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Australia Day....

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by meateater, Jan 23, 2005.

  1. meateater

    meateater 12oz Member

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    Australia Day....

    Discussion started by meateater - Jan 23, 2005

    WE ARE ONE


    We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the
    occasional
    wanker. We come from many lands and although we live in the best
    country in
    the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we
    bloody like. We are One Nation but divided into many States.


    First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in
    lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte,
    grand
    final day, and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief
    marketing pitch is that "it's liveable". At least that's what they
    think.
    The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.


    Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar,
    thin
    books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney
    has
    more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of it. Its
    mascots are Bondi lifesavers that pull their Speedos up their cracks
    to
    keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.


    Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the
    family
    that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra
    chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the
    sternest
    faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the
    Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.


    South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of
    foreigners, paedophile rings and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state
    of
    innovation. Where else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults
    and
    barrels as in Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a
    queen).
    They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent
    the
    Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel.


    Western Australiais too far from anywhere to be relevant. It's main
    claim
    to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did, all
    the
    men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was the last
    state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in
    the
    government and business.


    The Northern Territoryis the red heart of our land. Outback plains,
    sheep
    stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, Jackaroos, emus, Uluru, and
    dusty
    kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption of
    anywhere
    on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of
    anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centrepiece of our national
    culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to fly over it on
    our way
    to Bali.


    And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a
    document
    defining a nation of half arsed sceptics, it is worth noting that God
    probably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and perfect the
    next. Why
    he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery.


    Oh yes and there's Canberra. The less said the better.

    We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous
    twists and
    turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our
    lust
    for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in joy
    when
    a rag tag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tells us Sydney is better
    than
    Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a political party
    albeit a redneck gun toting one, can get a million votes and still not
    win
    one seat in Federal Parliament. Not that we're whingeing, we leave that
    to
    our Pommy immigrants.


    We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be
    right
    mate" our national attitude and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem
    (so
    what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide). We love
    sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing
    race
    and still tell us who's winning.


    And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like
    cricket,
    netball, rugby league and union, AFL, roo shooting, two up and horse
    racing.
    We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, and the worst
    dressed
    Olympians in the known universe. Only in Australia can a pizza delivery
    get
    to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in Australia do we have
    bank
    doors wide open, no security guards, or cameras but chain the pens to
    the
    desk.


    Stand proud Aussies - we shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea
    and
    pissed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed
    minded,
    sports obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.


    I am, you are, we are Australian!


    P.S We also shoot and eat the two animals that are on our National
    Crest!!!!
    No other country has this distinction!


    HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY - January 26, 2005
     
    meateater - Rank: 12oz Member - Messages:
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  2. WhiteOx

    WhiteOx 12oz Elite Member

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    WhiteOx - Replied Jan 24, 2005

    netball?
     
    WhiteOx - Rank: 12oz Elite Member - Messages:
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  3. Hoblow

    Hoblow 12oz Senior Member

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    Hoblow - Replied Jan 24, 2005

    Brought a tear to my eye. God, it's good to be an aussie.
     
    Hoblow - Rank: 12oz Senior Member - Messages:
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  4. coldmilkcup

    coldmilkcup 12oz Member

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    coldmilkcup - Replied Jan 24, 2005


    SF KINGS!
     
    coldmilkcup - Rank: 12oz Member - Messages:
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  5. coldmilkcup

    coldmilkcup 12oz Member

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    coldmilkcup - Replied Jan 24, 2005


    SF KINGS!
    [post=3810343]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/b][/quote]

    Well, that didn't work very well did it...
     
    coldmilkcup - Rank: 12oz Member - Messages:
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  6. Hoblow

    Hoblow 12oz Senior Member

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    Hoblow - Replied Jan 24, 2005

    I understand what you were attempting and it makes me happy. You can rest easy now, my child.
     
    Hoblow - Rank: 12oz Senior Member - Messages:
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  7. wiseguy

    wiseguy 12oz Elite Member

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    wiseguy - Replied Jan 24, 2005

    bah, im sick of australia. send me to mars.
     
    wiseguy - Rank: 12oz Elite Member - Messages:
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  8. dkab

    dkab 12oz Member

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    dkab - Replied Jan 24, 2005

    I was going to see the Resin Dogs... But i have to work.
     
    dkab - Rank: 12oz Member - Messages:
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  9. krie

    krie Guest

    krie - Replied Jan 24, 2005

    Best thread ever.
    Aussie Day is the best day of the year.
    Beers, Snags and Sun for Wednesday followed by fireworks.


    krie - the working crim from WA
     
  10. Schnitzel

    Schnitzel Dirty Dozen Crew

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    Schnitzel - Replied Jan 24, 2005

    Word!
     
    Schnitzel - Rank: Dirty Dozen Crew - Messages:
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  11. Hoblow

    Hoblow 12oz Senior Member

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    Hoblow - Replied Jan 24, 2005

    No shit, i think it's gonna be a stinking hot day all over the country on wednesday. Not only that, but it's one of my best mates 21st's on the same day. What a day it's gonna be. I hope work doesn't miss me too much on thursday, cause i'm going awol.
     
    Hoblow - Rank: 12oz Senior Member - Messages:
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  12. dkab

    dkab 12oz Member

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    dkab - Replied Jan 24, 2005

    Even tassie has half decent weather on wednesday... AND I HAVE TO WORK


    At least its money...
     
    dkab - Rank: 12oz Member - Messages:
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  13. coldmilkcup

    coldmilkcup 12oz Member

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    coldmilkcup - Replied Jan 24, 2005

    Double pay up in this shit.
     
    coldmilkcup - Rank: 12oz Member - Messages:
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  14. sneak

    sneak Guest

    sneak - Replied Jan 24, 2005

    Aussie Aussie Aussie??

    No No No....
     
  15. WhiteOx

    WhiteOx 12oz Elite Member

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    WhiteOx - Replied Jan 24, 2005

    it embarresses me when i hear faggets chanting that shit
     
    WhiteOx - Rank: 12oz Elite Member - Messages:
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