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Another 24 with Milton

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Milton, Apr 24, 2004.

  1. Milton

    Milton Senior Member

    Joined: May 21, 2003 Messages: 2,253 Likes Received: 0
    This pales in comparison to my last story of debacle and woe, but I thought I would share anyway.

    Friday at noon I have a lunch date with Jagermeister girl, we head to the regular hip lunch joint and lo and behold our waitress used to be the girlfriend of a friend of mine who cheated on her with her best friend. Not only does the bitch greet me like we're best friends, but she sits down at our fucking table with us and starts talking about old times with me. I jokingly say to her "damn, you have it easy, I wish I could sit and talk to friends while I'm working" sort of trying to hint at the fact that I wanted her to get up, she says "no, it's cool I just got off." I knew at this point we were fucked because this bird is the type of person to invite herself wherever you are going. I gave her a ride home one time and I'm like "okay where are you going" she said "wherever you are." I said "I'm going home, I have school tomorrow" she said "okay, i'll just hang out with you..." So of course she invites herself out with us, and jagermeister girl, who turns out to be actually quite cool once I get to know her, won't let me get rid of her because she "seems nice." So the three of us decide to pop into the bar next door for a drink before Jagermeister girl has to go to work. So we sit down order, I order a guinness, Jagermeister girl orders a cosmo or some other ridiculous girly shit, actually I think it was an "angel martini" whatever, the annoying bird orders a double of hennessy straight. I knew we were in trouble at this point. And as soon as the drinks got there, she drank it in probably 2 gulps. I'm still sipping my guinness, Jagermeister girl hasn't even started to drink her drink, and this bird orders another. Bare in mind I started a tab, so her drinks are on me at this point and she's ordering 8 dollar doubles of hennessy. She downs the second one before I'm even halfway finished with my beer, Jagermeister girl is almost done with her martini, and this bird tries to order another. I finally tell her to chill out, it's the middle of the day and we're in a bar for goodness sake. She chills out by ordering a single shot of corvasier, I shudder, praying that it will all be over soon. At this point the breakdown occurs. "How the f*ck could he do that to me?" She asks to myself, jagermeister girl and anyone in earshot, which was most of the bar because she was basically yelling it. I just shake my head and she puts her head on my shoulder and starts visibly sobbing. I'm wearing a cream shirt and she has on tons of makeup because, well because shes sort of slutty to begin with, but I'll take the "how to get purple eyeliner out of cashmere" discussion with Dr+Delusional. Anyway, Jagermeister girl takes her cue to leave and leaves me alone with a drunk, sobbing slutty waitress in a bar, at 1:30...

    It's getting long, you know how I do....
     
  2. Milton

    Milton Senior Member

    Joined: May 21, 2003 Messages: 2,253 Likes Received: 0
    So the sobbing sort of dies down and she sits up so I make an ill fated attempt to discuss things rationally with her. I say "I really don't think you two were right for eachother, it's probably for the best that you're not together anymore." She says "how could he do that though, and her, she was my best friend, how could she sleep with him." I say "It was once and they were drunk, you should forgive them, things happen, its life you have to move on." She says "but I loved him, he loved me too, I know it." They were "going out" for probably a month and a half and I'm pretty sure since they saw eachother twice a week that love was not even close to being in the picture. I say in my most Doctor Phil of voices "you're just hurting now because you miss him, I'm sure you can find somebody better." She says in her hiccupping voice "I guess so, I should try..." I call for the bill and it arrives, her drinks alone were 22 dollars, corvasier is 6 dollars a shot, anyway I pay and we leave. As soon as we hit the outside I realize there is no way I can let this girl drive anywhere as she is leaning on my arm for support and can still barely walk, and she walked into the fucking wall on the way out of the bar. So I say look, you can't really drive anywhere, can I drop you off at home, she gets a horrified look and starts crying about how she can't see her mom like this, and she looks terrible etc, etc. Now I make the worst possible choice at this point and tell her she can come over until she's sober and then I will drop her off at her car. She thanks me profusely and we arrive at my house around 3:15. I sit her on the couch, make her a cup of coffee and begin my daily routine of online gambling and posting at 12oz. Now if you've had any experience with drunk, slutty girls than you know that they crave attention at all times. She starts with the "come talk to me" "I'm bored" "What are you doing" and eventually I'm forced by my nerves to go sit and talk to her. She says "Milton, have you ever cheated on a girlfriend" I say "No, I don't need to." She asks "what do you mean." I say "I've never been in a situation where I couldn't just be honest, If I want to sleep with somebody I'm gonna say I want to sleep with them, theres no need to lie" She gets this expression like I've just revealed the rosetta stone to her and says "I don't believe you." I say, "it's true, I'd never cheat on a girl I was seeing." Little did I know that I was provoking a drunken, hormone induced rage, but I was. She sits on the couch I'm sitting on, puts her hand on my thigh and says "Never?" It's about now I realize whats going on, but its too late. She says "I think you would" and attempts to stick her tongue down my throat. I'm not really into drunk girls when I'm not drunk, she used to date my friend which has never really stopped me before, but she is entirely the most annoying person I know in the world, and I want to involve myself with her as little as possible. I say "you're just drunk, we'll laugh about this when you sober up." She gets upset, and pouts in the most 12 year old rich girl type way, I go back to 12oz. 10 minutes later she comes up to me and puts her hand on my shoulder, I turn around and she is topless. "What the f*ck happend to your shirt" I ask, she explains that she "spilled coffee on it." I say a few choice words and tell her that she should try to sleep it off, she says she's not tired, I say whatever, and I take her up to the bed give her some clothes to wear, tuck her in and wait for her to fall asleep.
     
  3. blood.face.

    blood.face. New Jack

    Joined: Apr 15, 2004 Messages: 77 Likes Received: 0
    i wanna punch you in the face.......hard
     
  4. Milton

    Milton Senior Member

    Joined: May 21, 2003 Messages: 2,253 Likes Received: 0
    And who the fuck might you be?

    Do we know each other?

    Are you a homosexual?

    Thats what I thought...

    Good Day
     
  5. Idea.

    Separate that huge block of text into easier to read paragraphs, and I might be inclined to go through the whole thing.
     
  6. Milton

    Milton Senior Member

    Joined: May 21, 2003 Messages: 2,253 Likes Received: 0
    Grammar, pfffft...
     
  7. GLIK$

    GLIK$ Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Jul 23, 2002 Messages: 22,277 Likes Received: 117
    Re: Idea.

    better yet dont bother posting it :idea:
     
  8. Milton

    Milton Senior Member

    Joined: May 21, 2003 Messages: 2,253 Likes Received: 0
    Thats cute, really. How bout uhhh... Don't bother reading it?
     
  9. It's not a question of grammar, it's a question of making the damn thing readable, it's hard to keep track of what line goes after the one currently being read.

    All it takes is a few clicks on the 'Return' key after every couple of sentences.
     
  10. Milton

    Milton Senior Member

    Joined: May 21, 2003 Messages: 2,253 Likes Received: 0
    I'll take that into account next time...
     
  11. blood.face.

    blood.face. New Jack

    Joined: Apr 15, 2004 Messages: 77 Likes Received: 0
    word up to whining about your cashmere and not banging drunk sluts
    dummy
     
  12. blood.face.

    blood.face. New Jack

    Joined: Apr 15, 2004 Messages: 77 Likes Received: 0
    oh...i still wanna punch you........stranger or not........still hard
     
  13. Telo

    Telo Elite Member

    Joined: Jun 3, 2003 Messages: 4,162 Likes Received: 37

    ahahah.... it would of been ten times better if you did it like this.



    I want to punch you in the face.... hard


    FIRST!!
     
  14. villain

    villain Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2002 Messages: 5,190 Likes Received: 2
    blah... i hate soap operas.... emotional sluts:sick: :yuck: :zombie:
     
  15. Fondles

    Fondles Veteran Member

    Joined: Mar 31, 2001 Messages: 7,858 Likes Received: 24
    whens the money shot come in?
     
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