cheer up momma, youll soon be dead...ROB

i play air guitar in the mirror to thousands of adoring fans....

Aries (March 21-April 19)

Your current relationship with romance might best be summed up with these words from the Washington Post's Joel Achenbach: "Love begins as a sonnet, but eventually turns into a grocery list. Therefore you need someone with whom you can go to the supermarket." In other words, Aries, realism should rule your decisions in amorous matters for the next few weeks. That will eventually change, though. So don't permanently forget about the sonnet-like aspects of your passion.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Even if you're not a jazz fan, you'll thrive in the coming week by using a modus operandi that resembles jazz. I suggest, therefore, that you improvise frequently. Experiment with intricate, strong, and playful rhythms. Infuse your yearning for freedom with humor. For further insight about how to proceed, meditate on the following clues from three jazz greats. Ornette Coleman: "Jazz is the only music in which the same note can be played night after night but differently each time." John Coltrane: "You can play a shoestring if you're sincere." Miles Davis: "Don't play what's there, play what's not there."

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

One of my best teachers always referred to himself as an unteacher. My goal is to strip away your certainties," he said, "so you can be alert to how mysterious life actually is." He didn't want to fill me up with a load of fixed ideas, in other words, but rather encourage me to cultivate the habit of questioning everything. I wish I could perform the same service for you, Gemini, especially now that you're becoming more receptive to the naked truth. I'd like to help you understand that in order to fall deeply in love with the world's messy beauty, you need to be able to gaze upon it as if it were just created a moment ago. (P.S. As psychotherapist Robert Augustus Masters says, the truth cannot be rehearsed.)

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Young rock bands often do cover tunes, copies of songs originally performed by well-known musicians they admire. Art teachers sometimes give their students the assignment of reproducing the great paintings of the old masters. To take maximum advantage of the current astrological influences, I suggest you use this strategy in your own unique way, Cancerian. Pick a hero, either dead or alive, either famous or unsung, whose approach to life you admire. Find out as much as you can about that person, and then engage in a flurry of imitation. Dress, talk, think, and dream like your hero. In every situation you're in, ask yourself what he or she would do. Have imaginary conversations, fantasize abundantly, and move through your days and nights as if you are that person.

Leo (July 23-August 22)

In the coming week you will be prone to eruptions of intuition about exciting future events that you have not previously imagined. Lucid visions of challenging adventures may pop into your mind's eye out of nowhere. When you come into the presence of people who may one day figure prominently in your creative departures from routine, you might feel chills run up and down your spine. Be alert for these signals from the Great Beyond. It's time for you to become your own fortune-teller.

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

It's sowing time, Virgo. Seeds you plant in the coming days will grow into the crop you will ultimately harvest in July, 2005. If you think big, those seeds will also figure prominently in blooms that won't fully ripen until the latter part of 2015 and the first nine months of 2016. I suppose it's possible you'll get freaked out by the pressure, and pretend you don't have the awesome power I'm telling you that you have. In that case, you'll distract yourself with a thousand and one trivial concerns and let blind fate do the seed-planting for you. But I don't recommend that approach. I'd love for you to get excited as you contemplate what you want to be doing 12 years from now.

Libra (September 23-October 22)

"I lost the plot for a while," says a character in Nick Hornby's novel, High Fidelity. "And I lost the subplot, the script, the soundtrack, the intermission, the popcorn, the credits, and the exit sign." I'm betting you could have said something like that recently, Libra. The story of your life seemed to have been whisked out from under you and banished to the wilderness on the outskirts of limbo, where the wasteland meets no man's land. That's the bad news. The good news is that while you may never recover the plot you started with, you'll soon find a brand new one that's better than the original.

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

"The conversation didn't get interesting until the end, after we ran out of things to say." Blogger Michael Barrish (www.oblivio.com) wrote that about a date he went on. I'd like to recommend it as your guiding principle in the coming week. Your assignment is to choose a person with whom you will talk and talk and talk until you are all talked out. At that point, though, you won't run along to your next appointments, but will dwell in the awkwardness as long as it takes for you to stumble upon a new way of being together. Furthermore, Scorpio, I urge you to apply this approach in as many other ways as you can imagine. Hang out in the pregnant silences on the other side of the climaxes.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

Physicists have been on a roll for the last hundred years. Beginning with Einstein's theory of relativity in 1905, they've uncovered secrets of the cosmos that would have seemed like magic to nineteenth-century scientists. Yet they still haven't found their Holy Grail-the "Theory of Everything" that would tie together all their discoveries and, in the words of Stephen Hawkings, allow them to "read the mind of God." According to my understanding of the astrological omens, you Sagittarians have been on a similar ride in the past 12 months. You've gathered tantalizing clues to the greatest mysteries of your life, but have not tracked down your personal Theory of Everything. That could change in the coming weeks, though. You're closer to the Grail than you've ever been.

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

Your immediate future reminds me of the Buddhist monks I saw beaming child-like smiles and waving their arms exuberantly as they rode the roller coaster at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. Why? Because I believe that whatever discipline and devotion you have brought to your spiritual work in the past year will soon be rewarded, probably with a thrilling ride that dissolves obstacles or a soaring adventure that breaks down inhibitions.

Aquarius (January 20- February 18)

During a six-year period of his life, music composer Johann Sebastian Bach created an average of one cantata every single week. In the coming days, you could be that prolific in your own chosen field, Aquarius. The creative juices should be flowing through you like a tidal wave; your ability to dream up fresh solutions to nagging puzzles should be at a peak. If for some reason none of what I'm saying seems to be true, it means you need to stop what you're doing, go sit under a tree, and listen more attentively to your fantasies.

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

To achieve your dreams, writes Chuck Klosterman in Esquire, you shouldn't obsess on cultivating allies. The two most important characters in the life of any successful human, he says, are a nemesis and an archenemy. While I don't wholeheartedly endorse this exaggerated position, Pisces, I do recommend it now for your temporary use. Nothing will sharpen your wits so much in the coming weeks as competitors and people who don't agree with you. They will be catalysts who'll provide you with all the motivation you need to leap to the next level of excellence.

is the title of this thread a quote from Throw Momma From the Train?

--------------------Onion

Aries: (March 21—April 19)

Your possession of a mystical third eye would cause less comment if you were also in possession of two regular eyes.

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)

It'll be months before you're allowed to show your face at the club again, after you get into a fistfight with the steward over the greatest living coloratura.

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)

This week, you'll learn a very important lesson about going for it on fourth down with so much time left on the clock.

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)

You're usually pretty careful, so it's worth mentioning when 36 are wounded during your trip to the grocery store.

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)

You'll wake up feeling pretty certain that the talking gorilla was just a dream, but that doesn't explain the Gorilla-to-English dictionary you find under your pillow.

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)

You'll do much weeping over what's going to happen to you this week, but because of the nature of the incident, gnashing of teeth won't really be an option.

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)

Chef Gerard Pangaud's signature dishes include sweetbreads with morels, as well as lobster with ginger, lime, and Sauternes, but he's made it clear that they're not for you.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)

You'll be the first victim of the soon-to-be-popular "running 1000 volts through the take-a-penny tray" trick.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)

The presence of Saturn in your sign usually indicates travel or pressing family issues, but it's been there for six months now, so it's probably just out of work again.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)

Your mistake at the self-serve pump will be monumental, but at least the amateur astronomers will enjoy watching your orbiting body for the next few weeks.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)

It's been said that numbers don't lie, but that was before you had time to work your magic on the rigid little bastards.

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)

The confluence of many mystical signs and portents can only foretell that it's time to give your brother a call.

I've got a boner.

Not really.

Originally posted by mental invalid

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

 

"The conversation didn't get interesting until the end, after we ran out of things to say." Blogger Michael Barrish (www.oblivio.com) wrote that about a date he went on. I'd like to recommend it as your guiding principle in the coming week. Your assignment is to choose a person with whom you will talk and talk and talk until you are all talked out. At that point, though, you won't run along to your next appointments, but will dwell in the awkwardness as long as it takes for you to stumble upon a new way of being together. Furthermore, Scorpio, I urge you to apply this approach in as many other ways as you can imagine. Hang out in the pregnant silences on the other side of the climaxes.

whoa shit.

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

Physicists have been on a roll for the last hundred years. Beginning with Einstein's theory of relativity in 1905, they've uncovered secrets of the cosmos that would have seemed like magic to nineteenth-century scientists. Yet they still haven't found their Holy Grail-the "Theory of Everything" that would tie together all their discoveries and, in the words of Stephen Hawkings, allow them to "read the mind of God." According to my understanding of the astrological omens, you Sagittarians have been on a similar ride in the past 12 months. You've gathered tantalizing clues to the greatest mysteries of your life, but have not tracked down your personal Theory of Everything. That could change in the coming weeks, though. You're closer to the Grail than you've ever been.

damn for once i dont have a reply....

mine is way too abstract for me. i see moogle doesn't get it either...

Originally posted by MOOGLE?

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

 

Physicists have been on a roll for the last hundred years. Beginning with Einstein's theory of relativity in 1905, they've uncovered secrets of the cosmos that would have seemed like magic to nineteenth-century scientists. Yet they still haven't found their Holy Grail-the "Theory of Everything" that would tie together all their discoveries and, in the words of Stephen Hawkings, allow them to "read the mind of God." According to my understanding of the astrological omens, you Sagittarians have been on a similar ride in the past 12 months. You've gathered tantalizing clues to the greatest mysteries of your life, but have not tracked down your personal Theory of Everything. That could change in the coming weeks, though. You're closer to the Grail than you've ever been.

 

 

I gotta keep reminding myself that I don't believe in this shit...

No matter how close it may come to truth. ( this one is dead on )

Libra (September 23-October 22)

"I lost the plot for a while," says a character in Nick Hornby's novel, High Fidelity. "And I lost the subplot, the script, the soundtrack, the intermission, the popcorn, the credits, and the exit sign." I'm betting you could have said something like that recently, Libra. The story of your life seemed to have been whisked out from under you and banished to the wilderness on the outskirts of limbo, where the wasteland meets no man's land. That's the bad news. The good news is that while you may never recover the plot you started with, you'll soon find a brand new one that's better than the original.

so fucking true. I've been losing everything lately. :mad:

lost my prescription for my b.c. pills, my fucking tb physical form for school (but thankgod i found that), can't find one of my nice belts.....argh.