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Awesome comments that you make


Dick Quickwood

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i was at work on friday and some guy from new zealand goes:

 

"uhm... excuse me... but, have you noticed the amount of "strange" people in the area?"

 

and i kinda look outside and see nothing but the local hood niggas trying to get their hustle on, either posting on the corner or on the sidewalk selling stolen clothes and shit

 

 

i responded with something that reassured him along the lines of "oh theyre not much to concern yourself with, just ignore them and it shouldnt be much of an issue"

 

what i wanted to say was:

 

 

"the 'strange' people?

 

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... you mean the NIGGERS?"

 

haha

im sure i would have enjoyed his reaction

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when I was in Ireland this kid asked me if we had black people where I came from... because they certainly didn't have them in Westport. The kid must have been at least 15 and he'd never met a black person.

 

Another time, and a different subject... I was with my friend Jason from Cali when he got bitten by an ant for the first time in his life at age 15... he was just sitting in an ant bed so I pointed it out to him and he didn't seem to care, until about 5 seconds later...

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this wasn't my awesome comment, but it's gold...

in my line of work I get to talk to americans all the time (I'm canadian).

I had this one bitch on the phone. the call center she works at is in tennessee.

so basically what I was doing was placing an order with her company.

so I'm trying to explain to her how our shipping process works (it's kind of complicated... the jist of it is our shit gets sent to us from minnesota, no matter where its ordered from.)

anyways, to get through all the bullshit, I was trying to leave her our phone # so she could call back an order verification.

she says... "oh no we can't do that."

I say well why not?

and she says well don't we have to dial some sort of international code # ?

and then I inform her (while trying not to laugh) that, no, she can call directly to anywhere in canada, or north america, by simply dialing a 1 and then the area code.

and then she spits out this gem... "you mean I can call directly to canada?!"

 

 

GOLD.

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I was picking up some groceries from the local grocery store and this cute white chick walking by asked me if i had a cigarette, befor i said "sorry i dont smoke" my mind screamed out "ID KOBE BRYANT THAT BITCH." then i said "sorry i dont smoke" my half black impulses almost got the best of me that day.

 

It was outside Trader Joe's if anybody wanted to know.

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So I was at a donut shop with this girl from work. Its 8am and the mom pop place is packed. This asian guy comes out from the back and asks what we would like. We both order and the guy starts to get our donuts togeather and etc. The girl looks at me and says "I chink he grabbed the wrong donut for me."

Everyone in place got quiet and I just stood there staring at her like what the fuck...? It was also then that I realized we were the only white people there and the owners, whom I know personally gave me the scumbag look. She turned and immmediately asked him about her order, we paid and I told her I wanted to eat in the car. As soon as we got outside I asked her what the deal was. She totally denied saying the word chink and kept playing it off...!!

 

Anyways, it was a fucked up situation and now Im probably not welcome at my favorite breakfast place.

Fuck that bitch for her awesomely stupid comment.

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me and a mate in work sat the other day shoutin in work "do ya know how i know your gay... then he say "how" then i'd say "cause i caught you lookin at my dick in the toilets".. then he'd say "do ya know how i know your gay".. id say "how?" then he'd say " cause you didnt stop me!" this went on for bout 4hrs.. easily amused!!

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