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all the crude sexual acts your could ever ask for

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by Zack Morris, Feb 6, 2002.

  1. Zack Morris

    Zack Morris Veteran Member

    Joined: Jun 23, 2001 Messages: 9,728 Likes Received: 4
    I got this in an email..if any you knw of were missed please add them

    The Dirty Sanchez
    When you're going at it doggy-style and just as you're about to spill your
    load, you plunge a finger into her poopshoot and reach around to her upper
    lip, where you proceed to paint on "The Dirty Sanchez."

    The Wet Burrito
    Similar to the Dirty Sanchez, only performed with your own ball sweat.

    The Code of Silence
    Anytime you fuck a girl that's so dirty or ugly that you rip off the used
    condom, gag her with it, and tell her that you'll kill her if she tells a
    soul what just happened between the two of you.

    The Coyote
    When you wake up the morning after sex with an absolute beast to find that
    she's sleeping on your arm and rather than have to talk to her or, god
    forbid, touch her again, you gnaw your own arm off and leave it there.

    The Purple Mushroom
    When your receiving a little oral pleasure from a girl and just before you
    shoot your load, you whip it out of her mouth and try to impale her cheek.
    The impression it leaves resembles a purple mushroom.

    The Divot
    A must for golfers! When you've got your hand below the belt on some girl
    with a fair amount of bush, you grab on to as much of it as you can, scream
    "Fore!" and rip every last pube out of her.

    The Bronco
    When you're taking a girl doggy-style and just at the moment of climax you
    reach around, grab her tits as tightly as you can, scream out another girl's
    name, and enjoy the sensation as she tries to buck you off.

    The Rodeo
    A variation of the Bronco where a bunch of your closest friends are hidden in
    a bedroom closet prior to the sexual encounter. At some type of a prompt,
    they all run out with a video camera and you try and see how long you can
    stay on as she tries to get away.

    The Pearl Necklace
    When you are enjoying a fine blowjob or titty-fucking session and you happen
    to leave a line of droplets resembling a string of pearls around her neck.

    The New York Style Taco
    Any time that you are so drunk that you go down on a girl and puke in her box.

    The Stinky Pinky
    When you're going at it from the back and you insert a pinky finger in along
    side your member, reach around front, and plunge it so far into her nostril
    that it tilts her head back.

    The Gobstopper
    When you're receiving a hand job and just as you're about to come, the girl
    decides to squeeze your unit with all of her might and cap you off with her
    thumb.

    The Stranger
    When the tedium of your nightly jerk off becomes too much so you sit on your
    hand until it falls asleep, giving the sensation of someone else doing it.

    The Donkey Punch (*EVERYONES FAVORITE*)
    When you're attacking a girl from the back and at the moment of climax you
    pull out, plunge it into her cornhole, let out a mighty "Hee Haw!" and punch
    her in the back of the head. Note: In order to fully enjoy the Donkey Punch,
    you must knock her out as this results in a tightening of the asshole.

    The Hot Lunch (aka Cleveland Steamer, aka Hot Carl)
    When you're receiving a blow job from a position where you're crouched over
    her face on all fours and you drop a monster shit right onto her chest.

    The Chili Dog
    A variation of above where you proceed to titty-fuck her afterwards.

    The Shocker
    When you're fingering a girl and decide to give her a surprise so you insert
    a digit or two into her asshole.

    The Beetle Clip
    You insert your thumb into the snatch and forefinger into the poopshoot and
    try your damndest to make them touch each other.

    The Six Pack
    When performing the above and you attempt to carry the girl around (similar
    to the way you would a six pack).

    The Golden Shower (aka Watersports)
    Any shape or form of urinating on or in a girl.

    The Bismarck
    When you've got your dick buried to the hilt in some girl's throat and you
    pull out to sign her face, then belt her, and smear the blood and come
    together.

    Tossing Salad (aka Rim Job)
    A common prison practice that could also be termed "eating asshole."

    The Cave
    When you blow your load into a girl's mouth and proceed to kick her teeth in,
    making her mouth look like a cave.

    The Bullwinkle
    When you're entering your partner from the rear and you reach up front,
    wrench her nipples as hard as you can, put your hands up to the sides of your
    head like antlers, and wiggle your fingers and stick out your tongue while
    emitting a high pitched turkey gobble.

    Felching
    A homosexual activity in which one fag fucks another and proceeds to suck his
    own splooge out of his partner's asshole with a straw. This one's not even
    popular in prison.

    Major Tom
    The act of hanging your partner upside down (typically by their ankles) and
    swinging their mouth into your cock. This is a move that is often practiced
    most unwillingly in prisons.

    The Dog in the Bathtub
    The name given to attempting to drop your nuts into a girl's asshole. Aptly
    named as it's about the only thing harder than getting a dog into a bathtub.

    The Dolphin
    When you're giving it to a girl from behind and you pull out to stuff it in
    her butt when she turns her head around and whimpers, "Uh Uh, Uh Uh,"
    sounding exactly like a dolphin.

    The V-Plow
    When you're muff diving and in order to look up at the girl you drag your
    whole face through here snatch, nose proudly leading the way, parting that
    nasty labia.

    The Crimson Tide
    When you're going down on some girl and, to your surprise, the lunar
    alignment dictates that her monthly flow has just to begun.

    The Free Willy
    When you've worked up such a throbber that when some girl unzips your pants
    to give you a hummer, you spring forth and poke her eye out harpoon style.

    The Mudslide
    After convincing some girl to give you a little ass munching action, you
    proceed to unleash a massive flow of diarrhea and sit there and laugh as it
    runs down her face and body.

    The Fortune Cookie
    After you're done banging some chick, you slip the condom off as you pull
    out, leaving it in there for the next customer.

    The Eiffel Tower
    When you and a friend decide to work a girl over together. You get her down
    on all fours with one of you in her mouth and the other going at it doggy
    style. From this position you give one another a mighty, two-handed high
    five, making the entire structure resemble the Eiffel tower.

    The Angry Dragon
    On the first round of the night, work up an extremely large load during a
    blow job. Just before you're about to explode, grab the back of her head and
    ram your unit as far down her throat as possible, causing her to gag on your
    pint of fluid. The result? She spews it out of her nose, making her resemble
    an angry dragon.

    The Flying Camel
    A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her
    from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to
    prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long,
    shrieking howl, much like a camel in distress. Strictly a class move.

    The Fishhook
    A variation of the shocker in which you pull back towards the pussy after you
    stick your finger up her anus.

    The Ram
    Again, you're attacking from behind, when you start ramming her head against
    the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall against her head should
    allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile
    sensitivity.

    The Fountain of You
    While sitting on her face and having her eat your asshole, jerk off like a
    madman, build up as much pressure as possible before releasing, and spew like
    a geyser all over her neck, tits, and stomach (Better in her bed).

    The Pink Glove
    This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough. When you
    pull out to give her the money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog.
    This is referred to as the pink glove.

    The Houdini (aka The Phantom)
    Going at it doggy-style until you are just about to come, then pull out and
    spit on her back so she thinks that you have come. When she turns around a
    blast is unleashed into her face and she is left shocked and amazed, wondering
    how you did it.

    The Zombie Mask
    While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell
    her you want her to look right up at you with those "pretty little eyes" when
    you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good weeks worth
    of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness
    will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms
    outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead.

    Strawberry short cake
    Doggy style again. Before ejaculating, pull out and spit on partners back in
    a manner which would convince them that ejaculation occured. When they turn
    around to face you, then bust a nut on their face. and belt them in the face
    to cause the blood and nut to mix together thus forming something that looks
    like strawberry short cake.

    The Fish Eye
    Fucking her from behind, you shove your finger in her ass (or his if you are
    in prison) whereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motion to see
    what the hell is going on back there.

    The Fur Ball
    You're chomping away at some trollop who has a mane between her legs the size
    of Lionel Richie's afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat
    and causes you to beat the piss out of her.

    Tea Bagging
    When she takes your whole scrotum into her mouth and holds it there like a
    tea bag in a cup of hot water.

    The Hummer
    While sucking on your rod, she emits a low humming noise. The vibrations from
    her throat make it all too easy to bring her concert to a quick end.

    Snow Balling
    Occurs when some chick takes your load in her mouth and has the audacity come
    up and kiss you while it's still in there.

    The Screwnicorn
    When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at
    her partner like a crazed unicorn.

    The Camel Clutch
    When she's lying on her stomach with you giving it to her from behind and you
    decide to emulate the Iron Sheik through his signature move, grabbing her
    underneath the chin and pulling straight back with both hands.

    The Rumpledforeskin
    When some girl makes you stop fucking her because she somehow realizes that
    you don't remember her name, causing you to go limp (like the fairy tale).

    The Skull Fuck
    The act of removing a person's eye (unless you really luck out and find
    someone who's already lost one) and fucking the gaping whole left in its
    place.

    One in the Fridge, One in the Freezer
    Another one that requires a partner, this simply refers to you and a buddy
    putting one in her pussy and another in her butt, and simultaneously trying
    to reach her uterus and large intestine.

    The Repunzel
    When no amount of suggestion, persuasion, or begging will get a girl to go
    down on you and you're forced to resort to simply pulling her head down there
    by the hair.

    The Boston Cooler
    Any form of oral stimulation in which you cleverly conceal ice cubes in you
    mouth to surprise your partner.

    The Flaming Amazon
    When banging a girl missionary-style right as your about to unleash the fury
    grab the nearest lighter, pull out, set her pubes on fire and extinguish the inferno
    with your load.
    The Neopolitan
    The creamy white, red, and brown substance that falls onto the bed after
    banging a girl in the ass.
    Pink Sock
    The small flap of skin that will start to form and protrude from a girls anus
    after repeatatively taking it in the bum.
    The Triple Crown

    Any three of the above events performed upon the same person.

    The Hat Trick

    Any three of the above events performed over the course of a single evening.

    The Technical Knockout (TKO)

    Any three of the above events performed upon the same person over the course
    of a single evening.

    The Clean Sweep
    Any four of the above events performed upon the same person.

    The Grand Slam
    Any four of the above events performed over the course of a single evening.

    The Rape and Pillage
    Any four of the above events performed upon the same person over the course
    of a single evening.
     
  2. bug

    bug Guest

    its all about the houdini...
     
  3. willy.wonka

    willy.wonka Guest

    yup

    the blumpkin-getting head while taking a shit...
    relief bumper-taking a piss while she eats your ass out

    i like the houdini...
     
  4. mind fuck

    mind fuck Guest

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. whew
     
  5. ASER1NE

    ASER1NE Veteran Member

    Joined: Oct 15, 2001 Messages: 7,577 Likes Received: 2
    time to print that out in check-list form and call the gf
     
  6. dude, a cleveland steamer and hot lunch are NOT the same as a hot carl. hot carl is where you put syran wrap over someone's face and poop on it.
     
  7. tue skinny

    tue skinny Elite Member

    Joined: Jul 3, 2001 Messages: 4,781 Likes Received: 0
    some of that stuff is weird.
     
  8. Santa Claus

    Santa Claus Senior Member

    Joined: Dec 23, 2000 Messages: 1,496 Likes Received: 0
    if any of ya'll know what MUNG is....i'm sorry you have to know too.

    its disturbing.
     
  9. ASER1NE

    ASER1NE Veteran Member

    Joined: Oct 15, 2001 Messages: 7,577 Likes Received: 2
    so why dont you tell us........
     
  10. 455

    455 Guest

    haha...oh shit....filthy.
     
  11. --zeSto--

    --zeSto-- Guest

  12. Devilush

    Devilush 12oz Legend

    Joined: Feb 1, 2001 Messages: 17,035 Likes Received: 2
    wow this is the kama sutra for the new millenium.:)
     
  13. catwash

    catwash Guest

    hahahahahah THE ZOMBIE!!

    [​IMG]
     
  14. footsoldier

    footsoldier Senior Member

    Joined: May 23, 2000 Messages: 1,885 Likes Received: 2
  15. graffsurgeon

    graffsurgeon Banned

    Joined: Dec 20, 2001 Messages: 1,500 Likes Received: 0
     
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