates of MIT, and the like to continue to support your internet, power and phone systems in exchange for your produce and cows. And every now and than when we want some delicasy like fried chicken and waffles or mormon food, we'll give you a copy of windows 2000 - of course by than it will 2035

    Read Ecotopia by Ernest Callenbach...
  9. Dick Quickwood

    Dick Quickwood 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Aug 25, 2002 Messages: 14,783 Likes Received: 14
    now why would you go and do that? i made a silly comment and you misinterpret it plus respond to things that i did not say. i didn't say where i was from. i didn't say i'm a mormon. i didn't say anything about working at kfc, or anything to do with fried chicken. i've never disrespected you, in fact i've admired and agreed with some of your writings on here. i don't get the hostility towards a stranger.

    mm pineapple
  10. The Leader

    The Leader Senior Member

    Joined: Jan 23, 2005 Messages: 1,591 Likes Received: 1
    Wait until November so I can move back into my blue state and then go for it.
  11. casekonly

    casekonly Veteran Member

    Joined: Aug 6, 2002 Messages: 8,264 Likes Received: 5
    whata siklly statement: 'the rednecks tried to break off in the 1860's'

    learns oem history. that was over financial shit...trade, etc.had really nothing to do with slavery. otherwise, there would've been no buffalo soldiers.

    anyhow, don't mistake redneck states for containing all redneck republinazi's that are dumb as shit. i live in the southeast, have alll my life...all over this fucking place. it's not so bad inflorida...mainly a bunch of snowbirds from canada and new york...

    the hills have english and scottish descendants. those are your rednecks..almost cockney accents. and they are not stupid.

    some are. the ones who have sold out and became nascar fags. the ones who drink beer all day and burn trash in their front yards. they suck. but not all are like that. my neighbors are old redneck mountain hipies. walked aruond on the mountains picking shrooms and smoking pot all day. engineers. hardcore. not your average stupid misconception.

    you do know the north sold out during the civil war, right? trade with the south. supply lines, etc...

    my point: don't front on the south. it's not what you think.
  12. angelofdeath

    angelofdeath Elite Member

    Joined: Sep 15, 2002 Messages: 4,375 Likes Received: 79

    yeah man, there is way to many hypocrisy's and falsehoods in that original "letter."
    you can tell it was a douche who wrote it. if your gonna write something like that atleast get your shit straight.
  13. SF1

    SF1 Elite Member

    Joined: Apr 25, 2003 Messages: 4,866 Likes Received: 5
    Damn dude, get a sense of humor. I know it aint all rednecks down there, and we have rednecks up here too.
    I say all normal people in the South/Midwest move up north or to Calli or whatever, and all rednecks and Republican type move to the red states and then we build walls. :haha:

    But on a serious note, I never said anything about the Civil War other than that they tried to break off. Any half educated person know's that slavery played only a small part in the Civil War and the reasons for it.
  14. SF1

    SF1 Elite Member

    Joined: Apr 25, 2003 Messages: 4,866 Likes Received: 5
    Get a sense of humor dawg.
  15. casekonly

    casekonly Veteran Member

    Joined: Aug 6, 2002 Messages: 8,264 Likes Received: 5
    being sober would help,
    but i'm not.