a movie so crass and awkawardly cast....ROB

that even i can be a star.....

 

 

 

 

Free Will Astrology

horoscopes for week of August 5, 2004

 

Aries (March 21-April 19)

 

"Charles Baudelaire counseled readers to be drunk continually 'on wine, on poetry, or on virtue, as you wish,'" wrote Kate Taylor in The New Yorker. "But he also thought drugs were a perversion of our taste for the infinite and that great minds could furnish their own intoxicants." I'm hoping you're one of those "great minds" the French poet was talking about, Aries. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you need a large helping of the magic that lies outside of ordinary consciousness. But you're far more likely to thrive if you can find a natural way to satisfy your "taste for the infinite."

 

 

 

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

 

To hint at the potentials of the coming week, I'll appropriate the words of avant-garde music composer and author, John Cage. In describing his work, he once said, "I have nothing to say/ and I am saying it/ and that is poetry." Here's an altered version, Taurus, created especially to suit your current astrological needs: You have nothing to do/ and you are doing it/ and that's your genius.

 

 

 

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

 

The gods have authorized me to give you three tough but sweet oracles. Ready? 1. If you hope to be in the right place at the right time to hear the words that will set you free, you'll have to act with both more confidence and more humility. 2. To learn the clue that will heal an old rift, you'll have to really want to know what's going on beneath the official version of the truth. 3. To find the hidden beauty and inspiration in an initially awkward mess, you'll have to respond without anger to a message that feels threatening to your pride.

 

 

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

 

Your actions in the immediate future could have a potent impact on your long-range future. For instance, new connections you forge in the coming weeks -- especially if you leave your comfort zone to make them -- will be valuable if you decide to leave your current dream home and head to a new dream home next year. Here's another example: If you spend some time this August trying to fix a glitch in the way you communicate, 2005 may bring a dramatic enrichment of your sense of community and a surge of grace in your family dynamics.

 

 

Leo (July 23-August 22)

 

In describing his creative process, novelist Jack Kerouac said, "The first thought is the best thought." When Allen Ginsberg was asked "What's the best advice you can give a poet?", he echoed Kerouac. On the other hand, Nobel Prize-winning writer William Butler Yeats constantly revised works he had already published, even fiddling with poems that were many years old. Pierre Bonnard was so committed to editing himself that "he was once caught trying to retouch one of his own paintings hanging on a museum wall," wrote poet Linh Dinh, who concluded, "Last thought is the best thought." While there are valid arguments for both views, Leo, the astrological omens say your best bet for now is to go the way of Kerouac and Ginsberg.

 

 

 

Virgo (August 23-September 22)

 

Before you can move on to your next exciting challenge, you'll have to answer a few hard questions about the life you've lived since your last birthday. The object of this test is not to make you feel guilty, but to help you take inventory of your gaffes and indiscretions so you can make atonement, thereby clearing a path to the future. Have you purposely caused anyone pain? Did you tell any big lies? Did you commit any unethical acts? Have you revealed information told to you in confidence? Do you owe money or energy to anyone you have no intention of paying back? Confess everything, Virgo--to the mirror. Then go set things right, or at least as right as possible.

 

 

Libra (September 23-October 22)

 

"If the landscape reveals one certainty," wrote Annie Dillard in Pilgrim at Tinker Creek, "it is that the extravagant gesture is the very stuff of creation. After the one extravagant gesture of creation in the first place, the universe has continued to deal exclusively in extravagances, flinging intricacies and colossi down aeons of emptiness, heaping profusions on profligacies with fresh vigor." In my astrological opinion, Libra, it is your duty to resonate with this particular aspect of the cosmos. For the next few weeks, you have license to overflow with floods of self-expression; you have the right to create like a god who has the pleasure and privilege of creating a new world.

 

 

 

Scorpio (October 23-November 21)

 

A Taoist parable tells of a poor farmer who owned a single horse. One night it ran away. The neighbors came to offer condolences. "What bad luck!" they said. "Maybe," the farmer replied. "Maybe not." A week later, the fugitive horse returned, accompanied by six wild horses. The farmer and his son corralled them. "Lucky you!" the neighbors cried. "Maybe," the farmer said. "Maybe not." Soon the son tried taming the new arrivals. A stallion threw him to the ground, breaking his leg. "Terrible luck!" the neighbors wailed. "Maybe," said the farmer. "Maybe not." The next day, soldiers visited the village. Strife had broken out between two warlords, and one had decided to conscript the local young men. Though every other son was taken, the farmer's boy was spared because of his injury. "What fantastic luck!" the neighbors said. I think this story captures the essence of your coming week pretty well, Scorpio.

 

 

Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)

 

In the middle of a moonlit night last February, someone in the English town of Pembury sneaked into the yards of over a hundred homes and secretly planted an ash sapling in each one. It was hard work. The weather was bad and each tree needed a hole dug to accommodate it. Judging from your current astrological omens, Sagittarius, I believe you'll soon be the recipient of a gift like that. Other good surprises may be on tap as well, especially if you say a prayer in which you tell God or Goddess that you're ready, willing, and able to receive all manner of unexpected benevolence.

 

 

 

Capricorn (December 22-January 19)

 

The saliva of vampire bats appears to be effective in dissolving the blood clots that cause strokes. Ongoing research into the medical applications of snake venom suggests it may ultimately be used to fight cancer, heart attacks, and mad cow disease. And I suspect that in the coming weeks, Capricorn, you will be healed by a small dose of an experience that in large doses has felt noxious to you in the past. Keep your mind open to the possibility. Don't automatically avoid everything that seems unpleasant.

 

 

 

Aquarius (January 20- February 18)

 

You are more ready than you've ever been for the kind of intimacy that the poet Adrienne Rich extols: "An honorable human relationship -- that is, one in which two people have the right to use the word 'love' -- is a process, delicate, violent, often terrifying to both persons involved, a process of refining the truths they can tell each other." I'm not implying, Aquarius, that you should find a relationship where you can continually break down your self-delusions and dig for the raw truth. Nor am I insisting that you should prod one of your existing relationships to leap to this higher octave. But I am saying that you have the strength and courage to try it.

 

 

 

Pisces (February 19-March 20)

 

Visionary educator Maria Montessori believed that self-discipline motivated by a child's own enthusiasm is far better than discipline imposed on the child by a strong-willed authority. What's the best way to develop the superior form? Kids need to understand the difference between good and evil, and even more importantly, they must not associate good with passive immobility and evil with animated activity. I believe her argument will be useful for you to meditate on in the coming weeks, Pisces. It's an ideal time to bring more order, efficiency, and discipline into your rhythm. And the best way to do that is to cultivate an irrepressible desire to perpetrate aggressive acts of generosity and good will.

It's all for nothing to be wrong

Originally posted by mental invalid

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

 

Your actions in the immediate future could have a potent impact on your long-range future. For instance, new connections you forge in the coming weeks -- especially if you leave your comfort zone to make them -- will be valuable

o my gawd

damn.... R-O-B is no good for the aquaman today.

 

 

 

------------onionscope!

 

Aries: (March 21—April 19)

The "before" and "after" photos of your diet

plan are dramatic, but it's the "during"

photos that will fill the jury box with vomit.

 

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)

Experts agree that getting enough sleep is

important, but they look like the kind of

cunning, crafty experts who would love to

catch you unconscious.

 

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)

By the time government troops are able to

cut through the locks of your Love Zeppelin

and "rescue" everyone inside, you'll

already be a folk hero.

 

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)

No, no, no—you're supposed to gently heat

the garlic cloves until they caramelize, you

moron, not turn them into a burnt paste.

 

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)

Sharpening the nation's steering wheels

and promoting proper tire deflation will be

your first priorities when you're appointed

to chair the Institute of Highway Danger.

 

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)

You'll get a chance to do it all again

knowing what you know now, taking the fun

out of about 15 Super Bowls.

 

 

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)

You're the prime suspect after witnesses

overhear you say you're "so hungry I could

eat either a horse or the dismembered

body of the vice-president of that bank on

Garfield Street."

 

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)

Piracy is still a major problem in the

Philippines, but that's a pretty lousy reason

to want to move there.

 

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)

People will complain to you about the

disruption of traffic, but it's not your fault

that love-struck buildings are following you

everywhere.

 

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)

You suspect it was a misprint when the

newspaper claimed that drinking a glass of

red wine once a minute is good for the

heart, but what the hell.

 

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)

Very few of your monetary problems will be

over when you win the record-low lottery

jackpot of $.0000017 million.

 

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)

The pilot will make an emergency landing

because of you, in spite of your repeated

and emphatic insistence that you are not a

suspicious object.

 

 

 

-------------------------------------------

and for the first time, a new source of the weekly scope

Tell me if you guys dig it and I might make it a regular

-------------------------------------------

 

 

Sign me up

AUGUST 5-11

BY CELIA KNOWLES

 

ARIES (March 21-April 19) Some things are bound to happen, no matter what you do to try to stop them. Call it fate. Call it destiny. Call it a steaming cup of coffee and a new white shirt. This week, control is out of your hands, but you crave a handle on it anyway. Friends try to help by offering their best bad advice. They tell you what they think you want to hear, or they tell you what is solely in their best interests. Either way, damage is done if you follow it. Invoke some of that Aries stubbornness and solve your problems solo. Be proactive. Avoid coffee or wear black.

 

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Thinking too much about the future blinds us to the present. But considering the idiots you have to deal with this week, Taurus, you're better off blinding yourself. Meanwhile, Monday and Tuesday will be about rediscovering forgotten weaknesses. Cue your murderous touch with plant life. For you, plastic greenery is the environmentally friendly choice. Meanwhile, keep your head clear of distraction and potentially destructive situations. Avoid all exes, singles bars and garden centres.

 

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) Your comfort zone is getting more comfortable. Some friends try to nudge you out gently, others want to shove you out and watch you swim. But when friends expect more than you're willing to give, don't let them push you; even you have your limits, despite the current gossip. Don't do what you're not ready to do, Gemini. Besides, you have more important fish to fry, wider paths to take and more urgent humiliations to suffer.

 

CANCER (June 21-July 22) A loved one fails to provide needed words of support just when you need them most. It's not as if you desperately need constant encouragement, but some sort of signal that someone gives a rat's ass would be a treat. Whatever you do, do not solicit encouragement from friends. It is never truly genuine when you have to ask. Remember, Cancer, you have much to look forward to in your life. On Friday, your personal definition of success expands to include the noble joys of poverty.

 

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) Hollywood is partly responsible for the dumbing down of Western society. Special effects, for example, have created passive expectations where active imagination once lived. But you have not been affected by this social tragedy, Leo, as you clearly prove this week when your sophisticated imagination transforms a tedious experience into a marginally tolerable one. First dates turn to second.

 

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Our painstaking efforts help deepen shallow pockets. Not, unfortunately, your pockets. But working for someone else isn't in a Virgo's heart anyway, and you'll take care not to get too involved when the end result is profiting someone you don't even know. This week, you find a way to make some good money for yourself on the side. Rise above silly obstacles. Business ethics and the law, for example.

 

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Wrinkles near the eyes are prominent. But what initially appear to be signs of aging are actually your body's way of telling you to get more sleep. You're not doing anyone any favours by depriving yourself of decent recharge time. Your Zs are calling, Libra, so place superfluous activities on hold and knock yourself out -- literally, if you have to. In the meantime, keep smiling and nobody will notice the tired face. Avoid fluorescent lighting. And dates.

 

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Your definition of personal success goes head-to-head with what skeptics call a reality check. And yet your optimism shines. Some call it wide-eyed idealism, Scorpios call it survival. Meanwhile, approach money matters with the kind of prudence only a water sign can pull off without pissing off collection agents. When that doesn't work, back away. Slowly. Break into a run if necessary.

 

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) You crave the kind of vacation that requires years of instalment payments and interest charges. But a vacation should never break the bank. When it comes to escapist getaways, do what the penny-wise Sagittarius should always do: think globally, act locally. In the meantime, your week finishes on a high -- literally (assuming your dealer is still in town and taking your calls. If you don't have a dealer, get one. It's going to be a long week).

 

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) If you've ever been to a live band performance where the sound checks are longer than the songs, then you'll have a fairly good idea of what you're in for this week. Most of it will be spent in lineups. A lot of waiting, a lot of sitting, a lot of staring into the distance wondering when it's going to be your turn while contemplating your own mortality (or your next snack). Too much precious time is wasted in line, and yet this is a tragedy we inflict upon ourselves daily, most of it in the name of crass consumerism. But at least we get more stuff. This week, Capricorn, you get yours.

 

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) It's a week of being inconvenienced by the kind of slowpokes who are responsible for stagnant lineups at the grocery store and backed-up pedestrian traffic on narrow sidewalks. You will be frustrated, but calm. Resourceful Aquarius, you learn how to make wait time more appealing to the soul by finding useful things to do to pass the time. Landscape sketches, minor body mutilations and crosswords come to mind.

 

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) You've got a goal in mind, but you're not completely willing to take the extra step to make that goal happen. You may require a good kick in the ass to get motivated. But then, at this point, Pisces, any form of corporal punishment will do. Meanwhile, good news is on the horizon. For what seems like the first time in your life, the short end of the stick finally gets longer. Hold on for dear life.

hey CW.. did you get my email about that thingy?

thingy? email?

let me check.

http://www.oardc.ohio-state.edu/biocontrol/images/parasite.jpg'>

http://www.kak.ru/images/archive/16/Casarramona/flyerapril.jpg'>

Originally posted by <KEY3>

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) For what seems like the first time in your life, the short end of the stick finally gets longer. Hold on for dear life.

 

yay.

I'm getting a penis enlargement?

Why does eveyone have a good horoscope except me?

 

Haiku Horoscopes

 

 

Aries

(Mar. 21 - Apr. 19)

Many people love

Mini doughnuts, but you just

Take it way too far

 

Taurus

(Apr. 20 - May 20)

Society can

No longer tolerate your

Jeans being too tight

 

Gemini

(May 21 - June 20)

A few fish are just

The thing to spruce up your car

With that ‘new fish’ smell

 

Cancer

(June 21 - July 22)

Your dreams of stardom

Will be crushed when you learn that

The zodiac’s full

 

Leo

(July 23 - Aug. 22)

Worlds will collide when

Your dominatrix meets your

Grandmother, Patty

 

Virgo

(Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

Persevere, or else

All is lost, including that

Cookie with sprinkles

 

Libra

(Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

Your crazy schemes will

Finally pay off when you

Plead insanity

 

Scorpio

(Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)

Throughout the ages

One thing has remained constant:

No one loving you

 

Sagittarius

(Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)

Cold feet? Try breathing

Exercises to calm down,

Then try fire-walking

 

Capricorn

(Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

Being a software

Pirate does not justify

Wearing that eyepatch

 

Aquarius

(Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

You know what they say:

Penguins are the future. Well,

It will catch on soon

 

Pisces

(Feb. 19 - Mar. 20)

I don’t know what is

Worse: That you were wrong or that

You refuse to die

Aquarius

(Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

You know what they say:

Penguins are the future. Well,

It will catch on soon

 

 

 

 

ummm.... is pinup and aquarius too ?

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)

By the time government troops are able to

cut through the locks of your Love Zeppelin

and "rescue" everyone inside, you'll

already be a folk hero.

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)

You're the prime suspect after witnesses

overhear you say you're "so hungry I could

eat either a horse or the dismembered

body of the vice-president of that bank on

Garfield Street."

 

 

funny. there's a garfield street bank not far from my house. :yum:

Gemini

(May 21 - June 20)

A few fish are just

The thing to spruce up your car

With that ‘new fish’ smell

 

 

 

.....well...I have been trying to get a new car....aaand..i kinda like..fishing..yeeeeeeeaaah.

Originally posted by <KEY3>

Aquarius

(Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

You know what they say:

Penguins are the future. Well,

It will catch on soon

 

 

 

 

ummm.... is pinup and aquarius too ?

 

nope, but a veeeeeery close call

I get to see The Shins on 9/11. I'm psyched.

yeah, i'll stick my thingy in your e-mail alright. nice and not forceful like.