arcata police

this is the real police log for arcata california.

fucking amazing.

let us continue.....

* Sunday, September 11 2:31 p.m. A woman's purse was appropriated from an Alliance Road apartment by a dreadlocked man said to be en route to the Plaza and its always-welcoming taverns.

* 3:09 p.m. One minute, a woman's wallet was at a downtown brewery. The next, it was gone.

* 5:43 p.m. No one could find the bicyclists for their version, but according to a car driver, he and his family were driving southbound on Alliance Road just past Foster Avenue when they came upon three bicyclists riding in the same direction, two of whom were out in the street. The driver followed at 5 mph, then honked his horn, and that was when the fun began. A bicyclist with a trailer stopped, came up to the car and began pounding on it, so the driver's teenage son did the only logical thing and pulled a metal pole bearing a white flag from the bike trailer. At this point, the mom said she was going to call the police and the festivities ended.

* 6:10 p.m. A man climbing up on McKinley was asked to get down, and he did, but, egged on by a crowd hostile to police officers, refused to identify himself.

* Monday, September 12 8:23 p.m. A possible ripoff school flunkout attempting to perpetrate a scarf 'n' scram may have become confused at a Ninth Street restaurant, where he ordered food but left before it was even delivered to his table. No, you eat, then run.

* 10:08 p.m. A drunk passed out in the Garden Center at a Uniontown variety store.

* Tuesday, September 13 12:30 a.m. Four men drove off from F Street in what was generously described as a "classic" blue car, saying they planned to fight someone. The witness described the menfolk as follows: 1. "Shirt off, blood on face." 2. "Shaved head, seemed sober." 3. "Shorter, black leather jacket." 4. "Can't remember." The motley crew wouldn't leave, but when the witness got on the phone to police, they did.

* 1:16 a.m. Spotted rummaging around on a Sixth Street loading dock, a gentleman and his colleagues were interviewed and one arrested on a narcotics charge. Their car was towed.

* 7:03 a.m. A man was reported "out of it" in front of the Recreation office at City Hall, "it" presumably being those pesky old neocortical functions. The it-less man managed to motate away from the scene.

* 8:29 a.m. A coffin-delivery vehicle blocked parking in the 1000 block of H Street.

* 9:04 a.m. A brown-panted traveler was reported playing in traffic on the freeway.

* 9:50 a.m. The ground at Seventh and Union streets sparkled with scattered hypodermic needles from a broken red medical container nearby. An officer gathered up the needles.

* 11:28 a.m. N Street between Eighth and Ninth streets hosted a collection of camper vehicles.

* 1:12 p.m. A man in an Ozzy sweatshirt and blue knit cap supposedly asked the wrong guy - a downtown business activist - if he wanted to buy some dope. The designated druggie denied dealing.

* 2:30 p.m. Suicide skateboarders were warned to wear dorky protective equipment at the Skate Park, per Arcata Municipal Code section 10900.

* 3:13 p.m. A kid got a ticket for not wearing dorky protective equipment at the Skate Park, per Arcata Municipal Code section 10900.

* 6:05 p.m. A man allegedly appropriated two beers from a Plaza liquor store, then walked across the street to quaff them. An officer found the guy and a buddy guzzling the 20-ouncers in question, and took the beery boy to jail on a petty theft charge.

* Wednesday, September 14 12:47 p.m. An allegedly drunken man in the lobby of a Valley West business was tasered into docility and taken to jail.

* 1:36 p.m. Witnesses said they had found a "body part" in the Community Forest, but police determined that it was a banana slug. The particular piece of anatomy for which it was mistaken wasn't specified.

* 3:46 p.m. The camper caravan collection at N Street between Eighth and Ninth streets responded to warnings by switching spots and yelling at each other, a solution deemed less than effective by a neighbor.

* 6:14 p.m. A man with a Fu Manchu mustache and dark training suit and his blonde female companion made off with a couple of six-packs from an I Street store, winding their way through the mobile home park at Seventh and K and on to the rusting train tracks near Fun Bunch World Headquarters, then over the fence to the old barrel factory grounds and the vast, trackless wastelands beyond.

* 9:03 p.m. Someone was reported tampering with a stop sign at Alliance Road and Spear Avenue.

* 10:31 p.m. Three stop signs along Spear Avenue were found knocked over.

* Friday, September 16 8:25 a.m. Ranger Bob cleaned up after campers again, taking out two unoccupied camps off Trail 9 in the Community Forest.

* 8:27 a.m. Dirty skinny travelers in an Eighth Street dumpster were warned, went away, came back, then left.

* 9:02 a.m. Road ragers in combat at the Giuntoli Lane roundabout were separated and the roadway cleared.

* 9:27 a.m. A suicidal student was institutionalized.

* 11:35 a.m. A maid found a marijuana-strewn motel room, and the former lodger was tracked down at another commercial lodging facility in the midst of an alleged hash-making operation. Arrested.

* 12:46 p.m. A high school student ran up and threw the automatic shutoff switch at a Northtown gas station, killing the pumps as customers gassed up. Employees undertook the time-consuming process of resetting everything, which takes 40 minutes or so, while customers waited to resume fueling. The dean of students was to take action with regard to the student.

* 4:18 p.m. Fourteen galllons of gas were siphoned from a government car at a Weott Way health care facility.

* 10:03 p.m. A sandwich shop employee reported this guy waiting for her outside the business. He was described as wearing two red potato sacks around his shoulders. For whatever reason, the sandwich tech deemed the spud-sack swain less than desirable after-work company, so police had a word with him.

* Sunday, September 18 12:12 a.m. A deer was mortally wounded in a car collision, and so was dispatched by an officer and dragged off of Old Arcata Road.

* 2:44 a.m. First a 911 caller said he was off his medications and wanted to be committed, then he said he was supposed to take a bus to San Jose, then he said he wanted a ride to the ER because his feet hurt.

* 3:30 a.m. So wasted was a fight victim at the ER that he couldn't tell the docs where he'd gotten his injuries. He would only say he "fell." Onto a fist, it seems.

* 1:25 p.m. A Hauser Court party hostess opened her fridge after a Friday night gathering and was shocked - shocked - to find booze missing.

* 8:56 p.m. A woman was overheard asking a man why he hit her. "Why did you hit me?" she asked.

* Monday, September 19 4:33 a.m. A man who found himself at the bus station at this hour observed that he "can't cope with life."

* 11:08 a.m. A skunk wandered around in a P Street yard, acting strange.

* 1:17 p.m. A man attending classes in Ericson Court said a woman had complained to him that it's cruel for him to have a cat on a leash, but he said the kitty is used to it. But when he came back outside, the cat and leash were gone. Police contacted her and she said she'd return the cat.

* 4:35 p.m. When neighbor turns against neighbor, it may well manifest in a piece of irrigation pipe being tossed into a yard. Police held on-site restraining order seminars.

* 4:56 p.m. He and she argued, then she took off westbound on 10th Street with him chasing the car, shirtless of course.

* Tuesday, September 20 2:32 a.m. A man walked along Valley West Boulevard, throwing stuff at cars. He was arrested on charges of public drunkenness and probation violation.

* 11:05 a.m. A 12th Street resident whose computer was stolen figured out that the machine had logged online from somewhere. The phone carrier then attempted to "trap" the line being used to connect it.

* 1:09 p.m. A new hire at an H Street business didn't show up for work. She was OK and said she'd call in.

* 1:17 p.m. A 15-year-old girl was counseled about stealing money from her parents. It's happened twice.

* 1:56 p.m. An alleged druggie was cited on the southside Schwazz.

* 2:47 p.m. A troubled traveler refused to take his dog off the Plaza, and was cited.

* 3:31 p.m. A Plaza worker (not an oxymoron) reported "a huge group of people generating an equally huge plume of pot smoke on the Plaza, which is now drifting into her office."

* Thursday, September 21 4:40 p.m. A woman reported her dog assaulted by two loose dogs on Old Arcata Road. The loose pooch's owner was cited.

* 5 p.m. Open-air partyers drank and yelled in a lower H Street field.

* 6:52 p.m. A suspicious twenty-something with shoulder-length brown hair wandered around West End Road, carrying a skateboard and knocking on doors. maybe it was the orange shirt, but someone suggested he might be on drugs. Police found him and he didn't seem to be on anything. He said he was just going around preaching about God.

* 10:17 p.m. Someone knocked on the door of the 12th Street computer theft victim and said, "thanks for getting me arrested," then left in a car with two women.

* Friday, September 22 8:12 a.m. Someone broke a car window and took CDs, an iPod and some paperwork from a car on 27th Street.

* 8:34 a.m. A maroon-capped man sauntered back and forth on Antoine Avenue, carrying a paper sack full of bottles and looking at houses. Police found the artless dodger at Alliance and Spear and arrested him on a public drunkenness charge.

* 9:21 a.m. Doug and his horse, Herky, can't ride in the middle school parking lot any more.

* 6:35 p.m. A man came up real close behind a woman at an ATM and made some sort of gesture to his friend. She was concerned that they were waiting for someone to withdraw cash.

* 9:50 p.m. A man's car was hit by a paintball as he drove on Bel Aire Avenue.

* Saturday, September 24 2:28 a.m. A bike-by graffitist further enslathered the pedestrian walkway with arcane aplotchings. Slowly, patiently, the police are building their photo file.

* 7:50 a.m. The Marsh parking lot porta-potties found their way into the bay.

* 8:32 a.m. A man admitted firing his shotgun into the air at South G Street near the freeway "out of frustration with transients."

* 9:22 a.m. A man was reported "going through a dumpster, on a bike" at a Valley West espresso stand. He was warned, but didn't like the warning, and may well return.

* 1:01 p.m. A mother reported her son stealing her jewelry box and prescriptions.

* 10:45 p.m. A man in a brown hoody was said to be selling dope in front of a Plaza shop. Police confiscated an eighth of an ounce of marijuana.

* 11:30 p.m.

On 14th Street, bongos encumbered

A neighboring resident's slumbers

Cops went to the dwelling

Where drums were upwelling

And had a brief word with the drummers.

* 11:59 p.m. Complaints began to roll in from the D Street Neighborhood Center, where a reggae band relief show was in progress.

* Wednesday, September 28 12:12 a.m. A long-haired man wearing glasses and a sweatshirt went up to an Alliance Road apartment building and tore conduit off the wall. He explained to a witness that he was having a seizure.

* 7:07 a.m. Various car campers were awoken and warned in and around the D Street Neighborhood Center.

* 1:52 p.m. A tall, redheaded man in ratty clothes and a backpack asked a man on Spruce Way if he "dropped his snatch."

* 8:14 p.m. "Go ahead and call the police," said the man reported yelling and punching walls in his Alliance Road apartment. "I'll kill them and everyone else as well!" This consumed lots of police time, and, among other things, kept them from responding quickly to the second night's festivities at the D Street center.

* 9:06 p.m. Eventually they did, though, and event organizers promised to turn the bass down and shut doors and windows.

* 10:16 p.m. Multiple calls came in from the D Street neighborhood, and organizers said they'd shut it down.

* 4:24 p.m. As a brush fire smoked up the west side of Bayside Road, firefighters doused the burning grass and litter while police took an interest in five young lads striding purposefully from the area. During an interview, it became obvious that two had been drinking, and they blew a blood alcohol of .28 and .06. The boys were returned to the station for parental pickup.

* 4:26 p.m. A Valley West woman claimed that her neighbor locked her cats in her garage to lure her onto the neighbor's property. When the woman went to get her pets, she said the neighbor choked her.

* 5 p.m.

Somewhere near a house up on J

A drummer decided to play

Police paid a visit

The guy said "Who is it?"

"The cops, and you're done for the day."

if any of you live in aracta....props.

find your facvorites

http://www.arcataeye.com/police/

4:39 p.m. A shaved-head hoodie-wearer nipped a bottle of JD from an I Street store.

ha!

Friday, July 29 11:06 a.m. A baby stroller was stolen from a 10th Street restaurant. This kind of thing still surprises some people.

fuckin a!

4:57 p.m. Laundry room coinboxes succumbed to the forces of darkness on Ninth Street.

SATAN!!!!!!

* 2:44 a.m. First a 911 caller said he was off his medications and wanted to be committed, then he said he was supposed to take a bus to San Jose, then he said he wanted a ride to the ER because his feet hurt.

* 1:25 p.m. A Hauser Court party hostess opened her fridge after a Friday night gathering and was shocked - shocked - to find booze missing.

* 1:17 p.m. A 15-year-old girl was counseled about stealing money from her parents. It's happened twice.

* 6:52 p.m. A suspicious twenty-something with shoulder-length brown hair wandered around West End Road, carrying a skateboard and knocking on doors. maybe it was the orange shirt, but someone suggested he might be on drugs. Police found him and he didn't seem to be on anything. He said he was just going around preaching about God

This job would be interesting to have.

did you see the one cops poems? they are bad poems, granted....but fucking hilarious

i wonder if these cops are stoners or wtf is up.

they seem to have a somewhat cynical outlook on life.

cynical/comical maybe.

I went to arcata once,

its just a lot of whities with dreads.

hahahah these are funny as shit. whoever writes these should write short stories.

put it down for northern california, such wonderful agriculture.

humboldt county?

yeh, arcata is in humboldt. :love2:

* 3:31 p.m. A Plaza worker (not an oxymoron) reported "a huge group of people generating an equally huge plume of pot smoke on the Plaza, which is now drifting into her office."

put it down for the fucking plaza. i remember in high school, a buddy telling me about dudes in the plaza walking around with large paper bags of herb openly selling (which i dissapprove of, for it is illegal and discussion of such violates 12oz policy). i stopped by on the way home from sf one time, and sure as shit, he was right. gotta love nor cal.

* Saturday, September 24 2:28 a.m. A bike-by graffitist further enslathered the pedestrian walkway with arcane aplotchings. Slowly, patiently, the police are building their photo file.

It's a good sign when cops can still laugh at the stupidity of mankind.

And yeah this is a seriously good writer... funny shit....

Tuesday, January 11 7:30 a.m. A caller suspected a sinister explanation for the dome light burning in her car in the 100 block of G Street. Investigation revealed that the light had been left on by accident, satisfying the concerns of all by the most dedicated conspiracy theorists.

Wednesday, January 12 7:17 a.m. A woman reported her ex-husband having discovered religion, behaving strangely and harassing her.

6:46 p.m. A freeloader grazed the olive and salad bar at a 13th Street marketplace until cited and asked to leave.

Tuesday, November 2 4:11 p.m. Either there's a space-time wormhole in the bathroom of a business in the 1000 block of H Street, or the wallet a woman left in there for five minutes was greedily groundscored by a fellow bathroom-goer. We report, you decide.

what the fuck??????

Thursday, August 11 6:59 a.m. So fresh was the graffiti on rocks near Jolly Giant Creek at Alliance Road and M Street that you could still smell the paint.

This shit is too funny....

6:10 p.m. Caffeine-worship/ingestion rituals were tragically encumbered by a resounding he-she hissyspat at a downtown coffee temple. By order of the god Arabica, this shall not be tolerated.

4:42 a.m. A man in green jacket and camouflage pants mounted a surgical strike on the liquor aisle at a 24-hour Uniontown supermarket, extracting a bottle of hooch for frantic glugging behind the pet store. He was found on a westbound course on Fifth Street and arrested on public drunkenness and shoplifting charges, thus ensuring that he got breakfast, too.

AHAHAHA, these are great

homegirls from arcata, whenever she goes home she always brings back a few ounces of the bombest purple

This town is fucking hilarious. This is what happens when you don't have A) crime or B) anything to do. You gotta be resourceful, and dine and dash without dining...drink coffee in an illegal manner...things like that. Go nuts. Smoke herb, and worship the sun...

I had at least five friends who went to State in Arcata...and they weren't going for the curriculum, either. No, they were fans of the, uh, kind outdoor horticulture...yeah. I wonder how many of those guys actually graduated, and how many are pumping gas somewhere in Humboldt, shacked up in the woods. No, they probably went on to have lives...but, I wonder what employers think when they see that you graduated from Humboldt State. Shit, now that everyone gets high nowadays, he'd probably try to hook something up with you.

I have a good friend from Arcata, and like me, he had to grow up with hippies...so, everytime he goes home for a few days, he has to go out and get plastered the night before, so when he gets off the bus, he's all crazy and hungover looking...and since everybody gives peace a chance in Arcata, they tend to give the surly, cracked-out guy a wide berth. Dude knows the drill.

* 2:30 p.m. Suicide skateboarders were warned to wear dorky protective equipment at the Skate Park, per Arcata Municipal Code section 10900.

* 3:13 p.m. A kid got a ticket for not wearing dorky protective equipment at the Skate Park, per Arcata Municipal Code section 10900.

Man I hate those fucking cops that sit at the skatepark for an hour and eat lunch to kill your session 'cause you're not wearing pads.

... :(

When I was up in Humboldt last I saw a lot of good graff all the way up 5 north from the bay, and then on the way down 101 I saw more ...

The humboldt scene is kinda cool too - graffiti wise - , better than where I used to live.

* 11:30 p.m.

On 14th Street, bongos encumbered

A neighboring resident's slumbers

Cops went to the dwelling

Where drums were upwelling

And had a brief word with the drummers.

 

* 5 p.m.

Somewhere near a house up on J

A drummer decided to play

Police paid a visit

The guy said "Who is it?"

"The cops, and you're done for the day."

this coppers got madd flows.. next scribble jam champion?

the drummer is mentioned over and over

not only in poems, but in regular reports.

i'd love to live in arcata.

HHAHA THESE ARE FUNNY

HAHA PLAZA WORKER (NOT OXYMORON)

MAN POST MORE OF THIS SHIT ITS GOLD

yo don't hate on those Haikus - they are more meaningfull then you could possibly imagine. This shit is A++ . I appreciate cynicism like nobodies business

arcatas dope... *starts nastalgic recolection*

we were camping on this big rock that sticks out into the ocean just north of Arcata.. super nice spot. we got word of some work south of Arcata, so we (four of us) decided to leave our god-given sunset watching beach home up and blaze some red-woods for a bit.

there was this fat indian alcoholic everyone called "gramma" who needed a ride, too. that would make 7 of us for the trip in a trooper. needless to say, we needed to make two trips. the first trip was me, my girlfriend, gramma and a drunk street kid (god knows why) who was trusted to drive said trooper. we were a bit worried about her ability to drive considering she had been drinking the equivalent to grain alcohol for the past few days, so someone put something along the lines of "electricity in an eye dropper" in her drink and she was straight.

we were dropped off about a mile up the road from our destination and left to camp and wait for what should be about four hours, for the rest of the crew to arrive. turns out, drunk street kid in wonderland was pulled over and my homies car was impounded. my girl and i ended up needing to hike our asses into town and pull a 40 for gramma who was DT'ing super bad and needed some rocket fuel before her kidneys quit.

we ended up staying with this super-chill security guard from Stockton at his Vietnam style hooch that was cut out of the hills, and smoked dank and ate maple-bars and jo-jo's for a week before our homie rolled up in his fresh-outta-impound trooper, that had been rummaged through, but thanks to the empty box of NIX, not too thoroughly (hehe).

we left humbolt county with enough humbolt goodness to fund our continental exploits for another month!!!

moral of the story, dont let drunk street kids drive your trooper... ever.

*back to 40+ hour workweek reality**

#

# 3:51 p.m. A man in a black leather jacket leaned up against a Fifth Street fence for a bout of "hollering and screaming at the wind."

1:36 p.m.

With backpack and bongos, his quest

To beat on the street triggered stress

In Plaza employers

The hand drum-enjoyer

Soon stopped at police's behest.

11:39 p.m. A 17-year-old was a one-chick juggernaut at a downtown night cub, where, kicked out twice, she returned and refused to leave. Police soon reunited her with Mom.

3:48 p.m. A man and his bandana were convinced to stop blocking a Ninth Street entranceway.

4:40 p.m. Jose again danced his way into the annals of police activity at Ninth and H

11:09 p.m. "The guy with the camo jacket and weird hat," - yeah, him - refused to leave a Plaza tav. Police engineered a change to his camo-clad heart.

3:25 p.m. A man bearing a pellet rifle as he pedaled around downtown on a bicycle was stopped at Ninth and H streets and advised on how to transport a firearm without wigging everyone out.

Wednesday, May 12 5:09 p.m. It was a week to a week-and-a-half ago - he couldn't really remember, exactly - that a car passed a man riding his bike in the 700 block of Union Street. And from that car sprang a projectile - a piece of banana, which struck the bicyclist on the arm. He chased the car down Seventh Street to a Uniontown parking lot, where he found it and wrote down the license plate. Now, a week or week-and-a-half later, approximately, the banana-battered biker found the same car parked near Sunny Brae Park. He said he spoke to the sole occupant, who admitted that one of his passengers had fruit-fragged him, and he asked police to call the car's registered owner and relate the situation to him. They tried, but got an answering machine. Will justice never be served?

Thursday, May 13 12:35 p.m. A report of people smoking dope on the Plaza turned into a dogshit-prevention citation, then morphed back into a pot bust.

Friday, May 14 1:30 a.m. Two men voiced objections to Arcata's demographic makeup in front of a Valley West store. After commenting that there are "too many hippies in town," one of the men did the only logical thing - uprooted decorative foliage from a planter and threw it at a window, then got in his car and drove away. The window didn't break, the plant was replanted and the hippies still frolic, gambol and reproduce.

2:13 p.m. A big fat guy with no shirt on fell off his bicycle in the 700 block of 10th Street, then yelled at a lady.

3:54 p.m. The wind blew real hard.

5:23 p.m. A beer was removed from the grasp of a man "who praises the son" outside a Plaza tavern.

6:06 p.m. A Heather Lane mother asked that police talk some sense into her son, who refuses to extinguish the candles in his bedroom. They did, then he did.

6:30 a.m. Windows at Northtown businesses were found etched with acid.

ok, enough for now. i love these things.

yo, seriously like every other one of these has to do with someone acting like Matthew McConaughey