A riddle for all you christians out there...

One day lucifer proposed a challenge to god. He asked god to create a rock so large that even he would not be able to lift it. God stood perplexed, because if he was to create this rock wich he could not lift , he would no longer be omnipotent, but if he could not create a rock of such size he had failed as a creator.

what was god to do?

God was to rock out on his air guitar.

God should ask the all-knowing population on Channel Zero.

They would know...

ignore lucifer and tell him that there is a reason for all my doings and to create a rock for no apperent reason but to satisfy and proove the "devil" goes back and defeats all the known stereotypes that we create for "God"

.....but then again isnt the earth a "big rock"?

http://www.bogwomen.com/TheStar/Issue2/images/originalspud.jpg'>

The Jesus Potato remembers that day like it was yesterday. Upon being offered the challenge, Dad promptly replied: "Why don't you just eat my penis?", and smote the fool by dropping a fairly large rock on him. When Lucifer begged to have the rock lifted off his crushed body, Dad said: "Shit man, I can't lift it!! Sucks to be you!!" and then peed on his face.

The Jesus Potato learned a lot from his Father that day.

"for all you christians out there" do you automatically assume that the majority on this board is christian? what about us non believers? fuck you cock suck

Originally posted by High Priest

One day lucifer proposed a challenge to god. He asked god to create a rock so large that even he would not be able to lift it. God stood perplexed, because if he was to create this rock wich he could not lift , he would no longer be omnipotent, but if he could not create a rock of such size he had failed as a creator.

 

what was god to do?

Originally posted by High Priest

One day lucifer proposed a challenge to god. He asked god to create a rock so large that even he would not be able to lift it. God stood perplexed, because if he was to create this rock wich he could not lift , he would no longer be omnipotent, but if he could not create a rock of such size he had failed as a creator.

 

what was god to do?

pimp slap that bitch and say "Who's your saviour?"

called up his homies from the block peter and jedah, pop a cap in that bitch nigga lufifer and that fag judas

good riddle.....if i were God, i would have just ignored the little bitch and continued on.

the wisdom of homer simpson

could god microwave a burrito so hot that not even he could eat it?

i found this on my computer a little while ago

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other specific Biblical laws and how to follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

B) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness (Lev.15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. If I come into contact with a woman who is menstruating and she doesn't tell me until afterwards, must I kill her immediately or can I just beat her?

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? Also, is Sabbath on Saturday as Seventh Day Adventists (Christians, like us...or are they?) or is it on Sunday as Baptists and some other faiths agree? I am beset by not knowing who to kill and when to kill them...please clarify this for me.

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality (Lev. 18:22). I don't agree. I'm also confused about how homosexuality can be an abomination when Jonathan and David were married in the Bible (1 Samuel 18:1, 3 - 4). Here, I'll quote it - "And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword and to his bow and to his girdle." and also Ruth's relationship with Naomi is suspect, (Ruth 1:16-17) "And Ruth said to Naomi, Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part three and me." Can you settle this?

g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27 and even though 1st Cor. 11:4-6 says that it is a shame upon a man to have long hair. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? Also, since it is strictly forbidden to "eat neither fat nor blood" in Lev. 3:17 & Lev. 19:26, does that mean that I must be a vegetarian and must I smite those who choose to eat meat?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev.24:10-16)? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev. 20:14)?

k) I know that it is an abomination for a man to wear a woman's clothes or a woman to wear a man's (Deut. 22:5), so does that mean that since my wife borrowed my boxers once, she's going to hell?

l) An unbeliever sent me an email telling me that God is an ABORTIONIST? It says, "In Num. 5:11-31, God commands a husband to get an abortion for his wife if he suspects she has been impregnated by another man. A priest is to make her drink a potion and tell her, "If any man other than your husband has had intercourse with you, may the LORD make an example of you . . . by bringing upon you miscarriage and untimely birth." To deliberately cause a miscarriage is to perform an abortion. And who brings about this miscarriage? Who performs this abortion? It is the LORD who does so. God is an abortionist. In Ex. 21:22-25, God tells us what to do if a man who is fighting knocks against a pregnant woman. If the woman dies, the principle of "life for life" is invoked and the man responsible for her death must be killed. If she lives but has a miscarriage, then the death of the fetus is to be compensated for by the payment of a fine, as demanded by the woman's husband. Thus, God has revealed the status of the unborn fetus: it is not an independent, full-fledged human life, whose destruction amounts to murder. It is a thing owned by the woman's husband, a thing whose loss, like that of any other thing, may be compensated for with money." How can this be true?

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging and also for the reassurance that the Bible is infallible

Originally posted by Jesus Potato

http://www.bogwomen.com/TheStar/Issue2/images/originalspud.jpg'>

 

The Jesus Potato remembers that day like it was yesterday. Upon being offered the challenge, Dad promptly replied: "Why don't you just eat my penis?", and smote the fool by dropping a fairly large rock on him. When Lucifer begged to have the rock lifted off his crushed body, Dad said: "Shit man, I can't lift it!! Sucks to be you!!" and then peed on his face.

 

The Jesus Potato learned a lot from his Father that day.

ha

Re: Re: A riddle for all you christians out there...

Originally posted by bodice_ripper

pimp slap that bitch and say "Who's your saviour?"

hahahhaha

Originally posted by suburbian bum

God was to rock out on his air guitar.

..the renegades of funk...lalala.

can god make a square peg fit in a round hole?

theres different perspectives and opinions of what "god" is and what "god" is capable of. the question you are asking has a pretty shitty answer. and if you believe he can do it, the answer is just: because he is god. and you assume since he is omnipresent, omnipotent, and capable of doing anything, "God" can do it. if you could do it or make sense of it, you would be god. but you aint.

i took a "philosophy of religion" class years ago...

Originally posted by suburbian bum

God was to rock out on his air guitar.

i second this

Originally posted by HELLSATAN

i found this on my computer a little while ago

 

 

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other specific Biblical laws and how to follow them.

 

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

 

B) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

 

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness (Lev.15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. If I come into contact with a woman who is menstruating and she doesn't tell me until afterwards, must I kill her immediately or can I just beat her?

 

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

 

e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? Also, is Sabbath on Saturday as Seventh Day Adventists (Christians, like us...or are they?) or is it on Sunday as Baptists and some other faiths agree? I am beset by not knowing who to kill and when to kill them...please clarify this for me.

 

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality (Lev. 18:22). I don't agree. I'm also confused about how homosexuality can be an abomination when Jonathan and David were married in the Bible (1 Samuel 18:1, 3 - 4). Here, I'll quote it - "And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David and Jonathan loved him as his own soul. Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword and to his bow and to his girdle." and also Ruth's relationship with Naomi is suspect, (Ruth 1:16-17) "And Ruth said to Naomi, Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God: Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part three and me." Can you settle this?

 

g) Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

 

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27 and even though 1st Cor. 11:4-6 says that it is a shame upon a man to have long hair. How should they die?

 

i) I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? Also, since it is strictly forbidden to "eat neither fat nor blood" in Lev. 3:17 & Lev. 19:26, does that mean that I must be a vegetarian and must I smite those who choose to eat meat?

 

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev.24:10-16)? Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev. 20:14)?

 

k) I know that it is an abomination for a man to wear a woman's clothes or a woman to wear a man's (Deut. 22:5), so does that mean that since my wife borrowed my boxers once, she's going to hell?

 

l) An unbeliever sent me an email telling me that God is an ABORTIONIST? It says, "In Num. 5:11-31, God commands a husband to get an abortion for his wife if he suspects she has been impregnated by another man. A priest is to make her drink a potion and tell her, "If any man other than your husband has had intercourse with you, may the LORD make an example of you . . . by bringing upon you miscarriage and untimely birth." To deliberately cause a miscarriage is to perform an abortion. And who brings about this miscarriage? Who performs this abortion? It is the LORD who does so. God is an abortionist. In Ex. 21:22-25, God tells us what to do if a man who is fighting knocks against a pregnant woman. If the woman dies, the principle of "life for life" is invoked and the man responsible for her death must be killed. If she lives but has a miscarriage, then the death of the fetus is to be compensated for by the payment of a fine, as demanded by the woman's husband. Thus, God has revealed the status of the unborn fetus: it is not an independent, full-fledged human life, whose destruction amounts to murder. It is a thing owned by the woman's husband, a thing whose loss, like that of any other thing, may be compensated for with money." How can this be true?

 

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging and also for the reassurance that the Bible is infallible

hmmmm

you want me to do what?! in the what what?!!

Any Christian worth a damn will tell you that the teachings of the Old Testament were completely overruled by the coming of Jesus and his new teachings. So all that stuff you just posted holds no water in an argument. Beer,

El Mamerro

gota be some dude going by "hellsatan" to spit some shit like that...

Haha, ayo OJ, you suck FAG!!! For real, you waste of skin. Go hang out with DMX.

Hey religion theres a new kid in town, his name is science and he totally kicked your ass....

Your putting worldly values on a divine being.

That's like getting mad at a dolphin for not being good at soccar. Their 2 different creations.

Besides if he was god he could do something temporary and make a mini god like a austin powers mini me, and give him all his powers, and make him so he won't take em and will give em back. Make a rock he can't life, give his powers to the mini me, then say look I can't lift this shit, have the mini me give his powers back, blow the rocks up, kill the mini me and tell the devil to go fuck himself.

i kinda like these riddles....

Originally posted by Glik0

Hey religion theres a new kid in town, his name is science and he totally kicked your ass....

Originally posted by Glik0

Hey religion theres a new kid in town, his name is science and he totally kicked your ass....

because science is never wrong, right

because every 100 years or so science doesn't take everything back and say "wait I was wrong about that, these are the correct facts"

Just because you can't explain or prove something doesn't mean it doesn't extist.

Thats right, God made man and woman.

And that fucking Devil just planted all those fucking fossils in the ground!

Originally posted by ZoSe

Thats right, God made man and woman.

 

And that fucking Devil just planted all those fucking fossils in the ground!

that has to be the worst arguement for the non existance of a God, shut your mouth and read a book or two before you open it back up.

i cant believe people still have blind faith in something that doesnt exsist......tell me how the fuck did a person create a planet? and does every planet have its own god? ofcourse not cause no one lives on them fuckin faggots. so did god create the other planets just because he was bored? no because he doesnt exsist.