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Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by The Dude, Sep 22, 2004.

  1. The Dude

    The Dude Elite Member

    Joined: May 13, 2001 Messages: 2,904 Likes Received: 0
    so i am the best man at my friends wedding. my problem is that about 3 months ago i went to Tijuana and got kinda drunk at some bar and sang karaeoke, and i thought i sounded fine, but the only other English speaking person there person there other than my friends told me "YOU SUCK". ever since then i sort of have microphonophobia. so for my speech i kinda want to keep it short, but i dont really have much to say, so i need some help from some speechwriter types. help me out please.
  2. <KEY3>

    <KEY3> Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 24, 2004 Messages: 6,878 Likes Received: 2
    dude.... It's so simple.

    You have it or you dont. Just confidence.
    And try to picture them naked... expect for the mother of the bride.

    Start with a bad joke, then just be honest and keep it short.
    Make sure you go over how to pronounce everyones names with the groom.
    Pic something that both the bride and groom love (say.... nascar?)
    and make references to 'driving on the oval of love'.

    Just speak clearly, into the mic, and dont sing... because for singing... you probably do SUCK!
  3. Brewster Baker

    Brewster Baker 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Sep 11, 2003 Messages: 13,021 Likes Received: 536
    use the word chauncy as much as possible
  4. Kr430n5_666

    Kr430n5_666 Banned

    Joined: Oct 6, 2004 Messages: 19,229 Likes Received: 30
    do you remember passion?
  5. Abracadabra

    Abracadabra Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Dec 28, 2001 Messages: 22,906 Likes Received: 113

    just tell them the story about you and the groom travelling to thailand to have orgys with ladyboys. that should go over a treat
  6. the_gooch

    the_gooch 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: May 15, 2002 Messages: 11,566 Likes Received: 431
    well after you say what you decide to say just add this as the last line

    "may all your ups and downs be between the sheets"
  7. AORAone

    AORAone Veteran Member

    Joined: Feb 7, 2003 Messages: 6,460 Likes Received: 32
    hahaha, thats a good one abc.

    dude- watch old school, they have a nice one, just say it word for word.
  8. cloner

    cloner Senior Member

    Joined: Mar 29, 2004 Messages: 1,717 Likes Received: 0
    just get wasted as fuck and let it flow.
  9. dr.testical

    dr.testical Senior Member

    Joined: May 26, 2003 Messages: 1,236 Likes Received: 0
    when i have to type something or read something the next day infront of people i watch oldschool the part where will farrell is ribbon dancing usually gets me inspired the next few days im humming duh nuh nuh nuuh nuh nu hu chi chi chi chi duh nu nu nu h nu h nu h nungh chi chi chi
  10. iloveboxcars

    iloveboxcars 12oz Royalty

    Joined: Jul 29, 2002 Messages: 20,506 Likes Received: 450
    Just say something like "i'm no good at this, i really don't know what to say... but i love the both of you and here's to a long a happy marriage."

    or maybe say something like and here's to a marriage that lasts forever.
  11. Crookedline

    Crookedline Junior Member

    Joined: Feb 4, 2004 Messages: 173 Likes Received: 0
    first of all congratulations on being chosen as best man...it is like being asked to get married by your homeboy in itself, as he is only asking his girl to marry him cos it's the socially accepted thing..but you know he likes you way more...
    anyway my boys to-be wife was stressing me about a month before the actual wedding telling me that i had better have a best man speech or i'm out of the wedding altogether...so i was like yeah yeah no worries it will be sweet....got to the big day, it's my turn for the best man speech...i get up in front of everybody, i look to her and say, well i forgot to write a speech so i thought we'd fill some time with a mexican wave...you allow time for around 3 people to do the actual mexican wave and then of course let on that your not a complete anus but indeed do have a speeach ready to go...wheather it's a good speech or not, after putting the fear of god up the to-be wife by saying you don't have a speech....anything you do say will be gold...and gauranteed free food for the next year....