meateater Posted January 23, 2005 Share Posted January 23, 2005 WE ARE ONE We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional wanker. We come from many lands and although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like. We are One Nation but divided into many States. First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand final day, and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that "it's liveable". At least that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet. Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it. Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers that pull their Speedos up their cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate. Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try. South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of foreigners, paedophile rings and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel. Western Australiais too far from anywhere to be relevant. It's main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did, all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the government and business. The Northern Territoryis the red heart of our land. Outback plains, sheep stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, Jackaroos, emus, Uluru, and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centrepiece of our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to fly over it on our way to Bali. And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half arsed sceptics, it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and perfect the next. Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery. Oh yes and there's Canberra. The less said the better. We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous twists and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in joy when a rag tag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tells us Sydney is better than Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a political party albeit a redneck gun toting one, can get a million votes and still not win one seat in Federal Parliament. Not that we're whingeing, we leave that to our Pommy immigrants. We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be right mate" our national attitude and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem (so what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide). We love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us who's winning. And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like cricket, netball, rugby league and union, AFL, roo shooting, two up and horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, and the worst dressed Olympians in the known universe. Only in Australia can a pizza delivery get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in Australia do we have bank doors wide open, no security guards, or cameras but chain the pens to the desk. Stand proud Aussies - we shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed minded, sports obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it. I am, you are, we are Australian! P.S We also shoot and eat the two animals that are on our National Crest!!!! No other country has this distinction! HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY - January 26, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteOx Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 netball? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoblow Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Brought a tear to my eye. God, it's good to be an aussie. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coldmilkcup Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Originally posted by Hoblow@Jan 24 2005, 06:52 AM Brought a tear to my eye. God, it's good to be an aussie. Quoted post SF KINGS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coldmilkcup Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Originally posted by coldmilkcup+Jan 24 2005, 06:55 AM--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE (coldmilkcup - Jan 24 2005, 06:55 AM)</div><div class='quotemain'><!--QuoteBegin-Hoblow@Jan 24 2005, 06:52 AM Brought a tear to my eye. God, it's good to be an aussie. Quoted post SF KINGS! Quoted post [/b] Well, that didn't work very well did it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoblow Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 I understand what you were attempting and it makes me happy. You can rest easy now, my child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiseguy Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 bah, im sick of australia. send me to mars. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dkab Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 I was going to see the Resin Dogs... But i have to work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest krie Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Best thread ever. Aussie Day is the best day of the year. Beers, Snags and Sun for Wednesday followed by fireworks. krie - the working crim from WA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Schnitzel Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Word! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoblow Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 No shit, i think it's gonna be a stinking hot day all over the country on wednesday. Not only that, but it's one of my best mates 21st's on the same day. What a day it's gonna be. I hope work doesn't miss me too much on thursday, cause i'm going awol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dkab Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Even tassie has half decent weather on wednesday... AND I HAVE TO WORK At least its money... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coldmilkcup Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Double pay up in this shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sneak Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 Aussie Aussie Aussie?? No No No.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhiteOx Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 it embarresses me when i hear faggets chanting that shit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abracadabra Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 go layton and alicia! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZOIDLE Posted January 25, 2005 Share Posted January 25, 2005 i just found out this threadf existed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meateater Posted January 26, 2005 Author Share Posted January 26, 2005 HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY FUCKERS! NOW GET YOUR TRIPLE J CRACKING AND THOSE AUSSIE BEERS DRUNK ,FAGGOTS! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AC/DC Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 That concert last night on the telly was fucking dope man. It was good to see the entire population of Canberra turned up to see Koolism in drag, and Bob Downe singing "We come from a land down under, where women blow and men chunder" Fuck I wish I had a sausage in bread right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
se_FOUR Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 netball? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kr430n5_666 Posted January 26, 2005 Share Posted January 26, 2005 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest krie Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Hottest 100, Beers, Barbeque's, Girls, Beers. Good times Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meateater Posted January 27, 2005 Author Share Posted January 27, 2005 Even better than that! ^^^ beer, bbq, jjj, girls, pool, cricket, cops, taging on random girls, firecrackers, abuse,dagwoods, pub, pile on's, wrestling and freeballing.........etc,etc cant go wrong... And today early start at work.......but i sepnt most the time in the toilet......pukkeeee pukeeee pukeeeee!!!!! puke...puke....puke.........VOMIT! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest krie Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 Ha, I think that was the story of most people today. Vomiting. I started work at 7am and stopped throwing up at around 230pm. Not fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoblow Posted January 27, 2005 Share Posted January 27, 2005 I took today off and spent most of it lying on my stomach trying to ignore the what feels like 3rd degree sunburn all over my back. Fuck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiseguy Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 i usually have chilled out australia days, have breakfast out in the valley and go on the invasion day march. then work the next day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iloveyoursister Posted January 28, 2005 Share Posted January 28, 2005 Australia Day may aswell be called "Have a BBQ and get pissed day" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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