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Celebrities Gone Wild!

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Durdenwasright, Sep 28, 2005.

  1. Durdenwasright

    Durdenwasright Junior Member

    Joined: Sep 28, 2005 Messages: 120 Likes Received: 2
    Everybody loves celebrity gossip. ‘Sept of course all the sane people out there that realized celebrities are just like everyone else but more pathetic cause they get paid way to much to do what kinder gardeners call “Pretend” and they think its work. But fuck those people. Celebrities are awesome and we love hearin’ all the crazy shit they do cause there to jacked up on coke and uppers to know what a Walmart is or how this whole “election thingy” works. Ohhh so lets get to the gossip!

    DMX Slaps Berlin GAYS!
    According to German newspaper BZ, two men in Berlin have filed complaints against the artist claiming that he assaulted them following an appearance at the Sage Club on Sept. 16. Oliver Osterode and Julian Schmidt, both 24, say they got into a scrap with DMX over alleged comments made while in they were all in the bathroom.

    "I wanted to go to the bathroom and meet DMX,” Osterode told BZ. “I told him that I think he's cool, but Lil’ Jon is better.” Then he freaked out. He slapped me in the face, and then his bodyguards attacked us."

    Osterode said he was left with a swollen eye, bruised ribs and other lacerations, while Schmidt reportedly has bruises on his abdomen.

    First thing we need to do is take a second look into this “report” and find the real story. These two dudes follow DMX into a bathroom. Definitely gays! What you gonna talk to a broth while hes takin a shit? No your gonna wait outside the bathroom till a brothas wiped his ass properly then get his autograph. Keep in mind these guys names are Oliver and Julian! No these guys wanted something special. A little bump bump in a brothas trunk trunk if you get my drift. I think the story went something more like this:

    Oliver: Hey Julian, you zee that big black man go into a stall where we first meet?
    Julian: JA!
    Oliver: Les do a little bit of da Bumped z’s grindizen!
    Julian: ZJAH!

    Oliver and Julian bust open the door and corner DMZ in the stall
    Julian: Hey mista big boy, mmm hmmm zah you! I’ve got somthin’ special for you
    Oliver: Zah!
    DMX; Oh baby I’ve been waitin’ to try out some Berlin sausage!
    Oliver: Zah we saw those big dick suckin’ lips and knew we were in for a treat
    Julian: Here have a taste of my little John!
    DMX: WHAT!? Little John where?

    Here DMX goes into a hissy fit slappin, spankin and grouping everything in site

    On to one of our favorite gossip factories good old PARIS HILLTON!

    Paris Hilton is hedging her amorous bets by romancing her record producer, Scott Storch, and her fiancé, Paris Latsis, at the same time, sources claim. As Star reported in its last issue, Hilton, 24, has not only been seen kissing Storch, 31, but a source says the new couple, who spent a lot of time together during New York Fashion Week, is already believed to be hooking up. At the same time Hilton, who still wears the engagement ring Latsis, 22, gave her, is taking steps to keep his heart captive. On Sept. 17, she surprised onlookers in Beverly Hills by tenderly kissing her often-estranged fiancé goodbye on the lips as they sat in his car during a shopping trip.

    So could this be the stupidest piece of news I have ever heard? Maybe. Hmm lets see people what is one thing we have all learned in the past few years about a certain Paris Hilton? Hmmm we know she’s famous....we know she’s blonde....we know she’s dumb.....but what’s one thing we really have learned above all about this certain celebrity? SHE’S A WHORE! A stupid slutty cum bucket here to serve anyone with a fast car and enough coke for her to forget her miserable existence and her eating disorders. Wow news people, GET THIS, Paris Hilton is getting with more than one guy in the same five minutes! Holly cow stop the presses! I bet if you went a surveyed a kinder garden class and asked “Who is Paris Hilton and why is she famous?” Every little kid would say “she’s a whore and cause she’s a whore”. DUH! I mean what numbfuck thought this was something amazing. Shit im sure that faggot Paris ok wait hold on. Does anyone realize that Paris Hilton found a guy name Paris and married him? I mean how much coke is this dumb broad doing? Really? She has got to put enough coke up her nose every day to support Andy Dicks habit for 6 years. Anyway as I was saying im sure Paris (her boyfriend) loves the fact that she will fuck anything that moves. HES MARRYING her isn’t he? Its not like hes marrying her thinkin she’s gonna be faithful! The world has seen this girl suck cock for Christ sake she isn’t exactly the girl next door kids!

    Well enough of that hot beef hole lets go the opposite direction to a young virgin that wont stop calling me, Mary-Kate “I have a million dollars and I fuck black men in my spare time” Olsen.

    Mary-Kate Olsen loves splurging on her beloved chocolate-brown Lab, Luca. "This dog is her baby, and money is no object. She has a thing for dog accessories," a source tells Star People. One of her favorite stops is The Wagging Tail, an upscale pet boutique in Santa Monica that MK, 19, often goes to with Luca by her side. "She recently bought eight dog harnesses made with leather and studded with rhinestones and semiprecious gems," the source says, noting that the bill topped $800.

    The first thing I love about this “NEWS FLASH” is that Star Has “a source” giving them all this juicy MK Olsen dog loving hijinks. God what the phone calls to star must be like:

    Operator: Star People Gossip Line...

    Caller 1: Hey I got the new scoop on Courtney Loves new drug habit!

    Operator: Old news... *hang up*

    Operator: Hello, Star People Gossip Line...

    Caller 2: Hey I just saw Austen Kooter spend $500 on anal nitrate

    Operator: Hold on ill transfer you to our Fashion Section
    Operator: Star People Gossip Line Hello?

    Caller 3: I just saw MKO Spend$800 on dog toys!

    Operator: Holly shit balls Martha Sterwarts ASS! When

    Caller 3: Just today ohhh my god she was wearing the cutest sweater you would not believe

    Operator: OMG what did it look like!?

    And on and on. God. $800 on a fucking dog! Imagine if you were this tight twats boyfriend! Holly shit my Harness would be goddamn diamond studded with my name engraved in the fuckin buckle shit. Id be eating her ass with a golden spoon. Oh man people are so sad with there animals though. Ill bet shit takes that fuckin dog to some LA hair stylist and spends like three of my months rent on a “trim” to her dogs ballsack. Could you imagine having this much money! I bet they wipe there asses with $10 bills.

    this is me trying to be funny writing for this little shit graff zine im puting together. tell me if it sucks and why it will acompany childish photoshoped pictures of the celebrities mentioned doing sillythings

    blah blah blah
  2. Abracadabra

    Abracadabra Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Dec 28, 2001 Messages: 22,906 Likes Received: 113

    it sucks
  3. Durdenwasright

    Durdenwasright Junior Member

    Joined: Sep 28, 2005 Messages: 120 Likes Received: 2

    it sucks
    [post=4123910]Quoted post[/post]​

  4. gren1 bnc

    gren1 bnc Senior Member

    Joined: Nov 19, 2004 Messages: 1,010 Likes Received: 0
    hahahah!!!!! soz heat magazine.
  5. WhiteOx

    WhiteOx Elite Member

    Joined: Sep 4, 2003 Messages: 3,691 Likes Received: 0
    really bad......
  6. odoil

    odoil Junior Member

    Joined: Sep 27, 2005 Messages: 130 Likes Received: 0
  7. Neskoner

    Neskoner New Jack

    Joined: Jan 6, 2003 Messages: 0 Likes Received: 1
    there was already a thread on half of this.
  8. Neskoner

    Neskoner New Jack

    Joined: Jan 6, 2003 Messages: 0 Likes Received: 1
  9. mackfatsoe

    mackfatsoe Veteran Member

    Joined: Oct 8, 2004 Messages: 6,532 Likes Received: 168
    even robothruster's last story was better than this.
  10. ODS-1

    ODS-1 Elite Member

    Joined: Jul 21, 2003 Messages: 3,575 Likes Received: 0
    Damn dude, your not funny at all.
  11. gren1 bnc

    gren1 bnc Senior Member

    Joined: Nov 19, 2004 Messages: 1,010 Likes Received: 0
    is this thread still open!?
  12. fermentor666

    fermentor666 Veteran Member

    Joined: Sep 27, 2003 Messages: 8,152 Likes Received: 15
    As if I didn't get more then my fill of celebrity bullshit waiting in line at the store.
  13. Dirty_habiT

    Dirty_habiT Administrator

    Joined: Mar 8, 2001 Messages: 18,128 Likes Received: 76
    In fashion of old 12oz, "I ain't readin all that shit...."
  14. fatalist

    fatalist Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Mar 10, 2004 Messages: 6,354 Likes Received: 25
  15. Dirty_habiT

    Dirty_habiT Administrator

    Joined: Mar 8, 2001 Messages: 18,128 Likes Received: 76
    Wetpussy is such a good name... filthy as hell,