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Bon Jovi, 80's Fashion, Premarital Sex...

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Clever Name, Mar 6, 2002.

  1. Clever Name

    Clever Name Junior Member

    Joined: Jan 29, 2002 Messages: 189 Likes Received: 0
    An internet conversation between me and "Joe" (names have been changed to protect the guilty):

    Joe: i have a bon jovi cd

    Me: which one?

    Joe: the one with living on a prayer

    Me: haha .. "take my hand, we'll make it i swear"
    Me: the best part of that song is the computerized "whoa whoa whoa's"

    Joe: if i ever went to prison id just act so crazy that nobody would mess with me
    Joe: smear my poop all over myself

    Me: haha yeah ... establish yourself as "unclean"

    Joe: get some chocolate pudding during lunch and act like its my own shit and start eating it
    Joe: "cause if youve got shit aint nobody gonna fuck with you"

    Me: haha, or just use actual shit ... wait...

    Joe: hmm
    Joe: i downloaded this video off of morpheus and its a bunch of girls eating each others shit straight out of an ass

    Me: ugghh god
    Me: hey, you could spraypaint yourself grabber green and see if any locked up writers jock your fill

    Joe: hahah

    Me: shit eating is just so 5 minutes ago

    Joe: i know..back in 8th grade i was eating piles, but now

    Me: haha

    Joe: im going to go to *****

    Me: oh for real ... whats the occasion?

    Joe: i talk to a couple writers there and trade fliks

    Me: oh ok ... cool scene over there?

    Joe: yeah

    Me: you should go there and write really tiny
    Me: make that your gimmick ... pieces with fine lined paintbrushes up in the top right corner of the backside of trains

    Joe: im going to say to ***** after he paints a piece next to me "*****, buddy..you’re really not grasping this whole graff thing are you..but youre making me look better, ill give you that"

    Me: but tie his shoelaces together so when he comes after you he falls
    Me: haha then dis his piece

    Joe: he wears barrettes i heard

    Me: barrettes were hot in the 80's
    Me: that guy from uncle buck

    Joe: uncle buck was such a good movie

    Me: yeah ... those pancakes were next level

    Joe: his lunch was a pickle in a bag and milk in a jar..ahahahaah

    Me: haha

    Joe: i want to start painting pieces that are so gay that when any writer sees them they have to question their sexuality

    Me: hahahaHAH
    Me: pieces to promote homophobia
    Me: "prohomophobia" ... if you will

    Joe: haha

    Me: how about a piece with pink flowers for letters and hearts in the fill

    Joe: writers are going to look at each other when they see my pieces and say "man..do we like guys?"

    Me: hahah ... it will be a close, bonding experience
    Me: or you could play with the conventions of stereotypical gay expectations ...
    Me: have a rainbow over your piece crashing into a severed head bleeding into a pool of fruit juice

    Joe: ahahhahah

    Me: this needs to be a production ..
    Me: the quote could be something like: "2 snaps up in a circle for these hardcore niggas"

    Joe: hhahaha

    Me: "sweatin to the oldies: life within the metaphysical realm of subconscious prohomophobic graffiti"

    Me: the other day I saw this guy wearing some sort of headgear

    Joe: i saw a flick of ***** wearing a tye dye beret with matching socks and boxers
    Joe: i dont need braces but would like to get headgear you know?

    Me: i give him credit for originality
    Me: headgear would be tight on a stripper

    Joe: haha
    Joe: lets not get gayness and originality confused

    Me: picture your hair getting caught in the stripper's teeth during a lapdance

    Joe: picture her vaginal hair getting caught in your teeth during a lapdance

    Me: hahahah
    Me: it just gets STUCK
    Me: "eckshcuse shme ... mish shtrippersh"
    Me: "shmy teesh are shtuck in your crosh"

    Joe: "your vagshinal hairsh"

    Me: hahaha

    Joe: "shtinky"

    Me: someone was telling me about a trick his friend plays on girls when he has sex with them ...
    Me: this guy puts a penny in every girl's pussy after he fucks them ...

    Joe: why?

    Me: they take a shower or douche or whatever ... and just "notice a penny"
    Me: like "hey where'd that come from"

    Joe: put one of those little pills in there that turns into a 2 foot dinosaur when it gets wet

    Me: hahaha ... that would be great "america's funniest home videos" material
    Me: the penny thing seemed crude, obnoxious and borderline disturbing when the notion was first presented to me ... but as time goes on it becomes funnier and funnier

    Joe: to actually successfully place a penny in there each time without getting caught is worthy of praise

    Me: yeah, there's something admirable about such a feat
    Me: you have to wonder what the hell a girl thinks when she pulls a random coin out of her crotch ... ?

    Joe: yeah..a 2 foot dinosaur growing out of a screaming girls vagina would really get the family laughing

    Me: i'd throw a twenty up in there ... make things interesting

    Joe: haha

    Me: family outings would be comedy

    Joe: did you go to a strip club on your birthday

    Me: nah .. i just went to some show and then came home
    Me: i went to this street festival last weekend that did have a bunch of naked girls in the street
    Me: should have brought a camera

    Joe: damn

    Me: i think ***** (the place where the festival went down) has to contain some of the most ghetto areas of all time
    Me: i remember little kids dancing around a burning barrel in the street

    Joe: haha probably jewish kids

    Me: i think they were athiest
    Me: their running style wasn't demonstrative of any typical religious ceremony
    Me: they were on some off-the-top-of-the-dome freestyle-running shit
    Me: once i saw a police chase there where the cop and the guy getting chased were running at fucking walking speed
    Me: i just stood there and casually watched them poke by
    Me: it was a "haiku" experience

    Joe: hahaaha..what the hell

    Me: i guess they had been running for a loooong time, and just slowed to a near crawl but they still kept the chase alive
    Me: they had a small fan club following them ...

    Joe: did he catch the guy?

    Me: yeah eventually they both just stopped
    Me: it was right by the **** ... in those light-colored projects

    Joe: haha..my friend got a gun pulled on him there and his skateboard taken

    Me: dude the ghetto kids at that place are fucking ILL
    Me: one kid -- she was like 8 years old -- was talking about how "marcus ate her coochie good last night"
    Me: hahahahahaha -- me and these kids i was with just died laughing

    Joe: hahaha
    Joe: the little kids are so cool and it sucks theyre probably going to turn out fucking retarded because their parents are idiots

    Me: they're parents themselves
    Me: in *****, kids have kids at around 9 or 10

    Joe: hahahhaa

    Me: you're in your prime when your 17
  2. ASER1NE

    ASER1NE Veteran Member

    Joined: Oct 15, 2001 Messages: 7,578 Likes Received: 3
    premarital sex
  3. Clever Name

    Clever Name Junior Member

    Joined: Jan 29, 2002 Messages: 189 Likes Received: 0
  4. CIPHER_one

    CIPHER_one Senior Member

    Joined: Jul 3, 2000 Messages: 2,300 Likes Received: 0
    there ya go
  5. Iris

    Iris Banned

    Joined: Sep 2, 2001 Messages: 888 Likes Received: 1
    not too funny
  6. tue skinny

    tue skinny Elite Member

    Joined: Jul 3, 2001 Messages: 4,781 Likes Received: 0
    two thums up :heated: :heated:
  7. Clever Name

    Clever Name Junior Member

    Joined: Jan 29, 2002 Messages: 189 Likes Received: 0
    Sorry to disappoint.