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been too long....ROB

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by mental invalid, Dec 3, 2004.

  1. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8
    yup yup....laziness is ones demise




    www.freewillastrology.com/horoscopes/printer-friendly.html

    Free Will Astrology
    horoscopes for week of December 2, 2004

    Aries (March 21-April 19)

    The seeds of some trees are so tightly compacted within their protective cones that only flames can free them and allow them to sprout. The lodgepole pine and jack pine can't reproduce, in other words, without the help of forest fires. I suspect that you will have a resemblance to those fire-dependent, fire-resistant seeds in the coming months, Aries. Your ability to prosper and flourish may require you to spend time in the metaphorical equivalent of a large blaze. Don't worry for your sanity or safety. Just as the seeds in jack pine cones can tolerate temperatures of 1,700 degrees Fahrenheit, you will be very hardy. P.S. Your first trial by fire may begin any minute now.


    Taurus (April 20-May 20)

    Your soul is the best friend you keep forgetting you have. It's closer than your breath and older than death. It dreams like a mountain, laughs like a river, and communicates with you in the exuberantly mysterious style of animals and gods. You are alive because of your soul! It loves you with nonstop unconditional ingenuity. Isn't it right, then, to devote at least one special day each year to honoring it and giving thanks for its blessings? From an astrological perspective, this is a perfect time to do just that. Schedule Soul Celebration Day for sometime this week.



    Gemini (May 21-June 20)

    It's an excellent time for you to fuel your urge to compete. But wait! Before you start working yourself into a frenzy about your rivals and adversaries, before you erupt with a surge of jealous fantasies, read this quote from ballet superstar, Mikhail Baryshnikov: "I do not try to dance better than anyone else. I only try to dance better than myself." That's the special kind of competitive zeal I advise you to stoke in the coming weeks, Gemini.



    Cancer (June 21-July 22)

    "Centuries of travel lore suggest that when we no longer know where to turn, our real journey has just begun." So says Phil Cousineau in his book, The Art of Pilgrimage: The Seeker's Guide to Making Travel Sacred. I hope that's a perfect description of your current state, Cancerian. It may not be obvious yet, but losing your direction is the best gift you could have possibly been given. Being unsure of your next move is a crucial development in your life story, and a virtual guarantee that you will be in the right place at the right time for a divine intervention a few weeks from now.



    Leo (July 23-August 22)

    One good way to celebrate your astrological Season of Rapture would be to acquire the book Sexual Energy Ecstasy: A Practical Guide to Lovemaking Secrets of the East and West, by David and Ellen Ramsdale. Carry out any of the exercises between pages 333 and 339, including these: 1. Imagine that your house is burning down around you while you're making love; you're too blissfully engrossed to flee, and die in each other's arms. 2. As you make love, imagine you're dreaming, and will soon wake up. 3. Imagine that your lover's face keeps changing, becoming the faces that he or she had in past incarnations. 4. Make love with paper bags over your heads. Cut out holes for your eyes and mouths. 5. Imagine that you're making love to Jesus Christ, Mary Magdalene, Buddha, Tara, Kwan Yin, Krishna, Parvati, or some other enlightened one.



    Virgo (August 23-September 22)

    Don't fight the inevitable. Don't resist it and bitch about it and curse it. On the other hand, don't just lie down and let it roll on over you, relinquishing your will and losing your spunk. Instead, Virgo, have fun with the inevitable. Tease it and question it. Influence it through the ingenuity of your playfulness. Develop a relationship with it that allows you to be true to yourself even as you learn to love it.



    Libra (September 23-October 22)

    My house isn't big enough to hold all my stuff, so I keep some of it at a local storage facility. My room there is number 417. It's in the middle of a long hall lined with rooms that other people have rented for their junk. The sequence of numbered doors is odd; it goes 415 to 416 to 417 to 752 to 418 to 419 to 420. How did 752 get in there? It's a mystery--sort of like your life in the coming week, Libra. I predict that you'll soon experience a comparable interruption in the orderly flow of things. But that shouldn't be a problem for you as long as you don't worry about it. I suggest that you just glide through the seemingly out-of-place event, having faith that the regularly scheduled flow will return after a relatively brief blip.



    Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

    In 1964, U.S. President Lyndon Johnson declared an unconditional "war on poverty." It was an enlightened use of martial force--an unprecedented attempt to channel the macho might of the federal government into an onslaught of benevolence. Now I call on you to pull off a comparable trick. In the coming weeks, convince your inner warrior to turn away from all temptations to express rage and destruction. Reprogram him or her to fight wildly in behalf of beauty, truth, justice, and love.


    Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

    Be here now. That's usually pretty good advice. It means reeling your mind in from its distracted daydreaming about the past and future so that you can be fully attentive to the present moment. To really be here now, you have to stop fantasizing about what might happen or what could have been, and instead focus on what's actually unfolding right in front of you. Having said all that, however, I'm going to give you astrological permission to spend an inordinate amount of time in the coming week following a different mandate. For a limited time only, Sagittarius, you can and should be there then: Vividly imagine yourself in a desirable future scenario as if it were already happening. Feel the feelings you'll have when it materializes.


    Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

    In his book, The Secrets and Mysteries of Hawaii, Pila Chiles recounts the advice given him by an Indian holy man: "If you have lost the business, your house, and wife, after you have been pronounced terminally ill and life has dealt you the worst blows, there is only one duty left. That is to crawl over to the nearest mirror, hoist yourself up, look deeply into it with your last breath, and say aloud seven times: 'Cock-a-doodle-doo!'" No matter how low you might feel, Capricorn, you have to admit that your problems aren't even one percent as serious as that. You should find it relatively easy, then, to go to a mirror right now and crow "cock-a-doodle-doo!" seven times. Please do.


    Aquarius (January 20- February 18)

    Dr. Ivan Goldberg (http://psychcentral.com/maniaquiz.htm) has created a questionnaire to help excitable people stay alert for when they may be about to go over the edge. For instance, he advises them to be wary if they're thinking things like, "My mind has never been sharper," "I need less sleep than usual," "I have more new ideas than I can handle," "I have been feeling particularly playful," or "I have been feeling like 'the life of the party.'" The weird thing is, Aquarius, that you're expressing many of the symptoms he names, only in you it's a sign of extraordinary vitality. Now please tap into the generosity and joy you've got in such abundance right now, and make the following affirmation, which is number 15 on Goldberg's list: *I have special plans for the world.*



    Pisces (February 19-March 20)

    For far too long, Pisces, you have been overly tolerant of sober, solemn approaches. You have allowed business-like people with a lack of emotional riches to define important questions. You have acted as if the absurdly literal mindset that views everything in black and white is strong and authoritative. What better time than now, therefore, to launch a strike in the name of irreverence, hilarity, and wildly poetic justice?
     
  2. <KEY3>

    <KEY3> Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 24, 2004 Messages: 6,878 Likes Received: 2
    so the R-O-B is telling me to be crazy?



    ----------------In Onion News.....


    Aries: (March 21—April 19)
    You fail to see why people are trying to stop you from crying because you have no shoes. Dammit, you're in a lot of foot pain.

    Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
    There are some unreasonable types out there who object to your wanting everyone to be a nice, normal skin color.

    Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
    There's nothing wrong with putting women on a pedestal, but fastening them there with nails, adhesives, and bulky straps tends to ruin the look.

    Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
    Legends have it that the statue of Lincoln on the National Mall will stand up for an honest man, but they give no clue as to why it would show up in your driveway and take a nine-iron to your car.

    Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
    You will never again be able to act just as you will in a fried-chicken restaurant without being held accountable.

    Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
    You thought the old gag with the banana peel was dead forever, and if it weren't for you and a Dumpster full of shattered fluorescent-light tubes, it would be.


    Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
    No, baboons do not understand human speech. You just happened to run across an angry one who could read your snotty body language.

    Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
    If you're reading this on the weekend, the stars wish for your speedy recovery. If you're reading it before the weekend, call a plumber and a rat-catcher right now.

    Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
    You've long sought the solitary life of the lighthouse keeper, but it turns out that most of those things are built at the entrances to subdivisions these days.

    Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
    You believe great things are right around the corner, but they might be more accurately described as great big things hurtling out of control.

    Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
    You obviously weren't concealing anything, so your new theory is that airport security has it in for naked people.

    Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
    Like all people, you are powerless to change your fate, but not your nature. Try to become a kinder, more loving person by the time that safe lands on you.
     
  3. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8
  4. Devilush

    Devilush 12oz Legend

    Joined: Feb 1, 2001 Messages: 17,035 Likes Received: 2
    hm lately i havent had anything to me upset or very angry about. but once i do, i will have to tame the anger for sure because i found out that my anger is getting out of hand when i do get angry about something.
     
  5. DETO

    DETO 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Apr 25, 2002 Messages: 11,316 Likes Received: 138
    so i'm supposed to imagine i'm having sex with jesus, huh!? :shook:
     
  6. Overtime

    Overtime Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Apr 22, 2003 Messages: 13,986 Likes Received: 311
    who has never imagined that deto, tell me who...
     
  7. Telo

    Telo Elite Member

    Joined: Jun 3, 2003 Messages: 4,162 Likes Received: 37
    so me and jesus are sitting at the bar right. Fools telling me stories about building houses and barns..

    Im like "dude, you arent getting any bitches with that fruity ass hair"..

    You know what jesus says to me next???

    "Fuck you NIgga"


    Im like .." WtFoMgRoFlLOLOLOL//"
     
  8. villain

    villain Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2002 Messages: 5,190 Likes Received: 2
    I thought I had enough problems without having to compete with myself even....
    damn insomnia...
    :/
     
  9. Kr430n5_666

    Kr430n5_666 Banned

    Joined: Oct 6, 2004 Messages: 19,229 Likes Received: 30
    I've only seen it happen twice
     
  10. MOOGLE?

    MOOGLE? 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: May 23, 2000 Messages: 11,491 Likes Received: 500
    Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

    Be here now. That's usually pretty good advice. It means reeling your mind in from its distracted daydreaming about the past and future so that you can be fully attentive to the present moment. To really be here now, you have to stop fantasizing about what might happen or what could have been, and instead focus on what's actually unfolding right in front of you. Having said all that, however, I'm going to give you astrological permission to spend an inordinate amount of time in the coming week following a different mandate. For a limited time only, Sagittarius, you can and should be there then: Vividly imagine yourself in a desirable future scenario as if it were already happening. Feel the feelings you'll have when it materializes.





    sooo what that means is....i must meditate for two days ontop of a bed of rusty soldering wire to amass enough ki and project it into an enormous ball of kinetic energy that burns the very air that surrounds it and send it hurtling through the time space continuem so that it reaches the point where matter and anti-matter touch and then implode the ball wich will then send a rippling wave through all the dimensions turning everything into a hello kitty keychain?
     
  11. Swiffer Jet

    Swiffer Jet Elite Member

    Joined: Jul 14, 2003 Messages: 2,669 Likes Received: 0
    Thanks to tramAHDOL, I can!
     
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