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always look on the light side of life....ROB

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by mental invalid, Sep 5, 2003.

  1. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8

    Free Will Astrology
    horoscopes for week of September 4, 2003

    Aries (March 21-April 19)

    I'm not saying you're depressed, Aries, nor am I predicting you will be. But you are in an astrological phase when you're more susceptible than usual to that feeling. Having issued that warning, however, let me add that I think being depressed would actually be very good news. It would mean you're on the verge of a creative breakdown that will inevitably lead to a liberating breakthrough. To be perfectly candid, I hope you do give yourself the luxury of experiencing deflation.

    Taurus (April 20-May 20)

    The American Journal of Psychiatry says that many people suffer from delusions of "imagined ugliness." The technical name for the condition is "body dysmorphic disorder." It's typically characterized by an obsession with a physical flaw, or even with an imagined flaw. Judging from my experience, 99 percent of the population has at least a mild version of this pathology. That's the bad news, Taurus. The good news is that you're in a perfect astrological phase to break free from its hold. You're ready to revolutionize your self-image so thoroughly that you will hereafter see yourself as a perfect specimen of idiosyncratic beauty.

    Gemini (May 21-June 20)

    "Ninety-six percent of the cosmos puzzles astronomers. The universe is made mostly of dark matter and dark energy, which the experts can't even detect, let alone study." When I read that news story on the CNN website, I let out a whoop of celebration. Our culture's equivalents of high priests, the scientists, were flat-out admitting that the subject they know best is mostly a mystery to them. I hope, Gemini, that this will give you the freedom to feel at peace with the enigmas at the core of your personal life. Curiously, your courage to "dwell comfortably in the midst of profound uncertainty" (poet John Keats' phrase) will be the key to you receiving a crucial revelation about where you need to go next.

    Cancer (June 21-July 22)

    Researchers with too much time on their hands have calculated that William Shakespeare used 20,140 words in his written works. More than eight percent of those were brand new terms that he dreamed up. Some of the best: besmirch, domineering, dwindle, frugal, gnarled, hobnob, lackluster, madcap, pander, sanctimonious, tranquil, gossip, and leapfrog. While we can't expect you to reach Shakespearian levels in the coming week, the astrological omens do suggest you will have more verbal creativity than you've had in many moons. I suggest you speak the truths your heart has never had words for. Assume that your powers of persuasion will be twice as great as usual, and invent at least 20 new words.

    Leo (July 23-August 22)

    Your risk for getting Alzheimer's disease diminishes as you smoke more cigarettes. Air pollution keeps your skin youthful by blocking out the sunlight that would age it. Atomic fallout can help prevent dandruff. So does that mean you should puff on two packs a day, hang out in the smoggiest parts of the earth, and hope for the resumption of hydrogen bomb tests in the atmosphere? Of course not. Likewise, Leo, don't prop up your bad habits and rationalize nasty influences with ass-backwards theories about why they're good for you.

    Virgo (August 23-September 22)

    What if I suggested that you can, beyond any doubt, make your unique dream come true, but that it will take years of hard work, periods of deprivation, and bouts with frustrating confusion before you succeed? Would you rearrange your priorities in order to pursue that dream with all your ingenuity? Or would you give up on it and go looking for an easier assignment that provided you with more security? During the coming weeks, the time will be ripe to go one way or the other.

    Libra (September 23-October 22)

    Promise me that you will never use astrology as an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for your decisions. Always keep in mind that the planets don't determine your fate. It’s true, however, that analyzing their positions can help you know when and how to clarify your choices. For instance, my reading of the current omens suggests to me that if you continue to let things slide, if you keep postponing action, you'll fall under the spell of a funky malaise. If, on the other hand, you bolster your commitment to what you love, you'll not only ward off debilitation -- you'll feel more robust than you have in a long time.

    Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

    According to historian Thomas Fleming, in the early part of his career George Washington was a brilliant spy. "He ran espionage rings in British-held New York and Philadelphia," says Fleming. "The man who supposedly could not tell a lie was a genius at disinformation." Later, of course, Washington became the head of the first United States government, where he conducted himself more straightforwardly. The way I see your life right now, Scorpio, you're ready to negotiate a transition analogous to the one George Washington made. Is there a situation where you have been a master of stealth and surreptitious strategy? That's exactly where you should now act with articulate candor and forthright leadership.

    Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

    This would be a good time to conduct a midnight ritual in Machu Picchu, the lost city of the Incas in the Andes Mountains. Fate will also smile upon you if you undertake a pilgrimage of healing to Chartres Cathedral in France, or circumnavigate Tibet's sacred mountain, Mt. Kailash, or seek out a Siberian shaman for a week of fasting, praying, and soul retrieval. I suggest, however, that you balance these starry-eyed quests with more down-to-earth spiritual actions. For instance, you might make amends to the person you have treated most unfairly in your life.

    Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

    The Museum of Make Believe features artifacts from nursery rhymes, fairy tales, and classical literature. Among its treasures are Snow White's mirror, Jack and Jill's notorious pail, the baseball mitt from The Catcher in the Rye, and the tools Geppetto used to create his wooden son Pinocchio. I suggest you draw inspiration from this museum in the coming week, Capricorn. The astrological omens say you will have great success in translating your imaginative ideas into concrete reality. (See the MOMB's treasures here.

    Aquarius (January 20- February 18)

    I fear that you aren't making yourself sufficiently available. The cosmos is in an increasingly generous mood towards you, but you've erected psychic barriers that are preventing the fullness of the blessings from reaching you. Here's an idea for how to shift the energy: Wrap two empty boxes in festive paper, ribbons, and bows. Place them in a prominent place in your home; on your altar if you have one. Then gaze at these packages meditatively for ten minutes a day, visualizing what gifts you'd like to be inside and rehearsing the feeling of intense gratitude.

    Pisces (February 19-March 20)

    In recent years, a tradition of guerrilla art has broken out in Chicago, New York, and Los Angeles. Seattle has become the latest beneficiary of the covert movement to beautify America with free sculptures. The Seattle Times reported that one night unknown creators swooped down on a café in a crime-ridden area, leaving behind a handcrafted table and chairs. On top of the table was a vase filled with flowers. One seat, a metal trunk that opened, contained vintage playing cards and a game. I hope this whets your appetite for benevolent pranks, Pisces. The best way to align yourself with cosmic law right now is to give unpredictable gifts to as many people as possible, even strangers.
  2. Rodney Trotter

    Rodney Trotter Senior Member

    Joined: Aug 23, 2001 Messages: 1,683 Likes Received: 1
  3. TEARZ

    TEARZ Guest

    whaddup roe

    always appreciated....
  4. Dick Quickwood

    Dick Quickwood 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Aug 25, 2002 Messages: 14,783 Likes Received: 14
  5. beardo

    beardo Guest

  6. BROWNer

    BROWNer Guest

    covert ops continue...
  7. Poop Man Bob

    Poop Man Bob Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: Nov 16, 2000 Messages: 10,259 Likes Received: 18
    This is a good Friday.

    roe - went and saw The Bad Plus with my friend.



    They were so good it was indescribable. The best way I've found to explain what they did to their music is as such: they took a normal song as a plain log, and by the time they were finished with it, the log had huge branches, small twigs, and a hundred blossoms - in effect transforming the plain log into a beautiful tree.

    I'm not sure if that analogy works as well for you as it did for me, but it was a great experience. The drummer was without a doubt one of the most technically sound drummers I've ever seen. His playing during their cover of Aphex Twin [called "Flim" on their album] made me want to piss myself.

    Anyway, they were awesome. Thanks for convincing me to go .. I owe you one.
  8. mental invalid

    mental invalid Dirty Dozen Crew

    Joined: May 11, 2001 Messages: 13,050 Likes Received: 8

    yes yes yes.....

    dood i was gonna email ya today and ask about that! my fingers were crossed for you......

    so glad you got to check them out....i still have yet to seen em live, but your analogy is not only well crafted, but im sure as hell on point...

    when my boy told me it changed the way he looked at music, i knew that they were doing something special....

    ah, another win for the internet......

  9. Dirty_habiT

    Dirty_habiT Administrator

    Joined: Mar 8, 2001 Messages: 18,136 Likes Received: 82
    Haha, I'm a leo and I don't smoke.... but I'm gonna have to watch out for justifying my extracurricular activities with reasons that won't hold water.... ah well, maybe next month.
  10. metallix

    metallix Elite Member

    Joined: Oct 7, 2001 Messages: 2,955 Likes Received: 1
  11. $360

    $360 Elite Member

    Joined: Oct 2, 2002 Messages: 2,600 Likes Received: 1
    yaaaaaay! i can look different now!
  12. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Veteran Member

    Joined: Jul 12, 2000 Messages: 6,979 Likes Received: 2
    Rodney's got his own Friday Tradition... hating!


    Aries: (March 21—April 19)
    A revolutionary idea for a clean, economic mass-transit system will strike you in the middle of the night, powdering both your femurs.

    Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
    You'll finally lose your long and painful battle with stomach cancer for the hand of the beautiful Esther.

    Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
    Although your life has not assumed the lyrical beauty of Wallace Stevens' poetry, it's right on the money as far as the terrifying sense of loneliness is concerned.

    Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
    Your habit of insisting that "the future is now" is leading people to wonder what you think comes after this.

    Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
    It's hard to say this, especially in binary:

    Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
    You've learned a few things in your life, but as you'll soon see, looking both ways before crossing the street isn't one of them.

    Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
    You'll trade a chance to be the talk of the cocktail-party circuit for a plate of fried chicken, proving that you're no dummy.

    Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
    History remembers the inventor of the machine gun, but not its first victim. Your role as the recipient of the first ice-pick noogie will likewise be anonymous.

    Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
    You've made it your life's mission to find the best crab cakes in Boston. Truly, you're one of America's unsung heroes.

    Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
    Your long-held belief that women are beautiful no matter what their size will continue to net thoughtful nods from everyone you meet.

    Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
    You've been busting your hump at your thankless job for years, so it'll be a grave injustice when your company refuses to pay for life-saving hump surgery.

    Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
    Everything you've ever believed will be called into question when it turns out that Cap'n Crunch is a real guy.
  13. WebsterUno

    WebsterUno Guest


    see, when I read stuff like that, after
    making a really big decision last night,
    it makes me believe in astrology even
    more...I made the decision to drop
    something thats been weighing me down
    for a looooong, and focus on my art 100%.
    Graff included. I dont need that other gig...
    maybe, someday, Ill say what it is,
    but not right now...
  14. caL

    caL Senior Member

    Joined: Feb 7, 2003 Messages: 2,056 Likes Received: 0
    i want to pretend it was porn webster
  15. crave

    crave Veteran Member

    Joined: Jan 20, 2002 Messages: 6,728 Likes Received: 10
    dammit, i need to get on the ball. sep23.