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A riddle for all you christians out there...

Discussion in 'Channel Zero' started by High Priest, Dec 11, 2002.

  1. High Priest

    High Priest Elite Member

    Joined: Jan 1, 2002 Messages: 4,928 Likes Received: 3
    One day lucifer proposed a challenge to god. He asked god to create a rock so large that even he would not be able to lift it. God stood perplexed, because if he was to create this rock wich he could not lift , he would no longer be omnipotent, but if he could not create a rock of such size he had failed as a creator.

    what was god to do?
  2. suburbian bum

    suburbian bum 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Jan 30, 2001 Messages: 14,673 Likes Received: 3
    God was to rock out on his air guitar.
  3. God should ask the all-knowing population on Channel Zero.
    They would know...
  4. WhAt_dA_fUcK

    WhAt_dA_fUcK Senior Member

    Joined: Sep 30, 2002 Messages: 1,149 Likes Received: 0
    ignore lucifer and tell him that there is a reason for all my doings and to create a rock for no apperent reason but to satisfy and proove the "devil" goes back and defeats all the known stereotypes that we create for "God"

    .....but then again isnt the earth a "big rock"?
  5. Jesus Potato

    Jesus Potato New Jack

    Joined: Sep 13, 2002 Messages: 46 Likes Received: 0

    The Jesus Potato remembers that day like it was yesterday. Upon being offered the challenge, Dad promptly replied: "Why don't you just eat my penis?", and smote the fool by dropping a fairly large rock on him. When Lucifer begged to have the rock lifted off his crushed body, Dad said: "Shit man, I can't lift it!! Sucks to be you!!" and then peed on his face.

    The Jesus Potato learned a lot from his Father that day.
  6. rip

    rip Elite Member

    Joined: Nov 10, 2001 Messages: 2,667 Likes Received: 0
    "for all you christians out there" do you automatically assume that the majority on this board is christian? what about us non believers? fuck you cock suck
  7. -Rage-

    -Rage- 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: Apr 12, 2001 Messages: 10,006 Likes Received: 28
  8. bodice_ripper

    bodice_ripper Elite Member

    Joined: May 10, 2000 Messages: 3,195 Likes Received: 25

    pimp slap that bitch and say "Who's your saviour?"
  9. socrates

    socrates Guest

    called up his homies from the block peter and jedah, pop a cap in that bitch nigga lufifer and that fag judas
  10. willy.wonka

    willy.wonka Guest

    good riddle.....if i were God, i would have just ignored the little bitch and continued on.
  11. When

    When 12oz Loyalist

    Joined: May 4, 2000 Messages: 10,294 Likes Received: 3
    the wisdom of homer simpson

    could god microwave a burrito so hot that not even he could eat it?


    i found this on my computer a little while ago

    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other specific Biblical laws and how to follow them.

    a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    B) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

    c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness (Lev.15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. If I come into contact with a woman who is menstruating and she doesn't tell me until afterwards, must I kill her immediately or can I just beat her?

    d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

    e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? Also, is Sabbath on Saturday as Seventh Day Adventists (Christians, like us...or are they?) or is it on Sunday as Baptists and some other faiths agree? I am beset by not knowing who to kill and when to kill them...please clarify this for me.

    f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality (Lev. 18:22). I don't agree. I'm also confused about how homosexuality can be an abomination when Jonathan and David were married in the Bible (1 Samuel 18:1, 3 - 4). Here, I'll quote it - "And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword and to his bow and to his girdle." and also Ruth's relationship with Naomi is suspect, (Ruth 1:16-17) "And Ruth said to Naomi, Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part three and me." Can you settle this?

    g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

    h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27 and even though 1st Cor. 11:4-6 says that it is a shame upon a man to have long hair. How should they die?

    i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? Also, since it is strictly forbidden to "eat neither fat nor blood" in Lev. 3:17 & Lev. 19:26, does that mean that I must be a vegetarian and must I smite those who choose to eat meat?

    j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev.24:10-16)? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev. 20:14)?

    k) I know that it is an abomination for a man to wear a woman's clothes or a woman to wear a man's (Deut. 22:5), so does that mean that since my wife borrowed my boxers once, she's going to hell?

    l) An unbeliever sent me an email telling me that God is an ABORTIONIST? It says, "In Num. 5:11-31, God commands a husband to get an abortion for his wife if he suspects she has been impregnated by another man. A priest is to make her drink a potion and tell her, "If any man other than your husband has had intercourse with you, may the LORD make an example of you . . . by bringing upon you miscarriage and untimely birth." To deliberately cause a miscarriage is to perform an abortion. And who brings about this miscarriage? Who performs this abortion? It is the LORD who does so. God is an abortionist. In Ex. 21:22-25, God tells us what to do if a man who is fighting knocks against a pregnant woman. If the woman dies, the principle of "life for life" is invoked and the man responsible for her death must be killed. If she lives but has a miscarriage, then the death of the fetus is to be compensated for by the payment of a fine, as demanded by the woman's husband. Thus, God has revealed the status of the unborn fetus: it is not an independent, full-fledged human life, whose destruction amounts to murder. It is a thing owned by the woman's husband, a thing whose loss, like that of any other thing, may be compensated for with money." How can this be true?

    I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging and also for the reassurance that the Bible is infallible
  13. sneak

    sneak Guest

  14. Kettiecat

    Kettiecat Senior Member

    Joined: Aug 27, 2002 Messages: 1,122 Likes Received: 0
    Re: Re: A riddle for all you christians out there...

  15. toyeattoywar

    toyeattoywar Member

    Joined: Jul 3, 2002 Messages: 829 Likes Received: 1
    ..the renegades of funk...lalala.